The Role Player Next Door

Synopsis:  Kiki Iwahara has been a gamer her whole life.  Everything from LARP to board games, she loves.  After a hard day's work, she takes out her frustrations in the latest GTA or fighting game (most likely Mortal Kombat).  Her neighbor, Jude Flint, has no idea about this even though he works with her.  He also has a bit of a romantic interest in her. 

~*~CAST~*~

Kiki Iwahara: 

Motoko Iwahara: (her mother)

Reiji Iwahara: (her father)

Keiko Iwahara: (her grandmother) 

Mochi: (her cat) 

Jude Flint: 

Joanna Flint: (his mom) 

Thoth: (her African Grey parrot)

Ursula Redcorn:  (Kiki's best friend) 

Sean Sullivan:  (another friend of Kiki's)

Jean Masterson Esquire:  (another of Kiki's friends)

Byron Flint: (Jude/Kiki's boy) 

Kirk Smith: (another one of Jude's friends)

Richard 'Rick' Navarez: (another one of Jude's 'bros')

Scene 1--In The Park, a Secret LARP

Ursula:  (waving to her friend in a rather exaggerated way)  The Sorceress Bellatina approaches ! 

Kiki:  (raising her hand, coolly, calmly and with an air of sophistication)  Salutations, Junie the Elf Archeress. 

Sean:  Now that everyone is here in the park... how will we begin today's game ?  A typical brawl between us warlocks and dragons or a space adventure ? 

Ursula:  I have been dying  to play as my cryptid character, Fallow.   She's fierce ! 

Jean:  Last time you played as Fallow none of us could stand against her.  She's too powerful.  It's an unfair advantage. 

Ursula:  You're just jealous because I roll so many winning numbers, Jean.

Sean:  Now, now, you two.  No fighting.   No reason to squabble.   Ursula just happens to have a lot of good luck on her side.  

Kiki:  One more reason I'm going to have her on my team today  !

Jean:  (groaning) 

Sean:  Actually I'm going to make it fair for all of us.   We're splitting into co-ed teams today and we will be playing our sci-fi game 'Conquest of the Cosmos'.   I'm acting as Grand Pubah of rules and regulations. 

Everyone: (except Sean)  As is always.  As is now and ever shall be.

Ursula:  Universe without end, amen.

Kiki:  (narrating)  You probably can tell by watching us that we're not your usual fare of LARPer.  We do this every weekend to de-stress, unwind and work out frustrations we have had at work.   We all play our different roles and the games are different every time, which makes it interesting.  This is why I love LARPing, but no one else but myself and my friends know I do it.   They know I play video games in my spare time when I'm not out swinging light sabers or defeating my enemies with incantations.  

Strangely enough, I had no idea that my co-worker Jude played Grand Theft Auto until I heard a very familiar voice one night, kicking butt, taking names and crushing the leaderboard...

(Scene shift to Kiki playing at home with Mochi at her side, sleeping peacefully until Kiki begins serving hurt on a silver platter to other players.  Obviously the other players are very upset with her winning streak.) 

Kiki:  You all are just envious of my masterdom !   Bow down in subservience to my wicked skills !  

Jude: (on the other side)  Dude, GhettoChick, you were brutal out there.  I can't believe how many points you just racked up.

Kiki:  Booyeah.  Chalk one up for the GhettoMeister.   Wait a minute...I think I know that voice.   (narrating)  Not really knowing what to do and afraid I would reveal my secret identity, I had to hang up on audio chat immediately for being found out. 

Jude:  (scoffs)  Sheah right.  It's not like chicks like you play GTA.   You're probably some rough n' tumble dude like me.    I mean, you've got some major cahones there, playin' like you did.   Man, you just shredded the leader boards without even breakin' a sweat.   It was a thing of beauty, dude.  

Kiki:  Y-yeah...It really was.   Gotta go, got chores to do and none of them will be doing themselves.   (immediately hangs up and gently places her headphones on the table)  Whew.   Mochi, that was way too close.   Jude could've figured out who I was !  I'd be a laughing stock at work.    It'd be worse if he found me in the park cosplaying... (nervous laugh)  He never comes to the park though.   Thank heaven.   Heh, but listen to me prating on to a cat of all things.   I've lost my mind.   Maybe if I talk to mom, I'll calm down.  

(She calls her mom) 

Motoko:  (answering the phone)  Hello, my little crane.  How are you ?  It's been too long since you called your mama. 

Kiki:  You make it sound like I never call you ! 

Motoko:  You know I have a thing for drama.  

(They laugh)

Motoko:  Reiji, it's Kiki !   Say 'hi' ! 

Reiji:   Hi, Kiki, dearest.   You must really come over and say hello.  Keiko really misses you and can't wait for more of your sensational cooking.   We all must really have a picnic soon before summer ends.  

Kiki:  Sounds like a tremendous idea, otosama.  

Reiji:  (beaming)  

Motoko:  Why did you call so late, honey ? Is something wrong ?   Mochi isn't sick, is he ?

Kiki:  (chortles lightly)  No, nothing of the sort.  He's hale and hearty as always.   Strange too, because he's about 20 years old now.  Doesn't seem to be showing any signs of slowing down.  

Motoko:  Then what's wrong ?  Before I picked up the phone I had a feeling something was the matter with my little crane. 

Kiki:  I was nearly found out by my co-worker !   I hung up on XBox live playing GTA today.   It was quite the close call.  Nearly had a heart attack though.  

Motoko:  That would've been awkward.   Glad you were able to talk yourself out of it. 

Kiki:  I was thinking I needed some time away from video games for a while.   I hadn't been that near to having my identity found out.   

Reiji:  Sounds like that picnic might be in order.  

Kiki:  Agreed.   Since I'm free this weekend, let's meet in the park.   Bring grandma.  I'll be packing bento boxes for us all and a special treat for dessert. 

Reiji:  How exciting.  Can't wait to see what you concoct.  

(Scene change) 

Scene 2--Another Near Miss

Kiki:   (narrating)  Indeed, it was an idyllic day in the local park and I nor my family had anything to fret.   The meals and caramel cinnamon apple cupcakes I had made were certainly a huge hit with the entire gang.   I didn't anticipate seeing Jude in the park, though.  

Keiko:  I know bakeries don't make a lot of profit, but these cupcakes are absolutely ambrosial, my dear.   Everything you bake is sublime. 

Kiki:  I learned if not only from the best, you know.

Keiko:  (nearly guffaws)  You know how to flatter your granny. 

Reiji:  Who's that young fellow coming our way ?

Kiki:  Oh no.  Not Jude !  Why is he here ?   

Jude:   Hey, Kiki !  Fancy meeting you here, huh ?

Kiki:  (anxiously, hand behind head, trying not to show her obvious frustration and shyness)  Heh, yeah.  Imagine that.  

Jude:  Hey, I just wanted to point something out to you.  It's sort of a coincidence, you know ?  Have you heard of GhettoChick ?   Oh, man...I'm sure he's going under that name or it's his girlfriend's account he's gotten permission to use but he's a monster ! He sounds so much like you it's damned freaky.  

Kiki:  I'm sure it amounts to nothing but as you said, sheer coincidence.  I wouldn't think anything more of it.  

Jude:   How dumb of me, huh ?   You don't play video games.   You're definitely not the type.  You're more bookish and serious.  

Kiki:   Yep !  That's me, through and through.  Always with my nose in a tome of some significance.   Actually the last book I read was the Book of the Dead.  

(narrating)  And honestly, that wasn't a white lie.  It was gospel.  

Jude:  (impressed) That's quite a read.   Egyptian incantations to prepare the discarnate 'initiate' while alive for the afterlife.   Amongst other tales, of course. 

Kiki:   Someone's rather scholarly.   Have you read it ? 

Jude:  Read and devoured.   I read everything I can get my grubby hands on, that is except smutty romantic novellas or anything that demeans the intellect.   I loathe it when authors act holier than thou and all high and mighty.  

Kiki:  Yes, or when they write they create provocative characters that have no sense of direction or assertiveness or stories that amble on aimlessly.  

Jude:  (with gusto and some hope)  Sounds like we have more in common than I originally thought.  

Keiko:  Who's your new friend, Kiki ?  (she titters very adorably) 

Kiki:  (in Japanese)  Grandma, stop !   (back in English)  I'd love to stay and chat but I have a picnic to return to.  You understand.

Jude:  Certainly do.  See you at work in a couple days.   (winks at her flirtatiously) 

(As she walks back her mother knowingly gives her a playful look.) 

Motoko:  (sing-song)  Someone has an admirer. 

Kiki:  Mom, please !    I dodged another bullet.   He was so close to discovering my secret passion.  

Reiji:  Would that be such a bad thing, blossom ?

Kiki:   I don't know, papa.   I'm afraid to find out, really. 

Keiko:  That's sort of silly, granddaughter.   If he does, so what !   So he knows a little something more about you than the average person does not.   Kiki, he likes you, it's as plain as the aquiline nose on his chiseled face. 

Kiki:  Sounds like your perfect man, grandmother.  (They nearly crack up laughing)

Motoko:   Sarcasm only means you reciprocate.  Iwaharas are known for this trait.

Kiki:  (narrating)  And Iwaharas were also known for being a bit eccentric.   Yet, as dad usually said, 'what is order to the spider is chaos for the fly', and vice versa.   What I didn't realize is was at that time, I had opened a gateway of communication between myself and Jude that would only grow in time and the force field I had erected around my heart was beginning to slowly dissipate over time. 

(Scene fade)  

Scene 3--Hear Me Out

Jude:  (talking to his friends)  I can't help it, guys.   I really really like her.  There's something about her.   We like many of the same things.  You wouldn't believe it, but she recently read the Book of the Dead.   Can you fathom that ?

Rick:  No kiddin', Jude ! 

Jude:  I know, right, Rick ?   It's nuttier than a Payday.   I don't really know how to talk to her without sounding like a moron though.   I'll come across all confident in my mind but when I open my mouth...

Kirk:  It comes out all derpy.   Yeah, dude.  I feel ya.   I had the same thing with my girl Diana, but we've been married miraculously for 7 years now.   Hard to believe our youngest, Jan, will be heading into Kindergarten this fall !  

Rick:   No way, Kirk !  Nah, really ?

Kirk:   Really, really.   Time certainly does fly.  

Jude:  Congrats, Kirk !   I was just wondering if I could get some pointers from you guys.  You both know so much more about women than I do.  

Rick:  Firstly, act natural. 

Kirk:  And confident.  

Rick:   If you mess up, no big deal.   She'll still like you ! 

Kirk:   If anything, keep the mood light.   Women love a man with a sense of humor. 

Jude:   Guys, all of these ideas are perfect.  I've just got to try them on Kiki when I see her at lunch.   Wish me luck, okay ? 

Kirk:  Yeah, Jude.  Go get 'er !  

(Shift scenes to lunch time and Jude is nervously adjusting and messing around with his tie.   Rick and Kirk see him from the side and clear their throats without being conspicuous somehow.)

Jude:  Ah, hey, Kiki !   How are things ?

Kiki:  Tremendous as usual. 

Jude:  That looks like a really delicious bento box.   I've got a boring egg salad...

Kiki:  Nah !  That doesn't look boring.  Always wanted to try one though.  Never had one. 

Jude:  (tries not to laugh)  No...way.   You're joking.

Kiki: (making a silly face)  Does this look like the face of someone who jokes around ?

Jude:  (bursts out laughing)  Alright, then let me try some of that bento box.  I'm the same with Japanese food...Always wanted to give it a shot but never had the chance.

Kiki:  (like a game show host)  Well, consider this your lucky break, Jude Flint because todaaaaaay you'll be chowing down on some kalamari !   (fake cheers)  Say ah !

Jude: (opening mouth)  Ah...(tastes it)  Hmm...Mmmm.... Hey !  This is really incredible !

Kiki:  Ok, now me ! 

Jude:  (feeds her)  Open up, Kiki ! 

Kiki:  Ah !   (getting fed)  Yummy !    Not bad...What do you use ?

Jude:  Extra mayo.  Makes it uber creamy.   Anyway, (clears throat) I was wondering...

Kiki: What ? 

Jude:  I wanted to ask you out on a date.  I didn't know what you liked though so, urm... I wasn't sure what to do. 

Kiki:   I'm up for just about anything.   I like Mexican food quite a bit. 

Jude:  Yeah ?  I do too.   There's a really superb Mexican place not far from where I live. 

Kiki:   Do tell ? 

Jude:  How's about this weekend ?   I'll pick you up about 6:00 pm. 

Kiki:  Sounds perfect, Jude.  

(The guys around the corner are making triumphant gesticulations but Kiki can't see them because she is facing Jude.) 

Kiki:  Who are you making a thumbs up to ?

Jude:  (nervous chortle)  Oh, no one.  No one at all. 

Kiki:  You're a strange unit, but aren't we all ? 

(They laugh quite a bit) 

Scene 4--My Cover is Blown

Kiki:   (narrating)  You know there is a saying that at some time every bubble must burst ?   This was the evening I felt my whole world would come crashing down.   I certainly feared the worst, but to be honest, it was the best thing to ever happen to me.   

(At 'La Playa') 

Sean:  Hey, is that Kiki ?   I almost didn't recognize her !   Let's go over and say 'hi'.

Kiki:  (to herself) No...no no no no no no no...Abort, abort mission !   Deep Six, File 13, do not engage, do not approach.  GOD NO ! 

Jude:  Are these your friends ? 

Kiki:  (very anxiously, but somehow keeping calm)  Uh huh. 

Jean:  We LARP sometimes. 

Jude:   (A bit confused, intrigued and bewildered)  Excuse me, what ? 

Ursula:   Jean said we LARP.  It must be his English accent.   Sometimes things he says get lost in translation. 

Jude:  No, no.  That's not it. 

Kiki:  KMN.   KMN and FML.

Sean:  It's when a group of people get together to role play in real life out in the actual world. 

Kiki:  (groans)  I...hate...you...all.  

Ursula:  You don't mean that.  Right ?   Kiki ? 

Kiki:  I think I have something in my eye... (leaves) 

Jude:  What's wrong with her ?  

Jean:   Oh, crud.  I think we just flubbed up, guys.

Ursula:   That's why she's so upset !  

Jude:   She was trying to keep her LARPing a secret from me.   Why ?   I play video games and I'm not ashamed of it.   Everyone has something of a double life. 

Ursula:  I'll go talk to her...We'll get this sorted out. 

(Heading to the bathroom to comfort Kiki.) 

Ursula:  Why are you crying ? 

Kiki:  You know why, Ursula.   (sniff)  He's going to think I'm some kind of freak now. 

Ursula:  I doubt that.  Come on.   Don't be shy.   Wipe those eyes.

Kiki:  How do you know that ?

Ursula:  We explained what LARPing was to him and he was cool with it.  Guy plays video games !   Can you imagine ?

Kiki:  I already know that because I play GTA with him. 

Ursula:  Oooh ho ho, the plot thickens.  Wait until he hears that. 

Kiki:  I think one bombshell will be quite sufficient for Jude to handle alone tonight.

(narrating)   Yet, somehow my screen name slipped my mind and the truth was finally revealed.   Turns out, Jude found it very very alluring.  He found me even sexier than before.   If I didn't know any better, I think he would've been drooling all over me right there.   

Kiki:  And that's the whole story. 

Jude:   That...is AWESOME.   I always had a feeling but I never knew !   You and I should play together sometime.  

Ursula: (nudging her in the ribcage)  Kinky. 

Kiki:  Oh, hush.   

(narrating)   Of course, it was a little uncomfortable and awkward getting to this point  but clearly we were evenly matched.   I had found my OTP, and to be honest with you, I couldn't be happier.   

Scene 5--That's How I Was Made ! 

Byron:  (to his mom)  And, mom, that's how I was made ! 

Thoth:   Lord Byron the great !  

Byron:  Yep, and don't you forget it, Thoth. 

Joanna:   What do you think the moral of the story is ?

Byron:  Video games can produce happiness, and eventually...babies ! 

(everyone nearly dies laughing at this)  

Keiko:  No, no grandson.   The moral of the story is 'love is victorious'.   Oh, and that truth should never be concealed.  

Kiki:  Even if it is embarrassing.   Never be scared to be what you are.   Mochi...Mochi no, leave Thoth alone. 

Thoth:  (freaking out because Mochi is wanting to play with him)  Killer !   Get back, killer.   I've got a tommy gun.   (imitates tommy gun)  They'll never take me alive, see ?

Never, you dirty coppers !  

(Everyone guffaws)  

Kiki:   (narrating)  It's a comfortable, cushy setting brought on by the most unusual pastimes.   Look at us, all playing board games.   Retro, I know !    Still very entertaining, though !    Byron is a joy.  I never really understood my grandmother's love or my parents' love for me until I had my own little gamer.   He has wicked skill too, even better than his mom or dad !    Might grow up to be quite the programmer someday.  Who knows.   I still side with Thoth the African Grey though.  He's Lord Byron the great and he always will be.  

(The End sprawls across the screen in 8 bit lettering font.  Bloopers are played and Cicero’s quote 'all noble things are as difficult as they are rare' is also shown on screen as tribute to my family and what I have learned in my 35 years of life so far.  As one of my favorite people says, 'Even this I get to experience'. I'm hoping I can meet Mr.  Norman Lear in reality, he inspired me to write comedic scripts such as this one ! )