Pheromonal

Synopsis:  Belinda hails from the planet Sezme and she’s a shapeshifter.   While out exploring in the Milky Way, she accidentally gets drunk on Sezme ale and crash lands on Earth.   She quickly learns what havoc her pheromones wield.   

~*~CAST~*~

Belinda: 

Yon: (robot assistant)

Elmo DeLorean: (firstborn son, heir of the company)

Vinny DeLorean: (running company alongside elder bro)

Temara DeLorean: (his wife) 

Fyord DeLorean: (first son)

Seneca DeLorean: (middle daughter) 

Birch DeLorian: (the ‘baby’)  

Mr. Edgar DeLorean: 

Sugar DeLorean: (his wife)

Simone Helter/DeLorean: 

Francine ‘Frankie’ Jean DeLorean (their eldest daughter): 

 Scene 1—Too Much Ale 

Belinda:  (flicking switches and cruising in the Milky Way, savoring the view)  So good to be out in space again.   How I needed this vacation !   (stretches and yawns idly while stretching her wings out before sitting down again)  Ah !   That’s right !   I’m one century older today !   No better time for a sip of Sezme ale !    (sweetly)  Yon !  

Yon:  You hailed me, Madam ?   (hovering above her, looking rather insectoid in his design.  Yon is a state-of-the-art butler bot but also attentive to his mistress’ moods and inflections in tone.   He is also quite crafty when it comes to humor)  

Belinda:  Could you fetch me a ewer of Sezme ale ?  

Yon:  Belinda, you are driving !  

Belinda:   It’s mostly in automatic pilot.   I thought this through.   It’s not my first rodeo flying through the milky way ! 

Yon:  Well, the guild might revoke your license if they hear you dinged up their pretty company saucer, darling.   

Belinda:   (slight pout)  I do take care of it, Yon.   I’m cautious, you know.    

Yon:   (exhasperated sigh)  I don’t know how you always talk me into giving you ale, but it is your birthday anniversary.   I cannot say ‘no’ to that.   (he begins to retrieve the ale and plays a grand rendition of Happy Birthday with a bit of a swing.)   

Belinda:  Bless you !   This is turning out to be quite the red letter day.    (she starts to imbibe and begins to get a bit tipsy)  

Yon: Hey, Belinda…watch your step.   Be a bit more careful !  

Belinda:  (hovering as she flies and she hits the wrong switches)  Oops !  (hiccup) 

Computer:  Warning.  Warning.   All auxillery power disengaged.   GPS lost.    Armaments disabled.   Kiss your keister goodbye, Belinda !

Yon:  I may be AI, but I say this in the kindest way possible !  BUCKLE UP, BUTTERCUP !  

(He buckles her up to her seat and himself in the passenger seat that automatically raises up from the floor.) 

Computer:   Impact in t minus 10. 9. 8. 7. 6. 5. 4.   

(The saucer crash lands on earth.   A group of earthlings has just left a rowdy karaoke party and they are horribly hung over.) 

Birch: Hey, mom.   Dad.  Are you seeing this ?   I didn’t drink that much beer, did I ?

Seneca:  Doubtful, Birch.  The DeLorian family is pretty resilient to the side effects of alcohol.   

Temara: We’re all seeing that saucer, aren’t we ?  

Vinny:  Looks like it.   (rubs eyes)  Yep.  Not a mirage.  Fyord, what are you doing ? 

Fyord:  (taking a selfie)  Posterity dad, plus Instagram will eat this up.   

Edgar:   My grandson has a point.   Fyord, ever thought of working for the company alongside your ol’ gramps ? 

Fyord:  (laughs)  Inasmuch as you keep offering me and my sibs a spot in the company store, I’ll gratefully and gladly decline.    

Edgar:  No shame in that.   I admire independence.    

(The doors open, Seneca ducks behind Fyord for protection.) 

Fyord:  Seneca, you’re going to be ok.   

Seneca:  You’re the most capable with a firearm.   I just look good holding one ! 

(As the ship door opens, Belinda has ‘shifted’ to a human form and she is a bombshell.  Her pheromones have begun affecting the Deloreans)

Birch:  I’m feeling even more mellow than before.    Hey, hands off the hot chick.   If she’s hurt, I’ll tend to her wounds. 

Elmo:   She’s just inebriated.   (studying her)  How can she be human ?

Sugar:  It’s just like the movie Interstellar.  In the end we gave ourselves the ability to create an almost ideal future. 

Edgar:   Inasmuch as you’re right, Sugar I don’t think that’s what we’re dealing with here.   

Elmo:  What are we going to do with her ?   

Vinny:   I think we should keep her away from any medical personnel and if we get contacted by the government, chalk it up to inebriation.   

Elmo:   (raised eyebrow) Is that how you’re talking yourself out of tickets nowadays ?    (he laughs)   I’ve got her taken care of.    Vinny, make sure dad and my nephews and niece get home in one piece.  

Vinny:  Roger.    

(He gets everyone squared away and they use a rideshare to head home.  Elmo is left with Belinda who is singing ‘Happy Birthday’ rather drunkenly under her breath.)  

(Scene fade.)  

Scene 2—New Habitat 

Belinda:  (waking up, her head is throbbing)   

Elmo:  Woah, not so quickly.   Easy…(he helps her up) 

Belinda:  I crashed, didn’t I ? 

Elmo:   I’m still processing those words myself, but yes.   You crashed.   

Belinda:  (bolts up)  Yon !   Have you seen Yon ?!

Elmo:  (places his hands on her shoulders to calm her)  This little guy ?    He seems to be shut off for the time being.  

Belinda:  (tries not to cry)  Oh, thank Sezmar.   He’s in tact.   

Elmo:  What is he anyway ? 

Belinda:  (grins) On Sezme, we all have our own personal assistant in whatever vocation we choose.   I’m an explorer and scientist.   

Elmo:  Fascinating.   What’s Sezme like ? 

Belinda:  A mix of tech and plant life, most buildings are silver and gleam in our sun.   information is always at our fingertips but we haven’t forgotten the ways of the forest.   

Elmo:  Sounds gorgeous.    

Belinda:  (her shapeshifting form glitches out)  Oh, frook !   

Elmo:   WOAH !   I didn’t anticipate that.  

Belinda:   I have to return to Sezme quickly.   My HR administrator is not going to be pleased with me if he finds his baby, ‘Ranka Lee’ was hurt in any way. 

Elmo:  (laughs)  Ranka Lee ?  Is he into anime ? 

Belinda:  (guffaws)  Like you wouldn’t believe.   Sezme loves the stuff and can’t get enough of it.   Some of us even link our minds with that of mangakas, anime studios and the like.   

Elmo:  Name me some of your best work !   I’d LOVE to hear this. 

Belinda:  We don’t like taking credit for Full Metal Alchemist, Attack on Titan, Konosuba or Dragon Maid…But that’s just a sampling of our talent. 

Elmo:   (getting enfatuated)  You certainly are stunning.   In fact, I’ve never seen anything or met anyone like you…

Belinda:  Slow down there, cowpoke.   (brushes off her ‘fur’ and silver dust particles fly off her)

Elmo:  If I could stay with you forever, would you let me ?

Belinda: (slaps him)  Oh, Sezmar !   Forgive me !  

Elmo:  No, I deserved it for trying to lunge at you.   I think you’re overproducing pheromones.   I noticed it yesterday.  

Belinda:  What ?  Little ol’ me ?   Nah.  

Elmo:   You are.   Can’t you control it ? 

Belinda:  ‘Fraid not.  Comes naturally.   (Yon turns on.)  

Yon:  BRACE FOR IMPACT !   ABANDON ALL HOPE ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE !  (realizes where he is)  Oh.   Sezmar… (looks downcast)   We’re on your hunk of dirt, rotten apple, blue mote reject of a planet, it seems. 

Elmo:  You’re steppin’ over a boundary, little bot.  

Yon:  (not amused)  This is the guy you found to help you ?  Did you at least tell him about our ship ? 

Elmo: (getting annoyed)  I’m right here.   Look, we’re human and I realize that you probably have a superiority complex bein’ a bot an all.   I’m a bit of a whiz with gadgets, gizmos and all things tech.   Vinny, my brother, is excellent with machines.   I’m certain he can fix you up in no time.  

Yon:  (relieved)  That is reassuring, but we really must be going soon.    

Elmo:   Vinny won’t be home for another 3 hours, but I can tinker around with your vehicle and see what I can get up and running.  

Belinda:  (embraces him)  You are incredible !

Yon:  I wouldn’t get too close to him, Belinda.   You have a community waiting for you back on Sezme.   

Belinda:  (awkwardly)  Oh, right. 

(scene shift) 

Scene 3—A Little Here, A Little There 

(A remix of ‘Pick up the Pieces’ with ‘Stayin’ Alive’ plays in the background.   Belinda is extremely impressed, but appears now as a human to blend in once again.   When others begin to approach she whispers to Yon.) 

Belinda:  Yon, incognito mode. 

Yon:  Yes, Miss !   (he turns the ship invisible and he folds down into a credit card, sticking himself into her lapel pocket.)  

Elmo:  Fascinating. 

Belinda: (laughs)  Please, such trickery is child’s play on Sezme.   (she brushes off some ‘dust’) 

Elmo:  No, wait, you shouldn’t…Hey !   You’re lookin’ so fine, Belinda.   

Vinny:  Is this that chic from earlier ? 

Elmo:  Yeah, but I saw her first.    

Vinny:   She will be mine.   

Temara:  I don’t mind a little spice, but at least talk to me before you introduce a new contender into our ring.   

Fyord:   Wait !  Guys !   STOP !   Her pheromones are making us act this way !  

Birch:  Fyord’s right, you know.     We need to cease acting like we’re horndogs unleashed.   At least show some civility.   Have some dignity, sheesh !  

(They all straighten up, but Elmo still has a bit of a fixed gaze and Vinny snaps him to attention by hitting him upside the head.)  

Vinny:  Don’t just stand there like a dunce.   

Elmo:   Right.  So, you guys all know Linda, right ? 

Belinda:  (catches on and winks and nods)  

Elmo:   Linda is from out of town and her car’s in the shop.    Vinny’s gonna get to work right away, so I was thinking we would enjoy ourselves with a bit of Yacht Rock.   

Birch:  Exactly why I call you ‘Funcle’ !   Come on, let’s get going !   

Edward:   I’ll take us all there.   We’ll enjoy our favorite meal at Aztecas tonight.   

Seneca:  Grandpa !  You rock !  

Fyord:   Thanks !   

Sugar:  Aren’t you coming too, Vinny ? 

Vinny:  I have matters to attend to here at home.   I’ll be fine.   

Belinda:  I’ll accompany Elmo.   I’ve never been to a concert before. 

Seneca:   Honey, you need to get out more often !   (she laughs and pats Belinda’s back)

(They all attend the concert and a time lapse is shown of Vinny fixing the saucer.   Everyone says goodbye and Belinda finally says her farewell.) 

Belinda:   I know I just met you, but I’m lucky that I met each of you. 

Fyord: (a bit sad)  Going so soon ? 

Belinda:  My family is worried about me.   Surprised they haven’t started trying to get in touch with me. 

Seneca:  (a bit weepy) We just met !   I was gonna take you to a play, we were gonna hang out !  

Belinda: (holds Seneca by the shoulders) Sometimes people come into your life for a season, then they have to go.    

Seneca:  (starting to cry)  I’m going to miss you, Linda. 

Belinda:  (trying not to cry)  So am I.   Take care everyone.    Be well.   

(As she walks away, tears fall down her face and she wipes them away.)  

Scene  4—Maybe, Somewhere 

Elmo:  (We see Elmo going about a normal day, but he is narrating about his life) It is true that Belinda did shake my ordinary world up a bit.   After she left, some of her pheromones remained on my clothing.   It was the catalyst I needed to get the nerve to ask Simone out.   Strictly speaking, relationships with coworkers are verboten, but even my dad had known the crush Simone had been hiding from me for years.   I should’ve noticed the signs !   I had never gotten out of my tunnel vision, but I truly owe Belinda.   Now I’m married and our eldest daughter is 7 now.  We’re expecting a little one, a boy named Alex.   We’re naming him after Simone’s favorite hero and historical figure.    She says she might even be related to him.  Honestly, I see the resemblance.   She is quite the hero herself.   She too, has put me on a rollercoaster and I pray I never get off.    We’re watching Francine Jean growing up quickly and she’s taking a liking towards paleontology, rocks, artifacts and all sorts of ancient things.   She is fascinated with history and adores exploring.    We went to many a science museum and she keeps asking us when Alex is due so he can go, too.   We laugh and tell her Alex might not be into the same things that she is, and she just says, ‘That’s ok !  He’s still gonna be the coolest little bro ever !’   Every so often, I see Belinda in my dreams and as nutty as it may sound, I feel like she is connecting with me, all the way from Sezme telepathically, letting me know everything is well and she’s wishing me the same positivity all around.   Will I ever see a planet like Sezme in the future ?   Lord knows.   All I am aware of is what is in front of me, and honestly, that’s what happiness is about.   

(As we see Elmo and his family gathered together on a cruise to enjoy the Caribbean, Conga plays followed by Celebrate and All Night Long.   Roll credits.   Bloopers and gaffs and behind the scenes reel shown.   Thanks go to everyone who believed I’d make it this far.   Any representation my characters have to someone living or dead is purely coincidental.)