Nightmares
Wednesday night I went to sleep like anybody else but I kept feeling like I couldn't breathe. I had the crushing weight of something or other preventing me from doing so, or that is what was going through my feeble, panic ridden mind. I was certain I was dying and I was ready to have my ticket punched. So what if I didn't have the chance to finally find love for good this time. I was under the impression that at 37 I have lived a pretty good, semi successful life. Upon awakening, I figured it was just a panic attack and was glad it was nothing serious. I just hope I don't have another one for a good long while.
My second nightmare happened last night. I was riding to a campground with a group of Youtubers, all of them I liked. I was sitting right next to Lily Singh. She was absolutely stunning and for some odd reason I was blushing like some kind of schoolgirl. I was singing songs from Bollywood films and she yelled and derided me, calling me racist. She told me to be quiet and she couldn't believe that a bigot like me had any friends. I meekly apologized and told her how I aspired to be like her and confessed my love. She then fired back and growled, 'No one could ever love a failure like you. Face it ! You're a washed-up, has been, never could amount to anything, fairy tale loving, conceited, insecure little bitch who's only companion will be her right hand.' The other campers on the bus began laughing at me and the whole room began to swirl and spin. I felt like I was going to puke, but I ended up crying and waking up. I felt terrible for having disappointed Lily. I just pray if I do meet her, nothing like this ever goes down because I'd probably never want to do much of anything ever again for a while.
My second nightmare happened last night. I was riding to a campground with a group of Youtubers, all of them I liked. I was sitting right next to Lily Singh. She was absolutely stunning and for some odd reason I was blushing like some kind of schoolgirl. I was singing songs from Bollywood films and she yelled and derided me, calling me racist. She told me to be quiet and she couldn't believe that a bigot like me had any friends. I meekly apologized and told her how I aspired to be like her and confessed my love. She then fired back and growled, 'No one could ever love a failure like you. Face it ! You're a washed-up, has been, never could amount to anything, fairy tale loving, conceited, insecure little bitch who's only companion will be her right hand.' The other campers on the bus began laughing at me and the whole room began to swirl and spin. I felt like I was going to puke, but I ended up crying and waking up. I felt terrible for having disappointed Lily. I just pray if I do meet her, nothing like this ever goes down because I'd probably never want to do much of anything ever again for a while.
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