Voluptua, Mass Appeal

Synopsis: Taking place immediately after ‘Captor of Hearts’, our main heroine faces off against her emfatuee, Alluro.   Also, Valentina gets walloped and finds herself unable to assist her friend.  She also comes to a realization that her method of ruling is quite totalitarian, unforgiving, merciless and just plain berserk.  

~*~CAST~*~

Queen Valentina:  

Narrator/Preston:  

Council (Jeeves):  

Voluptua:

Grandpa Nosferatu:

Alejandro 'Jandro' Dias:  

Alluro:  

Pasithea: (one of Alluro's 'babes')

Lithium: (another of Alluro's 'babes')

(11 more concubines that belong to Alluro)

Abbadon: (Vol's main demon)

Skeevy: (another demon)

Heebie: (another demon)

Jeebies: (another demon)

Voodoo: (another demon)  

Cringe: (another demon)

Twinge: (another demon)  

Scene 1--Alluro Realizes He is Beaten

(The end credit song from Hunter X Hunter plays as Alluro and Voluptua face off.   The massive formation of the Scorpion does massive damage to Valentina and she is knocked out for a while.  Twinge, a demon sees to her needs.)  

Val:  He’s far too strong.  I can’t land a hit edgewise.   

Twinge:  I can see that.  Voluptua has her talons full, definitely.  

Voodoo:  I wouldn’t count her out yet. She’s got us and Alejandro.  We’re going to come out swingin.  

(Voluptua finds the one ‘gap’ in his armor and hits it at full force while her demons are recuperating from past hits.   Alluro falls back, completely wiped out but still able to converse.)

Alluro:  You saw right through me.  I have to hand it to you, you are a beast when it comes to fighting.  

Vol:  Never discount me again.   It’ll be a bad deal for you.

Alluro:  Not only that your puns are divine.   (he sighs rhapsodically and recollects himself, standing up, brushing himself off)   I see you have a new love in your life.  Do you plan on marriage ?   

Vol: (blushing darkly)  Yes, actually we do.  

Al:  (avidly, with a sparkling toothy grin) Is that an invitation ? (Swoops to her side and takes her hands into his)  I accept, wholeheartedly.

Val:  (rubbing her head and slowly getting up.  She winces.)  Ow...So much pain.   

Heebie:  Al hit you pretty hard.  (helping her get up and find her footing)

Vol:  Are you alright, Valentina ? (coming over to heal her bruises and cuts in little to no time flat)

Val:  Yes, but I wasn’t able to help.  You, Alejandro and the demons defeated Al all on your own.  

Vol:  The fact that you overlooked our grievances and joined me says quite a bit about your character.   

Val:  It makes me realize I have nothing in my kingdom compared to yours.

Vol:  Kingdom ? (laughs)  I haven’t even begun enslaving humanity yet.   

Alluro:  She doesn’t even need to ask.  I would gladly be ruled by her.

Pasithea:  I concur.   

Lithium:  Hail Voluptua !    The best Queen ever.   

Narrator:  In that moment, Valentina realized that her fear mongering had only terrified her consorts and gentility was the best way of winning friends and influencing people.   

Val:  You know, I’ve been foolish about this entire enmity between us.   I wouldn’t mind letting you rule this entire area.  Seems to me you’re a born and bred leader, Voluptua.  

Vol:  (raises an eyebrow, dubious) You sure your head wasn’t hit a bit too hard back there, right ?

Val:  (laughing)  No !   Of course not.   For the first time in my entire life I am thinking more clearly than I have in years.   

Jeeves:  (bursting through the castle doors and rushing to Valentina’s side)  MIstress, I had been looking for you everywhere.   I couldn’t get a hold of you !  I’ve been worried sick.  (slaps her) Don’t ever do that again.  

Val:  I suppose I had that slap coming.  Thank you for that, Jeeves.

Jeeves:  (confused)  You’re welcome.  (looks at all the chaos that has happened)  Could someone please fill me in on what the devil was going on ?   

Vol:  I’ll explain everything.   

Narrator:  It was a lengthy tale, but the battle had ultimately transformed Valentina.   She had softened, but some of her flaws still remained in tact.

(scene fade)  

Scene 2--Nosferatu Drops In

(One year passes, Vol and Alejandro are wed and everyone attends.  A celebratory Alluro praises her and is brought into abject adulation of Voluptua’s legendary grandpa.)  

Nos:  I know it’s short notice but I decided to check in on you.   What’s a couple year’s absence versus infinity ?  

Vol:  (nodding)  True.  

(The demons weep joyously.)  

Skeevy:  I always cry at these things !   Plus Mistress looks so gorgeous !   

Nos:  I see you turned someone as well.  Good on you !   Let me take a gander at my son-in-law.

Al:  I’ve heard so much about you !   You don’t look older than 700 !

Nos:  I see what you find so appealing about him.   He is quite the charmer.   

(They all dance to ‘September’, ‘Jealousy’ as well ‘Night Fever’, ‘Kiss’ and ‘He’s the Greatest Dancer’.   Nosferatu takes center stage on the last one and really wows the crowd with his surreal, otherworldly dance moves.)  

Al:  And still hasn’t lost a step.

Alluro:  I have to say, Nosferatu, I’ve always aspired to be like you or to be you.  

Nos:  (pats him on the back, nonplussed and unimpressed with Alluro’s fashion sense or his narcissism) Keep tryin’ kid.   

Alluro: (almost to the point of orgasm, but maintaining a sense of composure)  I’ll never wash this cloak ever again

Concubine: You may want to consider washing it anyway with some of the kinky things we do in it, Master.  

Alluro:  Way to puncture my happy balloon, Azul.   

Azul:  Yes, but you (seductively) enjoy the naughtiness we have.

Alluro:  (his frown immediately perks back up into a smile and his ears twitch)   I know when to take a cue.  Any of the other girls interested ?    

Azul:  Roja, Blanca, Midori, Jaun, Mauve...All of us are always up for whatever your dirty mind concocts.  

Alluro:  (victoriously)  Score.  (To Voluptua and the others)  I wish I could stay but my services are needed elsewhere.  

Nos: (shakes head from left to right)  That guy’s a major dickbag, isn’t he ?   

Vol:  Indubitably.  

Val:  Thanks to Vol, though, we won’t be needing to deal with him ever again.   Just so you know though, I don’t intend on becoming your indentured servant any time soon.  

Vol: I never asked. (She laughs heartily)   I’ve only started gaining a minor following.  

Val:  Minor ?   You’ve got a television show, your own line of clothing, accessory purses, stuffed toys in your likeness…

Vol:  My demons handle all the marketing prospects, I’m busy making appearances.  Can’t keep my fans waiting.  Of course, they understand I’m going to be busy with my new life.   They totally expect that out of a newlywed.   

Val: (laughs)  You’re so patient.   

Vol:  Good things come to those who wait, Valentina.  

Val:  (begrudgingly)   I suppose you are right, again.   (shakes her hand)  The better gal won the prince.   You two truly deserve each other.  

Vol: I’m certain there is someone out there for you.  Haven’t you ever wondered about Jeeves ?

(Jeeves is off dancing somewhere, out of earshot.)

Val:  He did come to see me and gave me the tough love I required.  Only a true friend would do that.  

Vol:  Precisely, my dear.   Ever thought about what could be ?

Val:  (her cheeks turn dark red)   Sometimes I do, even though he is 10 years older than me.  

Al:  Age means nothing.  Look at Voluptua, she’s quite a bit older and she looks and acts like a teenager.  

Vol:  You little honeybee.  Give mama some sugar.  (draws him close and bends him over with a very sensual kiss)  

Val:  (pretending to gag)  Oh, God.  Get a room, you schmucks.   

Vol:  You know you’re happy for me.   

Val:  (a bit unwillingly)  Yeah, I am.   I’ll admit it.   Both of you, good luck.  Have fun in Bora Bora.  As for me, I’m downsizing my kingdom and seriously pondering prospects with Jeeves.  

Al:  You two would be perfect for each other !  Think of it as a long term business partnership !  

Val:  That’s brilliant.  I don’t know why I didn’t see it before.  

Narrator:  Voluptua’s influence only grew in time.  Even I felt her pull upon my heart, soul and mind.  I couldn’t help but be drawn to her.   Everyone was magnetized by her mass appeal in those entrancing eyes and that pearlescent smile.   Today, 7 years later, I can say I am happier than I have ever been.  I gave myself to be turned by her to become her one and only hell of a butler, Preston.   (sly grin) You thought I was going to use some other name.  Didn’t you ?   Too bad. It’s copywritten and heaven forbid I ‘borrow’ someone else’s intellectual property.   I am not one for being sued.   (clears throat)  Our hero and heroine lived out their lives in perfect harmony with 10 little batty children to call their own.   Prolific, no ?    They all had their own incredible talents and abilities.   Alluro continued his hedonistic tendencies and libidinous ways.  (pausing, thinking to himself, off in the foyer upon a window’s ledge reading a book aptly titled, ‘Vampire Butlers in Media and Film’) Whatever became of Valentina, you ask ?   Why don’t we see for ourselves.  

Valentina:  (to Jeeves) It’s so much easier living out here in the country, isn’t it ?

Jeeves:  See, you didn’t need that kingdom after all. I’ve never seen you so content.   You’re much more lovely when you smile.  

Valentina:  (hugging his arm)  You are such a doll, Jeeves.  I was lucky when I married you.   

Jeeves:  (pats her belly expectantly)  I think we’re going to be even further blessed.   I can’t believe we’re going to be parents soon.  

Valentina:  I never planned on that.  (looks at him)  What if I’m a bad mom ?   I’m really selfish and arrogant.  Conceited, egotistic… (she starts to get a little emotional)

Jeeves: (rubs her arm reassuringly)  We all have those tendencies.  You’ve transformed so much over the years.  You’re going to be a remarkable mother, my sweet Valentine.  

Valentina:  (kisses his cheek)  I’m glad.  

Narrator: (tearing up)  Oh, how I adore a happy end !    

(We have a pull back from a rather comfortable porch scene of Valentina and Jeeves.   There’s no more kingdom and they are living pleasantly from their new lots in life, looking forward to the new life they have yet to herald into the great, big world.   Bloopers are presented.   Alluro dances to “If You Love My Body And You Think I’m Sexy’ with the ladies as back up correography.)