Where There's a Wilbur There's a Waylon

Synopsis: Twin brothers Wilbur and Waylon Wilde help their pot addicted friend Lester Cornwall overcome his demons. All the while, they introduce him to a lady who has been eyeing him from afar but too shy to speak to him. Her name is Megan Branch, and strangely enough, she works in addiction counseling.

~*~CAST~*~

Wilbur Wilde:

Waylon Wilde:

Rourke Wilde: (their dad)

Sierra Wilde: (their mother)

Lester Cornwall:

Henry Cornwall: (his dad)

Virginia Cornwall: (his mom)

Megan Alberta Branch: (love interest of Lester)

Regina Branch: (her mom)

Kyle Branch: (her dad)

Scene 1—You Need to Get a Job !

Wilbur: (narrating) If you're wondering who the indolent, slothful individual is on the couch, that's our best friend, Lester.

Waylon: (chimes in) Right you are, Wilbur. Oh, I'm Waylon by the way, if you haven't figured that out from the title ! (they laugh) Poor Lester though. He got in with the wrong crowd of people during college and turned into a marijuana addict.

Lester: (holding onto his Doritos) Don't NO ONE take my chips. Ya dig ?

Waylon/Wilbur: We dig, we dig.

Waylon: Lester, you've been this way for over a month now. We can't keep bailing you out with your bills.

Wilbur: Also, you can't just be expected to live with us and not pay rent.

Lester: (scratching self) I help with stuff.

Wilbur: Phhhtttpppphh. Yeah, right. With what ? All you do is lie around, getting Dorito particles in our favorite couch.

Wilbur: That crap doesn't clean out easily, you know.

Lester: Could you guys please move ? You're blockin' my view of the tube ! Supernatural's on !

Waylon: That's it. We're going into intervention mode.

Lester: (goes into a laughing paroxysm)

Wilbur: What's so funny ?

Lester: To think that a goldfish and a well are going to throw me into rehab is laughable. What next, are Rocky and Bullwinkle going to be my substance abuse counselors ? Good one, Wilbur ! Nice one, Waylon ! High fives all around !

Waylon: (narrating) Watching him in this state, it's difficult.

Wilbur: I know, Waylon, but he's not himself. It's for the best. He'll thank us later.

Lester: Wooo ! I'm goin' on vacation ! You guys ROCK !

('Trucking' plays in the background while he is hauled off. We see the vision of the world through his tripped out eyes and it seems very colorful, kaleidoscopic and will probably be done in rotoscope, stop-motion, claymation, or a combination of those mediums/art styles.)

Wilbur: It is complete.

Waylon: Not yet it's not. This is just the first step to his arduous recovery. Its up to him now whether he wants to do the work.

Wilbur: Well, what now then ? Huh ?

Waylon: We visit him as soon as he's settled in. Right now, dear brother, try not to dwell too much upon it. You'll only hurt your fragile noggin. (pats his head)

Wilbur: Hey ! (acting hurt, faux pout) I resemble that remark.

(Scene fade)

Scene 2—At the Rehab Center, 'Broken Wings'

('In the Sunshine of Your Love' plays in the background while Lester is still baked beyond belief. Fairly soon though, he begins to notice there is no more marijuana and he has a very sad flashback. Marijuana takes the form of a green lady, dressed in pot leaves, gorgeous to behold...Last Dance With Mary Jane plays before he cries himself to sleep.)

Lester: (calls his friends as soon as he wakes up) Wilbur, Waylon ! You've got to get me out of this hell hole !

Wilbur: We're just doing what Rourke and Sierra would've wanted.

Lester: (getting angry) Don't you dare sully my mom and dad's names in such a vile way.

Waylon: We're not. They know everything. This, Lester, was their idea.

Lester: (exhales sharply) Fine. I already hate it.

Wilbur: You just woke up, dumb butt.

Lester: (pout) Well, you're an ass hat that needs to shut his cake hole. (pause) How are mom and dad by the way ?

Waylon: They're waiting to talk to you, actually.

Rourke: Hi, Lester. How are you doing ?

Lester: Pretty shitty if you must know.

Sierra: We understand but this is for your good.
Lester: I'm aware. (hears bell) I guess that's our first call to group therapy. Man, this place is one big giant ball of suckitude. Later, narcs. (hangs up phone in disgust)

Waylon: Eesh. I didn't think he was going to be this bad.

Rourke: I really hope we did the right thing, Sier.

Sierra: (holding him from the side, getting a bit teary eyed, but Rourke dries her tears tenderly)

Rourke: It'll be alright. I just know it will.

Lester: (plops down at group, not really hearing what anyone is saying until Meg comes in. 'Dream Weaver' plays and he finds himself immediately smitten)

Meg: Hi, everyone. Welcome to Broken Wings Rehab Center. I'm Meg. I'm one of the many counselors here.

Lester: (crossing fingers to himself) I hope you'll be counseling me !

(dreamily stares at her)

Meg: Anywho, let me begin by saying, I wasn't always a counselor. I was once in your shoes. Believe it or not, I had a problem with alcohol. Broken Wings got me through. I was so changed I wanted to help others get through it too. Sometimes, it's a struggle to put one foot in front of the other, but with the right influence, I know that you can overcome anything. Faith helps, too.

Lester: (narrating) Wilbur and Waylon had the wheel to begin, but here's where I take over. So, yeah. I find, much to my astonishment that Broken Wings really isn't the shit hole I had claimed it to be. I judged wrongly at first glance. (smiling) The more I look at her the less I care about better myself. She is the sun, and I am merely in her orbit. Now if only I could talk to her without looking like some kind of troglodyte.

(Scene shift)

Scene 3—Private Counseling

(On the screen, '7 Months Pass' pop up in comic book font, and it appears like something out of a graphic novel)

Meg: (coming in to see Lester) Oh ! I almost didn't recognize you. You've lost so much weight, you look completely different.

Lester: (sheepishly) I was a mess before I came here. Had it not been for my best buds, I probably would've gotten myself on more addictive substances, like crack. I was always looking for a faster high, the quickest buzz. The let down afterward was what nearly drove me to suicide.

Meg: It's fabulous you have friends that care enough about you to look out for your well being.

Lester: Plus, mom and dad thought it'd be good for me too. I'm hopeful once I'm finally clean, I can get a real job. Maybe even (bashfully) get a chance to take you out on a date.

Meg: (hand over heart) Oh, Lester ! I had no idea you felt that way about me.

Lester: Yes, you did. Faker !

Meg: Yes, of course I did. From the moment we met, that doofy look on your face said it all.

Lester: Doofy ?

Meg: It was so adorable ! I couldn't help falling for you right then and there, but Wings' by-laws would deter us from going beyond our cozy settings here.

Lester: (sadly nods) Probably for our own protection. But hey, when I'm out, I'll give you a call. We can see what happens from there.

Meg: (with a big, bright smile) I'd like that. Hey, I just got a call today. Looks like your buds are coming, as well as your mom and dad. I've heard so many good tales, I just can't wait to meet them.

(Scene shift)

Scene 3—Reminiscing

Sierra: My boy ! Look at you ! How skinny you are !

(Lester laughs)

Lester: (embarrassed) Meg's watching, cut it out...

Sierra: You're still my baby, my little Lester-wester.

Lester: (defeated, hangs head) Just kill me now.

Wilbur: Hey, Less ! Lookin buff ! (they hug)

Waylon: You look cut, man ! What have you been doing ?

Lester: (macho, flexing a bit) Workin' out ? What else ? I've been looking for a job whilst getting clean. There's an opening for a software developing company. I still have a lot of programming knowledge so I know the tricks of the trade.

Sierra: When will you start ?

Lester: Probably after a year once I've proven I can lead myself away from temptation. Whenever I get the urge, I just think of Meg. She's all I'll ever need. She's all I'll ever want. All I can wish for is that once everything is set in order that she still feels the same way about me that I do about her.

Rourke: Knowing the effects of the Cornwall charm, it's no wonder she will reciprocate.

Wilbur: Look at you. You're a new man !

Lester: I know, ain't it a trip ? (laughs) Wrong wording !

(They all laugh at his unintentional pun.)

Waylon: Will we ever get a chance to meet your beloved and friend ?

Lester: She's coming back from another meeting, so yes.

Meg: (humming 'Let's Stay Together') Oh, hey ! Who are these beautiful folks ?

Rourke: I'm Rourke Cornwall, Lester's dad. This is my ravishing wife, Sierra.

Sierra: (turns beet red) Rourke, goodness me !

Rourke: I can't help it if I'm truthful. You just happen to be an angel in human form.

Sierra; (titters like a schoolgirl) Oh, stop you !

Waylon: I'm Waylon, Wilbur's twin. Our parents are busy at work so they couldn't make it.

Wilbur: However, when we had heard through the grapevine that you were doing so well, we knew we had to make a visit.

Lester: I know I was a hernia in the past. I'm so glad we can just be buds, just like old times.

Waylon: So, we can play Skyrim when you get back ?

Lester: Yes, but I'mma trounce all y'all.

Wilbur: I'd like to see you try.

Lester: (proud stance) Bring it on, Gemini.

(Scene shift, to a year in the future. Lester is working at his job. It's the weekend and he's thumbing through messages left on his phone.)

Scene 4—Making a Good First Impression

Lester: (thumbing through texts, comes upon Meg's) Ahhhhhhhhh ! Hot dog !

(starts dancing around to 'I'm So Excited' and calls Will and Waylon)

Waylon: Wilde residence. (nonplussed) Oh, it's you.

Lester: Of course it's me, you douche ! I got a text from Meg ! She wants to know if I'm free this weekend !

I don't know the first thing about dating. I've never done it !

Wilbur: We're on it. Just stay there. Don't do anything.

(They help him by giving him a make over. 'Sexyback' plays in the background.)

Waylon: (low wolf whistle) You're ready, champ.

Wilbur: Go out there and just be yourself. (loud pat on back)

Lester: (stammering a little) S-sure. I'll give it my best shot. (he rolls up in his sports car to Meg's house and she is dressed well for the occasion)

Meg: My, my. Don't you look sharp.

Lester: Hopefully not too much. Wouldn't want to cut yourself on my edges.

Meg: (laughs)

Lester: Speaking of which, you look very fetching. First time I've seen you in a dress. It's stunning.

Meg: Thank you. How's your job going ?

Lester: It's a dream come true. I get paid for working glitches out of video games, and bonus, I get to play them too. In my spare time, I'm jogging, taking yoga or working out.

Meg: It definitely shows. I almost didn't recognize you again.

(They laugh)

Lester: I can think of anywhere else I'd rather be. Prospects only keep improving.

Meg: I really like this new side of you. When I first met you, you were so sour that lemons looked more appealing by comparison.

Lester: Ow. That hurt.

Meg: (hand over heart) Forgive me. I tend to be brash when it comes to truth. However, when you started warming up, I saw what I knew was latent within you just needed to be jostled awake.

Lester: (placing his hand atop her's) My heavens. I can't stop getting lost in your eyes.

Meg: (laughs) You're such a romantic. (holds his hand as well, and soon they are kissing each other)

(12^th of Never plays in the background and he feels the groove infect him.)

Lester: Ooh, yeah. This is my jam. Care to cut a rug ?

Meg: Why not ? Night is still young.

(They dance for a while and then dance to Styx's Lady, followed by In My House.)

Lester: (notices the time) Oh, CRAP ! Man, I forgot I have work tomorrow.

Meg: Same here. (stands up on her tip toes to kiss him)

('Suddenly' plays in the background)

Lester: Keep doing that and I might just stick around and never leave.

Meg: Mmmm....I'd never get home though.

Lester: Not on my watch. (he offers her his arm) Shall we ?

Meg: Truly gallant. Let's shall, my dear.

Lester: (narrating) It was the start of something incredible, sensational and new. From that moment onward, Meg and I saw each other each weekend and grew closer together. I was aware that there was only one Meg and I needed her in my life, just as I was certain she needed me. I had to be certain though. After purchasing the gemstone to make it official, I asked my bffs for advice. They weren't married but they knew more about women and relationships than I did.

Scene 5—Just Breathe

(banging on Waylon/WIbur's door)

Lester: Guys, I need y0ur help again !

Wilbur: Keep your underpants on !

Waylon: We're coming, we're coming !

Way/Will: What's up ?

Lester: I want to marry Meg, but I don't know how to go about it. Look at this puppy. (Shows off ring)

Waylon: Woah, bright light !

Will: Bling, bling ! You have great taste. So, what's wrong ?

Waylon: Getting cold feet ? You've known Meg for a year now. You two are made for each other. You know that. Of course there are going to be some obstacles, but everyone has them.

Will: Ask her. Don't just lollygag here, man ! Ask her !

Way: And remember to breathe !

Lester: (kisses them both full on the mouth) If I were gay, I'd want to marry you both.

Wilbur: Um, thanks, I guess.

Waylon: Uh, yeah.

Lester: (narrating) It was under a field of stars and the Persieds were making their appearance. I waited until the meteors began falling and I made my inquiry... (speaking) Megan , would you be the ying to my yang, the creamer to my coffee, the salsa to my chips ?

(She leans in to kiss him and she is spun around. There is a transition between that moment and time and their wedding reception, complete with lights, music and revelers. 'Eternal Flame' plays in the background.)

Scene 6—The Best Is Yet To Come

Wilbur: Now let's turn it down a notch and have our first slow dance. Come on out all you lovers. Time to get your dance shoes on.

Meg: It was sweet of you to have Will and Waylon jockey tonight.

Lester: They're both really tremendous. I had no idea they had such good taste.

('For Always' plays in the background.)

Lester: (narrating) It was the start of a new life. Everything from that moment on changed. You never really know your spouse until you live under the same roof. Granted, I wouldn't want it any other way because Meg is the sweetest, gentlest, kindest, and most easy-going gal around. Plus she's the only woman I know who burps and farts like a guy and is totally cool about it. How lucky can one guy be ? And who knows, there might be a little Cornwall in the future ? All I know is joy continues to expand, as does our Universe before us. I've even decided to return to Broken Wings and lead motivational seminars. Meg is behind me all the way. I owe it to my friends, my dad, but mostly to my mama. Aw, yeah. Gonna break it down with me now !

(He sings 'Mama' by Lunch Money Lewis at the end credits, rapping and having a blast. Meg makes super cool b-boy poses with him, acting all tough and gangster-like. After that the credits roll, and Glow plays, followed by Just Like Fire and Welcome to My House. Inspiration for the script comes from the real life turnabout/turnaround of my tenant, who dealt with methamphetamine/heroine addiction for a great part of his adult life. He credits me and my dad for helping him in his darkest turmoil, leading him back into the light. I believe that all addicts can be saved and are worth saving. Your disease does not define you ! If you have substance abuse, reach out and get help. Know that I too have been addicted to online auctioning, but I haven't been hooked by that in years. You have friends who have been where you are now. I will stand by you in spirit. I know you can overcome this with the right circle of supporters, faith and outreach. Never ever settle for second best. The only person who can be the best you you can be is you !)