Expeditious, God of Efficiency

 

Table of Contents

Chapter 1—Self Reliant

Chapter 2—Philodendron

Chapter 3—Acorna, My Love

Chapter 4—Pants, Will They Ever Catch On ?  

Chapter 5—The Guys and Me

Epilogue

 

 

 

Chapter 1—Self Reliant

                Although I’m on good terms with my dad, Hermes, more often I’ll see my mom, Mariah, especially when I call upon her by name.    My mom’s a wind elemental so I have many of her abilities, just as well as my dad’s.    That makes me more of a demigod than a god but that’s unimportant.  

                From the time I was brought into this world by my dad’s infinite horniness, I learned that he was going to fraternize with other gods and keep up appearances with them.  I didn’t have to work too hard for fame, glory, or popularity.    I already had charisma, good looks, and class on my side.   I suppose being Hermes’ son came with all that in spades and more.   I also could use some of my trickster abilities but as an opportunist, I used them sparingly.  

                Nowadays I find myself as a friend to Deliria’s son, Tyrannus.   I thought my family was dysfunctional.   They function as well as can be expected and typically, they’re civil, but gods can be petty.   I tend to steer clear of any ‘parlays’ that dad might have with other gods unless I am asked to do so.   I tend to speed things up in his favor.   I am the God of Efficiency after all.    If humans have to accomplish something in a hurry, I have a little jingle that helps them remember.   It goes a little something like this…

                You’re running behind ?

Call on me, I’ll give you speed !

I need no sacrifice, I suffice without devotion

I’ll give you wind to cross any ocean

From here to there, the wind is free

Let it take you ‘crost the vastest seas

So, if you’re in need of me

Call me, I’m super speedy ! 

I admit, it’s rather catchy and the melody is an earwig that I hear people humming all the time.   

                I enjoy helping Ty’s family out.   It doesn’t bother me that his mother is Deliria, but I definitely enjoy socializing more with Ty and Hippo.   Stupendous can be a bit brash, but she actually means well.   I’d rather have her in my corner than not.    Then, there’s Schlub.  He may be a hedonist, but if I’m in a pinch (which rarely happens), I can fly out of any situation if the need arises.   

Chapter 2—Philodendron

                It’s amusing that Ty’s father is a manticor since I have happened to befriend one myself.   They’re not uncommon here in Greece.    My friend Philodendron enjoys racing me on many occasions although he knows I don’t even have to break a sweat to beat him.   Most of the time we jog through the burgeoning city, and I can see all the progress Ty and Hippo have made.    I’ve seen them become an impressive team over time and there are moments I dream of the day when gods can learn a bit from mortals.    That day may never come but I’d rather be an agent of change rather than part of the problem.    I do realize that being the ‘black sheep’ of the demigods in some of the godly cliques doesn’t earn me points in Olympus, but at least I know I am doing what is right rather than what is popular.  

 

Chapter 3—Acorna, My Love

                Being a friend of a king does have its benefits.   Much like Dionysus I enjoy a good party.   Ty tends to be a party crasher and a bit of a downer, but ever since he found love of his own, he’s a bit more comfortable being around others.   I’ve seen the transformation over time.  I thought I liked him before, but love had made him a better person.   

                I was always a bit dubious when it came to the countless tales I had heard and seen of Eros shooting someone with his mystical arrows, but then I met a nymph at a Bacchanal that was being thrown for King Tyrannus himself.    To make certain matters were executed efficiently, I poured my influence on many of the workers there and the soiree went off without difficulty. 

                Hippo was with his beautiful nymph and out of my periphery, I caught the most exquisite vision.   Her name was Acorna.   When our eyes met, I felt my heart nearly leap out of my chest.   I thought I was having a dream until she decided to start conversing with me.   I didn’t have to turn on the charm or use pretention with those I merely tolerate to endear myself to her.    I was authentic.   I spoke sincerely and with utmost candor.    She and I fell for each other quickly and I knew that I had to make her my wife.   I did not want to lose her to anyone else, but like any seed sewn in good season, our love would take time to take root and blossom.    So, for now she and I were on amicable terms but someday I knew our love would become far more than a mere sapling.   I just had to execute patience. 

 

Chapter 4—Pants, Will They Ever Catch On ?

                There’s this odd fellow.  He goes by the name of Jean, and I’m unsure of what his surname is.   He developed an interesting invention he calls pants.   Ty says they’re ‘like a toga for your legs’, which I thought was a rather apt description of what Jean had created.    Jean prefers to wear his toga legs versus the standard toga, which is a little unusual, but I am not one to judge fashion sense in the burgeoning city of Krapopolis.  

                I’d like to think that ‘jeans’ as Jean now labels them, are a passing fashion fad and will soon fade into obscurity.    Now I can only think of my Acorna and how she has brought out the best in me.   She has made me understand the constant warring between man and nature, but Hippo and his nymph breached a gap long ago and he became a literal olive branch in the passe battle of man versus nature.   It is a peaceful time between both of us and I can only pray it passes the test of time.    Since I’m a demigod I have some control over that, but when it comes to the hierarchy of influence and control, it’s the Fates that are the apex heads of their imminent domain.  

               

Chapter 5—The Guys and Me

                Unlike Deliria, I do not mind relinquishing control where I know I have and  hold no power.   So far, I have seen our city flourish, and it only continues to grow and thriving.   Tyrannus has proven a fair and just king, but some day he will need heirs.    Who knows when and if this will ever happen?   I have seen him change women in his life just as often as he does the sandals on his feet, which is quite a few times.    To think, this was a man who was once a ‘virgin king’, but now he’ll go down in history as being the single most irresistible demigod who ever created civilization.

                There comes a time in every young demigod’s life where he knows when he’s found a good partner and decides to settle down with her.    I had the backing of Philodendron, my manticore ally.   I longed to have Apollo’s chops or at least Hermes’ mellifluous poetry.    I came to realize that I needed none of these things and I should just be myself.    I would need a vase worthy bacchanal, but Phil would amass one without breaking a sweat.   

                Before I knew it, my dad was by my side and even Mariah had come to cheer me on.   I hadn’t seen her since my youth, but it was reassuring to know that she would support my happiness for eons to come. 

                ‘We’ll always root for you from afar.   We love you, son !’, Hermes said.   With some jovial tears in his eyes, I could tell my trickster dad was actually being sincere.   He wasn’t simply having me on or pulling my leg.   His candor was palpable.    Mom hugged me, kissed me and gave me a feisty swat on my rear, telling me that I had found a suitable match.    Acorna and I were soon married and although our kingdom was forged in the wilderness, we were still friends of Tyrannus and his family. 

 

Epilogue

                I know I may not be so well known as my famous father, but I know my influence still has importance today.   I don’t really need the praise or adulation that some other Gods require or desire, and sacrifice is an old barbaric custom I ditched once I realized just how formidable my elemental ability is.    I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know that my wife and I are steeped in joy, peace, love and prosperity.   Honestly, nothing else matters other than these pillars.   

 

From the scrolls of Expeditious

Also known as ‘X’, the demigod of witty retorts