Running With Bert

 

Table of Contents

Chapter 1—Cyril’s Rogue Logger Bot

Chapter 2—Sugar Induced Nightmare

Chapter 3—Instant Friends

Chapter 4—The School of Hard Knocks

Chapter 5—You’ve Got Friends Here !

Chapter 6—My Friends’ll Never Believe Me

Epilogue

 

 

Chapter 1—Cyril’s Rogue Logger Bot

                It was an unusually calm day in the Evergreen Forest.   Bert was throwing a party for his friends, namely Cedric.   Sofia Tutu was there, arm in arm with him.    Had it not been for Bert acting as Cedric’s wingman, Sofia might’ve never known that Cedric was even alive.   

                Bert had seen his shy aardvark friend blossom, becoming a better man than his father could ever have imagined.  He was an advocate for the forest and the creatures that lived in it and wanted to live in harmony with the land and the beauty it provided.   Besides, he knew he and Sofia would marry someday.     Bert, of course, would be their best man.  

                ‘I can’t believe pop didn’t come.’, Cedric said, getting a bit flustered.   Ben the sheepdog grumbled, wanting to say a few choice words that would never have been appropriate around mixed company, especially with all the new friends Bert had amassed. 

                ‘Who cares about that old fuddy duddy.   He’s missing out on the shindig of a lifetime.’, Bert said.    He melted a bit when Lisa came up to him, planting a soft kiss on his cheek.

                ‘You really outdid yourself, Bert.’, she said, in her honeycombed timbre.    Bert blushed  darkly and put his hand behind his head, chuckling.   Lisa always made him feel a bit wobbly and uncoordinated, but he loved her immensely.  

                Cedric had left over cake that he had absolutely nowhere to keep, so he gave the leftovers to Bert.   Bert could eat vast amounts of food, especially when it came to desserts.  More often than not he would pace himself but tonight he was having massive sugar cravings, so he devoured whatever was left like a hungry junkyard dog. 

                That night, Bert awoke and thought he was seeing the aurora borealis.   Actually, it was Cyril testing out a new type of technology that would cut his logging in half.    Since he had more money than he knew what to do with, he would update his logging devices to become completely autonomous.    Unfortunately, one of his loggers went rogue and created a portal to somewhere entirely different from the Evergreen Forest.    Luckily, it stopped there and detonated soon after completing its task, but Bert followed it on its rampage to try flipping its kill switch and knocked himself out pretty harshly before tumbling into only heavens knew where.

 

Chapter 2—Sugar Induced Nightmare

                When Bert woke up, he rubbed his head.    Everything around him looked entirely different.   He was in a park he didn’t recognize and there were animals and odd-looking beings that had no fur.    They were bipedal and wore clothes just like he did, but he found it weird that these creatures looked, acted and went about their world with the animals.  

                ‘I must’ve hit my head pretty hard back there.’, he thought, still rubbing his temple where the impact had happened.    The logger bot that had detonated not far from him was completely destroyed.    Any evidence of it had burned up.    He had no idea where the bot had hacked or why it decided to glitch as badly as it did.

                He looked inside the head piece where the bot’s brain once resided.   It was written in Japanese.  

                ‘I bet Cyril didn’t even read the instructions for these rogue bots.’, he thought, confused.    He bumped into a walking gumball machine. 

                ‘Hey, watch where you’re goin’, Rigby !’, the irritated gumball machine fumed.

                ‘The name’s Bert, actually.’, Bert responded.   

                ‘Ok, Bert.   Well, next time, be a bit more careful.’, the gumball machine cautioned.   He could see the bizarre gumball machine looking thing had a nametag that read ‘Benson’ and was carrying around a clip board.    Whoever this guy was he was important, but he knew better to stay out of his way and not impede his progress.

                ‘This feels like a sugar-induced nightmare.’, Bert groaned.    After tumbling down that hole for so long, he felt a bit nauseous.    He found a trash can and vomited whatever he had consumed up from the night before.

                ‘Note to self, there is a limit to how much cake you can eat in one sitting.’, he thought reluctantly as he collected himself and sat underneath the shade of a lovely tree.   

 

Chapter 3—Instant Friends

                Pretty soon, Bert felt the refreshing cool sensation of a bottle of water on his neck. 

                ‘Oh, thank goodness…’, Mordecai said, hand over his heart.    Rigby had opened the bottle up and Bert graciously took it.   It had a delicious and refreshing raspberry lemonade flavor.   

                ‘Thank you both.   I’m a bit lost though, as you can see.  I followed a robot here, but I can’t find its remains…’, Bert said. 

                ‘A robot ?’, Mordecai questioned.    Rigby nor Mordecai knew what he was talking about but Skips and High Five Ghost came by and picked up the remains of Bert’s robot.

                ‘Are ya talkin’ about this ?’, Skips asked in his usual gruff voice.    Bert, oddly, was instantly comforted by the silverback gorilla.  Something told him he could trust him, but he found it incredible there was a racoon just like himself, but he chose not to be burdened by clothing.    The jay seemed similar.   He didn’t want to wrap his mind about the lack of logic in this weird place, but the robot was no longer his problem. 

                ‘We’ll take it to the dump where it belongs.’, Skips said.   High Five pitched in and told them they’d all be together afterward.   It would’ve been more fun with Pops, but Pops was in Heaven, happily watching over all of them from above.    They could miss him, but they’d continue having adventures and enjoying their lives with him in spirit.   

                ‘So, you’re from a place called Evergreen Forest ?’, Rigby said.    He and Mordecai had never heard of it but wanted to listen to Bert’s life there.    It sounded magnificent, except of course for Cyril.  

                ‘Cyril sounds like trash.’, Mordecai harumphed.   

                ‘Oh, you don’t know the half of it.   Guy’s a massive bully.’, Bert agreed.   After a while, Bert became intensely bored.

                ‘What d’ya have around here that’s fun ?’, he asked.    Mordecai and Rigby got the biggest, cheesiest and most impish grins on their faces.    Of course they would take care of having fun after cleaning up. 

                ‘You know, it actually might be easier if Bert helps us clean up the park.  Benson’s a stickler when it comes to that.’, Rigby said.    Then he added with a slight blush,

                ‘Don’t tell Eileen.’ 

                Bert nudged the younger racoon in the side. 

                ‘Got yourself a cute girlfriend too.   I’d like to meet her.’, Bert said.   Then Rigby realized that he and Eileen and Mordecai and CJ had a date tonight and had almost forgotten about it since meeting Bert.     Bert wanted to return home but had a better plan.             

 

Chapter 4—The School of Hard Knocks

                Bert desperately wanted to impress his best friends.    He often kept his best gadgets close by, but he lost everything on the tumble to the park.     There was a big-name band coming to the city and fortunately, High Five hooked him up with his very own ‘one man band’ rig.   

                ‘I think Mordecai should play with us.’, High Five added.   

                ‘Nah, nah.   Easier if it’s a duo, not a trio…’, Mordecai said.

                ‘I’ll eat my Five-Star hat if you guys even get on stage !’, Benson said. 

                ‘Oh, you’re ON Benson.’, Rigby said, quickly jumping on the bandwagon. 

                Five Star turned out to be a group that wasn’t kind at all to their fans.  They didn’t even care about the city they were playing in and were jerks to everyone.   They even made fun of the community and complained it was the worst place they had ever played.  

                ‘We came for a show !’, someone in the crowd said.   Benson wouldn’t have to eat his hat, he thought.   He would play with his friends since he could.   He had done so before and was mocked but he was about to prove himself again.    While he made himself look like a fool playing, Bert backed him up although he had been rude to him earlier.   He figured it was all water under the bridge and Benson was simply pent up with stress from being the park manager.   It had been a hot day after all and heat and stress weren’t compatible.   Besides, there was a very cute girl who caught his eye and that was all he needed to give him a boost to play the best gig he had ever performed. 

                Five Star wasn’t welcomed back to the concert venue, but the techs and the stagehands were praising Mordecai and Rigby’s quick thinking.   Bert had never played in front of anyone, and he knew he could use some musicality to impress Lisa back at home.   He would probably use it to finally propose to her.    He owed it all to one rouge robot.    Cyril was probably  resting as he coalesced from his failures.    

 

Chapter 5—You’ve Got Friends Here ! 

                Rigby was impressed.  

                ‘I didn’t know you could sing like that !   You’ve got an incredible voice !’, he complimented. 

                ‘I didn’t want to admit to having stage fright.  I’d never seen so many people and I was a little terrified of ticking them off.’, Bert stated, honestly.    Benson grinned from ear to ear with his latest girlfriend Crystal.    She seemed a bit more stable than the other women he had known, and the group hoped that his blossoming romance with her lasted more than just one day.   

                ‘It sucks you have to go back to Evergreen Forest.’, Mordecai groaned.    Bert sighed.   He had to return or his friends would start to worry about him.    He would never forget how kind everyone had been to him, even those he never believed would be.   He learned quickly you can never judge a book by its cover and sometimes the roughest covers tended to hide the best and most endearing pages within.   

 

Chapter 6—My Friends’ll Never Believe Me

                When Bert scaled the tunnel, the robot had created, he emerged at the top and then, strangely, the whole portal simply vanished.   Bert raised an eyebrow and thought,

                ‘There is no possible way that I simply dreamt that reaction.’   He pinched himself.

                ‘OUCH !’, he exclaimed.    Sam came running at the sound of his distress and looked annoyed as ever, which was nothing new. 

                ‘What mischief are you getting yourself into this time ?’, Ben asked.   Bert took a deep breath and explained to himself.    Ralph shook his head, lowering his face into his palm. 

                ‘We were worried sick about you, son.’, he said.    

                ‘Yeah, when you didn’t come back, we started a search party.’, Bently said, hugging him.    They didn’t believe what had happened, especially when he explained the robot incident.                

                ‘Sounds like you ate way too much of my birthday cake, buddy.’, Cedric laughed.   Bert was a little irritated that he felt like the boy who cried wolf, but he kept his side quest in his heart and mind, knowing that he’d use that musical wizardry on Lisa someday.

 

Epilogue

                Cyril returned to his ‘normal’ way of doing things, but Cedric had him plant trees where the deforestation had occurred.    Species that had been traumatized came back after understanding their areas wouldn’t be hacked down since there were plenty of other forests Cyril could use for lumber.    He was also very cautious about his tendency to litter.   As for the lumber-bot, they were put out of commission forever.    Sometimes the older ways were best. 

                As for Bert, he used his newfound charisma on Lisa, and it worked like a charm.   The two were soon married and he found himself living under her roof rather than with Ralph and Melissa.   It was a bit of a change, but Bert saw it as something that would do him good.   He always came back to visit them and was toned down when it came to adventures, but he was still pretty much a chaotic little gremlin when and where it counted most. 

 

The End