Dreams Will Come True

 I don't know if this will be my last post here but if I continue posting, you know it wasn't.  I keep feeling a magnetic drive to head to Israel.   I have longed, nay dreamed for this opportunity to travel there since I was 40 (and that was after my 'midlife/existential crisis').   I do not know what tomorrow will bring but I just want anyone and everyone to know that if I ever said anything to offend you, I didn't mean it personally.   I am blunt and I speak the truth.   I have tried to be a friend and half the time I'm either wrong or I'm 'part of the problem'.   One group I happened to belong to quoted scripture and said I was a 'helpful idiot', which hurts me that much more.   So, until I am spoken to, I retain silence.   Silence means I will not hurt someone or wound them.   I am not here for that.  I am here to enlighten, awaken, stir, exhort, etc.   I know it is not a simple or easy path.   I have known this from my upbringing and when I became a Christian at 13.   I realize the title of 'Christian' is also polarizing but that is what I am.   I chose this path.   Maybe some would say 'you brought this upon yourself'.   I had the free will to do so.   I know there are reasons and God is in control, but I feel all I have in this moment is faith and nothing else.   God has given me life and I am grateful.   God has remained my protector, my stay, my power, my FRIEND when no one else would.   God loves me.   I am not saying I am better or worse than anyone or that I am entitled.  I am simply a flawed human being that is living no matter what the world hurls at her.    Israel is something that continues to call me.   Jonathan Khan has a trip this November.   I know that in January, I heard about Iran.  I can't discount that.   However, when November comes to mind, I feel absolutely NOTHING.   All I know is there has to be a reason for that.    I doubt I'm going to die in Israel.   I nearly died four times already, there's so much more to accomplish.    However, if indeed, that is the trip that means I am going to go back Home, then so be it.   Currently I am doing research to holistic and alternative ways to maintain my health.    I am practicing lymphatic drainage and shiatsu massage.   I am stretching, engaging my core, riding my bike.   Physically I am perfectly fine.   I am in perimenopause and know I shouldn't be.  It's been like this since I was 44 and without truly having evidence, I feel the Covid shot was part of that.   At this point, I don't care who comes after me or who tries to shut me down.   TRUTH above everything, right ?  I feel like a voice crying in the wilderness...I will NOT be silenced.    One way or another, Israel is calling me.  If I do make it, it happens a bit before my birthday, a week and two days before I turn 47.  I'm certain there is significance to that somewhere somehow, but I just wanted to leave this message if nothing else.   Know that I love each and every one of you.   I hold no malice.   Forgive me if I said something to anger or irk you.   It was never my intention, but I suppose I am a 'helpful idiot'.   That's a better slight than anything else I have ever been told I was or defined as and for what it's worth, I'll take that as a compliment rather than an insult.  




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