Joe of Antiquities, Joe and the Egyptian Time Machine

(aka Indian Joe)  

 

Synopsis:  This begins the franchise of Joe following clues that he has poured over from various texts with his wife and daughter along for the ride on a vacation they won’t soon forget.   They actually meet Joe’s many-times-over great grandfather, Akashay, who instilled the love of tomb raiding, treasure hunting and thrill seeking into the Sharma bloodline. 

          ‘Success is readiness matched with opportunity.  You just have to be ready when your time comes.’—Tyrant, ‘Rock in a Hard Place’

~*~CAST~*~

Dr. Joe Sharma: 

Seema Sharma: (his mom)

Apu Sharma:  (his dad) 

Sweetu Sharma: (grandma)

Shah Sharma:  (grandfather)

Dr. Akashay Sharma: (the original tomb raiding founder)

Dr. Levi Cohen: (Joe’s friend from college)

Leah Cohen: (Levi’s wife) 

Adina Cohen: (their daughter and also Kate’s friend)

Dr. Stephanie Sharma:  (Joe’s wife)

Katharine ‘Kate’ Sharma: (their daughter)

Billie Browne: (Kate’s best friend)

Gina Browne: (Billie’s younger sister)

Francine Browne: (Billie’s mom)

Eddie Browne: (Billie’s dad) 

Patrick Powers: (Paul’s dad) 

Tiffany Powers: (Paul’s mom)

Vera Powers: (Paul’s grandma) 

Paul Powers:  (Kate’s boyfriend/powerlifter)

Dimitri: (Paul’s Husky)   

Scene 1—A So-Called Typical Day

Kate:  (narrating)  Hey, I’m Kate Sharma.  This is my famous dad, Joseph.  His nickname is Indian Joe.   Basically he’s an Indian Indiana Jones, but he received the nickname having gone on many digs and explorations with intrepid discoverers like himself.  He’s earned his keep unravelling many mysteries that textbooks could never explain.  It’s led him and myself and mom on many adventures we won’t soon forget.   Indian Joe in his spare time runs Dharma, his crown jewel.   It’s the best Indian restaurant in town.  Just ask the locals, and especially the desi population here.    Time after time he receives 3 stars and above for his knockout cuisine.   Papa is quite the magician in the kitchen.   Luckily I inherited the Sharma talent even though I am quite the tomboy.    (laughing)  Ah, they’re playing one of my favorite songs over the PA.   Before the restaurant opens, my dad, ever the romantic, sentimental soul that he is, dances with my mom and holds her close for tender smooch.   Ugh.   Gross.   

Joe:   My sweet lotus.  

Stephanie:  (kissing hungrily)  My precious jewel. 

Kate:  Could you guys not do that ?   I mean, it’s so unhygienic.   Aren’t you worried about exchanging germs ?  (shudder) 

Steph:  Kate, you know what I’ve told you a million times already.  Some bacteria is necessary.   

Kate:  I’m terrifyingly aware of that, mom.    Still that doesn’t mean I have to like it ! 

Joe:  (holds Steph close)  Open sesame.  

(The customers start pouring in and everyone starts working to keep them full and entertained.   Suddenly, a call comes in, and Steph answers it.) 

Steph:  Hello, this is Doctor Sharma.  Whom may I ask is speaking ? 

(Split screen, a very eager and chatty Levi Cohen is on the other side barely able to contain himself.) 

Levi:  Hello, Stephanie !   It’s Levi !   I have exceptional news.

Stephanie:  Hey, Levi !  

Joe:   Is that Levi on the phone ?   Toss it this way, Steph my sugarcube ! 

(She does) 

Levi:   You aren’t going to believe this !    Remember that research paper you had published into a book long ago about ancient civilizations being more cultivated and sophisticated than originally perceived ?

Joe:  (raised eyebrow) Yeah, so what are you getting at, Lee ?

Levi:  You were on to something then.    My wife, child and I visited the ancient tombs.   There’s an obelisk there, according to legend that can transport whomever touches it back or forward to whatever era they think of.  

Leah: Neither one of us thought it was true until we transported ourselves to the Cohen family’s immigration to the United States.

Adina:  We couldn’t get involved for fear we would unravel the very fabric of space and time itself.  

Joe:  How did you get back ?   I mean, that is the most important aspect to remember, if and indeed the obelisk is still in Egypt.

Levi:   It is.  All we needed was an ancient incantation.   (he whispers it to him) 

Kate:  (narrating)  Thankfully papa had an eidetic memory because in a pinch….Ha, listen to me getting ahead of myself.   

Levi:   Only you, your wife and daughter know this information.   I leave it in your capable hands.   In the wrong clutches, the repercussions could be catastrophic.   Be careful. 

Joe:  (taps his nose)  Oh, you know that mum’s the word Levi.  

Levi:  (hearty laugh) I know we can count on you.   Always grand to hear your voice again.  Mazel tov on your journey.  

Leah: Not like you need it, Indian Joe !   

Adina:  Bring me back a souvenir, ok ?  

Levi:  Sure thing, Adina.   

Kate:  Hey, Adina, I’ll do you one better.  When we return, you, me and Bobbie, we’re getting a mani-pedi.  

Adina:   Katy, I thought you were against such ‘cesspools’ and breeders of horrible disease. 

Kate:  Oh, the one I go to is reputable.   No worries !

Adina:  I’ll never fully understand you, Katy, but I still love ya bunches.    Be cautious on your trip !   Shalom ! 

Kate:  Thanks, Addy. 

Joe:  (claps hands)  Well, we should really get going.  Pack your bags, we’re going to Egypt ! 

Steph:  (applauding eagerly)  Ooooo, I can’t wait  ! I’ve always wanted to go.   I don’t see how any trip we’ve had can top our other journeys.

Joe:  Believe me, when we see what Doctor Cohen described in my manuscripts, I think we’re all going to be blown away.  

(scene fade after we see the family packing for Egypt.   Traditional Egyptian music plays as they prepare.  We see a jet take off and leave and one night passes at their 5-star accommodation hotel.) 

Scene 2—To the Tombs

Steph:  I’m so pumped !    This is so spiffy !  

Kate:  (non-plussed)  Yea !   Rah !   More antiquities.   More spiders and…(sidesteps some rather venomous snakes) Snaaaakkkkkkkkkkkkkkeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssss !  (shrieks) 

(The snakes slither away, more afraid of Kate than she is of them.) 

Joe:  Oh, come on.  You know you love it or you wouldn’t come.  Who’s my junior archeologist ?  

Kate:  (rolls eyes)  Unfortunately, (points at self) you’re looking at her.  

Joe: (pats her back, tousles her hair)  That’s my girl !   (pause) According to my ancient manuscripts, these tombs of Akhenaten contain one stand-out obelisk that differs from the rest.   My sources say that this was the one connection they had to the realm of spirit, much like an antenna honing in on weird frequencies.   Spooky huh ? 

Kate:  Actually it is sort of cool.    I dig the supernatural stuff.  

Steph:  We’re getting closer to it, too.   Watch for booby traps.   Mind your step.

(They do, and only a few arrows shoot out of the walls when Kate is texting and not paying attention.)

Steph:  What did I say ?  Give me that !  You’re going to get us all kebabed.  

Kate:  (pout)  Awww, I was just talking to Addy.   Lucky girl’s in Bora Bora.    I’m starting to wish I was with her. 

Steph:  Why are you being so difficult ?

Kate:  (whiny)  It’s hot, I have mega under-boob sweat and my eyebrows are melting.  I feel like I’m turning into a puddle.     Anything else ? 

Steph:  Sorry I asked, Kate.  

Joe:  (silences them)  We’re here.  The obelisk is ahead.   (he and Steph sing ‘Live for Adventure’ and eventually, Kate gets swept up in the song herself even though at first she is apathetic about the whole sojourn itself) 

Kate:  (is mesmerized by the size of it, the vibrations and pulsations coming from it.  It seems to hum with a frequency all its own, to middle C in fact)   What a gorgeous tone.  It’s like it’s singing !  

Steph:  Can you imagine what this has seen.  Oh, if only it could talk !   Let’s see if Levi’s additional research is true.  

(They all touch the obelisk and are transported back into time.  ‘Khallas’ plays in the background as they do and safely touch down in the 1800s.   The tombs haven’t been found yet, but Akashay is hot on their trail.) 

Scene 3—Feigning Ignorance

Kate:  (getting a little fangirly) Is that who I think it is ? 

Steph:  (wry smirk) Are you getting invested in this little escapade now, dear ?  You certainly changed your tune fast.  

Kate: (flippantly and rather curtly)  Phttthppppppppptttt.    

Joe:  (trying not to get overly emotional)  I’ve heard so much about many times great grandpa Akashay but actually seeing him work is surreal.  

Steph:  I see where you get your drive, perseverance and deductive process from. 

Akashay:  Is someone there ?    Don’t tell me I’ve gone mad and started hearing voices ! The heat can play tricks on one’s mind after all. 

Kate:  Busted…

Joe:  Play it cool, honeybee.   Cool, calm, collected.  All is well.  

Akashay:  Are you on the search for the pyramids as well ?   I hear they are enchanted.  Probably just some local lore but I won’t know until I investigate myself.  (raises eyebrow) You’re all dressed rather strangely.   Foreigners ? 

Steph:  Yes !  (snaps finger) That’s it.  We’re foreigners. 

Kate:  Originally from England.   

Akashay:  Yet you have the distinct flavor of India in your speech.   Fascinating.   I’m Doctor Akashay Sharma.  

Joe:   Vivek Signh, and this is my wife, Natasha and our daughter, Ivory.  

Kate: (looks at her dad dumbly thinking ‘how the heck did he come up with that ?!) Pleasure’s all ours, I’m sure.  

Akashay:  Would you like to join me on my venture ? 

Joe:  (biting his tongue but answers regretfully)   Actually we were on our way back to the hotel.  

Akashay:   What can it hurt ?  

Joe:  (sneezes)  A lot ! 

Akashay:  Oh my.   A cold out here in the dessert ? 

Joe:  Give me a minute, would you, please Dr. Sharma ?

Akashay:  Take all the time you need, Vivek.

Steph:  This is real bad !  (getting pent up and worried)

Joe:  (holds her hand and puts his other hand on her back to caress it)   Sweet rainbow, it’s alright.   We’ll be ok  ! 

Kate:  I think we should go on his venture.   We’ve only heard about Akashay.  Now we can see him in action.    He doesn’t know who we really are, nor does he suspect.   We haven’t fringed time/space.   Nothing is falling apart at the seams.  

Steph:  Katy has a terrific point there.   Besides, isn’t this what you’ve been dreaming about ? 

Joe:   Yes, more than you know.   (fists clenched, avidly, nearly about ready to burst)  Steph, this is my chance !  

Kate:  Go for it daddy.   In any event, this will be one exploit we will never forget ! 

(narrating)  So we followed my many times great grandfather Akashay and were mesmerized by his brilliance.   I could see where my papa inherited his intellect from.  It made me, dare I say, proud to be in the Sharma clan.   We risked our lives and limbs dodging traps at every turn but Akashay found artifacts so priceless that it brought tears to his eyes and ours…

Akashay:  I cannot take these from their rightful resting place.   Besides, if I did, I’m certain the curse of the pharaohs would literally eat our flesh from our bones.  

Steph:  Charming. 

Joe:  It’s true though.   Pharaohs took their booty very seriously. 

Kate:  (being a bit immature, trying hard not to laugh but fails)  Heh, booty !   

Akashay:  Seeing that we’re still alive with minor scratches, I say let’s call this a day.  I will be journaling this later at my camp.   Would you…care to come ? 

Joe:  (nearly exploding with jubilance)  Would we ?   Oh, the sublimity ! 

Kate:   My dad, the fanboy.  

Akashay:  (leading them to his tent, which is actually oddly accommodating)  Me casa es su casa !   Make yourselves at home !  

Steph:  This is remarkable.   (looking but not touching the artifacts) 

Joe:  (whispering to Steph)  Papa told me all about these treasures, every place he ever went !   He only had photos, but to see, to take it all in… (gets teary eyed)  I’m sorry !  I got overklempt. 

Akashay:   No worries, my friend.  (hands him a handkerchief)  Truly strong men are in touch with their emotions.  I’ve always believed that.  

Kate:  We need to be going back to our hotel.  

Akashay:  Can’t you stay ?  It’s not often I have visitors.  

Steph:  We’d love to, Akashay, but we have to go back home.

(Akashay comes forward and embraces them all) 

Akashay:  I won’t soon forget you.   Safe passage to you all.   (he gives them a cloisonné pin of a dragonfly from a previous venture) 

Steph:  Farewell, Akashay ! 

(They all wave, trying to keep their eyes dry.   Joe voices the incantation and they are sent back home to the obelisk.   Kate accidentally steps on a panel though.) 

Kate:  Ohmygod !  I’m so sorry !   I didn’t know that was there ! 

Steph:  OCD and you didn’t notice that one detail before we landed back in the present.

Kate:  Hey, I’m not perfect.

Joe:  No time for squabbling…MOVE ! 

(They run out to the song Rhade dances to in HNY and the temple collapses) 

Joe:  (looking back)  Oh come on, man !   Why ?   (falls down to his knees)  NO !

Steph:  (helps him back up)  No time to mourn, just time to move forward, hon.

Joe:  No one is going to believe us. 

Kate:  (points at her mom’s lapel)  They might be convinced by mom’s pin. 

Joe:  (brightens and kisses Kate on the forehead)  My jewel, you are a GENIUS !

Kate:  (narrating)  Dad got tons of press after that and CERN continued to do its research on breeching/folding space time.  The tomb of Akhenaten was lost to the dust of time but we never forgot our rip-roaring time there.   I had picked up a souvenir for my sweet Addy too while I was with my family.   There was a scarab ring that I pocketed (mutters) please don’t judge me, and as far as I know it’s not cursed.   We had the best mani-pedi, she, Bobbie and I.   They wanted to hear all about my trip and what Akashay was like.  They didn’t seem to be bored by the details.  It’s not every day someone meets a relative that has been gone for years.  Sort of an out-of-body experience.    Things are back to normal and my mom had added her lapel to the ‘wall of fame’, and there it glows, it’s malachite shining in the sunlight as the day comes to another end.   I’m just happy I can settle down into bed and dream of the adventures to come.  Ah, sweet, sweet rest.  Another successful journey !  

(We see Kate going through the typical joviality of friendship and soon we see Kate settling down to bed with a plush SRK to cuddle with.  She hums ‘Indiawale’ before she heads off to sleep.  The end of the film is brought together by the cast and ensemble dancing to said hummed prior song and ‘The End…for now’ appears on screen followed by bloopers and some behind the scenes glimpses.)