Red Ice
Synopsis: An underdog madcap comedy spanning dark topics such as alcohol recovery/rehab, going through the adoption system and being let-down by it, crime, redemption, manipulation, bribery, blackmail, etc.
Main team (our hapless, 'hopeless' losers), The Timberwolves
The affluent, but pretentious winners, The Antartic Polar Bears
"I want to be where the action is and the stairs aren't."--Crysalis, Moonbeam City
~*~CAST~*~
Soren Shapiro: (our scrappy anti-hero)
Leon Neville 'Nervous Neville': (spazzy goalie)
Xavier Couller 'Capt. Cool': (anger issues)
Bradley 'Brad' Blaze: (another star player besides Soren)
Benjamin Perrault 'Catapult': (opinionated, insubordinate)
Blizzard: (Timberwolves' mascot, worn by Ross Kowalsky)
Coach Sylvan Goulette: (recovering alcoholic)
Puff: (Puffin's mascot, worn by Felix Svalzbard)
Alaric Eklund: (Puffin's star player)
Chuck Wood: (Woodchucks' star player)
Frank Yeller: (Sylvan's old friend from college)
Christine Flores: (ballarina, fan of Timberwolves)
Inez Flores: (Christine's mom)
Pablo Flores: (Christine's dad)
APB Coach, Bertha Sterling:
Ursula Abramov:
Odessa Babicov:
Helena Vinokurov:
Tatiana Malcovitch: (emfatuated with Soren)
Drozdoff Malcovitch: (Tatiana's rich dad)
Windchill: (Antartic Polar Bears mascot, worn by Ana Ivanova)
Scene 1--We Are Timberwolves, Hear Us Howl
Sylvan: Alright, team. We'll be facing off against the Woodchucks today.
Team members: (at different times) Aw man. Those schmoes ? They're so damned annoying ! Why them ? Why couldn't it have been the Malamutes ?
Ben: We'd lose against those dolts too, and they don't know a puck from their own peckers !
Sylvan: (sigh) I keep telling you fellas, it's all a matter of perspective.
Leon: Not really, coach. We do one thing right and that's lose. Consistently.
Soren: (narrating) Leon was correct, sad to say. We, the Timberwolves, were terrific when it came to sucking. Hard. We didn't really have much of a fanbase, but every so often, I'd notice someone sneaking off to the bathroom and appearing in the bleachers in various costumes so to think I didn't see her there. She thinks I don't notice her. Oh, yeah. I am very astute. I don't know who she is, but she may just be a closet fan. That gives me, and the guys on our team some semblance of hope even though we're all rejects and losers one way or another. Our coach is a recovering alcoholic. Granted, Coach Goulette falls off the wagon sometimes, but he ain't perfect and neither am I. Leon Neville, aka, Nervous Neville, he's our goalie. Guy can't block a puck worth crap. Loveable butterfingers he is though. He can pratfall on a dime and we try not to crack up but it gets us every time. He's just a klutz, poor kid. Xavier has anger issues, Ben's insubordinate and the others come from broken homes, are divorced or overcoming other demons only they know about. A lot of this will come out on the ice as it usually does, and it's really cathartic. God knows it's given me a lot of help and given me the family I never thought I'd have. It hasn't always been ideal, or serene. We have our tousles, tiffs and knock-down-drag outs. Today though, that anger, or as coach calls it, competitive spirit, will come to our advantage. We just might beat those dumb Woodchucks.
(The typical hockey anthem 'Hey', most recognizable from Disney's Mighty Ducks plays in the background as Sylvan runs down the battle plan to stick it to the Woodchucks.)
Altogether: We are Timberwolves ! Hear us howl ! (They howl, a bit more enthusiastically than they have ever done before.)
Sylvan: That's the spirit ! That's what Coach likes to hear ! Give 'em heck, fellas !
('Whoomp There It Is' plays in the background as the action begins to unfold. They play hard against the Woodchucks and Christine watches from the nosebleed section, cheering for the Timberwolves hoping she won't be spotted by Soren. Chuck Wood taunts them, saying things like 'Chuck Wood can chuck pucks' and what not. Blaze becomes irate at him, gets in a fight with him and is sent to the penalty box; 5 for fighting. They manage to score once, but lose, unforunately, again.)
Xavier: So much for our best efforts.
Sylvan: You guys scored a goal ! You've never done that before. You worked together as a team. Did you see the mechanics of that teamwork ?
Leon: Yeah ! We were like a well-oiled machine.
Sylvan: For a small-core victory like that, I think it calls for a celebration. We face bigger rivals on our next bout, so this'll be a welcome respite.
Soren: (narrating) What we didn't know at the time was we were going to be facing down the meanest, baddest, biggest, loudest team in the tri-state area...(ominously) The Antartic Polar Bears. Not only that but the team was composed of all gals. Some rather butch looking ones at that. Buuuuut, I'm gettin' ahead of myself. Celebration now, cowering later.
Scene 2--Dave and Busters
(Scene transition, 'Don't Stop Me Now' is playing in the background. The guys are having a blast racing around a track in go-carts.)
Sylvan: You guys really deserve this. I've never seen you come together like that before.
Soren: See, I've been telling you, Coach knows what he's talkin' about. If we just work together, we can be capable of even winning a game someday.
Xavier: You're right, Soren. We shouldn't have been so pessimistic. Goulette thinks we have potential, maybe he's onto something.
Chuck: I second that, Xavier, but I'm gonna beat the lot of you to the finish line !
Soren: I'd love to see you chumps try to beat me !
Frank: Sylvan ? Is that you ?
Sylvan: Frank ! You old dog ! How long has it been ? (they embrace) Seems like ages ago we were taking those professional fitness classes back at the University.
Frank: Yeah, I know, right ? (chuckles a bit) What say you and I ditch this pop stand and head to the bar ?
Sylvan: Frank (long sigh). I know we haven't been in contact for a while, but you know better. I've been sober for 5 years.
Frank: (goading) Aw, come on. One little drink ? You're celebrating with your Wolves right ? I heard you scored a goal. Pretty big deal for you guys.
Sylvan: I'm sorry, but I have to decline.
Frank: (shrugs) Okay. Your loss. Proud of you though, man. Maybe someday you guys will make it to the big time. (pats him on the back) I'll see you around. Later, Syl !
Soren: (walking back with his friends, who have had a full day of fun at Dave and Busters) Hey, the guys and I are all whacked out and we were thinking of calling it a night. Who was that ?
Sylvan: That was just an old friend from college. He had forgotten about my struggle with alcohol.
Soren: Did you turn down any offers he would've made ?
Sylvan: Oh yeah. I haven't been happier in my life or even in my marriage thanks to ditching that fire water years.
Soren: Good on ya, Coach. (fist bumps him) (yawns) It's getting late, though.
Sylvan: I'll get the bus started.
Xavier: Best celebratory dinner ever !
Team: (at different times) Yeah ! You rock, coach !
Soren: (narrating) The team certainly needed that boost right before our next big game and the pep talk we recieved right before we faced off our toughest opponent ever would only be so reassuring. All I knew is that I was going to be reassessing my priorities once I saw just how successful this rival team was and I knew I wasn't going to regret my decision. Or so I thought.
(Scene fade)
Scene 3--Buff, Intimidating Women
Sylvan: We're taking upon a new opponent today. I know the team is comprised of all women, but that doesn't mean I want you to go easy on them.
Bryan: You know we won't, coach.
Leon: This wouldn't happen to be the Antartic Polar Bears ? These dames are brutal !
Xavier: They've won every game they've played !
(A considerate amount of chatter.)
Sylvan: Don't let that harsh your positive vibes, guys.
Bryan: Syl's right. We did so well against the Woodchucks. These gals won't be a problem !
(They're all swagger until the women enter. Ross sees Ana without her mascot's head on and she sees him from a distance. 'She's a Lady' plays in the background and he is clearly smitten.)
Soren: Ross, you ok ? Ross ! Earth to Ross !
Ross: (titters a little) Never been better, Soren. (dreamy sigh)
Soren: (knows that Ross is emfatuated) Suuuuure. Come on, we have a game to play. Let's show these Antartic Polar Bears who's boss.
Bertha: I want you ladies to go in there and give it everything you've got. I may not have the ability to have children, but you are my girls ! Hit 'em high, hit 'em low. (with great dramaticsm) Hit 'em where it hurts.
APB: Yeah ! We'll knock 'em down !
Ana: (looking longingly across the field at Ross, and waves at him in a flirty, coy way)
Ross: (waving back and snickering)
Xavier: Dude, are you sure you're alright ? You're not drunk are you ?
Ross: X, why would you ever think I'd even put my lips on something toxic like that ?
Xavier: Ok, chill ! Just making an observation.
Ross: Sorry. I didn't mean to come across as brash. Just felt like you were attacking my character.
Xavier: Ross, I'd never...
Ross: (hugs him) I know, bro. Hey, you do me a favor. Score a goal from those chicks out there. I know you can do it. Keep the puck amongst Soren and Brad. They know how to make the plays.
Xavier: You know it, dude. (fistbumps him)
('Ice, Ice Baby' plays in the background. No matter how hard the guys try to use their defense, it's all for naught. APB are simply the better team. Soren gets roughed up a bit by Tatiana on the ice but takes it in stride. She does it as a 'love tap' to him.)
Tatiana: In Russia, hockey players come after you, beat you upside the backside of the head with our sticks when you're not looking !
Soren: I'd believe it, and the bears roam the streets evicting well-meaning people from their homes. Right ?
Tatiana: How'd you know ? You've ever been ?
Soren: No. Plan on going someday.
Tatiana: You could come with me, pretty boy.
Soren: I don't date women who could pass for men. No offense.
Tatiana: (feeling adulated) None taken. Talk more flattery to me, you eagle nosed vision.
Soren: No time. (the timer sounds, rather loudly at that) Ah....There's the buzzer. (waves her off but in a genteel, friendly way) Next time, Tatiana. We'll be scoring a goal past your goalie. (determined) You just wait and see.
Tatiana: Doubtful, Soren. That's as likely as you seeing a winning streak. I believe the saying is 'when hell freezes over !' (laughs derisively) Oh, but if you want to win, you could always join us. The offer is open. Think of the revenue. My dad's rich. He can get you whatever you want. You don't need to make your decision right away, raven locks. But do mull it over in that big, dashing, thick skull of yours.
Soren: (narrating) I was stuck between two worlds. I could see one woman in the bleachers; a true blue loyal fan and then a master manipulator who used blackmail and bribery as a weapon. Greed, eesh, it's a killer. I didn't want to travel to the dark side, but its pull on me was strong. Plus, I really needed the money this month to pay the mounting bills I had amassed.
(The half time show features Ana skating gracefully on the ice to the Snowflake Waltz from The Nutcracker Suite. Ross watches her with abandon and skates over to her discreetly while no one else is watching. Their romance begins to bloom in secret while Christine begins to get to know Soren.)
Christine: (starting to walk to the concession stand but accidentally bumps into Soren) Sorry about that !
Soren: Ah, no, no, no. The fault's mine. Wasn't looking where I was going. Hey, you're always in the stands, aren't you ?
Christine: Blast...Foiled once and for all. Thought you didn't notice.
Soren: You wear a disguise every time. I can see right through it. Besides, it's hard not to be aware of a very beautiful woman.
Christine: (blushing) Why, thank you, kind sir. Silver tongued devil you are.
Soren: No, I simply speak the truth. So, why hide ? I know you are a fan.
Christine: I felt silly coming here. I mean, no one would ever suspect a ballerina to secretly like hockey. It's ludicrous !
Soren: I don't think it is. It just means you're a tomboy at heart. No shame to be had.
Christine: (laughs) I'm Christine by the way. Say, you want to come and buy some popcorn and sodas with me ?
Soren: I'd be delighted. Ladies first.
Christine: (impressed) How galant !
Soren: Chivalry isn't dead and I plan to keep it that way.
Christine: You, my dear friend, have restored my faith in the male gender.
(scene shift)
('Hero Roam No More' plays as the Polar Bears beat the stuffing out of the Timberwolves and the team walks away defeated.)
Ben: So much for beating those Russians at their own game.
Bryan: I know, right ? Those chicks were tough.
Sylvan: Don't let it get ya all down in the mouth, fellas. Our next challenge is gonna be cake.
Ben: Who's our next opponent, Syl ?
Sylvan: We're up against the Puffins.
Xavier: Those pretty boys ? (scoffs) Sounds peachy.
Sylvan: I expect you all here early in the morning for practice. I still have high hopes for you boys.
(The guys skate off the field feeling a bit more confident than before, having a feeling that this time they just might score more than one goal.)
Scene 4--Traitorous Scum Turned Team Player
Soren: (narrating) Through the weeks, Christine and I grew closer and I had never been happier. ('Tiny Dancer' plays as a slideshow of their romance appears on the screen). I used to have deep anger issues over my lack of parental role models but she made me realize that it wasn't my fault that I had been subjected to a system that was broken and in dire need of repair. I basically had to take care of myself. I felt abandoned, lost and confused. She started to show me a better way. However, my less redeemable side, my seedier nature, started to get the better of me. Tatiana's offer still stood. I knew her father, Drozdoff, was filthy, stinkin' rich. Against my better judgement, I signed a deal to play with the Anatartic Polar Bears.
Christine could've murdered me and our relationship started to hit the skids. I began to lose my brothers in arms, my coach wouldn't talk to me and then, Christine, the love of my life, left me. I started wondering if I had made the right decision. I couldn't even bring myself to come back to the arena without feeling rotten. The only thing worse was our mascot was fraternizing with the APB's mascot. No one really seemed to care too much about that, though. All I knew is I had to make everything right once more or I could kiss any future with Christine goodbye.
(Soren forces himself to watch the Timberwolves play against the Puffins. During half-time, their mascot dances suggestively to 'I'm Too Sexy', which the women in the stands eat up. Even though they're incredibly popular and the fanservice is well worth all the showmanship, swagger and bravado. Oddly enough, the Timberwolves happen to win their first game in ages. The victory without Soren seems empty, however. Their next match will be against the Polar Bears, again and Soren has a confession to make.)
Tatiana: Why the long face, Soren, baby ? I thought you would be elated with all of the cash you've been earning thanks to our vast line of merch.
Soren: It's been a lie. All of it. I was pretending.
Tatiana: You think I'm stupid ? You know I saw through all of that. You're just going to leave us like dog with tail stuck between his legs ?
Soren: I know where I belong. I know I have to repent of what I've done.
Tatiana: You're a bigger coward than I thought. Good thing I never wanted to get serious with you. Father never approved of you anyway.
Soren: I don't need your father's approval. I need my team's approval.
(scene shift)
Soren: (narrating) It was the rematch everyone had been waiting for. The tension was denser than New York fog on a chilly January morning.
Ross: The prodigal son returns.
Soren: Oh, shut up, Ross. I've decided who my true friends are and who my family really is. I saw your last game.
Brad: We noticed. (glowers at him) We still don't trust you.
Soren: I'm not asking you to, but at least (pause) just give me another chance.
Sylvan: Fellas, come on, he means well. I know this kid's heart. (brings him close for an embrace) You're like a son to me. You know that. We may not win against the Anatartic Polar Bears, even with your help, but we can try.
Xavier: (heavy sigh) Syl's right. Let's give Soren a reprieve.
Soren: Thank you, everyone. You aren't going to regret it.
('2 Ligit' plays in the background as our players face off again. Before the buzzer sounds, the women try to intimidate our men with laser-eyed stares and bared teeth, like rabid animals. The guys, filled with more chutzpah than ever, stare them down and make them feel uneasy.)
Ursula: In Russia, hockey is a god that makes French toast ! We eat it, spit it and fire machine guns on it because we hate stupid France.
Odessa: They could only dream to play as good as we do.
Helena: (spits) Idiot French !
(They play their hearts out and at half time, the teams are tied. 'Unchained Melody' plays and Ross surprises Ana with a proposal.)
Brad: Damn it, now Ross is gonna make me cry.
Soren: Guys, you all knew that he was into Ana and they've been dating for over 9 months now. It's time for him to make his big move. What better way than to make a public proclimation of his love ? Which reminds me...
(sees Christine in the stands, trying to hide, again. This time, she's with her parents and she can't believe Soren is back with his original team)
Soren: Christine ! (she walks away, faster) Wait ! Christine, please.
Don't walk away. Hear me out...
Christine: I don't know if I want to. You're nothing more than a pompous, pretentious, empty-headed jerk.
Soren: Gee, you really know how to flatter a guy.
Christine: Self-deprecation won't work, Soren.
Soren: (sigh) I wrote a song about this whole situation. Just...let me sing it to you.
Christine: (irritated) Fine. Just get it over with.
Soren: (sings 'A Tough Guy Comes Clean')
Christine: Do you really feel that way about me ?
Soren: Sweetness, I wouldn't have written that song if I didn't. I've been thinking long and hard about what I have done. I let greed blind me and it nearly cost me everything I knew, even you. When I came to realize what I had lost, it bruised me, right to the very core of my being.
Christine: I never knew... You really do love me, don't you ?
Soren: (brings her close for a smoldering kiss) Does that answer your question, sweetheart ?
Christine: (a little taken aback and intoxicated by his kiss) You betcha.
Soren: I don't know if we can still win this game, but we're gonna try.
Christine: Give 'em heck, Soren. I believe in you.
Soren: (narrating) Her encouragement was the fire I needed to continue. Somehow, with that fuel, I had a feeling that we would do the impossible.
('We Will Rock You' plays and the Polar Bears aren't so certain of their talent as they were before. The Timberwolves take full advantage of the situation and everyone works like a well-oiled machine to finally beat them. Soren scores the last and winning goal. They're cheering, crying and hoisting him up in the air. 'We Are the Champions' plays triumphantly.)
Soren: (narrating) It was everything we had envisioned. Victory was indeed sweet and being redeemed in Christine's eyes was all I could ever have wanted. I even made a good impression on her parents, who happened to be watching that fateful day. We may be enjoying the marriage of two of our mascots now, but there will come a day when I can wisk the love of my life away. For the present, I'm simply basking in the glory of celebrating love, friendship, laughter and the possibility of many victories to come down the line.
(We see a shift from the celebration the Timberwolves have to Ross and Ana's lavish wedding, filled with celebrity hockey guests, even ones that haven't been on the ice in decades but are spoken of with hushed tones in the league. 'Love Never Felt So Good' plays as everyone revels, followed by 'Just Another Part of Me', 'Sugar, How'd You Get So Fine' and a slow dance of 'Unchained Melody' is how the film ends on a very happy, upbeat note. Bloopers are shown to 'I Get Around (Hip Hop Version)' as well as 'East Side Hotel' and 'Padrino'.)
(Credits roll. Thanks to my parents, extended family, friends, subscribers and all who believed in making such things possible. Without you this never would've been a probability, let alone an idea that shaped itself into this work of art, sweat, tears and agape. Bless you !)
Main team (our hapless, 'hopeless' losers), The Timberwolves
The affluent, but pretentious winners, The Antartic Polar Bears
"I want to be where the action is and the stairs aren't."--Crysalis, Moonbeam City
~*~CAST~*~
Soren Shapiro: (our scrappy anti-hero)
Leon Neville 'Nervous Neville': (spazzy goalie)
Xavier Couller 'Capt. Cool': (anger issues)
Bradley 'Brad' Blaze: (another star player besides Soren)
Benjamin Perrault 'Catapult': (opinionated, insubordinate)
Blizzard: (Timberwolves' mascot, worn by Ross Kowalsky)
Coach Sylvan Goulette: (recovering alcoholic)
Puff: (Puffin's mascot, worn by Felix Svalzbard)
Alaric Eklund: (Puffin's star player)
Chuck Wood: (Woodchucks' star player)
Frank Yeller: (Sylvan's old friend from college)
Christine Flores: (ballarina, fan of Timberwolves)
Inez Flores: (Christine's mom)
Pablo Flores: (Christine's dad)
APB Coach, Bertha Sterling:
Ursula Abramov:
Odessa Babicov:
Helena Vinokurov:
Tatiana Malcovitch: (emfatuated with Soren)
Drozdoff Malcovitch: (Tatiana's rich dad)
Windchill: (Antartic Polar Bears mascot, worn by Ana Ivanova)
Scene 1--We Are Timberwolves, Hear Us Howl
Sylvan: Alright, team. We'll be facing off against the Woodchucks today.
Team members: (at different times) Aw man. Those schmoes ? They're so damned annoying ! Why them ? Why couldn't it have been the Malamutes ?
Ben: We'd lose against those dolts too, and they don't know a puck from their own peckers !
Sylvan: (sigh) I keep telling you fellas, it's all a matter of perspective.
Leon: Not really, coach. We do one thing right and that's lose. Consistently.
Soren: (narrating) Leon was correct, sad to say. We, the Timberwolves, were terrific when it came to sucking. Hard. We didn't really have much of a fanbase, but every so often, I'd notice someone sneaking off to the bathroom and appearing in the bleachers in various costumes so to think I didn't see her there. She thinks I don't notice her. Oh, yeah. I am very astute. I don't know who she is, but she may just be a closet fan. That gives me, and the guys on our team some semblance of hope even though we're all rejects and losers one way or another. Our coach is a recovering alcoholic. Granted, Coach Goulette falls off the wagon sometimes, but he ain't perfect and neither am I. Leon Neville, aka, Nervous Neville, he's our goalie. Guy can't block a puck worth crap. Loveable butterfingers he is though. He can pratfall on a dime and we try not to crack up but it gets us every time. He's just a klutz, poor kid. Xavier has anger issues, Ben's insubordinate and the others come from broken homes, are divorced or overcoming other demons only they know about. A lot of this will come out on the ice as it usually does, and it's really cathartic. God knows it's given me a lot of help and given me the family I never thought I'd have. It hasn't always been ideal, or serene. We have our tousles, tiffs and knock-down-drag outs. Today though, that anger, or as coach calls it, competitive spirit, will come to our advantage. We just might beat those dumb Woodchucks.
(The typical hockey anthem 'Hey', most recognizable from Disney's Mighty Ducks plays in the background as Sylvan runs down the battle plan to stick it to the Woodchucks.)
Altogether: We are Timberwolves ! Hear us howl ! (They howl, a bit more enthusiastically than they have ever done before.)
Sylvan: That's the spirit ! That's what Coach likes to hear ! Give 'em heck, fellas !
('Whoomp There It Is' plays in the background as the action begins to unfold. They play hard against the Woodchucks and Christine watches from the nosebleed section, cheering for the Timberwolves hoping she won't be spotted by Soren. Chuck Wood taunts them, saying things like 'Chuck Wood can chuck pucks' and what not. Blaze becomes irate at him, gets in a fight with him and is sent to the penalty box; 5 for fighting. They manage to score once, but lose, unforunately, again.)
Xavier: So much for our best efforts.
Sylvan: You guys scored a goal ! You've never done that before. You worked together as a team. Did you see the mechanics of that teamwork ?
Leon: Yeah ! We were like a well-oiled machine.
Sylvan: For a small-core victory like that, I think it calls for a celebration. We face bigger rivals on our next bout, so this'll be a welcome respite.
Soren: (narrating) What we didn't know at the time was we were going to be facing down the meanest, baddest, biggest, loudest team in the tri-state area...(ominously) The Antartic Polar Bears. Not only that but the team was composed of all gals. Some rather butch looking ones at that. Buuuuut, I'm gettin' ahead of myself. Celebration now, cowering later.
Scene 2--Dave and Busters
(Scene transition, 'Don't Stop Me Now' is playing in the background. The guys are having a blast racing around a track in go-carts.)
Sylvan: You guys really deserve this. I've never seen you come together like that before.
Soren: See, I've been telling you, Coach knows what he's talkin' about. If we just work together, we can be capable of even winning a game someday.
Xavier: You're right, Soren. We shouldn't have been so pessimistic. Goulette thinks we have potential, maybe he's onto something.
Chuck: I second that, Xavier, but I'm gonna beat the lot of you to the finish line !
Soren: I'd love to see you chumps try to beat me !
Frank: Sylvan ? Is that you ?
Sylvan: Frank ! You old dog ! How long has it been ? (they embrace) Seems like ages ago we were taking those professional fitness classes back at the University.
Frank: Yeah, I know, right ? (chuckles a bit) What say you and I ditch this pop stand and head to the bar ?
Sylvan: Frank (long sigh). I know we haven't been in contact for a while, but you know better. I've been sober for 5 years.
Frank: (goading) Aw, come on. One little drink ? You're celebrating with your Wolves right ? I heard you scored a goal. Pretty big deal for you guys.
Sylvan: I'm sorry, but I have to decline.
Frank: (shrugs) Okay. Your loss. Proud of you though, man. Maybe someday you guys will make it to the big time. (pats him on the back) I'll see you around. Later, Syl !
Soren: (walking back with his friends, who have had a full day of fun at Dave and Busters) Hey, the guys and I are all whacked out and we were thinking of calling it a night. Who was that ?
Sylvan: That was just an old friend from college. He had forgotten about my struggle with alcohol.
Soren: Did you turn down any offers he would've made ?
Sylvan: Oh yeah. I haven't been happier in my life or even in my marriage thanks to ditching that fire water years.
Soren: Good on ya, Coach. (fist bumps him) (yawns) It's getting late, though.
Sylvan: I'll get the bus started.
Xavier: Best celebratory dinner ever !
Team: (at different times) Yeah ! You rock, coach !
Soren: (narrating) The team certainly needed that boost right before our next big game and the pep talk we recieved right before we faced off our toughest opponent ever would only be so reassuring. All I knew is that I was going to be reassessing my priorities once I saw just how successful this rival team was and I knew I wasn't going to regret my decision. Or so I thought.
(Scene fade)
Scene 3--Buff, Intimidating Women
Sylvan: We're taking upon a new opponent today. I know the team is comprised of all women, but that doesn't mean I want you to go easy on them.
Bryan: You know we won't, coach.
Leon: This wouldn't happen to be the Antartic Polar Bears ? These dames are brutal !
Xavier: They've won every game they've played !
(A considerate amount of chatter.)
Sylvan: Don't let that harsh your positive vibes, guys.
Bryan: Syl's right. We did so well against the Woodchucks. These gals won't be a problem !
(They're all swagger until the women enter. Ross sees Ana without her mascot's head on and she sees him from a distance. 'She's a Lady' plays in the background and he is clearly smitten.)
Soren: Ross, you ok ? Ross ! Earth to Ross !
Ross: (titters a little) Never been better, Soren. (dreamy sigh)
Soren: (knows that Ross is emfatuated) Suuuuure. Come on, we have a game to play. Let's show these Antartic Polar Bears who's boss.
Bertha: I want you ladies to go in there and give it everything you've got. I may not have the ability to have children, but you are my girls ! Hit 'em high, hit 'em low. (with great dramaticsm) Hit 'em where it hurts.
APB: Yeah ! We'll knock 'em down !
Ana: (looking longingly across the field at Ross, and waves at him in a flirty, coy way)
Ross: (waving back and snickering)
Xavier: Dude, are you sure you're alright ? You're not drunk are you ?
Ross: X, why would you ever think I'd even put my lips on something toxic like that ?
Xavier: Ok, chill ! Just making an observation.
Ross: Sorry. I didn't mean to come across as brash. Just felt like you were attacking my character.
Xavier: Ross, I'd never...
Ross: (hugs him) I know, bro. Hey, you do me a favor. Score a goal from those chicks out there. I know you can do it. Keep the puck amongst Soren and Brad. They know how to make the plays.
Xavier: You know it, dude. (fistbumps him)
('Ice, Ice Baby' plays in the background. No matter how hard the guys try to use their defense, it's all for naught. APB are simply the better team. Soren gets roughed up a bit by Tatiana on the ice but takes it in stride. She does it as a 'love tap' to him.)
Tatiana: In Russia, hockey players come after you, beat you upside the backside of the head with our sticks when you're not looking !
Soren: I'd believe it, and the bears roam the streets evicting well-meaning people from their homes. Right ?
Tatiana: How'd you know ? You've ever been ?
Soren: No. Plan on going someday.
Tatiana: You could come with me, pretty boy.
Soren: I don't date women who could pass for men. No offense.
Tatiana: (feeling adulated) None taken. Talk more flattery to me, you eagle nosed vision.
Soren: No time. (the timer sounds, rather loudly at that) Ah....There's the buzzer. (waves her off but in a genteel, friendly way) Next time, Tatiana. We'll be scoring a goal past your goalie. (determined) You just wait and see.
Tatiana: Doubtful, Soren. That's as likely as you seeing a winning streak. I believe the saying is 'when hell freezes over !' (laughs derisively) Oh, but if you want to win, you could always join us. The offer is open. Think of the revenue. My dad's rich. He can get you whatever you want. You don't need to make your decision right away, raven locks. But do mull it over in that big, dashing, thick skull of yours.
Soren: (narrating) I was stuck between two worlds. I could see one woman in the bleachers; a true blue loyal fan and then a master manipulator who used blackmail and bribery as a weapon. Greed, eesh, it's a killer. I didn't want to travel to the dark side, but its pull on me was strong. Plus, I really needed the money this month to pay the mounting bills I had amassed.
(The half time show features Ana skating gracefully on the ice to the Snowflake Waltz from The Nutcracker Suite. Ross watches her with abandon and skates over to her discreetly while no one else is watching. Their romance begins to bloom in secret while Christine begins to get to know Soren.)
Christine: (starting to walk to the concession stand but accidentally bumps into Soren) Sorry about that !
Soren: Ah, no, no, no. The fault's mine. Wasn't looking where I was going. Hey, you're always in the stands, aren't you ?
Christine: Blast...Foiled once and for all. Thought you didn't notice.
Soren: You wear a disguise every time. I can see right through it. Besides, it's hard not to be aware of a very beautiful woman.
Christine: (blushing) Why, thank you, kind sir. Silver tongued devil you are.
Soren: No, I simply speak the truth. So, why hide ? I know you are a fan.
Christine: I felt silly coming here. I mean, no one would ever suspect a ballerina to secretly like hockey. It's ludicrous !
Soren: I don't think it is. It just means you're a tomboy at heart. No shame to be had.
Christine: (laughs) I'm Christine by the way. Say, you want to come and buy some popcorn and sodas with me ?
Soren: I'd be delighted. Ladies first.
Christine: (impressed) How galant !
Soren: Chivalry isn't dead and I plan to keep it that way.
Christine: You, my dear friend, have restored my faith in the male gender.
(scene shift)
('Hero Roam No More' plays as the Polar Bears beat the stuffing out of the Timberwolves and the team walks away defeated.)
Ben: So much for beating those Russians at their own game.
Bryan: I know, right ? Those chicks were tough.
Sylvan: Don't let it get ya all down in the mouth, fellas. Our next challenge is gonna be cake.
Ben: Who's our next opponent, Syl ?
Sylvan: We're up against the Puffins.
Xavier: Those pretty boys ? (scoffs) Sounds peachy.
Sylvan: I expect you all here early in the morning for practice. I still have high hopes for you boys.
(The guys skate off the field feeling a bit more confident than before, having a feeling that this time they just might score more than one goal.)
Scene 4--Traitorous Scum Turned Team Player
Soren: (narrating) Through the weeks, Christine and I grew closer and I had never been happier. ('Tiny Dancer' plays as a slideshow of their romance appears on the screen). I used to have deep anger issues over my lack of parental role models but she made me realize that it wasn't my fault that I had been subjected to a system that was broken and in dire need of repair. I basically had to take care of myself. I felt abandoned, lost and confused. She started to show me a better way. However, my less redeemable side, my seedier nature, started to get the better of me. Tatiana's offer still stood. I knew her father, Drozdoff, was filthy, stinkin' rich. Against my better judgement, I signed a deal to play with the Anatartic Polar Bears.
Christine could've murdered me and our relationship started to hit the skids. I began to lose my brothers in arms, my coach wouldn't talk to me and then, Christine, the love of my life, left me. I started wondering if I had made the right decision. I couldn't even bring myself to come back to the arena without feeling rotten. The only thing worse was our mascot was fraternizing with the APB's mascot. No one really seemed to care too much about that, though. All I knew is I had to make everything right once more or I could kiss any future with Christine goodbye.
(Soren forces himself to watch the Timberwolves play against the Puffins. During half-time, their mascot dances suggestively to 'I'm Too Sexy', which the women in the stands eat up. Even though they're incredibly popular and the fanservice is well worth all the showmanship, swagger and bravado. Oddly enough, the Timberwolves happen to win their first game in ages. The victory without Soren seems empty, however. Their next match will be against the Polar Bears, again and Soren has a confession to make.)
Tatiana: Why the long face, Soren, baby ? I thought you would be elated with all of the cash you've been earning thanks to our vast line of merch.
Soren: It's been a lie. All of it. I was pretending.
Tatiana: You think I'm stupid ? You know I saw through all of that. You're just going to leave us like dog with tail stuck between his legs ?
Soren: I know where I belong. I know I have to repent of what I've done.
Tatiana: You're a bigger coward than I thought. Good thing I never wanted to get serious with you. Father never approved of you anyway.
Soren: I don't need your father's approval. I need my team's approval.
(scene shift)
Soren: (narrating) It was the rematch everyone had been waiting for. The tension was denser than New York fog on a chilly January morning.
Ross: The prodigal son returns.
Soren: Oh, shut up, Ross. I've decided who my true friends are and who my family really is. I saw your last game.
Brad: We noticed. (glowers at him) We still don't trust you.
Soren: I'm not asking you to, but at least (pause) just give me another chance.
Sylvan: Fellas, come on, he means well. I know this kid's heart. (brings him close for an embrace) You're like a son to me. You know that. We may not win against the Anatartic Polar Bears, even with your help, but we can try.
Xavier: (heavy sigh) Syl's right. Let's give Soren a reprieve.
Soren: Thank you, everyone. You aren't going to regret it.
('2 Ligit' plays in the background as our players face off again. Before the buzzer sounds, the women try to intimidate our men with laser-eyed stares and bared teeth, like rabid animals. The guys, filled with more chutzpah than ever, stare them down and make them feel uneasy.)
Ursula: In Russia, hockey is a god that makes French toast ! We eat it, spit it and fire machine guns on it because we hate stupid France.
Odessa: They could only dream to play as good as we do.
Helena: (spits) Idiot French !
(They play their hearts out and at half time, the teams are tied. 'Unchained Melody' plays and Ross surprises Ana with a proposal.)
Brad: Damn it, now Ross is gonna make me cry.
Soren: Guys, you all knew that he was into Ana and they've been dating for over 9 months now. It's time for him to make his big move. What better way than to make a public proclimation of his love ? Which reminds me...
(sees Christine in the stands, trying to hide, again. This time, she's with her parents and she can't believe Soren is back with his original team)
Soren: Christine ! (she walks away, faster) Wait ! Christine, please.
Don't walk away. Hear me out...
Christine: I don't know if I want to. You're nothing more than a pompous, pretentious, empty-headed jerk.
Soren: Gee, you really know how to flatter a guy.
Christine: Self-deprecation won't work, Soren.
Soren: (sigh) I wrote a song about this whole situation. Just...let me sing it to you.
Christine: (irritated) Fine. Just get it over with.
Soren: (sings 'A Tough Guy Comes Clean')
Christine: Do you really feel that way about me ?
Soren: Sweetness, I wouldn't have written that song if I didn't. I've been thinking long and hard about what I have done. I let greed blind me and it nearly cost me everything I knew, even you. When I came to realize what I had lost, it bruised me, right to the very core of my being.
Christine: I never knew... You really do love me, don't you ?
Soren: (brings her close for a smoldering kiss) Does that answer your question, sweetheart ?
Christine: (a little taken aback and intoxicated by his kiss) You betcha.
Soren: I don't know if we can still win this game, but we're gonna try.
Christine: Give 'em heck, Soren. I believe in you.
Soren: (narrating) Her encouragement was the fire I needed to continue. Somehow, with that fuel, I had a feeling that we would do the impossible.
('We Will Rock You' plays and the Polar Bears aren't so certain of their talent as they were before. The Timberwolves take full advantage of the situation and everyone works like a well-oiled machine to finally beat them. Soren scores the last and winning goal. They're cheering, crying and hoisting him up in the air. 'We Are the Champions' plays triumphantly.)
Soren: (narrating) It was everything we had envisioned. Victory was indeed sweet and being redeemed in Christine's eyes was all I could ever have wanted. I even made a good impression on her parents, who happened to be watching that fateful day. We may be enjoying the marriage of two of our mascots now, but there will come a day when I can wisk the love of my life away. For the present, I'm simply basking in the glory of celebrating love, friendship, laughter and the possibility of many victories to come down the line.
(We see a shift from the celebration the Timberwolves have to Ross and Ana's lavish wedding, filled with celebrity hockey guests, even ones that haven't been on the ice in decades but are spoken of with hushed tones in the league. 'Love Never Felt So Good' plays as everyone revels, followed by 'Just Another Part of Me', 'Sugar, How'd You Get So Fine' and a slow dance of 'Unchained Melody' is how the film ends on a very happy, upbeat note. Bloopers are shown to 'I Get Around (Hip Hop Version)' as well as 'East Side Hotel' and 'Padrino'.)
(Credits roll. Thanks to my parents, extended family, friends, subscribers and all who believed in making such things possible. Without you this never would've been a probability, let alone an idea that shaped itself into this work of art, sweat, tears and agape. Bless you !)
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