Woman of 1,000 Faces

Synopsis:  Priya Patel, a young woman born in poverty in India makes her way to America to the Midwest.  She wants to be a comedienne and at first it’s an arduous road.  Eventually, she wins many people’s hearts including that of a fellow entertainer who happens to be an illusionist. 

~*~CAST~*~

Priya Patel/Fielding: (Lily Singh-Pretti)

Aagney Patel: (Kunal Nyaar, father)

Chandra Patel: (mother) 

Devi Patel: (grandmother)   

Ajay Patel: (grandfather) 

Shahrukh Khan: (himself)

Aishiwara Rai: (herself)

Salman Khan: (himself) 

Simon Cowell:  (himself)

Madonna: (herself) 

Stephen Colbert: (himself) 

Howie Mandel: (Himself)

Kirsten Cohen:  (Priya’s best friend, roommate)

Justina Dias: (another best friend and roommate)

Corey Elias Fielding:  (illusionist and love interest)

Leona Fielding: (his mom) 

David Fielding: (his dad) 

Julian DeMarco: (Corey’s best friend)

Phyllis DeMarco: (Julian’s wife)

Noelle DeMarco: (eldest daughter)

Michael ‘Mike’ DeMarco: (youngest son)

DJ: 

Amrita Fiedling: 

Sanjay Fielding: 

        ‘You are driving me to the crazy.’—Oh, Home

‘I realize that even though I’m not singing and dancing, I have so many people who support and love me !’—Kokona, Nurse Witch Komugi R

‘We are spirits, free as a wind.  It’s a secret not everyone knows.’—Mustafa, ‘The Prophet’

Scene 1—Growing Up Poor

Priya: (coming home from school with all of her friends saying their goodbyes, narrating)  It was a weekend, which meant my family and I had something to look forward to.   We’d usually go to the cinema and watch the latest film with the biggest stars.  I adored Salman Khan, Sharukh Khan, and Aishiwara Rai.  I could imitate all 3 so easily that I often won contests but I wanted more.   I already had a natural ability to be funny.   Mom, dad and myself watched American Idol religiously and I had an intention in my heart to try my comedy act in front of thousands of people.   Of course, it was out of the question until my schooling was over and done with but I was nearly graduated !  

Chandra:  Another weekend ! 

Aagney:  Another episode of American Idol.  

(They all high five) 

Priya:  It’d be the best if I could head to America and actually try out ! 

Aagney:  (a bit blustery)  Not until you graduate.  Have you thought of where you’d go, what you’d do ?   We don’t know anyone in America ! 

Priya:  Mom, dad (hugging them close) !  You know, and you heard it from my idols themselves, I have a winning personality.  I’m full of charm, class, pizazz, moxy, pluck and talent !   Those guys are going to love me ! 

Chandra: (Kissing her daughter’s cheek)  I know they will, but it won’t be easy. 

Aagney:  Hollywood always makes it look like it will be.  The journey’s going to be hard.   We aren’t the most affluent people in Mumbai. 

Priya:  I am well aware of that. 

Chandra:  But we managed to gather everyone together and pull together our funds. 

Aagney:  We also decided to have a special going away party for your trip after you graduate.  

Priya:  You’d do that ?  For me ? (gets a bit teary eyed)

Aagney: (ruffles her hair)  We know ever since you were a little girl, this has been your dream.  

Chandra:  You’re old enough to spread your wings on your own, darling !  We believe in you, no matter what you do.   We’ll be here rooting for you, all of us. 

Devi:  It took a lot of work, but we managed to get enough to get you on your feet in America.  

Ajay:  I looked around for suitable apartments and I found one accepting roommates.  The girls I found sound really spiffy ! 

Priya: (hugging them happily) You didn’t have to go to all this trouble. 

Aagney:  We want only the best for you and we support you whole heartedly !

Priya: (narrating) Graduation came and went so quickly it left me spinning.  I was surprised by a graduation/going away party by family, friends and my three idols.   I don’t know how my family managed to do that, but there they were, dancing and rejoicing with me, celebrating right along with me. 

(She dances to the Fan anthem and Sharukh is impressed.) 

SRK:  You do that even better than I do.  

Salman:  (laugh) You have to admit, Priya’s got moves.  

Priya:  I only learned how to dance like this thanks to you, Sharukh and Aishiwara. 

Ai:  We can tell it comes from the heart.   (curiously) What are you going to do in America ?

Priya:  I’m going to try out for America’s Got Talent.  When I win the competition…

Chandra:  You mean ‘if’ right ?

Priya:  No, mum, ‘when’ !  I’m going to win.  

Aagney:   She’s got her heart set.   Knowing her, she’s sure to do it.  She’s capable of anything.  

Devi:  (Sobbing almost inconsolably)  Without you here it’s going to be far too quiet, and lonesome. 

Priya:  (being hugged almost too tight)  Easy on the ribs, gram !  Can’t…breathe !

Devi: (lets go)  Sorry, I was overcome !  

Chandra:  Mum, don’t worry.  She’s taking a laptop with her, we’ll talk to her every night when we can. 

Priya:  I have an unlimited plan, too, but Skype will be far nicer than just talking by phone.

Ajay:  Such a smart young lady.  Takes after my side of the family. 

Devi: (playfully nudging him)  She takes after both, Ajay, my dear.  

Priya:  (narrating)  Although the party was off the chain, it was slightly bittersweet.  I’ll admit, I shed some tears, but I looked forward to landing in the Midwest, where I would meet my new roomies and start adjusting to life in the States.

(‘Life in the Great Big World’ plays after she says good bye and as she gets her sea legs ‘Give Me Some Sunshine’ from Three Idiots plays as she instantly makes new friends with her winning personality, charm, charisma, smile and gregarious nature.) 

Scene 2—Friendship Isn’t So Hard

Kirsten:  (excitedly hugging Priya, at first, she doesn’t know how to take it but hugs back, patting Kirsten’s back anxiously)  You must be Priya !  I’m Kirsten, I’ll be one of your roomies !   How lucky, huh ?  (jumps up and down)  I’ve always wanted an Indian roommate.   It’ll be just like TBBT !  

Justina:  (huge magnetic grin)  Yeah, only with us 3 girls under one roof.   As you already know, that’s Kirsten.  She’s my best friend.  We’ve been besties, since like, forever, way back in Kindergarten.   She’s the most avid of us all. 

Kirsten:  It’s true.  This is the best thing to happen to me since I befriended Justina.  (whispers)  I know she looks spooky.  That’s just the goth makeup.

Justina:  (chuckling)  I’m not so dark as I seem.  I actually like lacy, frilly, girly things every so often. 

Kirsten:  She loves tea and Jammy Dodgers. 

Justina:  Only you and she know that.  No one else must ! 

Kirsten:  (taps her nose)  Mum’s the word.   Come on, we gotta show you the apartment, it’s CHOICE !

Justina:  You are gonna love this place, Priya.  

Priya:  (feeling more relaxed, less shocked, and becoming more at ease, narrating)  It was just like Justina and Kirsten said.  It was spellbinding, magical, bedazzling, hypnotic and just plain fabulous.   I had a room all to myself, too.   We all worked together to keep everything running, but I had made two new friends that day so easily that I was almost shocked at my good fortune.  Mum and dad always said I was blessed by good fortune, so I know it to be more than true.  I do believe the Universe is looking after me.   All I have to do now is get myself a job and work my way into American Idol.   First American Idol, then my own venue at a comedy club, and maybe…maybe even my own movie ! 

(Scene shift.  We see Priya cooking for the girls for the first time and them adoring everything about her expertise and alchemy in the kitchen.  ‘India Calling’ plays in the background and we see her looking out of the sun roof at the stars.)

Priya:  Mum, dad, grandma, grandpa, everyone, I love you.  I know you’re looking at the same sky tonight and wishing me well, loving me from afar.  Wherever you are I know you go with me.  (She turns off the light and goes to sleep)

(Scene fade)

Scene 3—The Audition

Justina:  (almost way too thrilled) Priya, wake up ! 

Priya:  (holding a unicorn plushy close)  Mmmphhh…Five more minutes, mummy, please.   (goes back to sleep almost instantly) 

Kirsten:  Allow me, Justina.   Let me show you how it’s done.   (Dumps cold water on her) Rise and shine, Clementine !

Priya: (gasping)  That was a mean trick, Kirs.  

Kirsten:  It was the only way to wake you.

Priya:  (semi pout, Justina tries her best to keep from going into a laughing fit) It had better be important ! 

Justina:  Oh, but it is !  Look at THIS !  (shows her an article)  American Idol is coming here, of all places. 

Kirsten:  How providential is that ?   It’s what you’ve been longing for this whole time. 

(They all hug her, jumping up and down beside her on the bed.)

Justina:  Go, snag your dream, girl ! 

Kirsten:  You know we’re gonna be by your side the whole way.

Priya: (wiping some tears away)  We’ve only been friends a few weeks and here you are, going out of your way…It’s so moving !  Thank you.

Kirsten:  (patting her on the shoulder)  Go for it !   We’re coming with !

Priya:  (narrating)  It felt like I had been swept up in a whirlwind.  Before I knew it, I was on stage, in front of Simon Cowell, Howie Mandell and Madonna.  I never knew was nervousness was but somehow, I overcame it.  I thought of everyone rooting for me back home and my two intrepid friends sitting in the front row, screaming their heads off.  

(The three start talking amongst themselves)

Howie:  You really have a lot of variety.  Your impersonations are straight on !

Simon:  I often don’t say this but your Carol Burnett had me cracking up !

Madonna:  You have a lovely singing voice, and your dancing is astonishing. 

Howie:  You’ve got a thumbs up from me. 

Madonna:  Same here.  No doubt about it, you’ve got talent, Priya.

Priya: (hands pressed together, bowing politely)  Thank you, Howie.  Thank you, Madonna.   That means the world to me.  I’ve been doing this since I was a little girl.  Being an only child without siblings gave me a lot of time to entertain myself.

Simon:  It seems to have paid off then, because you’re going to the next round !

(Kirsten and Justina hug themselves in near disbelief, screaming their heads off.  They come up stage and eagerly hug their best friend, beside themselves.)

Priya:  (narrating)  It seems from then on out, I rocketed to stardom.  The first gig I had was opening for a magician.   Little did I know something surreal was about to happen in the very instance I announced his act…

(Scene change)

Scene 4—The Red Thread of Fate

(Priya, after she leaves the stage, we can hear her theme song.  Something is missing and she’s not really certain what it is, but she feels unfulfilled and lost.) 

Corey:  Give it up for Mrs. Patel !  Glorious creature she is, too. 

(He puts on his act and drives the crowd wild.  Soon, he takes a break and sees Priya off stage, sobbing.) 

Corey:  What’s wrong ?  You killed it out there !

Priya:  (wiping her eyes)  Oh, nothing.  Some dust must’ve gotten into my eyes.  You’re really remarkable.  You must be Corey Fielding.

Corey:  Word gets around.  (hands her a handkerchief)  Here, borrow this.

Priya: (chuckles) How chivalrous.  (wipes her eyes, hands it back) 

Corey: (places his hands over hers)  No, keep it !  I have tons of them back in my dressing room.  (pause, and then looks at her with concern) Why so down in the dumps ?  Come on, cheer up.  It’s a beautiful day.  

Priya:  You’re right.

Corey:  Stick around, watch my act.   I’ll take you out for dinner later.  What do you say ?

Priya:  An offer like that ?  How can I refuse !   (beams) 

Corey:  That’s the spirit.   (pats her hand gently)  Whatever you’re going through, you can talk to me about it.   Just know, everything is going to be alright. 

Priya:  I’ve got a feeling it’ll be even better than that.  Thanks, Corey.  You really know how to encourage and uplift. 

Corey: (tips his top-hat) It is my pleasure, m’lady.   See you after the show. (gives her a wink) 

(Quick pan of the rest of his act, and Corey taking her out on a fantastic date after the show.  He sings ‘Magical’ to her and she fawns and sighs, overtly ebullient.) 

Priya:  No one’s ever sang me a song before. 

Corey:  I tend to go big or go home.  Plus, I really do love you. 

Priya:  You just met me !  (she nearly cracks up laughing)

Corey: (takes her hand into his)  You can’t tell me you don’t feel the electricity between us ?   Don’t deny it, darling.

Priya:  (dreamily)  I know it’s there.  I never knew that someone would be out there for me.  It’s like a sweet reverie come to life. 

Corey:  That’s how I feel.   Just know, no matter what you do, I’m going to be there in your corner.  Always. 

Priya:  Same here.  I want to go to every gig you have.  Even if our performances keep us apart.

Corey:  And we will.   (leans over to kiss her, deeply.  They almost both melt/faint/swoon.)

Priya:  (narrating)  That first kiss, ah my Krishna, out of SIGHT !   I couldn’t wait to be with him again.  It was his love that kept me aloft.   I knew he truly saw the authentic me, the vulnerable me, the me that needed the truest form of love in the world.   And he could give it to me in full measure.  

(Scene fade)   

Scene 5—Our Daughter’s On TV

Priya: (narrating)  It seemed that the whirlwind of popularity kept kicking up, but I wasn’t’ complaining.   Yes, it was rather enervating, but I was eating it up, and apparently everyone else was too.   What I didn’t know was my relationship with Corey was becoming more exclusive and I was in for the biggest surprise of my life one night with Stephen Colbert, my hero.  

(We see her interviewing with Jon Stewart and Jon busting a gut laughing over her antics, particularly her accuracy and perfect impersonation of Harpo Marx as well as Marilyn Monroe, Lucille Ball and Desi Arnez.   She also has him dying laughing with more old school comedian impersonations and a perfect rendition of ‘1,2,3,4, Get on the Dance Floor’ from Chennai Express. Quick transition to her interview with Stephen, after Corey’s big TV debut.)

Elsewhere in Mumbai appears on the screen too, split screen…

Stephen:  You have had a meteoric rise to fame recently.   What do you suppose has contributed to that ? 

Priya:  (in a fangirly way)  First of all, I want to thank you for having me on your TV show.   (waving effervescently)  Hi mum, dad, grandma, grandpa ! 

Chandra:  Aagney, mum, dad, look who’s on the tele !   It’s Priya ! 

Devi:  I can see that, I am not blind, honey ! 

Ajay:  (laughs)  Yes, and we can all hear plenty well without you shouting.

Stephen:  Doesn’t it make you feel a bit like dancing ?

Priya:  Oh, you know I’m always down for a dance break ! 

Stephen:  (plays ‘Moves Like Jagger’ and follows Priya’s lead)  You’re really grooving there ! 

Priya:  Learned from the best !   Shout out to my homies, Sharukh, Salman and Aishiwara.    

Stephen:  Learn from the best to become the best.   (sits back down and she also is seated)  Actually, the reason I called you here tonight is because Corey, your boyfriend, said he had a surprise for you.  

Priya:  (chuckling)  Oh ?  

Aagney:   It’s that lad she’s always telling us about.   He’d better be treating her right or I’ll have his pretty American neck.  

Chandra:  Aagney, be calm.  I’m certain he’s treating Priya like the princess we all know she is.  

Corey:  Thanks for having me, Stephen.  This is a fanboy’s ultimate dream come true.   My friend, Julian is probably having a conniption in the aisles right about now. 

Julian:  (loudly)  Actually, no !  This is too awesome.   We’re all loving it ! 

(His wife and family give him thumbs up, smiling, whistling, clapping, whooping and hollering.) 

Mike:  Corey, you ROCK ! 

Corey:  No, little dude, you do.   (smiles sweetly)  I wouldn’t be here were it not for them, let alone my family.  But now, I want to extend my family tree.   (singing ‘Tere Naam’ for Priya, and she can’t believe her ears, she is moved to jovial tears.  He gets down on his knee, kneeling before her)  Priya, when we met, I had no idea we would be tied by the red thread, but now I know that bond is unbreakable.  Be my assistant, my guide, my friend, lover, be all things, be mine.  Please ? 

Priya:  (helping him to his feet)  Of course, you lovable, goofy magician !  You know I will !   Yes !  I will marry you ! 

Corey:  (pumping his arm up and down)  Yes !  (hugging Stephen close)  YESSSSS !

Stephen:  Someone’s a happy boy  !

Corey:  You bet !  

Priya:  (narrating)  I wasn’t certain how either one of our families would take the news, but in a flash, they had all shown up for the best, most epic day of both of our lives, back where I had grown up in Mumbai.   It was almost like the whole village had come to feast in our revelry.   

(Quick shift to the wedding)

Scene 6—Together Forever

Corey:  (after the glasses are clinked, Corey stands up to make a speech)  I know that for most of us, it was a long trip.

Mike:  Speak for yourself, most of us came because of the kick-butt food and camaraderie !  

Phyllis:  Here, here !   (clinks glasses with him)

Corey: (Clears throat)  None of this would have been possible without help from both of our families.  Thank you for pulling together and helping us plan this incredible wedding.   Thanks mostly to my beautiful newlywed wife, Priya.  Look at her, more dazzling than a jewel.   I feel a song coming on !  

Priya:  Again with the singing !  (poking him in the ribcage playfully)

Corey:  You know you love it, doll.  (he sings the iconic song Raj does from DDLJ)

Priya:  You always know how to fill my heart to overflowing.   I think it would be better if we did a duet !  (she and he sing ‘American Girl, Indian Heart’) 

Aagney:  Singing is all well and good but dancing is better.  

Devi:  Hey, DJ.  I have a request.  Lungi dance  ! 

(DJ spins a record and plays Devi’s request, and the crowd goes nuts for it.  Everyone dances until the break of dawn, and Corey requests another song, ‘Mahiney’ from KHNH.)  

Leona:  We couldn’t be more pleased for you, Corey.   Our daughter-in-law is beautiful, smart, stylish, funny and successful, just like you.   We wish you many years of happiness and many blessings to come !  

David:  Indubitably  !  Hey, can I cut in with the bride and my daughter-in-law ?

Corey:  Of course  ! 

Chandra:  That means I get to have this dance, if you don’t mind.  Hello, handsome ! 

Priya:  (chagrinned, nearly covers her face in embarrassment)  Mom !   She’s always like this.   Pay her no heed. 

Aagney:  Allow me to have this dance, my rainbow.   

Chandra:  Oh, my, Aagney.  What’s gotten into you ? 

Aagney:  (lasciviously)  You mean, what’s about to get into you ? 

Chandra: (blushing and lowering her head) 

Ajay:  That’s my boy, I taught him well !  

Priya: (lowering head)  Ah, cha….. (narrating) Though we weren’t in Mumbai long, Corey and I returned to our lives in America but we always visited through the holidays.  Our lives were pretty booked, and having a child made everything a bit more spastic.   We were popular and we needed time to take care of Amrita, so we found time to devote to her when we weren’t being swamped by fans or paparazzi.   Honestly, we never thought we’d make it this far in the entertainment biz and it wasn’t always glitz, glamor and prestige.   There were days the media tended to hound us but we sent them away with grace, tact and assertiveness to bother other, more popular stars.    It wasn’t actually a bad life.  We used the popularity and affluence to help others who actually needed the money.   It typically went to our families and the indigent, or to projects that housed the homeless, fed the hungry and gave toys to children to help them learn and grow.   As for Amrita, she was set for life, but she wasn’t alone in the world.  Her little brother, Sanjay had come into her existence not long ago.   He’s just a little guy now but full of love, laughter and inquisitiveness.  He seems to have his mother’s penchant for comedy.  He may grow to be a ‘Man of 1,000 Faces’.  Who knows ?   All I know is that the family adores him and think he’s the cutest thing since a ladybug’s bottom.  Right now it’s the Festival of Colors, and we’re having a blast even though it’s hotter than the devil’s boxer shorts !   We’re happy to come back whenever we can to reconnect to our roots.   It’s always important to know where you’ve come from and where you’re going.   Corey nor myself know what the future will bring, but we do know that we’re surrounded by the love and support of family and friends, cheering us on whatever comes around the bend.   We know that love pulls us through everything and it is the only constant that we all understand in its many myriad forms.   It is the music that binds us, sustains us, enlightens, enlivens and bolsters us through life.   I grant that my story has given you hope and to never underestimate the power of laughter or its healing power.   It is truly the best medicine anywhere and available anytime.   And bonus, it’s totally LEGAL !  Pretty choice, huh ?   

(As we see the family reveling in the popular festival of colors, ‘Hindustani’ plays in the background as well as the title track to ‘Ohm Shanti Om’, and ‘Unbelievable’ amongst others.  The children are having the time of their lives, as are both Corey and Priya’s family, bathing in bright hues.   The End is shown on screen, and it is yet another happy ending for all involved.   Bloopers and behind the scenes are shown for true blue fans.   Thanks offered to everyone who helped work on the sets, designs, costumes, music planning, catering, and so on.   Travel agencies, you deserve the most gratitude.  Without you, this would not have been authentic.  My last measure of gratitude goes to all the superstars that inspired me to actually write this script.  You inspire me to aspire to become my greatest version.  If no one remembers me, hopefully they will recall the good I have done and I will know that I ran the race well with endurance and fought the good fight.   I love you all and am glad you blessed me with your friendship.   It is more than I could’ve ever have dreamed of !)