Off Season

Synopsis:  A carnie family, namely the Pratts, typically live for State Fairs, running from one end of the country to another in their 5^th wheel, making new friends along the way.   They stand as a testament to actual honest carnival folk, trying to break the stigma that’s been held for centuries.    This is their story about what happens when they’re not making everyone else’s lives more entertaining.  

~*~CAST~*~

Sylvester Leon Pratt: (dad) 

Charlene Marie ‘Charlie’ Pratt: (mom) 
Petunia Pratt: (grandmother) 

Malkin Pratt: (grandfather)

Alice Pratt: (eldest sister)

Ophelia Pratt: (next to eldest daughter)

Silas Mark Pratt: (middle son)  

Leon Eli Pratt: (youngest son)

Snickerdoodle (aka the ‘Dood’): (their ginger tabby cat)

Yvonne Mathis: (Leon’s love interest) 

Bernice Mathis: (Yvonne’s mom) 

Russel Mathis:  (Yvonne’s dad) 

Juno:  (her golden retriever)  

Valentino DeMarco:  (next door neighbor)

Francisco ‘Frank’ DeMarco: (Leon’s buddy)

Cora DeMarco: (Val’s wife)  

Bridgette Dame:  (Yvonne’s bestie)

Beryl Regalado:  (a girlfriend)

Don Ronaldo ‘Ron’ Regalado: (the boss of the casino)

Vito Imperioli: (a bouncer/muscle/goon for the Don)

Tito Imperioli: (Vito’s bigger, more muscular brother) 

Scene 1—Seeing the Countryside

Sylvester:  (ringing a cowbell)  Family meeting !  

Charlene:  (she had been watching TV but the bell caught her attention)  Sly, whatever for ?   I was right in the middle of Mr. Robot ! 

Sly: (gently taking the remote and pressing pause)  That is what pause buttons are for my saccharine one.  

Malkin:  What’s with all the ruckus ?  Another family meetin’ ?

Sly:  Sure is, pop.  

Petunia:  I’m following you, Malkin.  I’m goin’ where the action is  ! 

Alice:  (a little downbeat)  Here I was in the midst of another one of Stephen King’s best works.   (sigh)  Ah well.  Mr. King, I will meet you again, (dramatically, hand over head)  anon ! 

Ophelia: Oh, brother.  Alice, you’re such a diva. 

Alice:  Takes one to know one, Ophelia.  (she nudges her playfully) 

Silas:  (taking Leon by the hand who happened to be napping)  Leon.  LEON !

Leon:  (sputtering)  Si, my GOD.  You’re gonna give me a coronary. 

Silas:  Lee, you’re too young to even know what a coronary is.  Come on.  Family meeting ! 

Leon: (narrating)  Whenever something was rather important, mom and dad would rally us to a family meeting.   This was different than before, since none of us had a birthday and it wasn’t time for us to return to school anytime soon. 

Ophelia:  So, what’s the dealio, daddy-o ? 

Sly:  Seeing that we’re not setting up for another fair, I was thinking we could see the countryside.   I know how we keep talkin’ about it, but we never go and do it. 

Petunia:  You sure we got enough money to do it, son ?  It’s not exactly the cheapest thing. 

Sly: Petuny, I know that, doll-face.  

Charlene:  Grandma, your son and I have been planning for quite a while now. 

Silas:  Yeah, nana !  We’ve all been savin’ up from odd jobs and what not. 

Alice:  We’ve worked really hard ! 

Leon: We’ve got the whole fall to let the roads be our classroom ! 

(narrating)  See, that was the fantastic thing about being home-schooled.  We didn’t need an establishment warping us into believing their specific way.  We formed our own opinions, and many of us, like Alice, my eldest sister, had already begun working to keep our 5^th wheel up and running.   It was literally, our vehicle. 

Malkin:  What about provisions ?

Silas:  Poppy, don’t worry, we all know how to cook ! 

(They laugh) 

Charlene:  Well, then, we need an itinerary.   (leans over beside Sylvester to begin planning.   They decide to stop in each place that has been suggested.  As they begin their trip starting with the Grand Canyon.  ‘Come With Me Now’ plays followed by ‘Ophelia’.)

Ophelia:  Ooo, ooo, turn it up.  This is my song !   (she sings happily along with ‘her’ song, swaying to the rhythm) 

Leon:  (narrating, albeit in a somewhat melancholy way)  I should’ve been happy.  Yes, I should’ve been on cloud nine.   Going on this vacation so soon left me no time to say my farewells to Yvonne, my next door neighbor and (sighs dreamily) woman of my dreams.   So many things left unsaid.  I can’t even write my feelings out in a fragging email.  I know, it’s really tragic but I needn’t dwell on that now.   We’re rocking out to Springsteen’s Born to Run and it really suits the soundtrack of our summer.  Before long, we’ll be at the Grand Canyon, but for the time, I wonder if Yvonne Mathis is outside tonight with her remarkable Goldie, Juno, looking at the stars and watching the Perseids like I am now ?  

(scene shift) 

Scene 2—So Grand ! 

(They had all been asleep.  A very rousing version of ‘This Land’ plays as they’re awakened by their overly-eager parents to see the grandeur of the Canyon itself and then their led to a rapid ride they will never forget.   A heavy metal tune plays as they do and they emerge, rattled but unscathed.) 

Silas:  WOOOOOOOOOOO !   What a rush !   Poppy, I’ve never seen you row that fast.  

Malkin:  I had to.  I could see my life flashing before my eyes.  I prayed to God, Lord God, please, give me one more chance.  I need to make love to my wife before I die ! 

Petunia:  Malkin, you rogue !  

Malkin:  I ain’t dead yet, Tunie.  You know that.  (nudges her) 

Alice:  (pretends to puke)  I think I’m gonna hurl.  

Charlene:  Next stop, Arizona, then the Dakotas, and then we head back to VEGAS baby ! 

Ophelia:  Aw, yeah, sweet.   Best road trip ever !  

Scene 3—Beryl Saves Leon’s Bacon

Leon:  (narrating)  Night had fallen quickly and I found myself contented with our ginger tabby, Snickerdoodle, purring away on my lap.  We all called him the Dood, due to the obvious fact he was male and it suited his laid back persona.  I had become entranced with the panorama the Canyon displayed, the charm of Arizona, the breathtaking nature of the Dakotas and secretly wanted to try my hand at baccarat, 21, craps and some long armed bandits in Vegas.  I was what was known as an auspicious child.  If anyone could win the Pratt family and bring them great honor, it was me, Leon Pratt.  

(Before they go to Vegas, the Pratt family decides to have a little talent show of their own.  Silas demonstrates great sleight of hand, Alice dances ballet, Ophelia plays the flute, grandma and grandpa sing to the friendship song from the Lucy Show.   Finally, Leon blows them away with a bit of flamenco to ‘Bem Bem Maria’.) 

Charlene:  Go, son go !

Malkin:  Since when did you learn how to dance like that, grandson ?

Leon:  There is a thing called Youtube, Grandpa Malkin. 

Malkin:  You kids and your new fangled internets.   I’ll never understand it.  But, I’ll continue to be astonished and amazed !  

Petunia:  That’s our grandson !   Come here, let me tweak those cute little cheeks of yours ! 

Leon:  Grandma, no…stop !  (narrating)  My grandparents tend to fuss over all of us like this, especially when we kill it on the ‘stage’.  Even though none of us have even thought about the realm of entertainment as a career, our talents are our fallback, you know, just in case.  You never know when a talent scout could be skulking about.  

(The titular ‘Luck Be a Lady’ plays in the background as sung by Ol’ Blue Eyes himself.  The Pratt family is all dolled up and ready to try their best.  Leon is drawn to the roulette table and immediately wins.  Wherever he goes, he wins.) 

Beryl:  Hey, boy !   Psssstttt ! 

Leon:  What do you want, miss…(sees nametag) Beryl ?  Can’t you see I’m on a winning streak ?

Beryl:  That’s just it, there are people getting suspicious.   They told me to watch you, like a hawk.  

Leon:  (gulp)  You mean to tell me that…

Beryl:  I’m just the messenger.   My dad, well, he owns pretty much all the casinos up in this joint.   He’s basically a multi-billionaire.   Nice guy, too, real salt of the earth man.   Just don’t play anymore games.  He doesn’t want his reputation to be ruined.   If you do, please lose.  Cash in what you’ve already won before you do though.  I wouldn’t want to see you go away empty handed.

Leon:  (taken by surprise, and almost too flummoxed to speak)  W-why, no one’s ever done that for me before.   You’re a diamond, my dear. 

Beryl:  Hey, not all mob boss’s daughters are hardened crooks, y’know ?  Now beat it, skedaddle.  

Leon: (narrating, ‘Pennies from Heaven’ plays as he and his family make a clean getaway)  Beryl was right.  I could’ve gotten the whole Pratt clan into deep caca if I hadn’t thrown my last game, even though I didn’t cheat.  I knew how to count cards and even Beryl knew that.   I saw her dad’s bouncers before we left and man am I glad we didn’t have to tangle with those bruisers. 

Charlene:  Leon, what did you do ?  

Leon:  I threw the last game, but look how we made out !  We’re filthy, stinkin’ rich ! 

Sly:  (lifting him up on his shoulders)  That’s my boy !  We should go out and celebrate !  

(They go to a local roller skating rink, binging on pizza, soda and ice cream.  ‘Out on the Floor’ plays followed by ‘U’ and ‘The Rhythm is Gonna Get You’ play as they laugh and have the time of their life.)

Leon:  (narrating)  It was unreal how quickly time flew from one place to another.  We had traveled everywhere and seen everything, and still we were learning as we went.   We met fascinating people and became entrenched more in the history of this great nation.   I felt more connection to the earth and everything around me.   For the first time in my existence, I knew that every moment was precious. I had to tell Yvonne exactly what I felt when I returned or else I would regret it the rest of my life.  

(Scene shift) 

Scene 4—Urgent Confession

(After a montage of every place the Pratt family has been shows on the screen to Willie Nelson’s ‘Everywhere Man’, the 5^th wheel is parked in its usual spot, right next to the Mathis’ mobile home.) 

Alice:  Where are you going ?  We just got home.  We’re ready to sleep. 

Leon: I have something important to do before fair season begins this year. 

Silas:  It’s that girl, isn’t it ?  Wooooo, bro.  Go get ‘er, you panther, you. 

Ophelia:  Good luck.   Took you long enough to grow a spine and tell her !

Leon:  Oh, shush, Ophelia.   (he goes along with a CD player with a karaoke version of ‘Lorelei’ that he replaces Lorelei’s name with Yvonne’s) 

(rings her doorbell a bit hastily and impatiently)
Yvonne:  Yeah, yeah, yeah.  Keep your pants on.  Don’t get your knickers in a knot !  

Leon:  Still a Whovian after all these years even after my absence ?

Yvonne:  You know it.  After all,

Leon/Yvonne:  Bow ties are cool !

(They laugh)

Yvonne: (sings the parody Katy Perry song for a moment but stops)  Why do you have a CD player ?

Leon:  I couldn’t convey my thoughts to you in email, so I thought, why not music ? 

Yvonne:  I never considered you for the sentimental type.  Just not too loud, ok ?  My parents are asleep. 

Leon: (genteel smile)  I know how to be considerate.  (He sings her song and then after he’s done, he beckons her to dance with him.  The CD plays ‘Top of the World’) 

Yvonne: Wouldn’t you know my bestie, Bridgette had been right this whole time. 

Leon:  (spinning her around and back into his arms, dipping her slowly, playfully)  How do you mean ?

Yvonne:  Bridgette always said you were in love with me that day you first moved into the trailer park.  (laughs)  Remember that time you saw Bridge and I on the scrambler and you turned up the speed to 11 ?

Leon:  (covers face)  Oh, God.  I thought you would’ve forgotten !

Yvonne:  We never did.  Poor Bridge, after that, she nearly yacked herself stupid.   You came over and apologized profusely.   She forgave you and laughed it off.

Leon:  How is she anyway ?  

Yvonne:  She’s grand.  We hung out quite a bit while you were gone.  By the way, did you bring me a souvenir from any of your adventures ?

Leon:  (raised eyebrow) Wouldn’t you like to know ! 

Yvonne:  Ooooo, the suspense…it murders…kills me slowly…painfully !

Leon:  (shakes head)  Oy, vey.  You know, you’re a worse diva than Alice ! 

Yvonne:  Coming from you, I’ll take that as a praise rather than an insult. 

Leon: (hands her a snow globe from California.  It plays ‘Do You Know the Way to San Jose ?’ when wound up)  A little something to remember me by.

Yvonne:  How did you know ?  My collection just keeps getting bigger.  (leaps into his arms and kisses him) 

Leon: (singing ‘Congratulations’ and dancing around) Wahooooooo !

Yvonne:  You are one wacky guy. 

Leon:  Yep !  But that’s why you love me !    WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !

Yvonne:  Keep it down, you’ll wake my parents !  (laughing quietly)

Leon:  (lowering the volume and twirling home) Woooooooo !  (narrating)  You know the saying ‘better late than never’ ?  Well, I had proven it and I finally got the girl of my dreams.   Sure, fair season was on again, but I was sure to see her at the midway riding one of our amusements, having the time of her life. 

(An instrumental of Holiday plays in the background)  Of course, Bridge was there too, having a ball.    It was a red-letter time and we knew it would never end, but I wasn’t certain what would happen next.   In all actuality, it didn’t matter.  Just to see Bridgette and Yvonne smiling like that made me realize I was on the right pathway and my family was doing right by honest carnies just trying to make an honest living.   Sure, we might have been the odd-ones out but at least we lived truthful lives and milked the teat of life to the hilt !  

Alice: (narrating)  I’m sorry, teat ? Isn’t that a bit graphic, baby bro ?

Leon:  Who’s telling the story here, Ally ? 

(They laugh) 

Leon:  Though some miles separate us and Yvonne attends public school, we still manage to see each other and date.   One day, I plan to marry that girl, but I have to wait a bit until I’m older and have a well-paying job.  Until that day, Yvonne and I are inseparable and my life is only more complete with her in it.

(A montage is shown of the family going about their daily business and Yvonne and Leon having fun like kids and not caring what anyone else says.  ‘We’re Going Up and Up’, the latest new song by Coldplay plays in the background.  ‘The End’ appears on screen, followed by some behind the scenes footage and bloopers.   Other songs that follow are ‘I Wanna Hold Your Hand’, ‘And I Love Her’, and ‘All You Need is Love’).