Voluptua, Queen of the Night

Synopsis: A Vampiress bent on ruling humanity feels she is the scariest, most intimidating dark soul around. She feels she is to be feared, but she is the black sheep in her vampire family. She couldn't even scare a mouse if she tried. All seems lost for her until she meets Alluro, a Casanova who knows that it takes devotion, obsession and will to get what one wants. Alluro comes off as a bit of a playboy at first, and he finds himself falling in love with her, but she ultimately snubs him. Voluptua comes into contention with a queen, Valentina, who becomes evil due to circumstances, but through Voluptua's experience she learns that kindness is the greatest equalizer: Also, Voluptua falls for a blind man who is immune to her charms, but he doesn't reciprocate her, nor Valentina's advances.

~*~CAST~*~

Queen Valentina:

Narrator:

Council (Jeeves):

Voluptua:

Grandpa Nosferatu:

Alejandro 'Jandro' Dias:

Alluro:

Pashitea: (one of Alluro's 'babes')

Lithium: (another of Alluro's 'babes')

(11 more concubines that belong to Alluro)

Abbadon: (Vol's main demon)

Skeevy: (another demon)

Heebie: (another demon)

Jeebies: (another demon)

Voodoo: (another demon)

Cringe: (another demon)

Twinge: (another demon)

Little girl:

Mother:

Father:

Perverse Gentleman:

Randy Gentleman:

Defiant Woman:

Jock:

Scene 1—Fear Me !

(New Year's Eve. Many people to manipulate and feed from. Everyone is waiting to watch the crystal ball drop and the new year begin with fireworks and celebration.)

Voluptua: Ah, a splendid smorgasbord of blood types. All of them rife for the drinking.

(loudly) I am Voluptua ! Queen of the Night ! Fear me ! Bow before me ! I command you all as my loyal subjects ! Look into my eyes. You are now under my power.

Little girl: Are you nuts, lady ?

Defiant Woman: Yeah ! Who do you think you are ?

Voluptua: (face palms herself) Why do I have to repeat myself ? Were you are so busy texting and playing video games on your mobile devices not to notice me ? Tremble before my prowess !

Perverse Gentleman: So, you're a vampire, right ?

Voluptua: That is correct. At least someone was paying attention. (tries to lock eyes with him)

Perverse Gentleman: Bite me here (points to crotch then) then, you Goddess !

Randy Gentleman: Him and me both, baby !

Jock: So, you're a vampire ?

Voluptua: (slightly sarcastically) What, the fangs weren't a dead giveaway ?

Jock: (laughs idiotically) It was rhetorical. Anyways, (lasciviously) I heard you vampires like to suck.

Voluptua: (getting angry, she rears back and col cocks the Jock into next week, but no one even notices that the Jock is gone.)

Jock: (far away as he heads into the stratosphere) Call me !

Voluptua: (getting irate) Arrrghhhh ! None of you are even worth my time ! I don't know why I bother ! (calls forth a shroud to whisk herself away in with ancient Sumerian tongue)

PG: What the hell was that all about ?

RG: (shrug) I dunno. Who cares. You only live once ! Come on, let's ditch this lame scene and head to a club.

Scene 2---Loneliness Cured

Vol: Why does no one fear me ? I'm doing everything Grandpa Nosferatu taught me. (sighs sadly) If he saw me now he'd say, 'why so down in the mouth Voluptua, where's that big toothy grin I love ?' Ah ! I can create my own friends.

(She begins creating minions to the theme of Sorcerer's Apprentice and they are all horribly malformed, but she thinks that they are the most handsome, glorious, angelic creations in the known Universe. )

Vol: (yawning) I think that's about enough excitement for the night. Sun's starting to rise. Time for us to rest for the day.

Abbadon: So soon ? But we just awoke !

Vol: Abbadon, we're all creatures of the night. Daylight is our worst adversary.

Cringe: What does it do to us ?

Vol: It kills us.

Cringe: Well, that sucks. No pun intended.

Vol: Ah, don't remind me of that. I didn't get any blood tonight.

Skeevy: What about all the restaurants nearby the castle, Mistress ?

Vol: (slaps forehead) I must've forgotten. All this mass creativity must've made me absentminded and sleepier than usual. Thank you, Skeevy. I'll be out for a bit. You little dears watch my castle while I'm gone. Don't let any riffraff in. As for revelers, keep them off the grass.

Twinge: As you command, Mistress !

Vol: (ultimately euphoric in her innovation) Oooo, I should've thought of you guys eons ago ! Grandpa Nosfe would be over the moon meeting you. Maybe I'll call him tomorrow night and invite him. I'll have to go hunting before though. I'm in need of ingredients. My cupboards are threadbare. Can't have that for Grandpop.

(She flies over the city, seeing different restaurants and she chooses all the dishes she wants, encircling them in orbs of magenta matching the lining of her oh so chic cape).

Vol: Indian, yummy ! Always wanted to try that ! Thai food, yes please ! Thank you !

A little Iraqi organ meat, delish ! Hummus from the street vendor, mmm, to die for ! A little bit of this and that with plenty of change to keep you all happy and none will be the wiser.

(Eats her food and shares with the demons who literally wolf everything down.)

Vol: Tomorrow I'm teaching you guys manners, guh, learn how to chew, would ya ?

Heebie: My mistress, we're only just born. We're learning. (pouts pitifully)

Vol: Don't worry, Heebie. Tomorrow's lessons will be in etiquette. I will have to hunt for the night before I invite our beloved Grandpop.

Demons: Nosferatu !

Jeebies: Meeting him is going to be the best day ever multiplied by infinity ! Even greater than the day you created us. (slight awkwardness) No offense.

Vol: (huge grin, sparkling brightly) None taken ! I aspire to be like him, but to the other vampires, I'm kind of a black sheep. One day though, especially with you by my side, this world is going to be mine for the taking !

Voodoo: That's the spirit ! You've got soul, girl !

Vol: You better believe that ! (cleans up humming merrily, yawns) Well, goodnight darling hell spawn.

Demons: Goodnight mummy.

Vol: (she kisses them all goodnight and they find different nooks and crannies to sleep in, some snoring, some snuggling with spiders as they slumber.)

(Scene fade)

Scene 3—Preparing For Greatness

Vol: (tidying up, coughs up dust, and then a huge dust ball)

Twinge: This place really needed the clean up, huh !

Vol: (chuckling) Yeah, you don't need to tell me twice. (claps hands and snaps her finger)

There, now all of you are dressed for perfection.

Skeevy: Ooo, sweet duds, my Queen.

Vol: Thought you'd like them. Now mama's going to go hunt, but she'll be back. (phases in and out with her blood bags. Turns on the television. Martha Stabber is on, teaching her viewers how to cook blood stew, blood pudding, blood steak, etc.) Mmmm, everything she is preparing sounds positively juicy.

Jeebies: I'm getting slobbery thinking about it.

Vol: Not on your tuxedo, though.

(She sings a song to motivate them, called 'The Etiquette Song' and prepares the perfect dinner, topped off with champagne flutes brimming with O+ blood.)

Nosferatu: Voluptua, my little nightmare ! How are you doing ? (freaked out by her minions) Gah ! What are these ?

Vol: They're my helpers. I created them.

Voodoo: Please be seated, my liege.

Nos: They're terribly well-behaved. (pats her on the back)

Vol: Thank you Grandpop.

Nos: No, thank you. This food is ambrosial, and the blood is exquisite. So, how are your attempts going in enslaving humanity ? Have you turned anyone yet ?

Vol: Actually, I have. Pop, meet Hampvire.

Hampvire: (squeaks fiercely and terrifyingly)

Nos: This isn't freaky at all, but good attempt none-the-less.

Vol: I suppose my power needs a little bit of work.

Nos: (claps his hand on her shoulder) It's a huge improvement from last time. You'll get the hang of it someday.

Vol: I'm certain I will. What brings you to my neck of the woods though ?

Nos: I was in the neighborhood. I wanted to check up on my favorite granddaughter.

Vol: (blushes darkly) I always thought I was the black sheep of the family.

Nos: (scoffs) No ! Never ! You're still getting the hang of your abilities. I know you'll grasp it someday. A lot of vampires don't know this but I had troubles starting off as well.

Vol: (taken aback) Reaaaaaallllly ! I would've never surmised, grandpop.

Nos: (stretches, yawning) I'd stay a little longer but dawn calls. (lighthearted chuckle)

Vol: Take a blood macaroon for the trip !

Nos: (swipes the whole lot of macaroons) Don't mind if I do.

Vol: (toothy, satisfied grin) Good to know that I have consistency in the culinary arts.

Nos: You'll gain more skill the more you try. Never give up ! (flying away and disappearing into the crepuscular sky)

Skeevy: To think we have all been touched by greatness ! I am never washing these talons ever again !

Heebie: Me either !

(scene fade)

Scene 4—Rivalry Ensues

(On the screen it reads 'Meanwhile in Valentina's Kingdom-to-be...)

Valentina: I don't understand how Voluptua can have so many people just fawning at her, dropping at her feet. She doesn't even do a thing. Not only that but she's a vampire !

Jeeves: She has allure, charm, grace...(getting lascivious) and huge bazongas !

Valentina: So ? I own more than she could ever have. I had to earn my way here.

Jeeves: Yes, my Queen. It's still in progress.

Valentina: So long as it's on the way to completion, that's all I care about ! (looks outside) Who is that fetching young fellow outside ?

Jeeves: I don't know everyone who passes the castle, darling ! (laughs)

Valentina: I'm going out for a bit. You and the servants keep everything in check, will you ?

Jeeves: Will do. (muttering out of earshot) Even if I don't feel like it.

Valentina: (walking briskly to keep up with the man, who doesn't even notice she's there)

Voluptua: (seeing the man from the other side, trying to make him fall in love with her, but he ignores her) What the heck ? That's not normal.

Alejandro: I sense you're supernatural yourself. Thing is, you might be trying too hard. Both of you.

Valentina: How do you know there are two of us ?

Alejandro: I may be blind but I'll understand more than either one of you will ever comprehend. Now if you don't mind, I need to get through.

Valentina: No, wait. Stay. Talk a while. I'm Queen Valentina. Perhaps you've heard of me.

Alejandro: Yes, I have. Not interested. You're crazier than the vampire lady.

Voluptua: His senses are uncanny.

(He slips away, unnoticed)

Voluptua: He got away, Valentina ! Your pushiness scared him off.

Valentina: Your desperate attitude was at fault ! Are you really a vampire ?

Voluptua: Yeah, right down to my fangs, darling.

Valentina: (irritated) Oh, bite me.

Voluptua: With blood so bitter, I'd rather drink fermented wine.

Valentina: He doesn't like either one of us. Look, I don't have time for this. I'm going after him.

Voluptua: Hate to break it to you, but he's gone.

Valentina: (pouting) This isn't over, Voluptua. You, me, we're going to be in contention. I don't even know his name...and he's so hot ! (with passion) He will be mine ! You'll see.

Voluptua: Not unless I get to him first. (levitating and disappearing)

Valentina: That's right, coward ! Run away ! (gets slapped out of nowhere) You bitch ! If I could see you, you'd get clocked ! Keep running. We'll have our showdown soon enough !

(Scene fade)

Scene 5—Alluro's Soiree

('February 14^th' appears on the screen. She gets an invitation from the mailman. One of her demons has briefly shifted form as a bat to deliver it to her.)

Voluptua: Oh, thank you Abbadon.

Abbadon: (In full form, bows politely in deference) My Liege.

Voluptua: (reading invitation, rolls eyes and sighs heavily) I guess Alluro couldn't leave me alone. I spurned him once.

Voodoo: Whyever for, though, Mistress ?

Voluptua: Alluro, though terribly appealing, is quite the Casanova. He has untold concubines in his harem and I was offered a chance to become another one of them Valentine's day of last year. He had admitted his infatuation from afar and wanted to 'court' me. (laughing) I never believed he would be so old-school. I always considered him a straight shooter, right to business.

Cringe: Have you ever noticed his armbands ?

Voluptua: Whatever do you mean, Cringe ? I had taken account of that during our first meeting.

Twinge: Every time he gains another wife, he earns another armband of power. Did you know that Valentina was gunned for as well ?

Voluptua: That acidic turnip ? (pretends to gag herself) I'm surprised, honestly.

Jeebies: Not because of love, let alone lust. The power that would be incurred once they married would be untold. He plans to do something insurmountable. I just don't know what.

Voluptua: Then this will give me the opportunity to investigate. I'll be Sherlock Volmes.

Heebie: Volmes ?

Vol: (laughs) A vampire Sherlock Holmes, doofus.

(They all have a good giggle about that.)

Vol: Very well. It's time to dress the part and look my best.

(A sequence begins with 'Flashing Lights' as she heads to the soiree . 'Swinging Man' plays followed by more Electroswing.)

Alluro: Looking delectable as usual, I see. So glad you could make it.

Vol: (studying his arm but not being conspicuous about it) As am I. So, what's the occasion ?

Alluro: It's my birthday, as you well know. I wanted to offer you another chance at being my wife.

Vol: (laughs heartily) You have so many wives already, Al. What's one more ?

Alluro: (taking her hand and kissing it, turning up the charm) You would be the ultimate key to my happiness. Ever since I saw you, I couldn't take my eyes off you. You are flawless. Everything about you screams perfection.

Vol: (nodding) Fascinating, really. I appreciate the praise.

Alluro: It is more than that, beautiful. (Dances a tango with her to Julio Iglesias' classic tango) It is true. Can't you feel the electricity between us ? The crackling energy is palpable my love.

Vol: (blushing darkly) Something else is quite palpable as well.

Alluro: I have to say, many of my wives don't even come close to giving me such a thrill as you do.

Vol: I guess I should say I'm flattered, but I have to say no, yet again.

Alluro: Why ? I've never once missed your birthday. I've always sent you flowers.

Vol: You sent me lingerie when I didn't ask for it !

Alluro: I thought I was being considerate !

Vol: More like creepy ! (she pulls away, but he draws her back, his lips dangerously close to her neck. He is captivated by her aroma and cannot seem to let her go)

Alluro: God, you're gorgeous. So irresistible ! (tries to force her into a kiss)

Vol: (rears back and slaps him, hard, landing him against the wall) Goodnight, Alluro.

Oh. Happy birthday. Hope I didn't ruin your little shindig.

(Alluro pries himself off the wall. He's been flattened and is 2-D. Much like a cartoon, he blows himself back up and shakes his head.)

Alluro: I like a woman who packs a wallop !

Vol: (Pivots and sashays out in disgust)

Alluro: Same time, next year.

Vol: Not on your afterlife, pal. (disappears)

Al: Oh, she'll see, soon enough. She won't be able to resist me once I've culminated the world's most foolproof love potion. Then we'll see if you can continue outrunning me.

(Back at Voluptua's castle...)

Abaddon: What did you discover ?

Vol: He seemed awfully proud due that armband of his. He was very insistent on getting me interested in courtship too.

Cringe: See, I knew something was up !

Demons: We all did ! It's too suspicious.

Vol: I can't determine what though. I guess I'll have to wait until I receive something else from him to gather more clues.

Skeevy: Just be careful, Mistress. That Alluro is up to no good !

Narrator: What exactly is that amorous Alluro up to ? Will Valentina complete her Kingdom on schedule without being a total nag about it ? Will Voluptua ever find a way to win the love of Alejandro ? All this and many more questions will be answered in 'Voluptua, Captivator of Hearts'.

(Voluptua's Theme plays as the credits roll, bloopers are shown. Queen of the Night from Bodyguard also plays, and I Live Among the Creatures of the Night. This idea and the following sequels are credit to TTR's ingenuity and mine together. Voluptua can be thought of as a Vampirella/Chastity/Elvira sort but learning the ways of the night. She's a bit of a 'late fanger' as Grandpa would say in Hotel Transylvania 2.)