Chimi & Changa: New Year's Green

Synopsis:  It’s New Year’s Eve and Pop N’ Lock invites his friends to a cruise to The Bahamas.   Their nemesis, the DeMayo brothers, follow them with only one objective, arrest them for solicitation and possession of marijuana.   

~*~CAST~*~

Conchita ‘Chimi’ Lopez:

Ferdinand Lopez:

Bruno Lopez: (their son)

Mariposa ‘Mary’ Lopez: (their unborn daughter)

Lupita Chiquita: (her mom)

Salvador Chiquita: (her dad)  

Joaquin Chiquita: (her grandpa)  

Lori Chang:  

Li Chang: (her dad)  

Bluebell Chang:  (her mom)

Kabe Chang: (her grandfather)

Fiona Chang: (her grandmother)  

Officer Bill DeMayo:   

Officer Cincinnati ‘Cincy’ DeMayo: (his brother)

Haylee Blaze:

Frank Roach:  

Jacob Junior:

Rebecca Cohen:

Kabe Eli Cohen:

Solomon Cohen: (Jake’s dad)  

Esther Cohen: (Jake’s mom)

Rebecca Cohen: (Jake’s grandmother)

DJ Pop N’ Lock:

DJ Pop n’ Lock: (Dante Knowles)

Rainbow Love/Knowles:

Dante Junior: (their newborn baby)

Selena Morales: (their babysitter and trusted friend)

Marco Morales: (her ‘little’ brother)

Sarah Morales: (her mom)

Damien Morales: (her dad)

Lord Byron Baudelaire III:

Claire Baudelaire: (wife #1)

Stephanie Baudelaire: (wife #2)

Scene 1--Disembarking

(Oingo Boingo’s ‘Just Another Day’ plays in the background as our titular characters pack their bags in rapid suggestion and loading into Delta Airlines to touch down on Serafina Cruises.  Everyone gets settled in and quickly it is time for dinner and a show.  DJ Pop N’ Lock is the entertainer, but he is currently enjoying a lavish meal with his friends.  The true entertainment is a band playing outstanding Salsa music.)

Esther:  Is that Pop N’ Lock !   I didn’t know he was here !   We’re brushing elbows with a celebrity !  

Solomon:  Spiffy !  

Bluebell:  What brings you and Rainbow here ?

(A Latin version of ‘Stay Hungry’ plays, followed by ‘Havana’.   Chimi and Ferdi dance seductively, and he whispers to her how beautiful she is, even moreso when she is pregnant.)  

Rainbow:  We needed a vacation.   DJ’s with us too, but our babysitter’s taking care of him.

Pop:  She’s sort of like our au pair.    Ah, there our little angel is !  

(They all ‘awww’)   

Fiona:  Looks just like his daddy.  

Pop:  Yeah, and he can be quite a handful.

Selena: Not when he’s sleeping !   He slept the whole way here and the rocking from the ship is keeping him that way.   Should I put him in his crib for the night ?

Pop:  Sure thing, Selena.   You’re a star.   

Selena:  No, you’re the star.   

(‘Despacito’ plays and Byron saunters into the scene, sneaking his way into Chimi’s dance.)

Byron:  You look positively ravishing.   

Ferdi:  Take your dirty mitts off my wife, Byron.

Byron:  (low growl)  Oooh, the big bad bull.  How I’ve missed you.   

Changa:  Didn’t you hear them ?   Back off.  

Byron:  I know when my presence isn’t wanted, but don’t you find it odd we’d be off on a vacation together ?   

Jake:  Choose your next words wisely.  

Byron:   I’m not here to recruit you.  I just find it intriguing you’re on the Serafina.   (winks)  That’s all.   Carry on.

(The girls and he laugh, chatting as they walk by.)   

Ferdi:  They won’t bother us.   If they try anything funny, my horns are coming out.   

Jake:  Remind me never to anger you.   

Ferdi: (Firm pat on the back which nearly knocks Jake over)  You won’t !   You’ve always been on my good side.

(Scene fade.   We see our family members entertaining themselves like in a conga line, shuffleboard, bingo, gambling, feasting and waiting for a broadcast of the ball to drop in NYC.   Changa sees this opportunity as one to mingle and schmooze.)

Scene 3--High Times at New Year’s Eve

(A jazzy, Latin version of ‘Auld Lang Syne’ plays as Changa does her work. Chimi is shocked that her friend is being enterprising on vacation.)

Chimi:  Lori, what the heck are you doing ?   I don’t know if its the contact high from that doobie you’re inhaling, but I just feel we’re being watched.  Remember what happened in Jamaica.  

Changa: (completely amused, laughs hysterically)  How could I ever forget !  Both those DeMayos, man they were livid…

Chimi:  (miming)  Behind you !  

DeMayo:  What about us DeMayos then, Mrs. Chang ?  Might I remind you that soliciting a controlled substance on a cruise is highly illegal.  

Bob:  Yep, even if they paid.  And you, Mrs. Lopez are an accessory, so you will be charged with all of your friend’s grievances.  

Changa: (loathsome look, downcast)  Man, you really know how to be a proverbial cow pie in a flower patch.   

Chimi: (as they are being taken away, she develops a plan)  Perhaps you’d like to reconsider ?

Byron:  Where are you taking these gorgeous minxes, Officers ?

DeMayo:  (proudly, full of confidence)  To jail, good and fine sir.   Oh, you’re that one rich playboy.   

Byron:  Yes, and what of it ?  

Bob:  I see other women with him.  Not his wives either.  Forget these petty marijuana sellers…

DeMayo:  (aside)  Bob.  NO !  Man, what are you thinkin’.  Don’t be a dipshit !  

Bob: What I’m sayin’ is, Baudelaire’s offense is far worse than these two potheads could ever be.  

Byron:  I’m IN earshot, assholes. Do you even know who you are dealing with ?   Besides, these women we know them.  Right, Claire ?  Right, Stephanie ?

Stephanie:  Yes.  These gals and their hubbies, we’re all swingers !   

DeMayo: Tell it to the judge, Baudelaires.   Your debauchery has seen the last light of day.  

Claire:  Ugh, what pissants.   Ruining the New Year holiday.   Remind me never to go out on a cruise ever again.  

(As they are taken away, Haylee and Frank come into the scenario a bit late.)

Haylee:  What...just happened ?

Frank:  Yeah, man we were chillin’ like villains and then the po po shows up.

Changa:  Our bacon got saved.  I hate that Byron and the babes had to take a fall like that for us.  

Frank:  Wait, wait, wait, wait.   (pause, holds finger up)  Wait.  I’m lost.  So (laughs) what did they do exactly ?

Chimi:  Here’s the scoop.   Byron and his wives were going somewhere private with their swinger friends.   We were about to be busted for Chimi’s solicitation.   

Changa:  Hey, chica.  Don’t knock it.  You an’ me kid, we’re bringin’ home bacon and putting these kids, especially little Mariposa through the best colleges money can buy !   Ain’t nobody sayin’ different, ya feel ?  

Chimi:  Since when did you go all gangsta thug on me ?

Changa: (laughs)  

Kabe:  Hey, the ball’s about to drop everyone !  

Ferdi:  We all got to experience it together, mi amore. (kisses her neck seductively)

Chimi:  That we did torocito.   That we did.  

(‘Green Eyes’ by the Diogenes Club plays.  Everyone dances.  A very lovely tubular almost 80s sounding ‘Auld Lang Syne’ plays as everyone kisses and rings in the New Year.)  

Bluebell:  May it be the best one yet.  I can’t wait to meet our surrogate granddaughter.   If she looks anything like Chita, man alive, you’re going to have to buy some Doberman Pincers or something !

Ferdi:  Any man who thinks he’s worthy of my little princess will have to get through me first.  

Jake:  Spoken like a true papa.   

Chimi:  (A final dance to ‘Remember Me’ from Coco, narrating)  Even though we had a slight snag on the Serafina, the rest of the vacation was one to savor.   Everyone got the rest and relaxation they deserved, even Changa and her overseas business.  At the rate we’re going, both of us can retire in Kauai someday when we’re old and grey.   For now, we enjoy our families, each other’s company and the promise only a New Year can bring.   5...4...3...2...1….HAPPY NEW YEAR !  

(Ferdi and Chimi kiss passionately and ‘Start Spreading the News’ plays.  It’s followed by ‘Taking My Time’ and some rather silly selfies of the gang being random and goofy.   Gaffes and bloopers are shown at this time, as with subsequent movies, they only get funnier and better each time around.   Dedications are shown as ‘firework’ bursts to ‘Free Ride’ and then we see the Serafina returning to shore as ‘Home Sweet Home’ by Motley Crue plays.  To all who believed in me, I owe you one.  Your friendship has given me wings.)