Joe of Antiquities: Joe and Bigfoot

(aka Indian Joe) 

Synopsis:  Joseph Sharma owns a restaurant chronicling all the adventures and treasures he’s collected over the years either by himself or with his family.  Over time, he actually discovers the Bigfoot myth is true.  Afraid of what this will mean for himself, his credibility, his reputation, he keeps everything he learns a secret and allows Bigfoot to roam free in the forests, unhindered by humans.  

~*~CAST~*~

Joe Sharma: 

Seema Sharma: (his mom)

Apu Sharma:  (his dad) 

Sweetu Sharma: (grandma)

Shah Sharma:  (grandfather)

Stephanie Sharma:  (Joe’s wife)

Katharine ‘Kate’ Sharma: (their daughter)

Billie Browne: (Kate’s best friend)

Gina Browne: (Billie’s younger sister)

Francine Browne: (Billie’s mom)

Eddie Browne: (Billie’s dad) 

Patrick Powers: (Paul’s dad) 

Tiffany Powers: (Paul’s mom)

Vera Powers: (Paul’s grandma) 

Paul Powers:  (Kate’s boyfriend/powerlifter)

Dimitri: (Paul’s Husky)   

Bigfoot (aka Nog): 

Sasquatch Hunter #1:

Sasquatch Hunter #2:

Sasquatch Hunter #3:

Sasquatch Hunter #4:

Sasquatch Hunter #5:

Sasquatch Hunter #6:

Sasquatch Hunter #7:  

Scene 1—Gina’s Obsession

(The Sharma family is enjoying a cookout with the Browne family and they’re singing camp songs happily until Gina comes rushing out, shouting.)

Gina:  I knew it !   I knew it ! 

Billie:   What’s up, girl ?   Why so bouncy ? 

Gina:  Billie, come on !   Come into the den, quick ! 

Billie:  (having her hand by Gina, a bit insistently)   Gina, you’re being kinda rough.   Easy on my wrist, girl !  

Gina:  This is important, Billie !   Come on !  

(They all follow and see that there is a live documentary.  Sasquatch has finally been caught, and it is most definitely not a hoax.) 

Gina:  Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee !   See, I told you !   I knew it after all this time.  Sasquatch is REAL !   R-E-A-L.   Robert Stack wasn’t lying after all these years, and neither were those paranormal investigators.  

Joe:  They have him caged though.   It shouldn’t be this way.   How terrifying for him !  

Steph:  We have to do something, intervene. 

Kate:  I suppose that means our camping trip will be early this year.  

Billie:  Can Gina and I come ?  

Joe:  I don’t see why not.  The more the merrier.  

Billie:  (looks for approval from mom and dad, giving them puppy dog eyes)  Pweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese ? 

Francine:  Only if Paul can go and oversee you.  

Kate:  (narrating)  Hearing those words made me even more ebullient than before.   Not many people knew this but Paul babysat Gina when she was no bigger than a thimble.   She always idolized him and thought of him as her big brother.   

Eddie:  (looks to Kate) 

Kate:  (big, glimmering smile) On it !   (narrating)  I immediately got to work and Paul was added to our party.   Before we knew it, dad, mom, Billie, Gina and myself were heading way up north where people rarely went.  

(Scene shift)  

Scene 2—Planned Subterfuge 

Gina:   (quietly, in as hushed a tone as she can manage)  Guys, we’re getting closer.  The trappers are up this way.  

Paul:  How can you know that ? None of us have been up this far north before.   

Gina:  My sense of direction is better than any of yours.   Besides (tests the ground for boot tracks and licks her fingers) 

Steph:  Well, that certainly isn’t sanitary.  

Billie:   (almost throws up)  No, but it’s distinctly Gina.  

Gina:  These tracks are fresh and they lead this way.   (she sneaks up on the camp where the ‘hunters’ have Sasquatch caged.) 

Joe:  For such a situation as this, I have come prepared.  

Steph:  You rogue.    What did you bring ? 

Joe:  Sleeping pills.  Rather powerful ones.   We drop these in their beer cans.  Fortunately, the alcohol will have a rapid effect and it will remain in their circulatory systems for at least 7 hours.  

Kate:  That’ll teach them to mess with Nature’s children.  

Gina:  Shhhh…They’re gonna catch on if we keep yammering away.  

Kate:  (narrating)  Using all of our stealth, we infiltrated the group and the louts were counting sheep in no time. 

(Scene shift) 

Scene 3—Gaining Trust

Steph:  I found the keys, Joe.  

Joe:  (holds his hands out to catch them)   Thank you, m’dove.   Alrighty.  Now to open this cage.   (opens the cage) 

(Sasquatch doesn’t seem too eager or anxious to meet more people.  He seems very agitated and becomes angered.)

Gina:  Guys, don’t crowd him !  He’s scared.  He doesn’t know whom to trust.  I mean, would you ? 

Billie:  Let me talk to him.  Maybe I can reason with him.   Hey there, big fella.   (looks up)  Gee whiz, you’re huge.   (clears throat, gathers her resolve)  We’re here to release you.  These other jerks, I don’t know what their purpose was in caging you but they obviously meant you some type of harm.  We’re not like them.  

Gina:  Big sis is right, Nog. 

Everyone else:  Nog ? 

Gina:  I dunno.  He just seems like a Nog to me.  Don’t know how that name came to me.   Anyway, Nog, you can run free. 

(Sasquatch ponders his options for a moment, and as soon as he realizes he is free, he scoops up Gina and Billie and has them ride on his back.) 

Joe:  Woah, big fella !   Where do you think you’re going ?

Billie:  I understand taking Gina, but why meeeeeeeee !  Slow-dowwwwwwwwwwn !  

Paul:  Quit running, you big galloot ! 

Kate:  (panting)  We can’t keep up !  (narrating)  There was a clearing in the woods were Sasquatch, er, Nog, finally decided to rest his flaming heels.   He put down Billie and Gina, as if he understood they belonged with us and only gave out what sounded like a friendly growl.  

Joe:  (sings ‘No One Will Believe’) 
(Sasquatch looks at him but then goes into the forest where other eyes, like his own are waiting to receive him.) 

Gina:  (excitedly) There are more !   I always had a feeling. 

Billie:  They need to be free.   We’re doing the right thing.  

(As they make their escape they run across the hunters, who are pretty peeved that they lost their ‘gold mine’.)

Hunter #1: You guys are gonna wish you were never born ! 

Hunter #2:  Real smart, spikin our beer with sleepin’ pills.   We’re tougher than oxes though !   Ain’t nothing gonna knock us out for long.  

Hunter #3:  Just pray that we don’t catch you !  

(An epic chase ensues as the Hunters are left alone in the dust with them not knowing which direction the Sharmas and company went.)

Hunter #4:  You said we’d be able to nab ‘em, well where in hell did they go?

Kate:  (narrating)  Spoiler alert.  Those rednecks never did get us.   We never heard from them ever again.  They were prosecuted by the proper authorities and put away for a long time.   They were finally let out on good behavior but they had a lengthy stint to think about what they had done.   All the while, I couldn’t process everything we had seen in the woods.   It was so unbelievable that I was still in shock.   After all the paranormal elements I had encountered in the past and even now in the present.    It jolted me back into reality that miracles still happened and magic probable.   To the typical person though, this might be deemed as madness but I never wanted to be inundated with the ‘common’ or ‘mundane’.   With a smile on my face, I reserved that some mysteries should remain as such.  Like Sasquatch who was free, there were so many things that neither I, nor my friends, or my parents understood.   Science didn’t get it either, but that was what made our job as pursuers of the paranormal, raiders of tombs, studiers of antiquities as enjoyable and daring as it was.   It was necessary.   There would be those who read our memoirs and who will be inspired to go into these fields and push the boundaries, going beyond the envelope.   That is what made me more than tickled to do what I did along with my beloved friend and beau.   Seeing Billie and Gina fly into the field was exhilarating.   Who knows, they might take the torch once I am old enough to retire ?   There’s always that possibility.   I don’t worry too much about what could be, only about what is.   I feel a sense of relief in letting a wild creature roam where he belongs, with his kind.   I know there will be others wanting to study it but hopefully after seeing what happened to the hunters, they will reconsider and go about their study hypothetically and empirically.   Studies like this take a gentler touch.  Walking around with the mindset of the subject, I find, always helps in a scenario such as that.   All of these thoughts accompany me as I slip into the sweetness of a much-deserved rest after what was a bit of a scary day.   We escaped, nary a head on our head harmed.   I can hold my head up high and say, ‘I survived’ and tomorrow will be another day.   What it holds, I can’t predict.  Whatever it will be, it gives me glee knowing I will do it in my own, unique, Sharma way. 

(Credits roll.  All of the action/adventure of the day is shown on screen, including what becomes of our hunters.  Kate is shown saying goodnight to her friends, boyfriend, family and they all depart to their own quarters.  She settles down under the covers, turns off the lights and falls into the arms of Morpheus for another night of blessed slumber.   Bloopers and behind the scenes are shown as well as giving credit where it is due.   Though you are my ex now, I owe this initial idea to you, TTR.   Sorry things went so wrong between us, but honestly, I deserve better, and not someone who is a liar and a cheater.   Forgive me.)