Questions Every American Has Watching Bollywood Films

Alright, so the protagonist was wearing white a minute ago, and now he’s wearing black ?  Is he some sort of wizard or was there a wardrobe change I simply didn’t see ?
What’s with all the singing and dancing ?

Why are these films such rollercoaster rides ?
These movies seem so formulaic.  I suppose formulas are tried, proven methods of success, right ?

What’s with all the Gods ?  Couldn’t you just level it down to one ?

Why are all your actors and actresses so sexy looking ?  
Why do I fall for SRK every time I see him on screen ?  
Do you just hire random children to dance in the musical numbers ?   That seems like an oddly specific number of children.
Why so dramatic, India ?  
Why is it always a romantic comedy ?   
Why the metric system ?   
Do you still feel harshly about the Raj ?   I wouldn’t blame you if you did.  Even though I am an Anglophile, England wasn’t very kind to you or other countries it conquered.  
Is it true that all of you have that endearing, charming accent ?  
Why are all y’all so sensual ?  
Ever thought of making a film about gay lovers ?    
And lastly but not leastly…

Why is your music so golderned catchy ?  

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