Bootiful, A Final Chimi & Changa Shenanigan

 

Into the Sunset

 

~*~CAST~*~

 

Conchita ‘Chimi’ Lopez:

Ferdinand Lopez:

Biker Larry:

Biker Clem:

Biker Billy Bob:

Biker Liberty:

Biker Bonecrusher:    

Pastor Jonas: 

Young Adult Conchita ‘Conchi’:

Young Adult Lori ‘Gory Lori’:

Tammy ‘Evanescence’ Pines: 

Astrid Hansen:

Jennifer ‘Jenny’ Taylor: (called ‘Gum’ by the guys)

Patricia ‘Peppermint Patty’ Taylor: (Jen’s wife)

Shaena Willis:

Raymond ‘Ray’ Smith: (the horndog pervert)

Harlem the Bouncer: 

 

Table of Contents

Scene 1—Remember When ?  

Scene 2—Flashback to Simpler Times

Scene 3—Remembering Tammy

Scene 4—Living and Dying Well

Scene 5—Let’s Celebrate !  

 

Scene 1—Remember When ? 

(Halloween is coming up on her calendar and Chimi is feeling nostalgic.  Swiftly, like a ninja, Ferdi comes in from behind her and starts kissing her neck, making her shriek and giggle.)

Chimi:  Warn me before you do that, amor !   You could give me a heart attack at my age !

Ferdi:  (twirling her around and bringing her close to his lips) But I haven’t, my sweet matadora.   You still slay me in oh so many ways.    (gently kisses her nose)  Ah, I see Halloween is just around the corner !  

Chimi:   That it is !   It’s surreal just how fast the seasons have changed.   Soon as I felt the chill in the air, I figured it would be upon us before we knew it. 

Ferdi:   Last year I was Dale, and you were Diane.   Only a few people picked up on it, but this year I was thinking we’d go old school.

Chimi:  (gasp)  You mean Gomez and Morticia ?

Ferdi:  Who else ?  (wriggles eyebrows) Caramia.   (He takes her hand and begins kissing it all the way up to her neck until the hologram projection phone disrupts them) 

Patricia:   Did I catch y’all at a bad time ?

Chimi: (more perplexed than annoyed)  Not really.   You did call at an odd hour, though.  

Ferdi:   Do we know you ?

Patricia:  No, but my wife’s best friend was rather fond of you.

Jennifer:  Hi, guys !   I don’t know if y’all remember me.

Ferdi:   (eyes widen)   Jenny Nador ?  Is that you ?

Jennifer:   I took Patty’s name when I got married. 

Patty:  (giggling)  You sure did, babes ! 

Jenny:   I’m not here to wax nostalgic, but do you remember Tammy ?

Chimi:  Tammy Pines ?

Jenny:   She recently passed away.

Ferdi/Chimi:  (with sadness and at different times) Oh, no !   Our condolences.

Patty:   I know it might be a bit out of the way, but Tammy wanted you both to attend her celebration of life.  She felt very highly of you both.  

Chimi:  (aside)  How did you know Tammy, dulce Toro ?

Ferdi:  (whispers back)  I graduated from Greer one year earlier and I only knew her in passing.  

Jenny:  We’ve taken the time to send you coordinates.   Nothing is really expected except maybe some sort of anecdote about our sweet girl.

Patty:  Oh, and that cute little loose cannon, Changa.   How is she anyways ? 

Chimi:  Still as spontaneous as they come.     I’ll pass the news on her way, and we’ll be there promptly tomorrow.   Is there anything you ladies need ?  Anything at all ?  

Ferdi:  It is absolutely no trouble.  

Patty:   You are always so magnanimous, both of you.

Jenny:  No, but we appreciate your courtesy.   

Patty:  Thank you both so much.   We’ll see you this weekend.   

(They hang up the call after saying goodbye.)

Ferdi:   Huh.  Who would’ve thought Gum was gay all along ?

Chimi:  (raised eyebrow, clearly confused)   Wait.   Gum ?   (surprised chuckle)  

Ferdi:   I never knew Jenny that way but all but she always tried to keep her bisexual tendencies hidden.   It was crystal clear from the get-go.

Chimi:  I get that, but why ‘Gum’ ?   (a little disgusted)  That’s so…derogatory. 

Ferdi:  Guys chewed her up, spat her out.  Only a few of us remember.   Funny how some things stick.

Chimi:  (rolls eyes)  Oh Lord, that is the daddiest dad joke I’ve ever heard.  

Ferdi: (stretching and yawning)  It’s getting late.   I’ve left Changa a tele-message on her holograph phone.   I’m sure she’ll answer it tomorrow.

Chimi:   (yawning)  Let’s get our rest.   It’s going to be a busy weekend !  

(Scene fade.)

Scene 2—Flashback to Simpler Times

(We open after the fade to our friends, all four of them are on a trip to the west to pay tribute to Jenny.) 

Changa:  I’ll never understand why Jen invited us to her party so long ago.  

Jake:   Maybe she felt sorry for you both ?   I was invited to a big event like that myself in high school.  I wasn’t exactly running with the popular crowd.    (he laughs in a self-deprecating way)

Changa:  (holds his hand lovingly)  Whatever the reason, darling, that’s all in the past.   It doesn’t matter much.  We were all asked to come to her celebration of life.   Clearly, it’s what she wanted.  

Chimi:  (waxes nostalgic)  Funny how things were much simpler then.   Wasn’t until the Internet came along that our lives were much easier it seemed.

Changa:  Oh, there was Internet, my dear.   We honestly, weren’t much into using it.  We were carving out our own pathways !  

Chimi:  (chuckling)  That, I can recall.

(We melt away to a period of time in the 90’s, when the Internet was still dial up, but matters were still simplistic, and times seemed to be a lot freer and easier.   It’s a happening Halloween party and Gum is yapping it up with her bestie Tammy.   Evanescence is jamming to the beat the DJ is laying down and Shaena joins in.   Raymond the horndog tries to ‘get game’ with the lot of them but is ultimately turned down.)

Shaena:   Tam, why did you invite that perv here ?

Tammy:   I didn’t Shaena.  He came on his own accord. 

Evanescence:  I don’t know why that scuz thinks he’s got game with any gals here.

Jenny:   He likes to believe he’s Adonis.   More like Narcissus if you ask me. 

(The ladies agree.  The DJ calls out more hot hits and the girls groove to them.   Suddenly, Chimi and Changa enter, and Ray notices them.) 

Ray:  I never have dessert before the main course, but this guy here’s got the eye of the tiger.

Shaena:  (rolling eyes)  Gag me.  

Ray:  Oh, if only you’d let me.   

Tammy:  Gum would ! 

Jenny:  I would not Tam.  Not if society’s advancement depended on it.  

(Before the ladies can welcome the best buddies, Raymond gives them the once over.)

Ray:   Hello gorgeous chili peppers !   Would either of you fancy a bit of groovin’ tonight ?

Changa:   Ugh, no.   Get bent. 

Chimi:   You’re not our type ? 

Ray:  (getting creepily closer to her)  I can be very persuasive.   I have many nicknames.    Besides, I don’t necessarily want to leave this party non-victorious. 

Changa:  Did you hear my friend, idiot ?   She wants no part of you ! 

Ray:   The both of you would be absolute perfection…

Jenny:   (stepping up in between all of them)  Ray, I’ll say it before.  I’ll say it again.  You are uninvited. 

Ray:   (turning his attention away from Chimi and Changa who are looking plenty disgusted and crossing their arms at Ray’s audacity and one-track mind) Darlin’ that isn’t what you said a month ago when we were together.  

Jenny:   It shouldn’t even have been a week, Ray.   Look, I don’t want to embarrass you in public but if you give me no choice, I won’t back down.

Ray:  (with some cruelty in his voice)  You only know one way, and that is down.   (within earshot of the girls)  You do so well when you’re below me, sweetheart.

Tammy:   (irate)  Enough !   If you didn’t catch the drift the first time, asshole, then clearly, you’re as clueless as they come.   

Astrid:  Yeah, get LOST dirtbag !  

Ray:  Who asked you, Astrid ?   I came looking for goddesses, clearly the Universe provided.  

Tammy:   (calling Harlem by whistling)
Harlem:   Something the matter, miss?

Astrid:  I didn’t know you had a butler !

Changa:  Dude, he’s built like a tank. 

Harlem:  (looking down at Ray, tsking)  You aren’t on the guest list.   Let me guess, you’ve been asked to leave multiple times and won’t remove yourself from the premises. 

Ray: (places his arm around Harlem in a fraternal way)  Now I wouldn’t quite say that, my good man.    These women, they’re hysterical.   You know how women get !   It’s probably the fact that they are stricken by my sensual machismo that they can’t control themselves.   (polishes his nails on his shirt, blows them off and looks at Harlem) Man to man, you understand a guy’s needs, right ?

Harlem:  (exhales sharply)  You couldn’t take the hint.   You were asked nicely.   Unfortunately, now I’ve got to use force.   (He easily picks him up by the collar of the shirt, much like he were a trash bag) 

Ray:  (shocked and appalled)  No, wait !  Put me down !   Unhand me !    I’m Raymond Smith, the Maverick of Delgado High !   You cannot do this to me, sir !   I’ll have my lawyer bury you !

Harlem:   (chuckling)  You’re no Maverick.   Hell, you ain’t even a Goose.   Get your ass outta here, you damned lothario.   (he tosses him out)   Don’t you dare come back, because if you do, you’ll be spendin’ some time with the local constabulary.  

Ray:  (looking wounded but knowing when he’s beaten)   This party was ASS anyway !  

Tammy:   I’m sorry you had to deal with that.  

Jenny:   Not half as much as I am.   I thought that douche was out of my life for good.  

Harlem:  He won’t bother any of us again.    If he knows what’s good for him, he’ll leave well enough alone.   

Astrid:   (chuckling)  I think he got the message, Harlem.

Shaena:  Thank you.

Tammy:  Harlem, I definitely appreciate you.    You can hang back tonight, you deserve it.

Harlem:   (grinning)  You are far too kind, madam. 

(The DJ is still spinning tunes for everyone to bop to; everyone is having a blast.)

Tammy:   Gory Lori and Skinny Chimi !   I’m glad you made it.

Chimi:   Well, we were invited.   

Changa:   What’s behind this whole shindig anyways ?   We’re never invited to soirees like this…like…ever.

Jenny:   (loops her arms around the two friends coming between them)  Brownie society points.

Chimi:  (raises eyebrows) 

Changa:   She means charity cases, gal.    (not hurt in the slightest)  Hey, whatever ya gotta do to get a mitzva so long as it’s legal, we ain’t mad at ya.   Ai’ight, come on.   It’s a long night.   Les go have some fun ! 

Chimi:   You heard the lady.    Time for us to shake a tail feather. 

(The two ladies have the time of their life on the dance floor and Tammy comes their way.)

Tammy:  So glad you’re having fun, gals.

Changa:  (sing song)  I’m a delighted goldfish who’s back in her party element.  

Tammy:   Speaking of partying I hear you two cultivate.  

Chimi:  (tries shushing her)  Do you want everyone to know that ?

Changa:  I think they already do, but all our activity is safe.   No one knows except for our peers.

Tammy:   (nodding)  Unless you branch out, you’re fine. 

Chimi:  So quit beatin’ round the bush.  

Tammy:  (laughs)  Good one, Chimi.   I’ve come to try a bit of your specialty. 

Changa:   ‘Dulce’ ?    Oh ?  That’s a favorite of quite a few of our clientele.

Tammy:   Didn’t think I was livin’ until I tried a little.   Ya know, open mind, all that jazz.

Chimi:   Our green don’t come without no greenback.  You dig ?

Tammy:  Perish the thought I would never pay you two.   You toiled over the soil, I’ll gladly pay.  In fact, I’d actually enjoy a parcel of land if we can handshake on it.   That is if I like this Dulce enough.

Changa: (looking at her)   Hannukah came early, chica ! 

Chimi:  (searching around her fanny pack)  A roach and a toast.   (pulls out a joint and lighter and sets it ablaze, Changa takes one, and Chimi joins) 

Changa:  Kanpai !  

Tammy:  (takes a deep breath)  Damn…

Changa:   Wonder how I can survive all the BS this school chucks at me ?  (points at joint)  You’re lookin’ at the solution, baby.

Tammy:   I’ll gladly take a parcel.   This is truly euphoric.   I appreciate you both.

Chimi:  Can we expect cash, check, or charge ?

Tammy:   I’ll have Harlem write one and send it your way.   Expect it in the mail a couple days from now.

Changa:  (shakes her hand)  Pleasure doin’ business with you.

Tammy:   Oh, believe me, the pleasure is all mine.  

(The remembrance of the past fades away as they approach the celebration of life and are greeted by old faces.) 

Scene 3—Remembering Tammy

Jake:   We’re here ! 

Changa:  (hugging him from the side)  Yet another bucket destination reached in record time. 

Ferdi:   Seems you two were quite the entrepreneurs even before we met.   (he strokes her chin affectionately and brings her in for a smooch)

Chimi:   You only helped me improve.    The yin to my yang.

Ferdi:   Vice versa, amor.  

Jake:   Here come Jen and her wife. 

Jenny:  (welcoming them)  So glad you made it without incident.  

Patty:   I’ve heard so much about you from the ‘glory days’.  (she laughs)  

Changa:   Far as I am concerned every day is glorious.    Then, now, even tomorrow !   It is what you make it, ladies !

Jake:  (beaming) My wife, the philosopher.  

(Quick scene transition to the actual celebration, where Tamika’s banister flies freely in the wind.   There are all kinds of memorabilia of her from school, like her graduation, her marriage, her kids, grandchildren, her husband is also there.) 

Scene 4—Living and Dying Well

Astrid:  Tammy had an incredible life, didn’t she ?

Jenny:   She certainly did, Astrid.    I know she saw the world and was one of the best friends I ever had.  

Changa:  (looks at Chimi)  I brought along Purple Urkel for the occasion.

Chimi:  Changa, why ?   It’s so inappropriate ! 

Changa:  I think Tams would’ve appreciated it.   She helped our business boom.  Had it not been for her involvement, we wouldn’t be high rollers.

Chimi:  (realizing that her best friend, as usual, is absolutely correct)  Always the voice of commerce.  

Changa:  Only second to your voice of reason, my dear.  (she hugs her)  

(There’s a transition to the reception room where everyone is gathered.   Tammy is in her coffin, looking restful and at peace.) 

Scene 4—Living and Dying Well

Larry:   Why if it isn’t the notorious Chimi and Changa ! 

Changa:  Lar, what the heck are you doing here ?

Liberty:   Word passed through the grapevine online that you might be coming here to say your goodbyes to Ms. Tammy.  

Clem:  We all thought it would be high time for a reunion.

Billy:  Once a friend of the Devil’s Advocates, always a friend of the Devil’s Advocates.

(They hug her closely) 

Jonas:  (as the music plays, Jonas approaches the podium)  We all know the reason we came here to gather.   We’re here to remember Tamika Pines, whether friends or family.    I think the slideshow speaks for itself but if you’ve got some memories you wish to share with us, feel free to do so. 

(There’s a bit of a montage before they do so, then heading to the grave to bury her and return to the reception for a bit more bereavement.) 

Liberty:   That was so sweet of you to give her some Urkel before they laid her to rest.

Changa:  Well, yeah.   She would’ve enjoyed one, so I sent her off to the other side in style.

Jake:  How did you acquire it ?

Changa:   I know Jaleel White personally.   

Chimi:  Nah !  (pauses)  Seriously ?

Changa:   Yeah, and I even asked him to come to our Halloween party if he can swing it.

Liberty:  That’s my girl, hell yeah.   You know how to party. 

Clem:  She hasn’t changed a bit !  

Jake: (looking at her with total abandon and devotion)  She only improves with age.

All of them at once:  Awww.   

Patty:   I appreciate what you said about Tammy.

Astrid:   We all did.   (snickers)  Even horny old Ray showed up.

Shaena:  Not so horny now.   Guy went through a total transformation.   Reformed.  

Ray:  I’m a family man.   That’s my wife, Lara, over there.   Our kiddos, Lex, Clark, Diane, and Pam.

Chimi/Changa:  DC fan ? 

Ray:  A bit of Marvel and DC both.   We tend to like all nerdy things.  (looking at Patty and Jenny and hugs them)  Sorry for your loss. 

Jenny:   It’s alright.   She’s happy and free.   We’ll all meet again in that sweet by and by.  

Ray:  (getting a message on his spectacles)  As lovely as this is, me, the wife and the kiddos have to head back home.   But if you need anything, we’ll help you financially if need be.

Patty:   That’s much appreciated, Ray.  

Jenny:  Thanks  ! 

(Ray walks away, a completely changed man living a domesticated life.)

Chimi:  He is so not the same guy we met way back then.

Changa:  I’m glad he isn’t !   (the lot of them laugh)  

Chimi:   We’ve been seeing the sites around here but like Ray, we’re going to be heading home ourselves.

Changa:  We have a huge Halloween party coming up.  

Chimi:  But don’t hesitate to let us know if we can help with anything.

Jenny:  Thank you both.

Patty:  This means so much to both of us.    You’re good people.   (hugs them)

Chimi:   Enjoy the free (wriggles eyes) present !   I’m sure you’ll know when to use it.

(As we see the bicycle gang drive into the sunset, Chimi and her crew leave to head home blasting ‘Cruising Down the Street High on Endo’, Jenny grins at the beautifully presented roaches she and Patty have.) 

Patty:  (unwrapping one with a lighter that is rainbow themed)  Light me up, bitch !

Jenny:  (laughs)  You know I will and do ! 

(Scene fade) 

 

Scene 5—Let’s Celebrate ! 

(It’s Halloween and the whole family is celebrating.   Even though the family doesn’t have any speaking lines, we know they are having the time of their lives. Every character is dressed up in various franchises I enjoy, like LOTR, Harry Potter, Marvel, DC, Jay, and Silent Bob.   Even Jake and Changa are dressed as Amy and Trevor from Marijuana Minutes.)

Ferdi:  (dancing to ‘Morticia and Gomez’ theme with her)  You know what astonishes me most, my lovely matadora ?

Chimi:   No ?  (enraptured)  Enlighten me.

Ferdi:   Your kindness never ceases to warm and inspire me.  

Chimi:   Come now, you’re going to make me blush.  (indicates with his eyes)  It’s contagious.   Had it not been for your magnitude, I doubt Chimi would’ve come of her own accord.  

Changa:  I heard my name !  

Ferdi:  It’s complimentary attributes only, my dear.

Changa:  (chuckling) 

Chimi:  Hey, are you supposed to be Amy and Trevor from Marijuana Minutes ?

Jake:  (relieved)  Finally someone gets it !   (chuckles)  It wasn’t until near the denouement that the two of them realized they’re perfect for each other.  

Changa:  Just like us, my one and only bud.   (She nuzzles her nose with his and they kiss) 

Chimi:   How romantic !  

Jake:   Well, the night is still young, the trick or treaters have gone home for the night, let’s just keep on dancin’, whaddya say ?

Changa:  Word.  

(They all dance to ‘You Make Me Feel Like Dancing’ as the party goers enjoy the remainder of the evening.   Most of them leave and we’re only left with the quartet to finish out the night. We see the good friends completely crashed out on the couch after an active night.  The credits begin to roll to ‘I Wanna Dance With Somebody’ to other significant parties the quartet has enjoyed with ‘The End’ written in gold cursive across the screen at the end.   True cinephiles will linger to see the usual gaff and blooper that are usually included in comedies such as this one.   I would also like to dedicate this film to my roommate’s beloved cat, Ziva.   I didn’t know her well, but she was one of the first calico angels that greeted me when I first met him.    She was a gentle, endearing, loving soul without malice in her body.    She died Tuesday the 23^rd of September, and she will forever remain a friend to the entire family.   She will be missed, but I am without a doubt she waits for us on the other side of eternity when we reunite once we have died.)