Baked Giving Day

Synopsis:   Chimi and Changa host their yearly traditional Thanksgiving dinner.   Changa’s relatives have no idea about her ‘alternative lifestyle’ and when it becomes exposed, she is nearly disowned.   

Conchita ‘Chimi’ Lopez:

Ferdinand Lopez:

Bruno Lopez: (their son)

Mariposa ‘Mary’ Lopez: (now a toddler)

Lupita Chiquita: (her mom)

Salvador Chiquita: (her dad)  

Joaquin Chiquita: (her grandpa)  

Lori Chang (aka ‘Changa’):  

Li Chang: (her dad)  

Bluebell Chang:  (her mom)

Kabe Chang: (her grandfather)

Fiona Chang: (her grandmother)  

Solomon Cohen: (Jake’s dad)  

Esther Cohen: (Jake’s mom)

Rebecca Cohen: (Jake’s grandmother)

Nessa Feldstein:  

Samuel Feldstein:

Norman Feldstein:

Gloria Feldstein:  

Hanna Feldstein:   

Nancy Feldstein: (grandmother)

Xaba Feldstein:  (great-grandma)

Mateo Lopez:

Carmella Lopez:

Gina Lopez:

Esmeralda Lopez:

Lana Lopez:  

Scene 1--Family Fun on the Road

(Ferdi and family are in the kitchen dancing to Gucci Man’s ‘Stir Fry’ and having a blast getting ready to head to their family’s home in Santa Cruz.  It’s only a few hours away, but they don’t mind. The Feldstein's have agreed to come since it is a ranch house with plenty of room and a lot of activities for kids toep them busy while the adults indulge in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade, football and the traditional ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’)   

Mary:  I spy with my little eye something white and black.    

Bruno:   Cows ! Good one, Mary !  (looking on his side of the road)  I spy with my little eye...hmmm...something fast, black and wearing leather.  

Mary:  Biker chick !   Woah, she’s really burnin’ rubber.  She and her beau must be in a hurry to make it to Thanksgiving dinner.   

Bruno:  Yep, high five little sis !  Up top !

(She high fives him and hugs him lovingly, laughing.)  

Chimi:  (following Changa)  I’m interested in seeing what this big ol’ range is like.  

Ferdi:  (singing) Home, home on the range…

(They all join in and chuckle)  

Chimi: Man, this place is massive.   

Bruno:   You guys were the cause though.  

Ferdi:  Do they know how Changa amassed all that wealth ?  

Mary:  (shrug)  Who knows.  I’m starving !  When’s dinner ?

Ferdi:  Soon my little butterfly.   

Bruno:  Thank heaven.  I can’t wait for mama’s sweet potato pie.

Ferdi:  (lustfully, as they stop in front of the Feldmans’)  Mama’s pie is always the sweetest, most delectable, most ambrosial…

Chimi:  (blushing darkly)  Ferdi, please…

Mary:  We’ve heard it all but still.   Ew, papa. Gross.

Ferdi:  You’ll understand someday, dear.  But now, papa’s keeping guard dogs on the property.  Any guy that comes for you will have to meet my guidelines.  

Mary:  Oh, brother.   Papa, I don’t care about guys.  Worry more about Bruno, he’s the little slayer.  

Bruno:  What ? Mary !   You little snitch !  I have one girlfriend, her name’s Giselle.  

Mary:  What is this now, girlfriend #5 ?  

Bruno:  (getting irritated)  It’s not my fault, sis.  None of these girls seem to be serious.  

Chimi:  Oh, Bruno.  Don’t worry so much about that now.   You’re just in middle school. Enjoy being a teenager.   

Ferdi:  Yeah, don’t let your peers bog you down and don’t fret about those girls.   Just lay back and enjoy being a kid. There will be plenty of time to pursue those interests later.  

(They walk inside)

Changa:  (anxious)  I’ve never been here before.  

Jake: I wonder if they know your pot money paid for all this luxury.  

Junior:  Dad ! They might overhear...I don’t think they know !

Jake: (covers his mouth momentarily)  

Mary: (Knocks the knocker on the door)  Big knockers, huh ?

Bruno:  (laughing)

Mary:  What ? What’s so funny, hermano ?

Bruno:  I’ll let you know when you’re older, tesora.  

Scene 2--The Lavish Feldstein Homestead

(The door opens)

Nessa:  Welcome !  We’ve heard so much about you !   Come on in, turkey’s almost done !  

Sam: (inhaling deeply)  Do I detect the delightful scent of mashed potatoes ?

Jacob:  Yes, that’s mine.  

Sam:  I can’t wait to dig into those, m’boy.   Any man who can cook is tops in my book.  

(They all sit down, getting to know each other during the Parade. ‘Our House on the Corner of the Street’ plays in the background.  It’s your typical nuclear family and it’s very uplifting seeing Changa fitting in with Jacob’s side of the family for the first time.  All seems to be going well. Chimi and Ferdi get a little frisky, so they head off toward the bedroom.)

Ferdi: Will they start asking for us ?

Chimi:  No. Come on, Ferd !  This is something we’ve wanted to do for a while.  You know (slinks up to him seductively and traces his chest with her fingertip in a very suggestive way)  scratch it off the ol’ bucket list.

Ferdi:  Ooooh, I love it when you are saucy, but then again, your special sauce is the only one that I crave, babe.  

(‘Reflejo de Luna’ plays as shadows depict their interlude.   We hear ‘Dinner’s Ready’ and the two rush to the table, ahead of everyone else.)  

Nancy:  We’re tickled pink everyone could make it here without incident.   And now, let’s open with blessing our food and all who are here.

Xaba:  I also offer prayers for those who couldn’t be with us tonight.    

Nancy:  Thank you, mom.   (She says a quick prayer)

All:  Amen.  

Norman:  I’m starvin !   Let’s eat !

(They eat while ‘Our House, Is a Very, Very, Very Fine House’ plays)   

Hanna:  I don’t mean to spoil this decadent evening but I found this.  (holds baggy) It fell out of your purse.

Jake:  (whispers)  You brought a doobie into the house ?  Lori what were you thinking ?

Changa:  You know I was nervous.  I smoked a little joint before we even came in….

Gloria:  (Gasps, they are all horrified, talking amongst each other saying such devastating things as ‘I can’t believe he married her’ and ‘Isn’t he ashamed’ and ‘She smokes WEED ?’ and ‘SHe’s probably an addict’, etc.)  

Sam:  It’s time I put my foot down.  I know you’re a part of my family, Lori Ann, but this does not abide.   Now, either you and your (restrains himself) child remove themselves from my ranch or I’ll gladly introduce my foot to your tuches.  

Changa:  (raises finger to speak but Jacob puts it down)  

Junior:  So, what you’re saying is we gotta leave ?  Just because mom happens to smoke a little doobie on the side ?   No. NO ! That’s lame. You guys should respect her !

Changa:  Jake, that’s very kind of you but don’t make it worse than what it already is.  

Nessa:  That’s the first smart thing I have heard you say all day.  

(They walk out.   Chimi sets down her silverware.)

Chimi:  No. I won’t stand for this.   I’m sorry, but Lori is my best friend.  You disown her, you disown me.

Ferd:  (takes her hand)  Goes double for me.   Come on, kids, let’s go.  

(A very lyrical rendition, orchestral of ‘Everybody Hurts’ plays in the background as the family leaves.)  

Bluebell:  You can’t just up and leave like that.   

Lori:  Yes. I can.   Mom, they just disowned me !  You saw the disdain and disgust in their faces !   

Joaquin:  They don’t understand.  If you just tell them the truth, they’ll accept you in time.   

Kabe:  Joaquin is right honey.   Now, gather yourself up, and get back in there.  We’re going back in with you.

(Scene shift)  

Scene 3--Telling the Truth, Making Amends

(knocks at the door)  

Nessa: (answers the door and scowls, sternly)  You heard what we said before…

Lori:   Please listen.  I know you guys think I’m evil but it’s because of what I do that you have your ranch.    

Gloria:  Is that so ?   Nessa, that can’t be true.  

Lori:  It’s a growing industry.   Pardon the pun.

Jacob: She inherited her green thumb from her mom and since then business is booming.   And it’s not all bad.

(So far, they don’t look very convinced.   Sam is about to lead them out of the ranch again but Xaba stops them.)  

Xaba:  Let her finish, Samuel.   

Samuel:  (Crosses arms)  Fine (a bit irked) mother.   

Lori:   We’ve helped people overcome so called ‘incurable’ diseases, even defeating anxiety and depression.   This is all natural. No drug produced by Big Pharma has even come close to that.

Jacob:  Just last week she helped a man who had glaucoma overcome it.   His eyes had been given a dire prognosis but now he can see perfectly well and they are whole.   He may need readers but it’s a whole lot better than what had been foretold would happen down the line if the acute glaucoma hadn’t been addressed.   

Nancy:  We might not agree with her lifestyle, guys, but she’s still one of ours.   Our boy married her because he loves her.    I can see how much better he has become because of her influence.   They make each other so much better.

Lori:  (Getting tears in her eyes)   Thank you. I’m so glad we’ve worked this out.  

Xaba:  And about damned time too.   Who wants some cherry cobbler a la mode ?!

(Everyone clamors for it)

Scene 4--Insane Thanksgiving Fun

Chimi:  (narrating)  Just as quickly as the disowning had begun it had been dissolved.  My lovely surrogate sister, Lori had integrated so seamlessly back into her family.  We spent the rest of our time scrounging around bowling alleys and roller skating rinks, laser tags and rock climbing walls.   The last thing we did was jump into an air tunnel. It’s quite an experience and as a family it was something we will never forget.    As I came home with my family, I saw my children sleeping quietly in the back of the family wagon, contentedly. Nothing could ever replace this moment, surrounded by my friends.   Yes indeed, life was grand and only continued getting better.

(We see our family roll off into the sunset.   Lori sings ‘Smoke A Doobie’ without smoking one and Conchita and Lori laugh.   The kids are asleep and Ferdi and Jake are also sleeping in a sort of bromance pose.   Credits begin to roll and then ‘I’m Cheech, I’m Chong, can’t we all just get a Bong’ plays to some hysterical outtakes as well as concepts that never made it into the script.)