Chimi & Changa: The Nightclub Gig

Synopsis:   Here we’re introduced to DJ Pop N’ Lock, Gwen Grable, Heather Styles, Sam Weiss, Clover Paisley and Rainbow Love.   

‘There’s an old saying in my country.  The wise fish never sees the bait, only the hook.’--One of Camilla’s goons to Teresa, Queen of the South

~*~CAST~*~

Conchita Lopez:

Ferdinand Lopez:

Bruno Lopez: (their son)

Mariposa ‘Mary’ Lopez: (their unborn daughter)

Lupita Chiquita: (her mom)

Salvador Chiquita: (her dad)  

Joaquin Chiquita: (her grandpa)  

Lori Chang:  

Li Chang: (her dad)  

Bluebell Chang:  (her mom)

Kabe Chang: (her grandfather)

Fiona Chang: (her grandmother)  

Officer Bill DeMayo:   

Officer Cincinnati ‘Cincy’ DeMayo: (his brother)

DJ Pop n’ Lock: (Dante Knowles)

Gwen Grable:

Heather Styles:

Clover Paisley:

Rainbow Love:  

Jacob Cohen: (Chita and Lori’s old high school bud)

Lord Byron Baudelaire III Esquire:  

Claire Baudelaire:  (wife #1)

Stephanie Baudelaire:  (wife #2)

Scene 1--Out For A Jaunt

Changa:  (on the phone, nearly falling over herself) Chimi, you are never gonna believe this, chica !   It’s a big score, man !  HUGE !  

Chimi:  Who ordered from you this time ?

Changa:  You’re not going to believe this, boo !   It’s Lord Byron Baudelaire III.  

Chimi:  So, basically we’re being invited to a high class party to help Mr. Baudelaire get his blaze on ?  Normally, I would decline, but I don’t get to hobnob with affluent types that much.  

Ferdinand:  Only if I can cut a rug with you.   Say, I hear that someone special is going to be coming along with you, Changa.  

Changa: Oh, stop.

Ferdinand:  Pretty senorita like yourself needs a good man.  He’s from your high school days, or so I recall.  

Changa:  You mean Jacob ?  (shyly, lowering head a bit and tittering slightly) He surprised me.  I always thought he had a fancy for you, but I guess he started liking me when he contacted me to catch up.   

Ferdinand:  I take it he’s tagging along.  

Changa:  Oh yeah.  Jake’s the bomb.   He’s super chill, not anything like the neurotic nerd he was when he was younger.   

Chimi:  Since Bruno is with mami, papi and grandpappy's, what are we standing around chatting with each other for ?   Let’s get ourselves dolled up for our epic evening !  

Changa:  (raises the roof)  Woot !  Woot !  

(‘Party Hardy, We Know How to Party’ plays in the background as they load up in the car and ‘Wild Thoughts’ starts to play.  They are dancing along to this hot Santana remix as they pull up to ‘Diamond Joe’s looking fetch as ever.)  

Scene 2--DJ Pop n’ Lock on the Scene

Pop:  Hey y’all !  Welcome to Diamond Joe’s tonight.  Allow me to set the mood right with a little Bruno Mars.   (He plays ‘Perm’ and Jacob can’t help but dance.)

Jake:  This is one lit groove.  

Changa:  I’ll say.  I didn’t know you could bust moves like that.   

Jake:  Give me a funky song and a sick beat and I can’t resist.   

Ferd:  You are looking fantastic in that dress, my darling.  

Chimi:  (blushes, looks down a bit)  I think you look unbelievably sharp, but then again you always look so hermoso.   

Ferd:  Ah, flattery will get you everywhere my dear.  

(He dips her into a kiss, which thankfully some friends break.)  

Gwen: If it isn’t Chimi and Changa !   

Heather:  (hugging her newfound friends)  Ain’t this party the shiz ?  

Clover:  Girl, you’re not kidding.   Dante really knows how to lay down thick beats.

Pop:  Hey !  Clover, did you just say my real name ?   Come ‘ere.  

Clover:  What’s up, handsome ?  

Pop:  (discreetly, no one can really hear over the fabulous music anyways)  Don’t ever say my real name in public.  I got a rep to keep !  

Clover:  Dude, you’re worrying too much.  Just keep the party goin’.  No one is going to care if you’re name’s Fred, Mac, Noah or whatever.   

(Pop plays Red Bone’s ‘They Be Creepin’, keeping the mood light, airy and downright groovy.)  

Rainbow:  Clover does have a point !   

Ferdinand:  Who are all these lovelies ?   

Clover:  I heard your husband was a charmer, Chimi but I never realized just how handsome he is up close.  

Ferdinand:  Solamente ojos para una mujer specifemente.  

Clover:  (pout) No es justo.  

Rainbow:  Don’t worry about it Clover.  Personally I think Pop n’ Lock loves you.  You should stop bird doggin’ so much.  

Clover:  Rainbow, I like beautiful men.   But yeah.  You’re right.  I should be grateful for what I have.  Lock is a marvelous boyfriend.  Someday, I’m going to make an honest man out of him.  

(‘Dance The Night Away’ plays in the background.)  

Heather:  I see Byron !   

Gwen:  Holy crap !  He’s a total bae !   

Byron:  Hey, what’s going on ?  

(‘Rock n’ Roll Will Never Die’ plays in the background.)

Changa:  Ooo, they’re playing my song !   

Jacob:  (laughing)  Bust a move, Lori !   

Byron:  Miss Lori I’m glad you could make it.   My wives told me all about you, highly recommended you.  

Claire: We heard your cush was high grade, the best in the entire neighborhood.

Stephanie:  You came highly requested.  

Changa:  And I delivered.  I have what y’all have been waiting for.

(Gives everyone their supply and is amply paid)

Byron:  I, along with Claire and Stephanie will be in my VIP room kickin’ back if you want to join us.   

Chimi:  (whispering)  You’re the guest of honor.  Go on, it’s your night.   

Changa:  I’m flattered, Byron.    

Cincinnati:  (coming in, following a ‘tip’ he was given by his brother)  Nothing very suspicious about this party.   I don’t know if Bill is out of his mind or not.   (pulls at his pantyhose)  I am gonna kill him for doing this to me.  How do girls wear these things ?   

Jacob:  Who’s that, and why does she look familiar ?  

Gwen:  Come to think of it Jake, you’re right.   Where do I know her from ?   

Cincy: (tries to ‘fit in’ and is doing so but very awkwardly.   Her dance moves are jerky and out of rhythm)   Oh, hey.  Nice shindig you got goin’.  

Bryon:  Girls, Changa, Jake, come on.   

Cincy:  Where are you goin, handsome ?  

Byron:  Nowhere in particular….

Pop:  (seeing Cincy)  Well hello, fine filly.   I got a joint I’m gonna lay low for your fine ass.  If you’ll excuse me, I’m saving this dance for me and me only.  Fellas, don’t be hating on this fly girl.  She’s mine.   

Cincy:  (nervous, high pitched laughter)  

(‘Always the Best of Friends’ plays in the background as everyone dances the night away.   Pop n’ Lock starts grooving with Cincy and starts getting a little friendly with ‘her’.   The song soon changes to ‘Slow Burn’.)

Pop:  Ah, who would’ve thought it ?  A slow jam to get to know you better...You know I never caught your name.

Cincy:  It’s Cindy, gorgeous.  

Pop:  Ok, Cindy, but you know I feel a sin comin’ on, and it’s you.  

Cincy: (titters)  Oh, you’re so clever.   

Rainbow:  Hey, did anyone see where The Bull and Chimi went ?  

(The two are in a private room together, starting to get very physical)  

Ferd:  Oh, cara.  How long has it been since we were together like this ?

Chimi: (giggling at him kissing her neck lovingly)  Last night.  Or did you need a refresher ?  

Ferd:  You know how I am when it comes to you.   You make my Latin blood boil, tesora.   

(Back to the dancefloor.  In the background we can hear Chimi exclaiming beatifically ‘Ole !   Ole !’)

Heather:  Oh, I think I know where Ferdi and Chimi went.  Those little horndogs.  

Clover:  Heather, do you ever wonder what their secret is ?

Heather:  How d’ya mean, Clove ?   I don’t follow.

Clover: Yeah you do.

Gwen:  Of course she does.  

Rainbow:  You mean to ask our love guru what Ferd and Chimi’s secret is to keeping their relationship so sizzling.   Oh, GOD I’d love to know too.   It’s like they’re both gettin’ lucky almost every evening.   They’ve got a 7 year old, too.  

Clover:  The way they’re making love sounds unbelievable.   

Gwen:  No kidding.   

(In the background, we hear ‘Bravo, Bravo, ohhhh, bravissimo !’)  

Pop:  Loud, aren’t they ?  Luckily, the next slow jam will drown them out.  

(Long Song Away plays in the background)  Come to think of it, sweetheart, I haven’t seen you in Diamond Joe’s before.  I can show you around, we can (playfully patting her tuches) become more familiar.  

Cincy: (nearly supersonic titter) Oh, well, hahaha, would you look at the time !   I have to go powder my nose.   

(Cincy runs out of Diamond Joes, nearly breaking his heels in the process.)

Cincy:  (over his walkie)  Bill.  Are you there ?  You’d better not be laughing.  

Bill: (stifling laughter)  I’m sorry, but it’s damned funny.   Did you get any dirt on the soiree ?

Cincy:  No.  Nothing unusual there.  I did smell something akin to that of skunks on a torrid summer day but nothing suspect.   

Bill:   Sorry the tip went cold.  I was thinking maybe we had caught Lori and Connie in the act.   Don’t worry.  We haven’t lost, yet.   

Cincy:  Gotta be a good example to our rookies.  We can’t always get the bad guy but at the end of the day, at least we know we did a job well done.

Bill:  (still snickering)  Did you at least get DJ Pop n Lock’s number, hotness ?

Cincy:  Yeah and a frisking I wasn’t expecting.   

(He saunters back to his squad car, adjusting his dress and pulling out a monster wedgie.  ‘Back at the Party’ shows up on the screen.   Chimi and Ferdi have returned to the festivities.   Gwen and her buddies are all blazed.)  

Gwen: Look who’s back.   

Heather:  Back again !  

(They all sing together to ‘Guess Who’s Back/Back Again’ by Eminem)

Rainbow:  Chimi’s back with her hot husband.   

Clover:  Rainbow !   Really now ?  

Rainbow:  It’s a fact.   You know it, I know it.  We are all aware of how genuinely scorching this lava-blooded Latino is.  

Ferd:  I am humbled but as I said before, Chimi is the only chica I have eyes for and the only woman that drives me absolutely loco.   

Pop:  Bring it back y’all !  I’m about to play a hit from back in the day.   Any of ya remember the Pee Wee ?   

Gwen:  Holy frijoles !  My childhood.  

Heather:  (pauses for a moment and laughs)  What about that lady ?   Did she ever come back ?

Pop:  Looks like she up and bailed.  Oh well...Which one of you wants to dance with your boy ?  

Rainbow:  I’ll take that invite.  

Pop:  I was hoping you would.   

Chimi:  Where’s Changa ?  

Jacob:  (Walking out, teetering a bit, really giggly)  What a helluva night !  (his hair resembles Don King’s in a way)  

Changa:  I can’t feel my legs.  (leaning over against Jacob, laughing)  

Jacob:  (patting her legs)  I’ll feel ‘em for ya !   

Byron:  Capital party I must say.   Shame you didn’t join us, Connie, darling.  

Claire:  The orgy was out of this world.   

Stephanie:  You can say that again, Claire !   

(They’re all laughing and carrying on.   ‘I Gotta Feeling’ has just stopped playing and ‘The Hit’ by TWRP and NSP plays.)  

Chita:  We hate to be wet blankets but it is getting pretty late.  I have to tend to motherly duties.   

Changa:  I have a job, believe it or not.   

(They all look at her dubiously.)  

Changa:  (a bit slighted but not enough to truly care that much, too blazed to be hurt)  I do respectable work in retail, you know.  Plus I make these cute recycled goods on the side.  

Jacob: I’m her marketing exec.  You’d be surprised how much people are willing to pay for her sculptures.   She’s very creative.  

Byron: (kisses her hand)  Well, it was a pleasure.   You too, Jake.  

Jacob:  Speak for yourself you sexy lug.  

Chimi:  (takes her arm)  Come on, both of you, before you both get into any more trouble.   

(Teacher plays in the background followed by Boys in the Summer)

Scene 3--Back to Life, Back To Reality

(Back to Life, Back to Reality plays in the background)

Chimi:  (narrating)  It had been one wild and crazy night but we had returned without a scratch.   I didn’t dare ask what Jake and Lori had been up to with their new clientele.   Some things were better left unsaid.  Pot Paradise was safe another day from our ‘friends’ from the police department.  I couldn’t shake the feeling that something amazing was about to happen in our lives, changing them forever.    

(Ferd and Connie kiss their baby boy goodnight.  Ferd picks Connie up into his arms and ‘Ebb Tide’ plays in the background as the day comes to a close.  ‘I Love How You Love Me’ plays as Jacob spends an extra little amount of ‘time’ with Lori.  Fade to black.   Bloopers and gaffes are shown for the true blue fans who stick around for extras.   Credit for creation of this film comes from watching Cheech & Chong and the comedy stylings of this iconic duo.  I love you both, but Richard most of all.   To my friends and family who always believed I could make it this far and continue shooting beyond the scope of the moon and stars to become meteoric.   Thank you, praise God.)