Hinduwani

Synopsis:  Simi Clark loves India so much to the point that she learns Hindi from Plimseur.  Oddly enough, she grows up knowing a Hindustani man (the Indian next door) named Rajesh Kumar.  It’s a friendship that grows into a deep, lasting love, but Rajesh’s dad has arranged for him to marry someone else, whom he doesn’t even know or even fancy.   Raj, promising he’d marry Simi, keeps his vow, defends Simi’s honor and Raj’s dad finally caves in, seeing he cannot sever their devotion for each other.

          Hinduwani: (noun, adj.)  A person who isn’t Hindu by nature but tries, by default, to learn all they can about India, even to the point of speaking Hindi (and by proxy learns Urdu too, since they are 90% alike).  In regular speech, they have a cute Indian accent and even a precious head bobble.  

          Used in a sentence, ‘Simi can be quite the Hinduwani.’  

~*~CAST~*~

Simi Roberta Clark: (daughter)

Cecelia Anne Clark:  (mom)

Robert ‘Rob’ Andy Clark: (dad) 

Mohinder ‘Moe’ Kumar:  (dad)

Lakshmi ‘Laki’ Kumar: (mom)

Rajesh ‘Raj’ Kumar: (son)   

Baljeet Verma:  (Moe’s friend)

Jai Verma: 

Aadvi Verma:  (daughter) 

Scene 1—Best Friends from Day One

Simi:  (narrating)  My dad wants me to meet our next door neighbors all the way from New Delhi, India.   I only know of what I’ve seen in Bollywood film and what I have read in books, but I doubt either are apt descriptions of the actual type of people we have next door.   Dad says that Mr. Kumar is a tremendous businessman and most of the time he has to take trips back to India for special assignments.  Apparently he is richer than Solomon.  (chuckling)  He told me all about Rajesh, their son.   He sounds very kind, generous, sweet and lovely.   I have a feeling Raj and I will get along just like birds of a feather.  

Rob:  (to Simi)  Simi, I want you to be on your best behavior.

Simi:  (laugh) When have I ever not been on my best behavior, papa ?

Cecelia:  Simi Roberta, don’t tease your father. 

Simi:  I can’t help it mom, he leaves me an open door.  I walk straight through it. 

(They chuckle) 

Cecelia:  He just wants to make sure you’ll be polite and use all your best points of etiquette.  

Rob:  We don’t want to offend the Kumars.  

Simi:  I know we won’t.  I’m eager to meet Raj, honestly.   I wonder what he’s like.  

Rob:  If he’s anything like his dad, he’s a jewel.  These people are so nice, even so generous to the point they’re offering us dinner. 

Cecelia:  Oooh, delightful !  I’ve always wanted to try authentic Indian food. 

Rob:  You’re going to adore it.  It’s quite the treat.   (looks at watch) They’re expecting us.  Everyone presentable and decent ?

(They all look at their formal attire and all is in order.) 

Cecelia:  I think we all look smashing, Rob. 

Rob:  Right you are, Cecelia.  (kisses her deeply)  I’ll round up the family wagon and we’ll hitch a ride to the Kumars.  

(quick scene change) 

Cecelia:  (rings doorbell) 

Laki:  Coming !   Ah, right on time !   Come on in, welcome, welcome. 

Raj:  (huge grin)  Welcome to our humble home !   (sees Simi, whom he takes an instant interest in)  Hello !  You must be Simi. 

Simi:  (offers her hand for him to shake it, but he bows, hands together) 

Raj:  Namaste. 

Simi:  Namaste.  I know what that means, it’s the only Hindi I am familiar with right now. 

Raj:  I can teach you more if you like.  We can hang out together, you and I. 

Isn’t that cool ? We’re neighbors ! 

Simi:  (chuckling)  Yeah, it’s spiffy really.  Your house is gorgeous.  It’s so spacious. 

Raj: I’ll show you around after dinner.   You know, I never thought you’d be so much like me.   Mom and dad were right.  We’re all the same. 

Simi:  Yes.  I’ve learned that from the books I’ve read and your fantastic cinema.  

Raj:  (beams)  We have to do a Bolly marathon.  Do you like Sharukh Khan ?

Simi: (scoffs)  Do I ?  Love the man.  He’s a treasure. 

(They start chatting at length about SRK’s many talents, attributes and his mellifluous voice.) 

Cecelia:  What brought you here to America ?

Moe:  Business opportunity.  Raj’s been doing extraordinarily well in his studies here and abroad. 

Jai:  We’re very proud of him.  He’s the watermelon of our eye !

(They chuckle)
Raj:  (embarrassed) Mom !  Stop ! 

Jai:  I can’t help it, Rajesh.  I have to boast about you.  (She pats and squeezes his hand avidly, which causes him to blush all the more.)

Moe:  That’s my son, humble to a fault.  

Cecelia:  This is quite a delicacy.  Your food has been ambrosial. 

Jai:  I can teach you how anytime you want.  When Moe’s at work, I have a lot of time by myself in the house.   You can come over and keep me company.

Cecelia:  Thank you, Mrs. Kumar.  You’re really too generous.

Jai:  Please, Cessy, call me Jai !   You delightful thing !  

(They laugh) 

(They enjoy a delectable dessert and Raj shows Simi around his home.)

Raj:  Hey, do you wanna play Just Dance ?  

Simi:  Of course.  I love that game. 

Raj:  (grinning even broader)  I can never get any of my friends to play with me because I always lay the smack down on them.   I won’t go easy on you just because you’re a girl, Simi ! 

Simi:  (boastful) Oh, I don’t expect you to, Raj.  (confidently)  Bring it. 

(They dance to a Hindi song together and laugh.  Simi’s score is considerably higher.) 

Simi:  You just got bested.  By a girl !  Mwahahah !

Raj:  So ?  I was aptly matched.  I never met someone who could dance like you do.  

Simi:  Good to know I have a friendly rival in my next door neighbor. 

Cecelia:  Come on, Simi.  It’s a school night.  Say goodnight to Raj.

Simi:  (cheekily)  Good night, Raj. 

Raj: (Stifles a laugh) 

Rob:  Rascal !  (he brings her close for a sideways hug and takes her home)

Moe:  What lovely people.

Laki:  I couldn’t concur more, my beloved.  (She squeezes his hand tenderly from the side.  Coyly from behind his parents, Raj waves to his new friend as they leave the driveway.) 

(Scene fade)

Scene 2—You Wake Up Suddenly…

(Many years later appears on the screen.) 

Raj: (on the phone)  Hey, I was just wondering if you would like to have a picnic with me.  I know I was away for a while, but I brought you home a couple presents !

Simi: (excited)  You didn’t have to do that. 

Raj:  Of course I did, you’re my best friend.  

Simi:  I can’t wait to see you. 

Raj:  Meet me over at the park.  I’m riding my bike, I’ll see you there.

Simi:  Roger, wilco !    

(She speeds herself to the park, of course, after letting her parents know where she’s going.)  

Raj:  I made your favorite dishes as well as some dessert.

Simi:  (hand over heart)  You really outdid yourself. 

Raj:  Anything for my favorite person.  (hugging her, and places his hands over her eyes) Close your eyes, open your hands.

Simi: (trustingly)  Alright. 

Raj: (tickles her with a peacock feather) 

Simi:  (giggling)  Is that a feather ?

Raj:  Yes, and one I know you love. 

Simi:  (opens her eyes)  Oh my goodness !  It’s spellbinding.

Raj: No more so than you.  One more present.  (hands her an envelope)

Simi:  Is this what I think it is ?

Raj:  (teasing her)  Open it !   (chuckles) 

Simi:  (Sees it is an autographed photo of Raj with Sharukh Khan)  Raj, thank you !  (pounces on him with a hug and finds herself directly atop him. All of a sudden, she finds herself lost in Raj’s eyes and he into hers.)

(They sing ‘When Did Friendship Become Love’.  They share their first kiss behind the signed copy of SRK’s moniker.) 

Raj:  (hugging her from behind, tickling her with his moustache)

Simi: (giggling)  When did you grow that moustache ?

Raj:  (brushes it more against her neck, making her sigh softly) Only recently.   I thought you’d like it.  Good to know my intuition was right on track.  

Simi:   I really do love you. 

Raj: (gently strokes her hand)  I think I knew that ever since I met you. It never dawned on me until now.   I want to make you a promise.

Simi:  (rests her head upon his shoulder, savoring his presence)  What’s that, my darling ?

Raj:  (holding her close) I want to pledge my heart to you. 

Simi:  You have it.  

Raj:  Unfortunately, I have to return to India next year.

Simi:  (trying not to get upset)  Why ?  You just returned. 

Raj:  Dad has another opportunity.  I’ll be going to college to get a degree in astrophysics. 

Simi:  I know you’ll knock ‘em all dead.   You’re the most intelligent person I know. 

Raj:  You will too, with your sights set on interior design and your incredible talent in art.   You have so much creativity it astounds me.  (Sees Simi start sniffling)  Oh come now, don’t cry.  I’ll cry if you do. (wipes the tears from her eyes, and they both start crying anyway.) 

Simi:  I want to go with you. 

Raj:  Hey, you’ll be fine, Simi, dear.  You’ve got friends here and I’ll chat with you via Skype whenever I have free time.  Alright ?  (wipes her eyes again, she kisses the tears off his) 

Simi:  It’s a deal, honey.  

(Scene shift to Simi holding back tears and seeing Raj off as he leaves for New Delhi.   Back at home, she learns and excels in her field and begins to turn a profit doing what she truly enjoys, photography, painting, floral arrangement and grooming others’ animals.)  

Scene 3—Skyping With My Honey

Cecelia:  Simi, what’s wrong ? 

Simi:  (sighs longingly)  I haven’t heard from darling Raj.  I think it’s due to finals.   It is close to Christmas and he said he’d get in touch.  Still nothing. 

Rob:  (joining in a group hug with Cessy)  I’m sure he’s fine.

Simi:  (phone buzzes with an SRK remix, she becomes extremely excited)  He wants me to come online straight away. 

Rob: (nudging her)  See ?  What did I tell you ?  

Cecelia:  What are you waiting for, go call him !  

Simi:  (avidly jumps on the computer and gives Raj a call, trying to impress him with her newfound knowledge of Hindi)

Raj:  (very impressed)  Where have you been learning Hindi, honey ?

Simi:  Plimseur.  You forgot to teach me. 

Raj:  (chuckles)  Not forgot.  Life got in the way.  Wow, though.  Holy cow, you’re really good !   I completely understand you. 

Simi:  You look very festive. 

Raj:  (jingling his hat around) Oh, you like my hat ?  I can get you one too, if you want.

Simi:  You’d do that ?  Awesome !  You’re a doll, but you spoil me.

Raj:  I aim to please, Princess.  Oh, I have a gift for you.

Simi:  Christmas isn’t even here yet. 

Raj:  That’s the thing, I’m going to be so busy with my folks here in India I won’t be able to give it to you Christmas day. 

Simi:  (gentle, soft smile, hand over her heart)  You are so sweet, sunshine.

Raj: (pulls out his sitar) 

Simi:  Oh, my !  I didn’t know you played. 

Raj:  (wriggles eyebrows)  I’m full of surprises.  (clears throat, sings ‘And I Love Her’ to him, she sings her own verse back.)  You’re quite a troubadour yourself.  

Simi:  Merry Christmas ! 

Raj:  Same to you.   How is everything going back in the States ?

Simi:  It’s well but so boring without you.   How about New Delhi ?

Raj:  Everything’s beautiful but I miss you dearly.  Don’t worry, I’ll be back.  I want to see you graduate.  I send you video of my graduation.  I’ve heard rumors they’re going to make me valedictorian.  

Simi:  (applauding)  I knew you were a genius.  

Raj:  I see you keep your peacock feather close. 

Simi: (blushing, demurely and shyly looking down)  It reminds me of you.  I hold on to it when I feel lonesome and I can sense you embracing me. 

Raj:  I can too, in the stuffed elephant you sent.  So cute !   Thanks. 

Simi:  (getting called by her parents)  Oh, shoot.  Dinner time.  I wish I could chat more but I have to eat something. 

Raj:  Surely, keep that strength up.   I’ll be home sooner than you can say Ayurveda.  

Simi:  I know, love.  I know.  

(She blows him a kiss, and he catches it, taking it to his heart, he even makes a heart before they sign off.)

(Scene fade.) 

Scene 4—Standing up to Dad

(There’s a scene at the tarmac ‘One Year Later’ as the screen alerts us.  Raj and Simi are in their early 30’s now, having gone through all the prerequisites of college and are in the working world, away and on their own, but still close to their families.  Raj picks her up in a twirling hug, placing her back on the ground.) 

Raj:  Excuse me !  I was a bit overly excited to see you again.  Just holding you gives me inexpressible elation.

Simi:  (hugging him close, head on his chest, nuzzling him affectionately)  I couldn’t agree more.  Amen, amen, and hallelujah. 

Moe:  This couldn’t be a more auspicious occasion !   Come, let’s go home, I have something to share with you there, all of you. 

(Scene shift)  

Laki:  We couldn’t wait to tell you.  That’s why we brought you all here. 

Cessy:  (Whispered in Rob’s ear)  This should be gooooood.  

Moe:  Remember Mr. Verma back in New Delhi ?

Raj:  Yes, of course I do.  You and Baljeet were friends in school.  You often helped each other out when it came to studying for exams.  

Moe:  Exactly.  Had it not been for his expertise I would’ve never graduated cum laude at University. 

Laki:  Their daughter, Aadvi has been arranged to marry you.  

Raj:  (beginning to bristle) I don’t even know Aadvi, let alone what she looks like.  I don’t even love the girl.  

Moe:  I promised Baljeet long ago.  I owe him this much.  

Raj:  (getting angrier, but maintaining Did Aadvi agree to this arrangement ?

Laki:  No, and it didn’t seem like Jai was very agreeable to the arrangement either, despite your father’s friendship with Baljeet. 

Simi:  (holding onto Raj’s arm, trying to keep her tears to herself)  You can’t.  You mustn’t.  

Moe:  I can’t just go back on my word, Simi.  You know that ! 

Raj:  At least listen to her.  She knows my heart better than even myself !

(Sings Don’t Tear Us Apart’)

Laki:  There are plenty of other suitors that would be willing to fight for Aadvi’s hand.   She’s a perfectly beatific siren.   Who are we to break up such a perfect pairing ?  

Raj:  See dad, mom knows.   She understands. 

Moe:  (hangs his head)  Baljeet’s going to be really broken up over this. 

Laki:  (mercifully takes his hands into her’s)  Hinder, he’ll get it.  Believe me, everything will sort itself out.   The Universe has its ways. 

Moe:  You’re right, Laskmi.   Of course, you always are.  

Simi: (narrating)  From that moment onward, Aadvi had her own happy end.  She was married to a man of great prominence in the area, a doctor by trade.  The family couldn’t be more full of glee.   As for me, I’m marrying my childhood sweetheart.   We’re doing a little Eastern flavor meets Western culture.   

(Scene shift) 

Scene 5—My Big Fat Indian-American Wedding

(They sing ‘Two of a Kind’ on the dancefloor followed by an exclusive track of SRK’s best hits from the past and from the future. They even dance to ‘Fan’ from his latest movie of the same title.) 

Raj: (Spinning her around and into his arms, tickling her with his moustache from behind) 

Simi:  (sighing and melting at the titillation his moustache gives her)

Raj:  Just wait, my little delicacy.  You’re in for more treats tonight. 

Simi:  Oh my, how naughty !   (she playfully tickles him while they dance the night away.) 

Laki:  See, see ?   Meant to be together.  Just like Dil to Pagal Hai, there’s someone for everyone. 

Moe:  I guess there is some truth to that film after all. 

Laki:  Films always contain some hint of actuality in them, art reflects life it is often said.

Moe:  You’re becoming quite the guru in your age my lotus. 

Rob:  (hugging them both together, taking them both off guard)  Isn’t this terrific !   Not only are we neighbors but now we’re family !  Ha, ha !  Who would’ve ever predicted that ?!  

Cessy:  Actually, I couldn’t have wanted for a better son-in-law.  He’s perfect, and quite the gentleman.   Chivalry is so rare these days, it’s good to see it is making a comeback in young men like Rajesh. 

Laki:  (nodding)  I’m honored, Cecelia.  It truly is a lovely day and may there be many more like it.    

Simi: (narrating)  It’s funny how love works out in everyone’s favor and ultimately makes equals out of us all.  Last I heard Aadvi was having the time of her life in Cabo San Lucas.   I however, am enjoying a rather thrilling, exotic, luxurious holiday in Raj’s native land.   He’s the perfect tour guide and he has been nothing if not exemplary in giving me a more authentic view of India.   I’ve seen all the temples and even got to walk the bustling, noisy, crowded streets of Bombay.  It was all an adventure, and still continues to be.  I don’t know what tomorrow holds but so long as my hand is firmly clasping my beloved’s we can do anything and everything.   Love gives us wings, forward we fly.   

(We see a sort of clip show of Simi and Raj taking a tour together and laughing, having a blast together, savoring India’s national holidays and what-not.  Some upbeat music from Diwali plays, followed by the main theme from Tere Naam amongst many other popular YRF.  I have a group dance theme at the end, a nod to Slumdog Millionaire and your typical Bolly film.  Much love, blessings, long life and laughter to all !)