A Very Merry Otaku Christmas
Synopsis: In Japan there is a spirited man by the name of Hikaru Mitsubishi. He lives his life to make others happy and to spread joy wherever he goes. Along the way home from work, he meets a wisened man who is stuck in the mire and can't seem to dislodge his car from the mud. Try though he may, the old man is in a quarry, quite literally. Hikaru easily gets him out, using his extraordinary upper body strength. The old man vanishes, but not before gifting Hikaru with a scroll that contains unheard of power. Hikaru's dream to give people joy is granted because he starts meeting ninja that want to help him build his own factory, and soon, he comes to meet the love of his life, Rosalee Johnson. They have two children, Yuki and Wren.
~*~CAST~*~
Hikaru Mitsubishi/OK:
Jiro Mitsubishi:
Yuri Mitsubishi:
Rosalee Juniper Johnson (a genji tourist he falls in love with):
Yuki:
Wren:
Various Ninja workers:
Old Man:
Scene 1--Just An Ordinary Man
Hikaru: (narrating) Ever since I was a little boy, I wanted to help other people and make them smile. I desperately wanted to be a comedian and entertainer, just like my dad, Jiro. He and mom supported me wholeheartedly even though it was a hard job to make people laugh at the comedy club week in and week out. I was simply following in his footsteps and that of my idol Zenjiro. Everything was coming up roses. Then, my life only became better.
(Hikaru is on his way home after a remarkable day at the comedy club. He is singing a very uplifting anime song, tapping the steering wheel in time. He comes across an elderly man that looks no more than 40, though he has the feeling that this is no ordinary human being.)
Hikaru: (gets out of his car) Aw, jeez, you're in quite the pickle aren't you ?
Old Man: She just won't budge. Give 'er a push, why don't ya young'un !
Hikaru: Sure can. I'll get you out of this mire.
Old Man: I thought you would.
Hikaru: What ? (pushing him out over the noise of the tires, he misses what the elder has said so profoundly and sagely)
Old Man: I said, keep pushing ! I think we're getting somewhere !
Hikaru: (dislodges him and the Old Man smiles in an amicable way)
Old Man: Would you look at that ? That seemed to be no trouble for you.
Hikaru: (chortling) Heh, mom always said I could've gone into professional wrestling or body building but the concussions and stereotypes never really appealed to me. So I stuck with my gut and became a comedian.
OM: For giving me assistance, I have a gift for you.
Hikaru: I could never accept something from you. Just helping you out was all that was necessary
OM: Hikaru, hear me out. I have been around for millions of years. I have seen civilizations come and go and never have I encountered a spirit so altruisic and pure.
Hikaru: (gasps) You know my name. (pause) That's slightly creepy. Yet, so darned cool !
OM: (laughs) This is my desire for you. Remember your one wish ? This will grant it.
Hikaru: I accept, wholeheartedly. What an honor, sir.
OM: My name is Ebisu. (gives him the contract and then mysteriously vanishes in a cloud of grey smoke)
Hikaru: Woah. Totally awesome. Ebisu-san how did you do that ? Are you a magician too ? Wicked !
(The scroll begins to radiate in his hand, enfolding him and transforming him)
Hikaru: What's going on ? This...is...RAD !
(He has a red kimono and his hair has become silver, yet he hasn't grown a beard yet.)
(looks at himself in his car mirror)
Hikaru: Woah, I'm one handsome silver fox. Ladies do like the look of an older man. Yet, I am compelled to do something even better with this newfound power. I need a factory. The rest will follow after.
Scene 2--Lovin' the New Look, Son
Hikaru: You two aren't going to believe what happened to me ?
Yuri: By the looks of it, you came upon an Elder of the Forest.
Hikaru: (raised brow) Elder ? Mom, they're just fairy tales. Legends of the past.
Jiro: No, Hikaru, my son. They are not. You are gifted now. Don't take it for granted.
Hikaru: I intend not to, honestly.
Yuri: What did the fairy give you ?
Hikaru: That's not very kind, calling him that ! Have some respect.
(They give him scowling looks.)
Hikaru: I kid. Sorry, you left me an open door. Never do that to a comedian. (winks)
He gave me a scroll. Apparently, according to this scroll I am now Otaku Klaus. I give presents to good otaku girls and boys. I feel like I should be starting a factory up. Christmas isn't too far away and (surprised expression and tone) what the heck is that ?
Jiro: I swear they came in here before you arrived home. They're all very polite. Say they work for you now.
Yuri: We don't have room for them, sadly.
Ninja #1: We'll make ourselves scarce.
Ninja #2: That factory you mentioned, boss, we're on it !
Ninja #3: We'll get to working ASAP.
Ninja #4: Sleeping quarters will be installed and you'll be able to move in sometime this coming week.
Hikaru: You guys can work that fast ?
Ninja #5: With our mad skills we can do anything !
Ninja #6: Hi-YA !
Hikaru: Sweetness !
(they file out in an orderly line, thanking Jiro and Yuri for their hospitality)
Hikaru: (narrating) Seemed like everything happened in a blur. The ninjas that had come with the contract built my workshop/factory and homes for themselves in our prefecture in the country. No one knew where we were located. It was charmed by runes and faye magic. My parents were right. That stuff does indeed exist. Every so often I would come into the human world to co-mingle. I found my life pretty easy peasy lemony squeezy. Then I learned I had been missing something so essential, it had passed my radar so many years that I came to ask myself why I had never even entertained the thought of romance before.
(Scene shift)
Scene 3--The Gajin Tourist
Rosalee: (walking through Tokyo whistling 'I Am a Pioneer' from the opening of Tenchi Muyo)
Hikaru: (walking past in the opposite direction, everything goes by in slow motion and his heart skips a beat, turns around and follows her)
Rosalee: (goes to a cafe and dines al fresco)
Hikaru: (clears throat) Is this seat taken ?
Rosalee: No. You're more than welcome to join me if you want.
Hikaru: I'm surprised. Your Japanese is quite fluent ! Impressive ! What's your name ?
Rosalee: I'm Rosalee Johnson. Middle name, Juniper. I think mom was fixated with flora when I was born. It's an awfully flowery name !
Hikaru: (leaning forward, clearly smitten) I think it's glorious. It suits someone so beautiful, but far more gorgeous than any flower in existence.
Rosalee: (blushing, lowering her gaze) Oh my ! You must be quite the poet.
Hikaru: Not until recently when I met you. I'm Hikaru !
Rosalee: (offers her hand and he gives it a firm shake) Pleasure is mine, Hikaru. What's up with the red and white though ?
Hikaru: (notices he has an aloha getup, becomes slightly paniced but is relieved he's not in his 'Otaku Klaus' kimono) Oh, I just happen to love these colors. Something about aloha tee-shirts really brings vibrancy and joy to a room.
Rosalee: The color suits you too. Brings out your handsome features.
Hikaru: (blushes flouridly) Thank you. So, what brings you to Japan ?
Rosalee: History, culture, food and of course, my otaku nature.
Hikaru: (inwardly) I knew it ! Yes ! Zing-a-ding ! You just met your dream woman, Hikaru !
Rosalee: Maybe in another life, I could've been Japanese. (laughs) Silly thought, huh ?
Hikaru: No. I'd like to think reincarnation exists, myself. It's an entertaining theory to tickle the mind.
Rosalee: (nodding) We just met, is this a date ? (she blushes again)
Hikaru: Feels like it but it's like I've known you forever.
Rosalee: I completely concur. It's a pity I can't stay for more than 2 weeks though.
Hikaru: You'll come back, won't you ?
Rosalee: I would want to become a Japanese citizen, but it'd be difficult. My parents would miss me and I wouldn't see them much.
Hikaru: We'll think of something. We'll build from the ground up. Don't worry. Everything will be fine.
Rosalee: Somehow I get the feeling you're absolutely right.
Hikaru: (narrating) I am so happy Rosalee had faith in me then because honestly I had no clue as to how all the puzzle pieces would fit together, but eventually, over the years, and thanks to the Johnson's approval, I married Rosalee and we began our new life in the woods, off the grid, but not far from intermingling with society.
(scene fade)
Scene 3--Sleigh Me !
Hikaru: (narrating) The scroll set me up with elves to work for me in a factory they set up themselves. They were of all walks of life, even kappa, which I thought was rather intrieguing. My elves found some white elk to pull a plasma-jet powered sleigh. That way if the elk tired out during the journey, the jets would continue the work.
Rosalee: Talk about quick, and how many more days until Christmas ?
Hikaru: About 44 to be exact. We're not even halfway through November, but it feels more like Christmas every day.
Rosalee: I've extended my stay and I am working on becoming a citizen here.
Hikaru: (stunned)
Rosalee: What ? Too soon ? I've found my locket. I am your key !
Hikaru: (lustfully) Shouldn't that be the other way around ? (he hugs her) Do I take that as a proposal ?
Rosalee: What do you think Hikaru ? (looking up at him, leaning in to kiss him passionately)
Hikaru: Message recieved. Roger, wilco, over and out ! (narrating)
In a glimmer of an icicle, we were married in a church not far from Shinto temples. Sure, it might have seen a little unusual, but it was just the fusion that we needed. It was a December marriage, so it was a little chilly outside, but inside our hearts, the flames of love burned all the more strong.
Scene 4--Donning the Red Kimono
Rosalee: It's almost Christmas. What do you think of my outfit ?
Hikaru: (slow wolf whistle) Even if you were stark naked, you'd still be tragically attractive.
Rosalee: (raised eyebrow) Only you could make a backhanded compliment and it'd be enchanting.
Hikaru: To think, it's almost Christmas. All the orders are placed and I'm ready to make my rooftop hops. That is, if you're coming along with me.
Rosalee: And miss out on this adventure ? Of course not !
(They prepare for the Christmas Eve, Japanese Christmas carols play jovially in the background. They are ready and rarin' to go.)
Hikaru: Though the guise I donned during Christmas Eve was that of a white-haired kimono wearing samurai, I was glad to deliver happiness, even if for only one night.
(Scene shift)
Scene 5--Christmases to Come
Hikaru: (narrating) Like a flurry, our little ones came into the world. We named our firstborn Yuki, and Wren, her brother was her fraternal twin. Being born in December made them natural candidates for the mantle if ever my immortality start to wane. They liked the job as much as I did and saw I was doing quite well in the comedy biz. I was a big name now, maybe not so much as Zenjiro (quietly) Senpai, please notice me ! But, still, I was glad I was jamming with the big boys now.
Rosalee: (smiles) Another Christmas signed, sealed delivered all thanks to...
(All together, super cool, awesome, radical and breathtaking pose)
The Klaus Gang !
Wren: (Fist bumps his sister) Aw, yeah, Yuki ! That never gets old. You move just like a ninja !
Yuki: I learned the art of stealth from pop !
Rosalee: Cookie baking comes from my side, and the otaku seem to love the character themed cookies.
Wren: Those Sanji cookies were so detailed. I don't know how you did it. You know so many anime characters ! How do you keep them seperate
Rosalee: I am a veritable repository of anime fact, trivial or non.
Yuki: (puts boots up in her recliner) I'm just glad to be home. We can rest and *then* we can celebrate.
('That's Christmas to Me' plays in the background while they eagerly, avidly and joyously opening their presents.)
Wren/Yuki: You guys are the best !
Rosalee: You two deserve it. After what you did for starving families, we thought you should be rewarded.
Wren: We love you ! Not just for the prezzies though.
Yuki: Come on, I gotta start kicking your butt, Wren !
Wren: You mean, I'm going to kick *yours* !
Hikaru: (narrating) Life had become even fuller with Wren and Yuki. We did just about everything together as a family, but we knew there would come a time when the two became adults and started families of their own. The Otaku legacy would continue, no matter what occured because happiness is contagious. Seeing them grow, live, laugh, love and thrive made every day Christmas.
(We see Wren and Yuki grow older in time, still helping OK and RK with deliveries. We see everyone elated with their Christmas presents. An updated version of 'Signed Sealed Delivered' plays as well as 'Postman Stomp'. Pictures of them from their youth up to now appear as familiar Christmas songs, remixed play. We see Otaku and family having a blast wherever they go, especially in famous locales. One shot is considerably funny, with Otaku making faces outside of Mt. Fuji and the caption below it reads, 'It's snowing on Mt. Fuji' as a tribute to the Game Grumps. Last picture is of Zenjiro putting an arm around Otaku. The caption reads, 'Senpai finally noticed me, OMG !' Merry Christmas, ya'll !)
~*~CAST~*~
Hikaru Mitsubishi/OK:
Jiro Mitsubishi:
Yuri Mitsubishi:
Rosalee Juniper Johnson (a genji tourist he falls in love with):
Yuki:
Wren:
Various Ninja workers:
Old Man:
Scene 1--Just An Ordinary Man
Hikaru: (narrating) Ever since I was a little boy, I wanted to help other people and make them smile. I desperately wanted to be a comedian and entertainer, just like my dad, Jiro. He and mom supported me wholeheartedly even though it was a hard job to make people laugh at the comedy club week in and week out. I was simply following in his footsteps and that of my idol Zenjiro. Everything was coming up roses. Then, my life only became better.
(Hikaru is on his way home after a remarkable day at the comedy club. He is singing a very uplifting anime song, tapping the steering wheel in time. He comes across an elderly man that looks no more than 40, though he has the feeling that this is no ordinary human being.)
Hikaru: (gets out of his car) Aw, jeez, you're in quite the pickle aren't you ?
Old Man: She just won't budge. Give 'er a push, why don't ya young'un !
Hikaru: Sure can. I'll get you out of this mire.
Old Man: I thought you would.
Hikaru: What ? (pushing him out over the noise of the tires, he misses what the elder has said so profoundly and sagely)
Old Man: I said, keep pushing ! I think we're getting somewhere !
Hikaru: (dislodges him and the Old Man smiles in an amicable way)
Old Man: Would you look at that ? That seemed to be no trouble for you.
Hikaru: (chortling) Heh, mom always said I could've gone into professional wrestling or body building but the concussions and stereotypes never really appealed to me. So I stuck with my gut and became a comedian.
OM: For giving me assistance, I have a gift for you.
Hikaru: I could never accept something from you. Just helping you out was all that was necessary
OM: Hikaru, hear me out. I have been around for millions of years. I have seen civilizations come and go and never have I encountered a spirit so altruisic and pure.
Hikaru: (gasps) You know my name. (pause) That's slightly creepy. Yet, so darned cool !
OM: (laughs) This is my desire for you. Remember your one wish ? This will grant it.
Hikaru: I accept, wholeheartedly. What an honor, sir.
OM: My name is Ebisu. (gives him the contract and then mysteriously vanishes in a cloud of grey smoke)
Hikaru: Woah. Totally awesome. Ebisu-san how did you do that ? Are you a magician too ? Wicked !
(The scroll begins to radiate in his hand, enfolding him and transforming him)
Hikaru: What's going on ? This...is...RAD !
(He has a red kimono and his hair has become silver, yet he hasn't grown a beard yet.)
(looks at himself in his car mirror)
Hikaru: Woah, I'm one handsome silver fox. Ladies do like the look of an older man. Yet, I am compelled to do something even better with this newfound power. I need a factory. The rest will follow after.
Scene 2--Lovin' the New Look, Son
Hikaru: You two aren't going to believe what happened to me ?
Yuri: By the looks of it, you came upon an Elder of the Forest.
Hikaru: (raised brow) Elder ? Mom, they're just fairy tales. Legends of the past.
Jiro: No, Hikaru, my son. They are not. You are gifted now. Don't take it for granted.
Hikaru: I intend not to, honestly.
Yuri: What did the fairy give you ?
Hikaru: That's not very kind, calling him that ! Have some respect.
(They give him scowling looks.)
Hikaru: I kid. Sorry, you left me an open door. Never do that to a comedian. (winks)
He gave me a scroll. Apparently, according to this scroll I am now Otaku Klaus. I give presents to good otaku girls and boys. I feel like I should be starting a factory up. Christmas isn't too far away and (surprised expression and tone) what the heck is that ?
Jiro: I swear they came in here before you arrived home. They're all very polite. Say they work for you now.
Yuri: We don't have room for them, sadly.
Ninja #1: We'll make ourselves scarce.
Ninja #2: That factory you mentioned, boss, we're on it !
Ninja #3: We'll get to working ASAP.
Ninja #4: Sleeping quarters will be installed and you'll be able to move in sometime this coming week.
Hikaru: You guys can work that fast ?
Ninja #5: With our mad skills we can do anything !
Ninja #6: Hi-YA !
Hikaru: Sweetness !
(they file out in an orderly line, thanking Jiro and Yuri for their hospitality)
Hikaru: (narrating) Seemed like everything happened in a blur. The ninjas that had come with the contract built my workshop/factory and homes for themselves in our prefecture in the country. No one knew where we were located. It was charmed by runes and faye magic. My parents were right. That stuff does indeed exist. Every so often I would come into the human world to co-mingle. I found my life pretty easy peasy lemony squeezy. Then I learned I had been missing something so essential, it had passed my radar so many years that I came to ask myself why I had never even entertained the thought of romance before.
(Scene shift)
Scene 3--The Gajin Tourist
Rosalee: (walking through Tokyo whistling 'I Am a Pioneer' from the opening of Tenchi Muyo)
Hikaru: (walking past in the opposite direction, everything goes by in slow motion and his heart skips a beat, turns around and follows her)
Rosalee: (goes to a cafe and dines al fresco)
Hikaru: (clears throat) Is this seat taken ?
Rosalee: No. You're more than welcome to join me if you want.
Hikaru: I'm surprised. Your Japanese is quite fluent ! Impressive ! What's your name ?
Rosalee: I'm Rosalee Johnson. Middle name, Juniper. I think mom was fixated with flora when I was born. It's an awfully flowery name !
Hikaru: (leaning forward, clearly smitten) I think it's glorious. It suits someone so beautiful, but far more gorgeous than any flower in existence.
Rosalee: (blushing, lowering her gaze) Oh my ! You must be quite the poet.
Hikaru: Not until recently when I met you. I'm Hikaru !
Rosalee: (offers her hand and he gives it a firm shake) Pleasure is mine, Hikaru. What's up with the red and white though ?
Hikaru: (notices he has an aloha getup, becomes slightly paniced but is relieved he's not in his 'Otaku Klaus' kimono) Oh, I just happen to love these colors. Something about aloha tee-shirts really brings vibrancy and joy to a room.
Rosalee: The color suits you too. Brings out your handsome features.
Hikaru: (blushes flouridly) Thank you. So, what brings you to Japan ?
Rosalee: History, culture, food and of course, my otaku nature.
Hikaru: (inwardly) I knew it ! Yes ! Zing-a-ding ! You just met your dream woman, Hikaru !
Rosalee: Maybe in another life, I could've been Japanese. (laughs) Silly thought, huh ?
Hikaru: No. I'd like to think reincarnation exists, myself. It's an entertaining theory to tickle the mind.
Rosalee: (nodding) We just met, is this a date ? (she blushes again)
Hikaru: Feels like it but it's like I've known you forever.
Rosalee: I completely concur. It's a pity I can't stay for more than 2 weeks though.
Hikaru: You'll come back, won't you ?
Rosalee: I would want to become a Japanese citizen, but it'd be difficult. My parents would miss me and I wouldn't see them much.
Hikaru: We'll think of something. We'll build from the ground up. Don't worry. Everything will be fine.
Rosalee: Somehow I get the feeling you're absolutely right.
Hikaru: (narrating) I am so happy Rosalee had faith in me then because honestly I had no clue as to how all the puzzle pieces would fit together, but eventually, over the years, and thanks to the Johnson's approval, I married Rosalee and we began our new life in the woods, off the grid, but not far from intermingling with society.
(scene fade)
Scene 3--Sleigh Me !
Hikaru: (narrating) The scroll set me up with elves to work for me in a factory they set up themselves. They were of all walks of life, even kappa, which I thought was rather intrieguing. My elves found some white elk to pull a plasma-jet powered sleigh. That way if the elk tired out during the journey, the jets would continue the work.
Rosalee: Talk about quick, and how many more days until Christmas ?
Hikaru: About 44 to be exact. We're not even halfway through November, but it feels more like Christmas every day.
Rosalee: I've extended my stay and I am working on becoming a citizen here.
Hikaru: (stunned)
Rosalee: What ? Too soon ? I've found my locket. I am your key !
Hikaru: (lustfully) Shouldn't that be the other way around ? (he hugs her) Do I take that as a proposal ?
Rosalee: What do you think Hikaru ? (looking up at him, leaning in to kiss him passionately)
Hikaru: Message recieved. Roger, wilco, over and out ! (narrating)
In a glimmer of an icicle, we were married in a church not far from Shinto temples. Sure, it might have seen a little unusual, but it was just the fusion that we needed. It was a December marriage, so it was a little chilly outside, but inside our hearts, the flames of love burned all the more strong.
Scene 4--Donning the Red Kimono
Rosalee: It's almost Christmas. What do you think of my outfit ?
Hikaru: (slow wolf whistle) Even if you were stark naked, you'd still be tragically attractive.
Rosalee: (raised eyebrow) Only you could make a backhanded compliment and it'd be enchanting.
Hikaru: To think, it's almost Christmas. All the orders are placed and I'm ready to make my rooftop hops. That is, if you're coming along with me.
Rosalee: And miss out on this adventure ? Of course not !
(They prepare for the Christmas Eve, Japanese Christmas carols play jovially in the background. They are ready and rarin' to go.)
Hikaru: Though the guise I donned during Christmas Eve was that of a white-haired kimono wearing samurai, I was glad to deliver happiness, even if for only one night.
(Scene shift)
Scene 5--Christmases to Come
Hikaru: (narrating) Like a flurry, our little ones came into the world. We named our firstborn Yuki, and Wren, her brother was her fraternal twin. Being born in December made them natural candidates for the mantle if ever my immortality start to wane. They liked the job as much as I did and saw I was doing quite well in the comedy biz. I was a big name now, maybe not so much as Zenjiro (quietly) Senpai, please notice me ! But, still, I was glad I was jamming with the big boys now.
Rosalee: (smiles) Another Christmas signed, sealed delivered all thanks to...
(All together, super cool, awesome, radical and breathtaking pose)
The Klaus Gang !
Wren: (Fist bumps his sister) Aw, yeah, Yuki ! That never gets old. You move just like a ninja !
Yuki: I learned the art of stealth from pop !
Rosalee: Cookie baking comes from my side, and the otaku seem to love the character themed cookies.
Wren: Those Sanji cookies were so detailed. I don't know how you did it. You know so many anime characters ! How do you keep them seperate
Rosalee: I am a veritable repository of anime fact, trivial or non.
Yuki: (puts boots up in her recliner) I'm just glad to be home. We can rest and *then* we can celebrate.
('That's Christmas to Me' plays in the background while they eagerly, avidly and joyously opening their presents.)
Wren/Yuki: You guys are the best !
Rosalee: You two deserve it. After what you did for starving families, we thought you should be rewarded.
Wren: We love you ! Not just for the prezzies though.
Yuki: Come on, I gotta start kicking your butt, Wren !
Wren: You mean, I'm going to kick *yours* !
Hikaru: (narrating) Life had become even fuller with Wren and Yuki. We did just about everything together as a family, but we knew there would come a time when the two became adults and started families of their own. The Otaku legacy would continue, no matter what occured because happiness is contagious. Seeing them grow, live, laugh, love and thrive made every day Christmas.
(We see Wren and Yuki grow older in time, still helping OK and RK with deliveries. We see everyone elated with their Christmas presents. An updated version of 'Signed Sealed Delivered' plays as well as 'Postman Stomp'. Pictures of them from their youth up to now appear as familiar Christmas songs, remixed play. We see Otaku and family having a blast wherever they go, especially in famous locales. One shot is considerably funny, with Otaku making faces outside of Mt. Fuji and the caption below it reads, 'It's snowing on Mt. Fuji' as a tribute to the Game Grumps. Last picture is of Zenjiro putting an arm around Otaku. The caption reads, 'Senpai finally noticed me, OMG !' Merry Christmas, ya'll !)
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