For the Love of Food

Synopsis:  Katrina Muller is a home economics teacher who inspires her students, especially in trying foreign cuisine.   When she falls for the University’s chemistry teacher, Professor Albert Flask, things become interesting.

~*~CAST~*~

Professor Tatiana Mikhailovich: (Katrina’s best friend)

Professor Katrina Muller:

Anna Muller: (her mother)

Don Muller: (her dad) 

 Muller: (her grandpa)

Lilac ’Li’ Muller: (her grandma) 

Professor Albert Flask: (New chemistry Prof)

Doctor Janus Green: (Botanist)

Doctor Kevin Kepler: (Astrophysicist)

Doctor Guy Fellows: (Anthropologist)  

Natalya East: (one of Katrina’s students)

Brody Kingston: (Natalya’s boyfriend)

Jamison Brent: (a ‘slacker’ student)

Rose Garrison: (loner and misunderstood)

Stanton Rami:  (a trans student) 

Anton Mikhailovich: (Tati’s brother, gay)

Anatoli Mikhailovich:  (Tati’s dad) 

Roxanne Mikhailovich: (Tati’s mom) 

Scene 1—A New School Year

Katrina: (waking up and whistling ‘Walking On Sunshine')  Ah, yes !  Finally !  Another school year !   (narrating) I know it might seem strange to you who are in the profession of academia to see someone like myself waking up so merrily but I cannot help myself.   I simply relish (chortles) Ha !  Home Ec humor !  To work with new students every year.   Not only do I get to create meals that everyone adores but I teach students how to fend for themselves in the real world.   So many students I meet haven’t even had a home ec course in their high school days, but I give them all the skills they could ever want.  They also have typewriting on the side.  Sure, it’s archaic and a bit obsolete, but who knows, the typewriter may have a comeback and I might even have some aspiring writers in my class too !  

(Going to Bluebell University, dressed in her finest clothes.  Tatiana meets her half way, excited that she will be teaching her first of many mathematics courses of the day.) 

Tatiana:  Where did all that time go, Kat ?

Katrina:  I don’t know, Tati !   How are your folks doing ? 

Tati:  (grins brilliantly)  Ah, they’re doing well, as usual.  What about your parents ?

Katrina:  They’re tremendous.  They’re glad I’m going back to what I enjoy doing with such fervor and gusto. 

Tati:  (tries not to snicker) Katrina, when have you done something without fervor and gusto ?   I’ve never known you to go into a new school year without pep in your step and flair.  

Katrina:  (chuckles)  Bazinga.  You got me, once again, my dear friend.

Tati:  My brother’s going to be in your class this year.  

Katrina:  Oooh, how exciting.   I’ll look forward to meeting him. 

Tati:  (sigh)  Sadly, dad is still trying to ‘scare’ him out of being gay.   Thing is, Anton can’t help the way he is.   He just doesn’t find himself attracted to girls.

Katrina:  There’s nothing wrong with that !  

Tati:  That’s what mom and I keep telling him but papa, oh boy, papa, he is so obdurate !  

Katrina:  The indomitable, unwavering Russian spirit.  

Tati:  You know about that too.  Heh, yeah.  I guess you would, having a Cossack background that extends over thousands of years.  That obstinacy doesn’t thin out over the generations, mos def.  

Katrina:  No doubt.    I’ll catch you later, ok ?  

(While heading to class she catches a glimpse of the new chemistry Professor. An instrumental version of ‘She Blinded Me with Science’ plays as she looks at him completely lost in his eyes.   He flashes her a handsome, debonair smile and waves.) 

Katrina:  Be still my palpitating heart.   (waves back dreamily and nearly walks into a wall but steers clear at the last moment)  Good save, Kat.   (brushes imaginary sweat from her brow)  Good save.  

(Scene shift) 

Scene 2—The Motley Classroom

Katrina:  (looking over the classroom, and noticing how boisterous it is, but she starts singing ‘A Little Bit of This, A Little Bit of That’ and the students can’t help but be captivated and smitten by her angelic timbre.) 

(They all applaud, even the unimpressed, apathetic ‘slacker’ kid who does the whole ‘sound of one hand clapping bit, or an ‘opera clap’).  

Katrina:  Hello, Class !  I’m Professor Muller, but you can call me Kat.  There are no need for formalities here.   (‘Ain’t Nobody Gonna Cry Today’ plays in the background as Kat motivates her students and gets them excited about cooking, baking, sewing, typing, posture, poise, elocution, etiquette and manners, especially in tipping.)   That’s all for today.   Come back tomorrow, and I’ll be teaching you how to make cheese soufflé !  

Stanton:  That sounds positively divine  ! 

Brody:  I’ve always wanted to bake one of those.  Maybe we can bake a masterpiece together, m’love.  

Natalya:  Brody !   Stop !   Not in front of everyone ! 

Jamison: Phssshtt.   Like, get a room, PDAers.   (pretends to gag himself) 

Anton:  (walking past and not really acknowledging Kat until he realizes who she is)   Kat ?  Oh my freaking Goddess !   My sis tells me so much about you !

(hugs her rather tightly, lifting her off the ground) 

Kat:  I see my reputation precedes me !  (she laughs merrily) 

Anton:  Do you think I can swing by around lunch and eat with you ? 

Kat:  Of course, but don’t you have any friends your own age who would want to sit with you ? 

Anton:  (a bit reticent at first)  You see, that’s the thing.  I really like Stanton, but I don’t know how he feels about me.  I just saw him today. 

Kat: You never know unless you actually sit down and talk to him. 

Anton: (boldly) Alright.   I’ll try. 

Kat:  Just do it !   (pats him on the back)

Anton:  Kat, you’re the best !  

(He goes off on his own and finds a table where Stanton is sitting and begins, awkwardly, a conversation with him.  They end becoming rather fast friends and start laughing and joking with each other.) 

Albert:  Capital job you did there, Professor Muller. 

Kat:  (spellbound)  It’s Kat, actually.   Are you new ?  I don’t remember seeing you around Bluebell U last year.

Albert: (chortle)  I transferred from Needleberry High, a place as prickly as the name suggests.   They didn’t much care for my teaching methods.  So, I looked in the circulars in the latest newspapers and found Bluebell.   Bluebell might be ‘unconventional’ but its success rate is one of the highest in the nation.  Oh, by the way, I’m Albert Flask.   (sings) You can call me Al, though. 

Kat:  (chuckles)  Good one !   (offers her hand)  Charmed.

Albert:  Myself, even more so.   Care to have lunch with me ?

Kat:  (a bit overly enthusiastic, but then tones it down)  Would I ?   I mean…of course.  (coughs, clears her throat) 

Al:  (confident grin)  I was hoping you’d say that.  

(The two head to the cafeteria and get to know each other better.  They hit it off immediately and Al plans on taking her out on a date that coming Saturday.   She dances off to an instrumental version of ‘I Got a Feelin’’ and Al catches her, laughing with her.) 

Scene 3—A Stubborn Dad Can’t Keep Us Apart

Kat:  (narrating)  The months passed by and Al and I grew closer together.  We weren’t awkward whenever we saw each other at University.  He was one more reason I kept spurring myself onward, if not to inspire my students to enjoy cooking and fending for themselves in the big, wild, wooly world.    However, Anton was having a more difficult time.   It seemed like nothing we did could convince dear old dad that Anton was the happiest he had ever been.  At one point and time, Stanton and Anton were talking about their futures together and it made my heart sing.   To think I had been the one to stoke the flames of that blossoming romance.   I never knew I was such a good wingman !   Still, though, Mr. Mikhailovich needed to have a sit down and if it wasn’t with Tati, it would have to be me.   No ifs, ands or buts.  

(In class, she sings ‘We Don’t Cook Anymore’ to her students and they can’t get enough of it.)

Jamison:  It’s ironic because now every one of us can cook ! 

Anton: (teasing with Stanton)  I could just eat you up.  

Stanton:  (chuckling)  I know, you rogue.   (puts a little bit of whipped cream on his nose with a spoon he’s used for a parfait)   Voila !   (he kisses and licks it off) 

Natalya:  I want to be disgusted but I can’t turn away.  

Brody:   I know, it’s like, so hypnotic watching them be sexy to each other.  (playfully saddling up to Natalya)  It’s giving me ideas for later, if you know what I mean.  (Wriggles eyebrows in a suggestive way)  

Kat: (clears throat)  Alright class, that’s it for today.  Tomorrow we are learning about sewing our own clothes.   Bring in your patterns and get ready to measure each other.   Hire lawyers just in case.  I’m not getting filed for sexual harassement suits this year !  

(They laugh as they all leave, chattering wildly about how fun class was) 

Kat:  Stanton, Anton, come here. 

Anton:  Were we too much ?

Kat:  No, you two are adorable.  Your relationship is beautiful.

Stanton:  I wish we could make Anatoli see that.

Anton:  (scoffs)  You and me both.   Tati tried to talk to him about my homosexuality but he keeps condemning me.   I can’t change that.  It’s part of my make-up.  I had done my best to keep it under wraps for years.   Hell, I even tried to like girls.   I just couldn’t.  I had girlfriends. 

Stanton:  (gasps in horror, capriciously) 

Anton:  You know what I mean, Stan.  Girls who were friends.

Stan:  I know I just can’t help it.  You’re so much fun to tease.

Kat:  I was thinking of talking to your pop, Anton.  

Anton:  (a bit taken aback)  You’d do that for me, Kat ?

Kat:  Yeah !  I thought you could use a little extra help.   Stan will come with us. 

Anton:  (dreadfully)  Oh man.  Pop will not like that.

Kat: It’ll awaken him to reality.   It has to be done.  It might not exactly be the most comfortable discussion but he just has to come the realization that one can’t just repress sexuality.   I’m certain that behind his slight close-minded opinions there lurks a heart that only wants the best for you. 

Anton:  Something tells me there is.   (takes Stan’s hand)  Stan, we’re in this together. 

Stan:  As we were from the moment we met. 

(scene shift)  

Anatoli:  I don’t see why you had to drag me into the living room just to try to scare Anton out of his little phase.  

Kate:  Anatoli, please understand.   This isn’t a phase.   This isn’t just something he can grow out of.  

Stan:  We love each other.  Have ever since we set eyes upon each other. 

Anatoli:  (inhales deeply and exhales with reserve, even though it is tempered with hints of anger and frustration)  Back in the old country, we were never allowed to even admit if we were gay.   It was considered an aberration, a deviation from the norm.   (light, but flippant laugh, sounding slightly hurt) If we were found out, they’d institutionalize us and literally beat it out of us, conditioning us to be normal.  I had a friend who was gay and he was found out.  His life was a living hell.   Due to the fact he could never come to the states to live his life with his partner, he finally had all he could tolerate.  He committed suicide.  I don’t want you to do that, Anton.   I know I don’t understand your choices, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you any less.  This Stan guy…

Stan:  I’m sitting right here, Sir. 

Anatoli:  (smirks)  He seems like a true fit for you.   Not only that but you are smiling more than I have ever seen you smile.   I want you two to be happy.   No matter what I support you.  I’m sorry I just never saw how euphoric you two are together.  

Kate:  (nearly bounding off the couch) See, Anatoli ?   Tati was trying to tell you that all along.  

Anatoli:  Forgive me, I can be a bit bull-headed at times. 

Anton:  (smirks)  That’s a slight understatement, dad. 

Anatoli: (gives him a hard look, but one full of love) 

Anton:  It’s one of our better qualities.  

Anatoli:  Come ‘ere, boy chick.

Anton:  Don’t call me that in front of my boyfriend.  

Stan:  I think it’s adorable.  

(They all embrace and Kate feels quite accomplished.)

Kate:  (narrating)  The intervention had been a success.  I had been a catalyst for them and soon others were coming to me wanting them to fix any issues that they had.   Truth be told they could do it themselves, they just needed the extra push to make it a reality.  Some things, though I couldn’t fix and I felt a bit incompetent for not being able to right a specific wrong.   Somehow though, even the worst problems had a way of righting themselves.  

(Scene fade)

Scene 4—A Christmas Proposal

Kate: (narrating)  Christmas was just around the corner and I had decided to have a competition with my students to see who could wow me with their meals.  It didn’t matter whether it was a family recipe or something they wanted to try on their own.  It was going to be like an episode of Gordon Ramsay’s Hell Kitchen but without all the cursing, degrading, etc, etc, etc. 

(Judging the food, and she can’t seem to make a choice between them. She sings ‘Open Up’ while she deliberates, deliberately.)

Kate:  (anxious giggle)  It pains me to say this but I wasn’t able to make a good judgement.  All of your meals were superb !   Everything I have eaten is exemplary in quality, presentation and most importantly, taste. 

(She narrates)  My students had come incredibly far in such a short amount of time.  Many of them could even make their own clothes and some of them even had an eye for fashion.  I think I even inspired Natalya to become a designer.  She always had an eye for beauty and form.   She always brought sketches to class before and her sweet Brody always supported her even though he didn’t really dig fashion so much as he did.  Brody was more into sports, but the two of them happened to enjoy watching the Cardinals play whenever it was baseball season.   No matter what, everyone had a common thread.   Then there was my one connection, one I never thought would boomerang to me.   It was the Christmas company dinner and I had brought my famous green bean casserole as well as some caramels, fudge, toffee and ‘blitz’ brownies.  Everyone scarfed up what I had made, which actually took me only moments to prepare before.   Al came up to me and had a twinkle in his eye.  

Al:  You look ravishing, as usual. 

Kate:  (blushing in spite of herself) Thank you, Al.   You look rather debonair yourself !  (nudging him playfully in the ribcage) 

Al:  There’s something I have been meaning to ask you for quite some time.  You see, I am in need of a lab partner.  It’s an experiment I have been longing to do ever since I heard your angelic voice from down the hall.

Kate:  The plot thickens.   (she giggles)

Al:  (takes her hand, and gets down on one knee)   I love you on a subatomic level, my dear.   Consider taking part in my experiment with me.  

Kate:  (getting tears in her eyes, and everyone is gasping in surprise that Al and Kate were an ‘item’ after all these years.  All of the teachers congratulate him, especially on landing such a catch.   Tatiana is bowled over by the exceptional news.) 

Tatiana:  (patting her on the shoulder)  Didn’t I tell you the right one was going to whisk you away ?

Kate:  (laughs)  My cooking puns are infecting you too, it seems ! 

Tatiana:  Why can I say, they have a certain appeal.  

Kate:  Now, stop it ! 

Tatiana:  Can’t.  I’m on a roll !  

Kate:  Oh, boo.   Boo, hiss ! 

(narrating)  Before long, I had become Mrs. Flask, and it had a certain ring to it.   I didn’t much miss being a ‘Muller’ but I never lost sight of who I was.  Albert was always delightful to be around and gave me a big smile every time I caught him humming along to my cooking parodies.   We had an intimate wedding and strangely enough, my students came too.   Anton and Stan were there, dancing together and it did my heart good.   Anatoli wasn’t scowling at them being together.   It felt nice having done a necessary favor and all in the name of love.  What can I say ?  I’m a sentimental type.   It was a little bittersweet too, because I knew some of the students I had wouldn’t be returning the next year.  Many of them would be graduating, but it just meant I would be teaching new students who weren’t familiar with the boiling temperature of water or even a stove !   They would come to know the satisfaction and fascination of a sewing machine and the realm of etiquette.   Many of those I taught actually contact me and credit me with getting them their first successful job.  They are doing things they are passionate about and it’s changing the world one grin at a time.  Love was the major ingredient, and it’s the ripple that transformed them into who they are.  Come to think of it, more is changing in my existence too.   I am soon to be a mommy and Al is bursting with excitement.   Of course, there is some anxiety that comes along with that, but we couldn’t be more tickled.   Tati is my godmother and she vows she’s going to spoil my daughter or son more than any other being on this planet.   I just hope she doesn’t make him insufferable or impossible.   I highly doubt it though, but they will get an earful of Russian music and culture in the process.   I don’t mind, honestly.  It’ll give my baby more variety when he arrives.    Ah, but life now…(sweet, blissful sigh) I couldn’t have predicted it.  Just lying here, belly growing, next to my lab partner, it’s the most serene and sacred feeling.   Holding his hand, listening to his heartbeat, hearing him breathe and whisper my name.   I couldn’t have desired anything more, and the more the days continue, the more blessed I become.  

(A montage is shown of Kat’s wedding to Al and them lying on a hammock outside, holding hands together.  An instrumental version of ‘Love Like You’ plays in the background.  Credits roll and bloopers are shown as well as some behind the scenes action.   This script would’ve never come to pass if I hadn’t had strong cooks in my kitchen like my Grandma Ruth and my darling mother, Babs !   The cuisine gene runs strong in my family !   Also, to those who love food, this is dedicated to you.   Food is such a basic need and is another method of showing others you care about them.  One might say it is an exponent of love, which is the ultimate healing balm and repairer of all ailments in this mixed up world !)