Joe of Antiquties, Episode II: Whipped

Episode II: Whipped

Synopsis:  Joe is in High School now and he and Steph are an item couple.  He listens to everything she says.  Things change though after he finds his signature whip on a field trip to a newly discovered virgin island off the coast of Hawaii.  After battling a kaiju to get it, he becomes empowered.  Bizarre happenings begin to occur on the island.  There are immovable, impenetrable eggs there that start hatching and the government is sent to gun them down before they start destroying the inhabitants of Hawaii and other countries that follow after it. Although he is only 18 at the time, Joe is recruited by the government to destroy ‘Mama Island’ who bore the eggs on her back.  Feeling emboldened (and wanting to make a good impression on his manly reputation), he accepts.  It’s up to Joe now to put an end to Mama Island before more damage is incurred. 

~*~CAST~*~

Seema Sharma: (his mom)

Apu Sharma:  (his dad) 

Sweetu Sharma: (grandma)

Shah Sharma:  (grandfather)

Ishan Chowdry:  (Joe’s best friend) 

Sanjay Chopra: (another one of Joe’s bf’s)

   Melody Sarandon: (Stephanie’s mother)

Leroy Sarandon: (Stephanie’s dad) 

Stephanie Sarandon:  (Joe’s love interest)

Francine Smith: (Eddie’s girlfriend) 

Arnold ‘Arnie’ Bowles:

Otis Cullins:  (Ed’s best friend)

Eddie Browne: 

Patrick Powers: 

Tiffany McMahon : (Patrick’s girlfriend)

Vera Powers: (Patrick’s mother) 

Vladimir: (Patrick’s Husky) 

Voice over PA: 

Principal Swanson:

Coast Guard Member #1:

Coast Guard Member #2:

Coast Guard Member #3:

Coast Guard Member #4:    

Scene 1—Back to the Grindstone

Joe:  (narrating, wistfully)   I had everything I could have ever desired.   All the years before had vanished like a whisper.   I was closer to becoming an adult than ever.  The prospect itself exhilarated and terrified me but I was looking forward to marrying Stephane Saradon.   I had become accepted into her family, which I considered a huge first step into inserting the prospect of becoming their future son-in-law in their minds.   One can never be too terribly prepared for the future.  I guess all that boy scout training in my youth paid off.  

Eddie:  Hey, Joe !   What do you know ? 

Joe:  I’m sort of sad summer’s come to an end.  

Pat:  You were away in India.  Bring us anything ? 

Arnie:  Yeah !   Last time all we got were friendship bracelets.  That’s rad and all, but…

Joe:  Prepare to be wowed !  (gives them some snow globes containing the Taj Mahal)

The glory of the immortal Taj ! 

Arnie:  Ooooo, sweetness !  I’ve always wanted one of these.   Dude, you are the best friend ever.  (hugs him and then begins shaking the globe excitedly and titters like a schoolgirl, having a ball with his souvenir) 

Joe:  Don’t you forget it, Arnie. 

Otis: We don’t hang out anymore though.  Not since you started dating Steph.

Joe:  She’s the most important thing in my life guys.   I didn’t think you would be taking it so harshly. 

Eddie:  That’s just the thing.  We need guys’ nights out.  I can’t even remember the last time we watched a football game together.

Arnie:  Or played baseball out on the field.   Man, Joe, we need you back on our team !   The Razorbacks are butchering us.   Come back to the Ravens, Joe.  We couldn’t be in worse shape without you.  

Joe:  I’d love to but my Steph’s happiness is paramount.  

(They all moan)

Otis:  Dude, you’re just no fun anymore.  

(They walk away disappointed.) 

Voice over PA:  It delights me to inform everyone that we will be taking an educational field trip to Hawaii this year.  We will be learning about the mythology, culture, music, movies, music videos and TV programs made here.   There are plenty of things to do, and I myself cannot wait to get packed and get going.  Oh, Principal Swanson has given me an update.   Thank you, Principal Swanson. There is a new island off the coast that we will be exploring.  It’s called Sopresa, Spanish for surprise.  Makes sense to me.   We will be holding a fundraiser.   If you want to attend the field trip, make certain you have a signed permission slip from your parents available on your teacher’s desk by Friday this week.   The fundraiser will start that day as well.   Gear up students, and prepare to have your world rocked. 

Joe: (narrating)  I was a shoe in to go to Sopresa as were my friends.   I raised the most money out of all the students at Bayfield High !   My friends, granted were impressed, but according to them, I was still ‘whipped’.  

(Scene fade) 

Scene 2—Paradise, or So It Seems

(They’re shown around, an instrumental version of Hukilau plays in the background while they do.  Everyone is breathless at the gorgeous scenery and panorama that Hawaii has to offer.   The students and teachers are living it up.   Joe, however, is distracted and finds odd eggs on the island.) 

Joe:  No one mentioned these eggs being here.  (pokes one with a stick, nothing happens)  Hmm.  (Hits it with a stick and it reverberates, shaking him to the core)

Strange.    (shrug)  Hmmph, no matter.   It’s probably nothing of importance anyway. 

(The egg that he has hit begins to jostle around, shivering and shows indication of a teensy-weensy crack.) 

Principal Swanson:  Isn’t it beautiful out here, children ?  I can’t believe I’m living the vacation of a lifetime, and getting to learn, too.  Isn’t that wonderful ?

(The students can’t help but agree.) 

(Beachgoers are suddenly attacked by very grotesque, vicious, fanged monsters with no eyes, and they escape, bloodied but still alive) 

Otis:  What are those things ?  

Eddie:  I don’t know ! 

Joe:  (flashback, feels a bit chagrinned)  It’s my fault.  I got curious.  There were eggs on the other side of the trail.   I let my inquisitive nature possess me. 

Arnie:  You should’ve told someone about this !   People are getting mauled ! 

Joe:  I’ll make it right.  Somehow…I’m going to fix everything.  

(The Government is called in and immediately starts firing on the abominations.  Suddenly a kaiju erupts from the water and Joe jumps into action, seeing that the monsters are drawn to it.) 

Pat:  No, Joe !  Don’t be hero. 

Eddie:  Fare the well, I barely knew ye !

Arnie:  (Shoots Eddie a derisive, stern look)  Man, that’s just, cold. 

Joe:  (sees that it is tied with a whip and unties it, thinks to himself)  Maybe I can use my whip to bring this behemoth down…

(‘I’ve Got It Goin’ On’ plays in the background as he literally slays the monster with nothing more than wit and the newly acquired whip.   The Monster is savagely ripped into pieces by the lightning fast movements and now his friends are extremely awed.) 

Otis:  Dude….I mean....DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE !  That was the most awesome, radical, wickedly SICK thing…. Alchemical !

Arnie:  How did you learn to move that fluidly ?

Joe:  Oh you mean (Bruce Lee impression)  be like water ?

(They all nod) 

Pat:  You’ve got balls of steel, man !  Forget what we said earlier.  

Joe:  No, I still have to stand up to Steph.  I should have long ago but I’m certain she will understand how I feel. 

Steph:  (Eavesdropping and being astonished after all that has happened) Understand how I feel about what, snookums ?

Joe:  Well, pookie, it’s time we had a tet a tet.  (He sings ‘Taking Back What’s Mine’)

Steph:  (soft smile)  You could’ve just told me before.  You didn’t have to burst out in song about it.

Joe:  (smirks wryly)  What can I say, it’s the Hindi in me. 

(Sopresa Island begins to quiver and quake.  The Coast Guard has been sent to evacuate everyone and they come to Joe for assistance.)

Coast Guard Member #1:  What you did back there was brave.  You’ve got a lot of chutzpah, kid.  

Joe:  (huge grin)  Thanks.  High praise coming from the likes of you.   I was just acting on impulse.  I didn’t want that monster to hurt my friends.

Coast Guard Member #2:   What we didn’t know is that this island is another kaiju. 

Joe:  (Seeing his friends whisked away in helicopters waving to him, some of them goofily, not really understanding the gravity of the situation)  Another gargantuan beast ?   Why ? 

Coast Guard Member #3:  Nuclear testing from the past…We didn’t know the implications…

Coast Guard Member #4: Or repercussions.  

Joe:  (rolls eyes)  That figures.  And what do you want me to do about it ?

Coast Guard Member #1:  Do you know how to fly a jet ?  

Joe:   (raised eyebrow)  Seriously ?  You expect a kid to do your job ?   Look, I know nothing save the Bernoulli effect.

Coast Guard Member #3:  That’s the basics.   We’re sure you’ll do fine. 

Joe:  (being taken away to a jet)  No.  I didn’t get a chance to disagree !  (narrating)  Honestly, though, I wanted to save my friends.  I didn’t have any other choice in the matter.  I had begun a horrible chain reaction and I was the ultimate answer to breaking the chain completely.   It was up to me to destroy Big Mama Island for the sake of my friends, teachers, islanders, and even the bullies that had treated me so horribly at Bayfield.  

(As he does so ‘Highway to the Danger Zone’ plays and the Kaiju is finished in heroic fashion.   A fast forward is seen of the remainder of their trip while familiar Hawaiian music plays.  As they leave, ‘Aloha Oi’ plays and they are bidden a warm, gregarious and loving farewell.)

Scene 3—Adjusting to Popularity

Joe:  (narrating)   When I had returned to Bayfield High, I was treated to the hero’s welcome.  I got a parade, a medal from the president and notoriety on local TV.  People back in India, especially Ishan and Sanjay were calling me up, congratulating me on how well I had done.  I took this all in stride.  People had forgotten my mistake and focused on my bravery versus that.   I admitted I was flawed, as everyone is, but I had no idea that what I had done would make me so popular.  Even my worst tormentors were now going out of their way to pay me favors just because I saved their lives.   They were no longer foes, but friends.  It’s sad to think how a grave incident has to happen in order for some to change, but sometimes people need a little shake up to transform.   That way the alchemical effect is awakened.   As for the remainder of this school year, it is nowhere near so chaotic as the trip to Hawaii was.   How could they not have known that the island was a Kaiju ?   (sigh)  I will never understand the government as long as I live.   Regardless, everything was back in full swing.   Before I knew it I had become a senior and I was graduating with my friends.   My whole family had shown up to the event.  There was cake, ice-cream, punch, party favors, and a speech made about how the world will become our oyster presented by Maya Swanson herself.   She is tremendously motivational.   Someday I know I’m going to look back on all of this and marvel at how far I have come.   Next step though, college.   Oh, jeez.  I look forward with trepidation, anxiety and hope.   Stephanie will be going with me.  Otis, Arnie, they’re going to different colleges, but I know we’ll keep in touch somehow.   Eddie and Pat will be heading to the same university.  At least I know I won’t be roaming and roving alone amongst the harrowed, hallowed halls of Benedict University.  

(A montage is shown of Joe’s growth, done in time lapse, ‘Weapon of Choice’ plays as he is shown dancing to get his diploma.  The crowd seems to eat it up and encourage his talented antics.   ‘To Be Continued’ appears on the screen.  Bloopers and behind the scenes film is shown.  Also a little snippet of what’s to come in ‘The Knot’ is premiered to the true blue fans, and a familiar voice states, ‘I see you shiver in antici…pation’.   Wait for The Knot, folks.  Then the fat lady will truly sing !)