Angst, Apathy, Ennui and Etcetera

 

Table of Contents

Chapter 1—Forgive My Wandering Eyes

Chapter 2—Glow Boldly

Chapter 3—Punky Bold Muriel

Chapter 4—Transmuting

Chapter 5—‘You’re Pretty Rad, Muriel Bagg’

Chapter 6—'Wherever The Road Leads’

Epilogue

 

Chapter 1—Forgive My Wandering Eyes

                Muriel had gotten addicted recently to dime store romance novels.   She could once remember a time when Eustace actually courted her and took her on dates.   They were never opulent, but she didn’t mind.    Their romantic dates were magnificent, but she missed the times she and Eustace were amorous.    It never seemed to be a perfect time for them to be together, and he always seemed to be uninterested.     Yet, he was always ogling younger women whenever they were on TV.   

                Muriel sighed out on the porch, wondering how she would arouse Eustace’s attention like she had when they were younger.   She remembered a frilly lingerie bodice she had seen when out on her own.    She had her own money, and she was feeling friskier than ever, so without any hesitation, she had gone into the intimates shop and bought the bodice for herself.   

                Given that she was a slightly more full-bodied woman, the fabric covered her and upheld her in all the right areas.   The red fabric was tasteful and sultry.   She had nylons that accompanied it and red pumps she hadn’t worn for only heavens knew how long.   It was the eve of their anniversary, and she decided to wear the lingerie for him.   Looking like an absolute goddess, smelling of delicate roses, Muriel had put on some makeup, which she actually looked very fetching in.    She sauntered up to the TV and made some provocative movements. 

                ‘Woman, I can’t see !   Get out of the way !’, Eustace grumbled.    Courage grumbled back at him.    He pointed at the calendar on the wall, but it wasn’t enough to remind him of what day it was.    Defeated, Muriel slumped into her favorite chair, still clad in the nightie and feeling like a discarded piece of rubbish.    

 

Chapter 2—Glow Boldly

                Courage comforted Muriel as much as he could, but he knew he had no sway over her being hypnotized by the commercial on the TV screen. 

                A spritely woman, wearing the gaudiest of rhinestone outfits, looked like she was a horrendous cross of Tammy Faye and a gender bent Richard Simmons.   She promoted Glow Boldly, a supposed ‘fountain of youth’ vitamins that only needed to be gulped down with a little water.  

                ‘This little pill will do you wonders, ladies.   That man who won’t make whoopee with you ?   You’ll be goin’ at it all night long !’, she professed.    She quickly zipped upstairs, put on a more contemporary outfit versus her usual buttercup yellow dress and commissioned Courage to ride shotgun with her to the local general store. 

                ‘Ooh, Courage, I hope they have that Glow Boldly there !   I’ll show Eustace.   He’ll remember exactly why he married his little sex pot ginger !’, she said, hopping on her scooter with Courage, laughing all the way.    He didn’t understand why he was encouraging her, but he hated seeing Eustace avoiding her.    Even if the pill was complete hokum, for Muriel to have even some momentary joy in her life even if it was only temporary.  

 

Chapter 3—Punky Bold Muriel

                The corner country store in the middle of Nowhere wasn’t that busy for a Thursday evening.   Muriel bought the Glow Boldly and swigged it down with a bottle of water.   All of a sudden, Muriel’s old orange gingham dress ripped and she began to transform.   

                When the smoke and smog cleared, Muriel’s hair was multicolored and spiky.   She was wearing a leather jacket with patches and buttons expressing her optimism.    There was a tattoo of Courage on her left arm, and she made a bicep. 

                ‘Ooo, Courage ! Look at this !  I can make him lift weights !’, she boasted.    She laughed, full throated, paid the cashier and he just gawked.    Courage shrieked, full force, phasing out of his body at the new version of Muriel standing in front of him.    Undeterred, she dragged his out of body double back to the scooter and zipped away.    Courage’s spirit re-entered his body and he shook his head, praying that he was in some sort of Mad Max dystopia.   

                Down the dusty road, Muriel was howling like a mad wolf, scraping her metal kneepads against the road as she leaned into the curves.   Her madcap curve rounding was enough to make Courage heave any dog biscuits he had eaten earlier.  

                ‘Slow down !’, he whimpered. 

                ‘And miss these gnarly sparks ?   Who are ya, my MUM ?!’, she boasted, going all the faster on her scooter, which strangely, had transformed into a deluxe Harley Davidson, complete with a tiny cow skull decorating it and spikes galore.  

                Along the way on the long, lonely road, some delinquents cornered her.   Their names were Angst, Apathy, Ennui and Etcetera.    They were known as the Baddies. 

                ‘Woo-mama !   Look at you !   We’ve been lookin’ to recruit a new Baddie, and it seems we’ve encountered her.  Wanna go desecrate some property ?’, Ennui questioned.  

                ‘Well, I really don’t think…’, Muriel began.    She might have transformed into punky clothing, but she was still very sweet and reserved despite her outward appearance.   

                Before Muriel could speak one more word, the delinquents had literally roped her into coming along with them to completely ruin a landmark everyone in Nowhere knew and passed over during their daily commute over and around Nowhere to Elsewhere.   

 

Chapter 4—Transmuting

                There was a cloverleaf exchange not far from Nowhere and the Baddies began to deface it with graffiti.     All the while they played extremely loud (but incredibly fantastic) indie punk music.    Muriel could feel the effects of the pill wearing off and the bottle itself had been full of more air than product.    She felt as if she had been gullible but luckily, it hadn’t been a pricy mistake.  

                The teens were surprised that Muriel was so magnificently talented.   All the malicious artwork they had sprayed upon the overpass was quickly transmuted into something splendiferous.   

                ‘Muriel, that’s…stupendous.’, they said.    No sooner had the cops arrived than the Baddies left and Muriel was surrounded.     The pill had completely worn off but she was still wearing her punky outfit.    The tattoos she had completely faded.    They no longer resembled her and she didn’t need them.   She felt ‘rebellious’ enough in the ripped jeans, black jacket and spiral tie die.     She felt confident and young.   Muriel laughed. 

                ‘I didn’t need that cockamamie pill after all, Courage.’, she whispered to him as the police surrounded her.    Instead of arresting her for vandalism, they praised her for her work. 

                ‘You could always paint other murals in town.   The commissioner is looking for an artist.   He’ll pay you handsomely.’, the lead sheriff offered.    Muriel brightened.   The money certainly could help with repairing the old windmill and some of the fixtures the farm had desperately needed.    She could even make something special for Eustace for their anniversary.   That was probably all he ever wanted.  He was a simple man, and baked goods were his love language.  

 

Chapter 5—‘You’re Pretty Rad, Muriel Bagg…’ 

                In the days to come, Muriel was praised for her stunning murals that made Elsewhere and Nowhere a bit more colorful and inviting.    It took a few days for her to finish her masterpieces, but the Baddies had come to admire what she had created.   Apathy looked at them and tears surged in her eyes. 

                ‘We were absolutely wrong.   Thank you for showing us the error of our ways.   Oh, by the way, do you teach painting classes ?’, she asked.

                ‘Yeah !  You’re pretty rad, Muriel Bagg !’, Angst chimed in.    Etcetera broke down into a full-blown wail, overcome by emotions.    It was obvious that these young punks needed a mom to show them how to live their lives.   For the first time in her entire life, Muriel became a mom and Eustace was surprised, once again as always.   

                ‘I hope they don’t eat us out of house and home, woman.’, he said, grumbling.   They noticed that Eustace had been a bit of a closet metal head, which even surprised Muriel.   They introduced each other to their music and a friendship was created.  

                ‘You’re pretty boss yourself, Mr. Bagg.’, Ennui said, hugging her newfound dad.   Eustace stiffened at first but found himself melting at the girl’s embrace.   They were all so starved for acknowledgement, and he saw himself in each of them.    Day by day, they brought out the best in him, and he learned how to paint.   His work was a bit more abstract, but he had a knack for the surreal absurdist style versus Muriel’s impressionistic flair.  

 

Chapter 6—‘Wherever The Road Leads’

                The time came for the ladies to head back to Elsewhere and go back to their typical lives.   With their new skill, they could help others.    They began funding their band not with threats but with actual money they were given for their beautification projects.   Oftentimes, they could be found cleaning up the interstates and returning to the first project that started it all, the one Muriel had labeled Unity.  

                Although it was a bit belated so far as their anniversary was concerned, Muriel baked a decadent poke cake for Eustace.    After all the excitement, he pointed out the Baddies on TV and their new class.  

                ‘You did that.   I never should’ve doubted you could.   I know it’s late but happy anniversary.’, he said, actually smiling for once.    Courage’s mouth dropped but he laughed heartily in spite of himself.     Finally, Eustace was reciprocating Muriel’s love again.  

 

Epilogue

                Nowhere returned to its typical mundane self but in the morning, Eustace had gone out of his way to make breakfast for his wife.  He even surprised her with an abstract painting he had been working on since the Baddies had come and gone and left to wherever the road would take them.  

                ‘I know I’m not always the best husband and I make mistakes.   I know I blame that stupid dog for everything sometimes.   I’ll never stop loving you and that’s a fact.’, he said. 

                ‘Oh, Eustace you crazy old coot.   I love you no matter what and I am grateful you helped me with the girls.    Believe it or not, you’re a good man.’, she said, chuckling.   Eustace softly kissed Muriel on the cheek and opened his hands, palms up to the staircase.

                ‘Your morning feast awaits, madame.’, he said.    Muriel tittered like a schoolgirl.  Courage simply placed his paws over his heart.  

                ‘Ah, love.’, he said and watched his two favorite humans dine together, just like old times.  

 

The End