Chimi & Changa: The Joys of Motherhood

Synopsis:  Chimi and Changa discover they are both with child and are both going to have their children on the same date.    Changa, however, isn’t looking too forward to it and wonders if she should marry Jake and what his family will think of her, whom she hasn’t even met until now.   

~*~CAST~*~

Conchita Lopez:

Ferdinand Lopez:

Bruno Lopez: (their son)

Mariposa ‘Mary’ Lopez: (their daughter)

Lupita Chiquita: (her mom)

Salvador Chiquita: (her dad)  

Joaquin Chiquita: (her grandpa)  

Lori Chang/Cohen:  

Jacob Cohen:

Jacob Junior: (soon to be born son)

Rebecca Cohen:

Kabe Eli Cohen:

Solomon Cohen: (Jake’s dad)  

Esther Cohen: (Jake’s mom)

Rebecca Cohen: (Jake’s grandmother)

Li Chang: (Lori’s dad)  

Bluebell Chang:  (Lori’s mom)

Kabe Chang: (Lori’s grandfather)

Fiona Chang: (Lori’s grandmother)

Officer Bill DeMayo:   

Officer Cincinnati ‘Cincy’ DeMayo: (his brother)

Cadet Mauro Palladachi: (the new recruit)

Cadet Taliah Sarandon: (another new recruit)

Doctor Roger Howard:

Nurse Felicia Mulgrew:

Nurse Sharita ‘Rita’ Livingston:  

Haylee Blaze:  

Frank Roach:  

Lemonade Girl, Rosette:  

Scene 1--My Life As a Pot Seller Is Over !  

(Chimi wakes up after a fantastic night of lovemaking with Ferdi.   Confirming her suspicions, she takes a pregnancy test.)  

Chimi:  (reading the results)   Ferdinand !  

Ferdi:  (rushing to her side)  What is it, mi amor ?

Chimi:  Looks like we’re going to be parents again, my dear.  

Ferdi: (Kissing her fully on the mouth)  Oh, my sweet.  This is wonderful !  We’ve got to tell everyone.  

(Before they can share their exceptional news, they hear a bloodcurdling scream.)  

Changa:  No !   It can’t be !   I don’t want to be pregnant !  

Chimi:  Did you hear that ?

Ferdi:  Yes, but I can’t believe it.   

Chimi:  We need to figure out what happened at that orgy during the Nightclub.   

Ferd:  Way ahead of you, darling.   

(scene transition, at Changa’s house.   Jake is comforting her the best way he knows how, but she is still is devastated.)  

Jake:  Oh, there, there, there, honey.   It’s going to be alright.   I’m not going to run away.   In fact, I want to marry you.   

Changa:  (getting all choked up)  Really, Jake ?  You are such an angel !  (she kisses his cheek)   (gasp)  But I don’t know your family that well yet !  

Jake:  No problem, Lori.   Your family loves me, I’m sure mine will be easy to convince.   They have wanted me to get married for a while and bringing a child into the world will make them even more elated.    

Chimi:  First of all, congratulations on both your marriage and entering into the fabulous world of parenting.  

Ferdi:  I need more deets though.  How did this whole thing happen ?

Changa: (illustrating what happened in the form of puppets)

Jake:  Since when did you have time to make puppet replicas of us ?  

Changa:  I had some spare time.   (teasing and feigning being stern)  Who’s telling the story here ?   

Jake/Ferdi/Chimi:  Carry on !  

(‘Between the Sheets’ plays in the background.)  

Changa:  (Narrating as all characters, impersonating all characters to a T) (As puppet Jake)  Ooo, look at this spread.   So many combos, I’m getting a comboner.  

(as puppet Byron)  You’re hysterical, and not to mention, really adorable.   

(Some ‘seductive’ action begins between Byron, Jake, the girls and Changa. While ‘You + Me’ plays as an orgy breaks out.)  

Changa:  As you can see, the weed from earlier had us all pretty jinky.   I’m sure we went all Boku No Pico but honestly, I don’t really remember much after the reefer.   

Jake:   I recall getting it on with you and as usual, it was remarkable as it always is.  

Changa:  (blushing)  Anyways, that’s how it went down and now I’m preggers.   I never wanted this to happen.   

Jake:  (holds her)  Lori, it’s going to be fine.   You’ll be a great mom.  

Changa:  This is gonna ruin my rep, man.  I still gotta be the Queen of Pot, dude.

Jake:  You can, but we’ll have to have runners.   Honey, we’ll work it out.   Besides, I know those cops are trying to track us down and stop us.   

Changa:  (pulls out card)  I have a card.   I’m documented.  I can sell legally now, so they can’t do shit.  

Jake:  Good point but we’ll still figure everything out.   Right now, just know that I’m by your side.   So are Changa and Ferdi.  I’m sure your family is going to be delighted to hear they have a grandson or granddaughter.

Changa:  Delighted ?  You kiddin’ ?  They’re gonna be piddling themselves they’ll be so euphoric !   

Chimi:  (Narrating) I was elated to become a mommy again.   Bruno had predicted it, being a precocious child but I had always conceived, pardon the pun, a hunch that I was going to be preggers again.   As for my darling friend, she was taking it a bit hard at first.  

(scene shift)  

Scene 2--Glass Half Full

(‘A Few Months Later’ appears on screen)

Chimi: (shopping with Changa who is now experiencing pregnancy for the first time)  Look at these little outfits !   Aren’t they adorable ?  

Changa:  I guess they are. Is it wrong not to be overly excited about becoming a mom ?   

Chimi:  (holds her understandingly)  That’s totally normal, chica.    You’re just going through first time anxiety.    Jake loves you.  I know he’d never leave you.   The wedding was absolutely beautiful.  

Changa:  His parents adore me !  

Chimi:  Why shouldn’t they ?   You’re a very loveable woman.   You’re going to be an awesome mom, mamacita.  

Changa:  You really think so ?   I don’t know anything about being a mother.  

Chimi:  That’s why your family’s there.   Ask them questions, ask for help.   If you need Ferdi or myself, we are here for you, too.   

Changa:  What about Pot Paradise ?  

Chimi:  Jake had a primo plan, right ?  

Changa:  Well, duh.   We are looking at an old friend from school.   Remember Haylee Blaze ?

(Flashback, they see Haylee blinking slowly looking like the reincarnation of a hippie Johnny Appleseed high on molly or some other illicit substance.)     

Chimi:  Dazey Haley, oh yeah.  That chick was always lost in space somewhere.  A real astronaut.  

Changa:   Perfect for running operations while I get used to mothering and motherhood.   I heard she has a partner, Fred Roach.   Seems with a surname like that he can most definitely be trusted.   (She laughs and then her water breaks, Chimi’s water breaks as well.)

Chimi: We’d better get checked out and checked in to the hospital.  

Changa:  Oh man (winces)  Oh, FUCK these contractions hurt.

Chimi:  Just breathe.  Remember what you learned in lamaze.  

Changa:  (breathing rather heavily, holding her friend’s hand)   Oddly, I feel rather calm around you.

Chimi:  You’re doing just great.   (They quickly make their purchase, call their husbands and families and are driven to the hospital)  

(in the hospital)  

Rita:  One more big push, you can do it !  

Changa:  Oh, FUCK me !  

Jacob: (aside)  That’s what got her into this predicament.  

Changa:  Oh, get bent, Jake !    (finally her baby is born and he is perfect.  Chimi has her daughter and names her Mariposa Rita Felicia.)

Roger:  Congratulations to you both on your new arrivals.  

Felicia:  Mariposa Rita Felicia is healthy and so is your beautiful boy, Jake Roger.  

Bruno:  Can I hold Mariposa ?   

Chimi:  Of course you can, miho.  Be gentle though, she’s very delicate having just made that long journey into our world.  

Bruno:  (astonished)  She’s so tiny, but so adorable.  Hey, Mary Rita Felicia.  I’m gonna be your big bro.   

(A very touching scene ensues here that appears in a montage.   Changa learns about motherhood.  The ins, the outs, the ups, the downs, all while being the best gosh-danged mom she can be.   Jake does a bang-up job being an outstanding father, lover and friend.)   

Scene 3--The Neighbors Think I’m Sellin’ Dope

(5 years later)  

Changa:  Ok, JJ, off to school with you.   

Junior:  Am I going to see Mary again today ?  

Jake:  (hugging him)  Yep.  She’ll be in kindergarten, too.  

Junior:  Mary’s a sweetheart.  I’m lucky she’s my friend.   

Esther:  (straightening his collar)  Cookie, you need to flatten this out.  Don’t want to be looking like James Dean.  That is, unless you’re going for the Rebel Without a Cause look.  

Junior:  (flairs collar up)  I’m starting a trend.  Whatever that means.  

Solomon:  Our grandson.  So happy he makes us !   Someday I’m thinking he’ll be an entrepreneur.   Whatever you do, JJ, bubula, do it with pride for the Cohen clan !  

(Junior gets hugs from mom and dad and Changa’s ‘runners’ appear, ‘The Neighbors Think I’m Sellin’ Dope’ plays in the background.)   

Haylee: I see the coast is clear.  

Frank:  Let’s get down to the bidness.  

(They start selling to their constituents until they come home from getting contact highs and are gorging themselves on junk food.  They are tempted to get something to drink.  Fortunately, there’s a little girl selling lemonade on the corner side.)  

Rosette:  Get your lemonade !  Nice, ice cold lemonade with a sprig of mint.   Super refreshing, super chilly.  Goes down smooth.    

Haylee:  I could use a glass of that after our haul today.   

Changa:  Without you guys there’s no way we would’ve scored that much.

Chimi:   I don’t know how it is you keep schlepping me along…

Frank:  Chimi, dame, you need to chillax !   Ferd’s ok with it, the babies are at home with him havin’ a ball.   

Chimi:  I know that but I want to be with them, not out doing illicit activities.  

(Some rookie police officers are watching them closely and pull them over for ‘suspicious activity.’)  

Chimi:  (moaning)  Ayyyy...cabron….

Mauro:  What seems to be goin’ on here, then, eh ?

Talia:  Why don’t you give us the 4-1-1 on your sitch !   

Frank:  We’re just out and about on a little joy ride.   It’s summer time.  Gotta take it all in stride.   

Mauro:   Cincy told us to beware of your fancy talk.   

Talia:   Plus that smell isn’t a dead skunk.   

Chimi:  (under her breath)  Caca…

Haylee:  I don’t know what Cincy and his brother told you but none of it is true.   

Frank:  Haylee’s right.   We’re not causing any trouble or making a scene.   Just passin’ through, pickin’ up some lemonade from that cute little girl over there.  

Rosette:   (waves)  Come on, officers.  Don’t you want some refreshing lemonade too ?  

Chimi:  CHANGA FLOOR IT !  

Talia:  No, no...NO NO NO !  Come back !  Damn it…

Mauro:   Talia, let them go.   They seem legit.   Plus, even if they had molly on them, Changa’s probably legal by now.   If we stopped her it’d be pointless.   I don’t see why he sent us out here to ‘thwart’ them.  Cincy’s mad with power.   I mean, I respect him, but…

Cincy: (over radio)  You know I can hear you, right Cadet ?

Mauro:  Yes, Sir...I’m sorry, Sir !  Please forgive me.  

Cincy:  (thwacks Mauro on the back of the head)  Forgiven, but next time we’re gonna catch them in the act.   You, Talia, me and my brother.   We’re gonna bring them down, together.   You’ll see.   

Talia:  (mutter under breath)  When pigs fly.   

Cincy:  What was that, Cadet ?

Talia:  (nervously)  I said, ahm, erm, uh, isn’t it a pretty sky ?    (anxious, high pitched laugh)   

Cincy:  (muses thoughtfully)  You know, you’re right.   Seeing that it is such a gorgeous day, how about we get some shaved ice and forget this whole thing ever happened ?   

Talia:  (nodding) We should probably buy that little girl’s lemonade too, since she asked so nicely.  

Cincy:  (to Rosette)  You might have a career in marketing and sales if you keep this up, chickadee.   

(Scene fade)  

Scene 4--Changa Has Twins

(A Few Years Later appears on the screen)

Chimi:  ( Motherhood may occur but some people never change.   Surely enough, Changa became pregnant again and had twins.   Their names were Rebecca and Kabe Eli.   Jake Junior, Becky and Kabe often would come over and have playdates and sleepovers with Mary and Bruno.    All the while, Changa was still living the thug life and getting away with it.  

(‘Biggie Biggie Biggie, Can’t You See’ plays in the background)

Changa:   Who would’ve thought growing’ a little green could save enough for my kid’s college fund.   We’re all going to have a nice little nest egg someday.  

Jake:  No thanks to those nosy cops though.   They were so close to stopping you last time.   

Changa:  But they didn’t.   Now we can just live it up in the lap of luxury.  

(THey’re riding down the street in a Caddy, ‘Cruisin’ Down the Street’ plays in the background, followed by ‘To Everybody Who’s Livin’ It Up’)

Changa:  Vata !  I know you’re home, I know the ninos are with your grandparents, just like mine.  

Chimi:  (relaxing outside with an Arnold Palmer)  Ferdi, tell her to get lost.

Ferdi:  You know we love being with her though.  

Chimi:  (non-plussed, looking over her aviator frames)  Now you’re on her side ?  How did she convince you ?

Ferdi:  Come on, cara.  You know Changa brings out the best in you.   Sure it may be illicit activity but no one is harmed in the process.  Besides, people are getting what they need.  So you can’t knock that.

Chimi:  Damn, love.  You leave me no room for rebuttal.  

Ferdi:  The only rebuttal I want is your pretty little tuchus in my lap.

(They laugh)  

Chimi:  (narrating)   The more things change, the more they stay the same, I suppose.  Here I go again, off galavanting about with my best friends.   I may not know what the future holds for us but whenever I’m out with Changa, all I know is to expect the unexpected.    Well, I’d better hold on to my hat, my boy’s having a huge birthday party today and it’s off the chain !    

(Everyone is having a blast.  ‘You Don’t Tell ‘Em When to Stop’, ‘Never Gonna Get It’ and hits by Tupac and Snoop Dogg play.  The Dogg is the DJ of the day and the party really is hearty.   We close in over our favorite group having a ball and pan away, revealing a sky full of stars.   An instrumental plays as we see screen shots from the event.  There’s a roller rink, a bounce house, sumo suits, fake light sabers, Harry Potter wands, and of course, a pinata filled with candy.   Changa, of course, is the one to finally bust it and candy rain showers out.   Bloopers and gaffes are shown.   To everyone who believed in me despite my shortcomings, insecurities and my ‘disabilities’, thank you.  Also I thank God for giving me the mind to develop these crazy tales.   I live vicariously through my characters.)