Self-Proclaimed Queen of Memes

Synopsis:  Sara Stickler has always had panache for creating catchy jingles and memes that last infinitely but her life is less than charmed until she meets someone as spontaneous and jovial as she.

~*~CAST ~*~

Sara Elizabeth Stickler: 

Naomi Stickler: (her mom)

Nathan Stickler (her dad) 

Esther Stickler: (Naomi’s mom)

Fernando Christobal Mendez: (love interest)

Lucy Mendez: (Fernando’s mom) 

Roxanne Mendez: (Fernando’s little sister)

Victor Mendez:  (Fernando’s younger brother)

Luis Sanchez: (Fernando’s best friend)

Tricia Graves:  (Sara’s best friend) 

Weird Al Yankovic: (himself)

Scene 1—Ms. Popular

Nathan:  Sara, you’ll never believe who’s on the phone ! 

Sara:  (avid)  Is it Jon Stewart ?  I’d love to be interviewed by him again ! 

Naomi:  No, it’s Conan this time.   You’ve seen and been on Stewart’s show as well as the Colbert Report. 

Sara:  (dreamily)  Ah, Stephen Colbert.  Pity he’s a married man.  I would so want to be Mrs. Colbert and have a legion of Colberts.   Can you imagine how deathly sexy our children would be ?  I mean, woah mama !  Hubba hubba !  (imitates old car horn)

Nathan:  True, that they would be.  But such is not with the fates. 

Sara:  (still smitten)  A woman can still dream !  (narrating)  It wasn’t always this way.  YouTube had been a hobby of mine since I was in my teens but I didn’t get noticed until I started writing parodies, making animations and catchy memes.   I had always been tremendous about writing earworms for local commercials.   It was by sheer providence that my fame started climbing beyond bit parts in small time TV shows.  Now I have more fame than I know what to do with.  I hear that Conan will have Weird Al performing in this particular show.  I’ve always wanted to meet him.  To think I never would’ve had this chance until Tricia got me connected with some newscasters in my hometown.   Everything moved upward since that time onward. 

(Scene shift to the airport, Sara’s family sees her off, tearfully, even though they are incredibly proud and happy for her accomplishements.) 

Naomi:  (making certain she has everything)  Do you have all you need for the trip ?

Sara:  Mom, it’s not like I’m going away for a month.  I’m only going to be gone for a week, at the most ! 

Nathan:  (chortling)   We’re just gonna miss you, sweetheart.  

(They hug her and kiss her goodbye, and her friend does too)

Tricia:  Don’t forget to Skype !

Sara:  Like I would ever abandon you guys.   It’s because of you this trip is possible.  I can’t thank you enough.  (kisses Tricia’s cheeks)  And you, Scarecrow.  I’m going to miss you most of all.  

Tricia:  (shakes head left and right)  Just get out there and do what you do best, QOE ! 

Sara: (narrating)  That had become my new title, ‘The Self-Proclaimed Queen of Memes’.   The memes you have come to know and love (or be tortured by) are the products of my overactive, fevered imagination.   I’m only getting started.  There’s so much more annoyance…I mean entertainment to deliver !  

(‘My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark’ plays as she entertains Conan and then she performs a parody she wrote.  Weird Al then appears on stage.) 

Al:   Hey, Conan !  Hey, Sara !  Heard you always wanted to meet me ! 

Sara:  No flippin’ way !   I thought you were performing later.

Al:  Yes, true, I am.  I wanted you to perform with me.  I wanted it to be a surprise, well, whoops, cat’s out of the bag now !  (he laughs)

Sara:  This rocks !  Conan, thank you.  Whoever prompted this, THANK YOU ! 

Al:   Someone will succeed me sooner or later, and who better than the Queen of Memes ? 

Sara:  (bowing profusely)  I’m not worthy, I’m not worthy, I’m not worthy !

Al: (helping her up) You are worthy !  Come on, we’re singing your favorite tune, Albequirky.  

Sara:  Yahoooooo !  

(They sing Albequirky together and she gets a photo with him, which he signs.  They have dinner together, laughing and having a terrific time.) 

Al:  Ooh, before you go, I want you to have something of mine.  I never wear it anymore. 

Sara:  Are you bequeathing me with one of your Hawaiian shirts ?

Al:  Yes !  Who better to be bestowed with one of my lucky shirts than you ?  Here !

Sara:  Don’t take this the wrong way, but I flippin’ love you man ! (she hugs him, rather tightly)

Al:  (gasps) Lemme breathe, woman ! 

Sara:  (She lets go, narrating) It was the most supernatural, surreal moment of my existence.  To this day, I still have that shirt.  I wear it during tough times.   Typically it would get me through, but unfortunately, I feel lost and empty.  I wonder if memes will be all I am going to be remembered for.   I think I’ve lost my purpose…

(scene change, she’s listening to some sad songs and crying, even after watching her most popular videos ‘Queen of Memes’ and ‘Wikipedia’) 

Scene 2—Why Am I Here ? 

Naomi:  What’s the matter ?  Honey, why are you crying ? 

(She hugs her affectionately, as does Nathan) 

Sara:  This is all I ever do now.  It’s all I know.   I used to find such pleasure in it.  It’s like I don’t even know what I am meant for.  (bawls) 

Naomi:  Oh, but sweetie, you give so much happiness to others. 

Nathan:  You brighten so many people’s days.   I’ve seen the fan mail.  It’s through the roof ! 

Sara:  I’ve never even seen these people !   Would they go out of their way if I was ever in distress ?  Would they even care ? 

Naomi:  Don’t you dare talk like that.  I’m certain there are plenty of fans who would even die for you. 

Nathan:  Your work is genius !  I mean look at the hilarious hot sauce Mario Brothers meme.   That still makes me laugh even to this day !   It’s hysterical ! 

Sara:  (sniffles)  I guess that’s something.  I know my life is meant for more than just being spontaneous and zany though.  (sigh)  Maybe if I go to the mall, clear my head, it’ll get me out of this funk. 

Naomi:  Take Tricia with you ! 

Sara: (brightens)  A mall crawl, that’s just what the doctor ordered.  (kisses her mom, full on the lips)  Thank you, mom.  You, my darling, are brilliant.  

Nathan:  That’s why I married her !  (winks) 

Sara:  I’ll be off then.   See you later !

(We see a quick split screen shot of Sara calling Tricia and them getting together.  ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’ plays as they have a blast at the mall as well as ‘We Just Wanna Party’ by the Vengaboys.  We see her dancing to ‘Roses are Red/Violets are Blue’ from Aqua, and singing karaoke with Tricia in an Abba marathon, indubitably, Sara wins, without contest, especially in her bogarting the mike and rallying the crowds with her magnetic prowess.)    

Scene 3—Bolt From the Latino Blue

Fernando:  (steps up to the mike)  Well done, but I have one that will blow you away, senorita.  

Sara:  (Seeing him, instantly becoming smitten) Como se llama, muchacho ? 

Fernado:  Ah, se llamas Espanol muy bien.  Bueno.  I’m Fernando.  (takes her hand, kisses it)  I am certain such a charming woman as yourself has an equally beguiling name.  

Sara:  (totally won over)  Hmmm…yes.  (Tricia nudges her back into reality)  Right !

It’s Sara.  

(She hears ‘Fernando’ in her mind and sees him, in a quick dream sequence on a horse, wind swept back like the wind, very much like an I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter commercial.  She rides into the sunset on the back of his white steed.)

Tricia:  Ground control to major Sara.  Come in, major Sara !

Sara:  (shakes head)  Sorry, I forgot I still had the microphone.  (chagrinned laugh)  Here you go, Fernando.  

Fernando:  (whispers his number to her, which she immediately puts into her phone, he also whispers for her to call him) 

Sara:  Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan do !   (gives him an ok symbol before leaving and nearly clicking her heels together in triumph) 

Tricia:  Alright, Bojangles, let’s get going.  Good to meet you, Fernando. 

Sara:  (drunkenly waves goodbye)

(Scene fades) 

Scene 4—Getting Back on Her A Game

Sara:  (narrating) Having spent so much time making other people happy, I really had no time to spend on myself.   I enlisted Tricia’s help and I prepared myself for what was going to be one of the most anxious and awesome times of my life ! 

(There’s a transition here where we see Sara in plain clothes and then completely dressed up in a striking royal blue sequin dress looking extremely spicy.  ‘Who’s That Lady’ plays in the background and she waits at the door for her date, who appears with 12 roses.) 

Fernando:  (in his mind ‘I’ve Been Waiting {For A Girl Like You}’ plays and he takes her hand again while Tricia takes the roses to place them in a vase)  These pale in comparison to your perfection and resplendence. 

Sara:  Thank you, Fernando.   I’m really touched.  I’ll cherish them always. 

Fernando:  (takes her by the arm)  I promise you, we’ll paint the town red tonight.

Sara:  (Gives an enthusiastic thumbs up to Tricia who gives her a fist bump, narrating)  And like that, the clouds had lifted and the funk was gone. 

(‘Bright Sunshiny Day’ plays as the two laugh, joke around and fall more in love by the minute.   By the end of the day, Fernando points out constellations and takes her back home, wishing her well.   He boldly kisses her on the cheek and she draws him close for a hug.) 

Sara:  See you again, eh ? 

Fernando:   (draws her hand close to his lips, kissing the back of her hand)  Sooner rather than later, cara mia.  

Sara: (smitten, blissful sigh, titters, narrating)  Over time, Fernando and I became an item and I was soon invited to his home to participate in El Dia de Los Muertos.  Having only been familiarized with Latin culture through school I had no clue what I was going to be experiencing !  

(Scene shift) 

Scene 5—No Subtitles Needed

(Upbeat salsa music is playing in the background.   Everyone is having the time of their lives.) 

Lucy:  You must be Sara !  Ferdie speaks too highly of you !  (pinches her cheeks)

Sara:  (speaking even though her mouth is stretched too tightly, think of the teeth whitening scene from ‘The Boss’ and you’ll know what I mean) That’s fantastic, Mrs. Mendez.  

Roxanne:  Mama, let go of that lady’s cheeks ! 

Lucy:  Ah, Dios mio.  I’m so sorry.  I get so excited sometimes.  You see ever since my precious Cristobal died, matters have been hard on us. 

Victor:  We manage though, all 4 of us together.  

Lucy:  I’m glad Ferdie invited you !   

Fernando:   And come to think of it, we’ve been together for over a year.   I couldn’t think of a better time to ask you something I’ve been longing to ask for quite a while. 

Luis:  (an aside to Roxanne)  Finally, he’s taking my advice !  Go for it, Ferdie ! Go !

Fernando:  Together, our careers have reached astronomical heights.   We’re soaring in the clouds of success and we can only continue rising.   Even if we have a few flops here and there, it’s nothing in the long line of providence we have shared.  We do better together than apart. 

Sara:  (blushing and grinning so wide she can barely stand it)  Are you saying what I think you are ?

Fernando:  You know me so well already, linda.  (takes her hand and kneels)  You predicted this one !  

Sara:  (can barely stand still, she’s jumping up and down triumphantly) 

Fernando:  I haven’t asked yet !  (laughing)  There’s plenty of time to be excited.  (takes her hands, squeezing them)  Sara Elizabeth Stickler, would you do me the honor in letting me become your undisputed King of Memes ?  

Sara:  (dancing quickly on her tip toes)  Yes.   Yes !  Yes !  Yes !  YES ! 

Fernando:  (Placing a ring on her finger, it’s an infinity bedecked with diamonds)  I love you even beyond infinity.   (Spins her around and slowly brings her to his lips)

Sara:  I know you will, without a doubt. 

(Scene fades into their wedding where they’re dancing to ‘Mas Que Nada’ and ‘Mr. Saxobeat’, as well as Enrique Iglesias’ latest romantic song, followed by his father, the Tango King, Julio.)  

Scene 6—Even Happier Times to Come

(‘Stand By Me’ plays in the background as they are dancing together as newlyweds at their wedding.)  

Sara:  (narrating)  If you would’ve said I would be marrying my best friend and business partner, I would’ve called you out as being batty enough to take on the Joker single handed.   It’s not that way, though.   I couldn’t be happier, and it seems that my lovely single friend, Tricia, has found romance in Luis Sanchez, Fernando’s best friend.   They were just introduced tonight and they felt an instant connection.  (chuckling)   Funny how destiny has a way of working things out.   Love’s ways are mysterious.  You never know where that thread will lead you but follow it, it will often lead you home.   

(We see a quick transition to Sara and Fernando enjoying a tropical vacation in his homeland of Puerto Rico, ‘All Night Long’ plays in the background followed by ‘Conga’ and ‘Duele El Corazon’, among others.   There is a spellbinding panorama shot of the beach, and the sunset.   All we hear now are the seagulls cawing followed by ‘Celebrate Good Times’ as well as ‘Paradise’.   We can see a new romance blossoming between Tricia and Luis as they run along the beach with nary a care in the world.  The End is shown in fancy Monotype Corsiva type, little animated hearts appear as different colored bubbles floating away in the atmosphere.   Bloopers and gaffs appear as well as small looks behind the scenes.)