Chimi & Changa: Mardi Grass

Synopsis:   It’s the one day of the year that most religious people pig out on everything they can before the solemn days of Lent.   Changa is called by a Voodoo Priestess who orders her premium ‘bud’ for her shop.   Changa nor Chimi have been in the Big Easy but it has been on their bucket list for

~*~CAST~*~

Conchita ‘Chimi’ Lopez:

Ferdinand Lopez:

Bruno Lopez: (their son)

Mariposa ‘Mary’ Lopez: (soon to be born daughter)

Lupita Chiquita: (her mom)

Salvador Chiquita: (her dad)  

Joaquin Chiquita: (her grandpa)  

Lori Chang:  

Li Chang: (her dad)  

Bluebell Chang:  (her mom)

Kabe Chang: (her grandfather)

Fiona Chang: (her grandmother)  

Officer Bill DeMayo:   

Officer Cincinnati ‘Cincy’ DeMayo: (his brother)

Rebecca Cohen:

Kabe Eli Cohen:

Solomon Cohen: (Jake’s dad)  

Esther Cohen: (Jake’s mom)

Rebecca Cohen: (Jake’s grandmother)

Casino Bunny #1:

Casino Bunny #2:  

Casino Bunny #3:  

Casino Owner, ‘Rich’:    

Butterfly DeLong: (the Voodoo Priestess)

Jay DeLong: (her husband)

Cassandra DeLong: (Their eldest daughter)

Vesta DeLong: (their middle daughter)  

Persephone ‘Percy’ DeLong: (their baby)  

Doctor Inez Christian: (the OBGYN, DO)

Nurse Sejal Khan:   

Scene 1--Heading to The Big Easy

Changa:  (knocking excitedly on Chimi’s door.  Chimi and her family have just finished dinner and Ferdi politely gets up and answers the door for his overly pregnant wife)  Chimi !  Chimi !  I have excellent news !

Ferdi:  Hello, dear Changa.   I can see you’re particularly peppy.  What’s up ?  

Changa: (bounding in nearly unable to contain her excitement)   I got the best contact ever.  

Joaquin:  Another job, I take it ?

Changa:  Grandpa Joaquin, lemme finish !   

Bruno:  Are we going someplace new, mama ?  

Chimi:  We just might be.  

Changa:  (keeps herself cool) As I was saying, this new contact is in New Orleans.  

Salvador:  How marvelous !  

Lupita:  Oh, Sal !  I’ve always wanted to go there.

Changa:  Well Mrs. Chiquita.  Consider me your genie !   

Chimi:  (narrating)  What Changa failed to tell everyone was it wasn’t your typical contact or your ‘normal’ job.  Ooo, no.  Perish the thought.  

(As they set off for New Orleans, ‘Back Jack, Do It Again’ the instrumental version, plays. We see the stereotypical red dotted line tracing the map from California to New Orleans and the ambiance taking over.   A new, jazzier, more upbeat version of ‘Shake Senora’ plays.   Everyone but Changa remembered this is Mardi Gras week.)  

Scene 2--Meeting the Buyer

Chimi:  (narrating)  So we left our parents to their own vices, whatever old people vices are.  Ugh.  I’d rather not think of that.  All our parents are horndogs and I am pretty certain I know what they like to do behind closed doors.   (clears throat)  Moving on !  

(Iko Iko plays in the background followed by Let the Good Times roll.)  

Chimi:  Are those (tries not to freak out much) shrunken heads ?

Changa:  Yeah, chica.  Oh, I forgot that one miniscule detail didn’t I ?

Chimi:  I think I would’ve remembered you mentioning this woman was a VOODOOENIE !  

Changa:  (clasps her hand over Chimi’s mouth)  It’s not all that big of a deal.   It’s not like she’s gonna curse us if she doesn’t like my primo grass.   Chill, Chimi.  Deep breaths.  

Chimi:  I swear you are gonna get us killed some day.   

Changa:  Trust my leading.  You have before and profited vastly.   (knocks on the door)

Chimi:  (shivering) This place is eerie.   I don’t like its energy.  

Changa:  It’s just the ambiance of the place.   Grows on you after a while.   

Butterfly:  Changa !   I am pleased to finally meet you !   This must be your sister, Chimi.   

Chimi:  That’s me alright.  (slight anxious laugh)  

Jay:  The Chimi and Changa of fame !   I see you brought the product.  

Changa:  And what a product.   (hands it over)   You two are professionals, you can examine all you like.   I guarantee it is pure.  It’s my own home grown.   

Vesta:  We would grow our own ourselves but with the increased police presence, such a thing is ill advised.   

(Persephone starts to cry from another room)

Vesta:   Persephone, I’m coming.   Vesta’s got you…

Chimi:  (feels a hearty kick)  Woo...Mariposa is getting antsy, I think.   I don’t know how much longer she’ll be cooking in there, but I feel any moment, I might burst.  

Butterfly:  If you do, Jay and I can facilitate the birthing process.   You’d be in good hands.

Chimi:  (feeling relief)   I don’t doubt you.   You have two children, after all.  

Jay:  Butterfly had natural births using herbs for pain remedies.   

Butterfly:   (tasting)  Yes, yes.  This will do nicely.   

Changa:  I’m throwing in free seeds.  I’m positive you guys can grow a small herb garden, just keep it hidden.  No one will ever know.   

Chimi:  Says the pot grower who keeps her garden in plain sight.    

Vesta:  (coming back with Persephone)  She was hungry and wanted to be held by her big sis.   

Chimi/Changa:  Awwwww….

Changa:  Almost makes me want to have another one.    One’s enough for this chick.   

Chimi:   How precious.   Well, we’d stay but we’ve gotta go.

Jay/Butterfly:   Be blessed !   

Jay:  Thank you, this will help our business thrive.   

Vesta:   Your help is appreciated.  We won’t forget your kindness.   

Changa: (as they’re walking to the car)  I think we should go to the casino, try our luck.  

Chimi:   Are you kidding ?  We should be happy with the sale, do more sightseeing and call it a day.

Changa:   We’re in the Big Easy, girl.   Ease up, show ‘em your tits.

Chimi:  Real classy, Changa.  Real classy.  (narrating)  So, here I am with a noticeably stoned Changa as per the use.   She hadn’t gotten the full effects of the ganga yet, but I was just waiting for the other green shoe to drop.   

(Scene shift)  

Scene 3--Winner, Winner, Changa Dinner !   

Changa:  I’ve always wanted to do this !   Lemme go try the roulette table !

Chimi:  I’m coming with you and not letting my eyes stray for one second.

Changa:  Ok, mom.   I’m sure you let Ferdi know we were headed out to the riverboats.   Jake’s aware of where I am too, but he knows I’m tried and true and would do him no wrong.   

Chimi:  Yes, and I hope you remember that.  Try not to be distracted.   I remember how you nearly had Byron in your knickers.   

Changa:  (laughing)  I’m Jake’s woman.  But you gotta give him points for persistence.   

(They laugh)  

Changa:  (gets SUPER lucky almost every time)   

Chimi:   I want to try the one armed bandits.

Changa:  One more roll.

Bunny #1:  I think you’ve had your run of luck.   

Bunny #2:  Wait, Valerie.   I wanna see if she hits another jackpot…

Bunny #3:  No way...That’s not possible.   

Chimi:  I think we should get while the getting is good…

Changa:  Oh come on, don’t puss out on me.  

Chimi:   Alright.  We’ll try the bandits and then, (ghetto-like) peace, we be out, yo.

Changa:  (laughing hysterically)  Girl, no one says that anymore.  What are we, living in the 90’s ?   

Chimi:  Time for me to try my luck.   

(She hits the biggest jackpot ever)  

Rich:  Ok, ladies.   Time for you to go.  You’re gonna run Bonne Chance into the ground, cheres.   

Changa:  But you’re name’s Rich.  I doubt you’re hurtin’ for anything.   

Rich:  How droll, madam.   

Chimi: (feels a big kick and her water breaks)  Whoo, boy.  I might have hit the jackpot in more ways than one.  

Rich:  Here, I have a phone, ma’am.  

Chimi:  Thank you, I have my own, but considering the severity of these kicks, I’m gonna need to borrow it anyways !  

(narrating)  Mariposa wanted to come into the world in the worst way.   I was literally carried by my soul sister out of Bonne Chance and Ferdi was waiting, ever the gallant white knight in his mechanical silver steed.  

Ferdi:  Come on, corazon !   

Chimi:  Oh, gracias a Dios.   

(Scene shift)  

Scene 4--Little Butterfly

OBGYN:  Push, push, push.   Almost there !   She’s crowning !  

Sejal:  (taking out a wailing Mariposa)  Oh, she’s perfect.  

Ferdi:  (taking his newborn daughter into his arms) Look, Bruno.  It’s your little sister !  

Bruno:  She’s so CUTE !   And so noisy…

Sejal:  (handing the infant to her mother)  She is as beautiful as you, mommy.

Chimi:  Oh, Sejal.  You flatter me.   Thank you.   Good thing she wasn’t born in Bonne Chance, huh !  

(They all laugh a moment.   Mariposa has calmed down.  Grandpa starts singing a song in spanish about butterflies to her and she calms down instantly.)  

Chimi:  Is that the song you sang to me when I was little ?

Joaquin:  Sure is. That very song has worked its charms on every Chiquita since.  Looks like it works with the Lopez clan too.    (chuckles)  May I see the little flower ?  

Lupita:  Of course, papa.   (takes the baby from mom and hands her to her grandpa)  

Joaquin:  (getting emotional, but crying happy tears)  It’s like holding you both again.   

Lupita/Chimi:  Awwww….You’re so sentimental papa.  

Chimi:  To this day I have to say Mariposa has got to have the best ‘birthday’ story ever.   I’m sure she can use that to impress any potential husbands in the future.   For now she and Bruno are going to learn the fundamentals of politeness and sharing.   I’m pretty certain Bruno will find it easier than Mary, she’s just a little booger now.   

Ferdi:  (proudly, beaming)  Look at what we made, corazon.   I want to make another…

Chimi:  (laughing)  No, Ferdi, love.  I think two is sufficient.  

Ferdi:  (still accepting)  And you couldn’t be more right.   

Chimi:  (narrating)  And so it was my little darling was born on the best Valentine’s Day ever, making it the most eventful Valentine present ever.  

(‘Isn’t She Lovely’ plays in the background as we see our new parents and big brother celebrating their newest family member and the illuminated life they have down the road.   It’s followed by ‘Love Train’ and ‘Big Train Runnin’, rife with bloopers and gaffes.   Special thanks to the originators of stoner comedy, Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong.  Harold and Kumar, I owe you props too.  God bless stoners !)