Alternate Reality Semi Insanity

Synopsis:  A Family Matters/SU crossover based on the 2-part finale ‘Lost in Space’.  

‘Expectations are just placeholders for reality.’—Ultra Flexible Racoon, Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts, S1: Ep. 8, Twin Beaks 

Chapter 1—Escaping Myra 

Myra had really become a thorn in Steve’s side, lately.   She was being overly dramatic and thought she could pull off one more last-ditch effort to get Laura out of her life and have Steve be her sugar bear forever.   Of course, that would never work, what with NASA coming to ask Doctor Urkel to test their equipment.    Jumping at the chance, he laid down boundaries assertively, let Myra stew in her own funk and said his farewells, not knowing she was about to become a stowaway in attempts to regain what she thought was an everlasting bond between them.    

In space, Steve unexpectedly came across a wormhole that he hadn’t calculated on coming across.   ‘What exactly is that ?’, Carl asked, becoming increasingly concerned at the vortex swirling in front of them.  

‘I don’t know, but I can’t seem to escape it !’, Steve said.   For once in his life, he was beginning to sound very scared and had no idea what would happen to them next.   

He heaved a heavy sigh, full of regret. 

‘Here I was, about to be married to the love of his life and now I’m drifting into a void.   Funny how life turns out.’, he mused.    He turned the radio on and began drifting into the vortex, little knowing that he was going to bump into a very familiar friend.  

Chapter 2—Where Am I ?  

Steve had been so relaxed that he decided to take a quick nap.   He was certain he heard a peculiar song playing over his radio.  

Triplet heroes, on Mobius 

We hear our voice, but it’s not us 

It’s a bizarre twist of fate 

To hear your voice and see a human face 

Altered Reality 

Altered Reality 

All is weird, unusual, trippy 

A bit unnerving, that is sure 

Feels like we’ve done this all before

I’m sure we met another time 

Circumstances different, it blows my mind 

Steve could make no sense of the lyrics, particularly when the song played on the radio wasn’t even the one he had heard in his mind.   He shook his head and crawled out of a damaged NASA craft.   He cringed, gritting his teeth.   

‘Hopefully the boys at NASA won’t berate me too much for the wreckage.’, he thought, placing an arm behind his head while assessing the damage.    The ship was unfit for flight back home and he heaved a heavy sigh.    

‘Where AM I ?’, he mused in wide-eyed wonder.   The planet was M-class, but given the fact that most of its inhabitants were anthropomorphic, he knew that it definitely wasn’t Earth. 

Chapter 3—Meeting the Mobians 

Rotor had come to inspect the ship as well as befriend Steve.   Steve wasn’t expecting a talking walrus, let alone one so scientifically advanced.   He spoke eloquently and had an analytical view of the world around him.    

‘You’re not from here, huh ?’, Rotor said, curiously.   

‘Ah !   Talking walrus !’, Steve shrieked.   Rotor helped Steve up from falling over on his duff in surprise.    

‘I’m Rotor.   I can fix your ship, if you’d like.   It’s clear that it was the vehicle that brought you here.’, he said, astutely.    Steve nodded his head, adjusting his glasses.   He explained that a very unusual portal had pulled him into this planet, which was called Mobius.   He had never been this impressed by anything, except for his beautiful Laura.   

‘Nice workshop you have here !’, Steve said.   ‘Almost reminds me of my lab back at home in my parents’ basement.’, he commented.    Rotor beamed with pride and Ro-Berta got to work on analyzing the wreckage and reverse engineering it.   She, Cyril, Cecil and other mechanics would get the job done in a matter of a couple days, give or take the accessibility of the parts. 

Ro-Berta had found a new sense of purpose since being reactivated.   She had long-since gotten over Antoine and it was thought that she secretly wanted to marry Rotor although it was widely believed robots couldn’t bear children.   Since her update, though, she was more cyborg than robot and that theory would have to be tested out much later.    Currently, the two were happier than clams in the ocean and had begun to start playing with dates for a marriage sometime soon.  

‘This palace is absolutely HUGE !’, Eddie exclaimed, clearly impressed.   Judy, Harriet, and Rachel were mightily blown away by the scale of Crystal Palace and how peaceably everyone coexisted.    

Chapter 4—Myra, What Are You Doing Here ? 

Myra found a way out of the shuttle before she could get singed by a welder’s torch.    She had been a stowaway long enough and nearly gave Rotor a heart attack when she had emerged.   As for Ro-Berta, she held her processor and reassessed the situation.

‘You almost made me crash, earth girl !’, she kvetched.   Myra simply had to put out of her mind that a robotic skunk had been chatting with her.    She was out of the burbs, that much was certain.     

When Steve saw that Myra had caught up to him, he was cheesed off and his anger was palpable.   

‘Why did you follow me here ?   We talked about this !’, he said, in aggravation.   

‘I wanted you to see that Laura’s no good for you.    You and I, lambchop, that’s how it’s gonna be !’, Myra said, moving in close to smooch Steve without consent.    Laura stepped in between them.    

‘He’s made his decision, Myra.  You should move along.   He’s made it clear to you far too many times that you and he aren’t a match.   I know this is cruel, but you can be exhausting.’, Laura said, honestly.    Myra looked defeated.   She remembered a shy kid back at home who breakdanced and didn’t say much.   His name was Milo and he was struggling to make life better for himself and others.   He worked hard at the Mighty Weenie even though it was minimum wage and made some excellent cash in his dancing.   He thought of upping his pay by going into competitions and even getting people interested in his graffiti art.   Many so called ‘snooty’ folks thought his work was that of a genius.     She smiled when she thought of him, and knew Laura had a point.   Sure, she felt defeated, but she knew there was a guy back home who simply needed a gentle nudge to get him on the right path, and whatever else followed they would figure out together. 

Chapter 5—This is Getting Weird 

Steve was shocked when the siblings were introduced to him.    It made no sense that he could hear his voice coming from them.    Part of him wanted to be cool just like Sonic was. 

‘So you’re telling me that all of this is real ?   The video game wasn’t just that, a video game ?’, Eddie questioned.    Waldo gawked, touching Sonic’s quills, which were slightly electrified.   

‘Ouch !  Dude’s quills are cracklin’ with energy.   That’s dope !’, Waldo said, clearly impressed.     Sonic laughed and smiled. 

‘I know this is as strange for you as it is for us.   We’re working on getting you back home.   In fact, there’s a magician I know that can create a portal to take you all back home.  I can transport him here in no time.’, he said. 

‘Oh, please, do that.   It’s not that we don’t enjoy your hospitality, but Estelle probably misses us.’, Harriet remarked, feeling a bit sad about her mom, whom the Winslows had left back at home to keep watch over everything while they were away.    

‘We can give you lands and property here, if you want.’, Manic offered. 

‘Really ?  Hmmm…How much ?’, Carl pondered aloud.   Then he realized something. 

‘Hey, wait a minute !  What’s the exchange rate from United States dollars to Mobiums anyway ?’, he asked, clearly curious if Mobians had exchanged goods and trades before or if this was an entirely new venture for the both of them.  

Exchange ranges differed from one planetary system to the next, but Sonic reassured them such a thing was an unnecessary worry.   Sonic and his family set up temporary accommodations and the Winslows became more comfortable with residing on Mobius for a while.   

Chapter 6—Unruly Thugs

Every so often, Crystal Palace had its unlawful lot of common thieves who liked nothing better than trying to break in and purloin everything they could.   No one knew what their motives were.   It wasn’t like the thieves were down on their luck, but they had always gotten away when they committed their crimes.    Tonight, they weren’t going to be so lucky.  

The ring leader of the group, West, was a weasel who had earned his notorious reputation.   He was a slick, snarky, crafty anti-authoritarian who loved making royals squirm and hadn’t tried ransacking Crystal Palace until tonight.    He and his cohorts slipped in, quietly and unseen by surveillance.   All went according to plan until Manic saw the vagrants trying to slip into the family vault. 

‘Stop right there !  Are you West the Thief ?’, Manic questioned. 

‘Word gets around faster than your brother.’, West quipped.   Esme, West’s sister, caught Manic off guard and tripped him, grabbing his access card. 

‘West, here !’, she said.   A fox among them named Claire used a chemical smokescreen to shroud them.   It didn’t work however, because the others had been alerted.   More rapid than lightning, soliders, guards and family surrounded the 7 thieves. 

‘Ronoldo, you had all this planned out months in advance !’, Hertz complained.   Hertz, a fruit bat, stomped his foot in an infantile manner.   Ronoldo the chameleon lowered his gaze. 

‘It doesn’t mean we’re going out empty handed !’, Opal declared.  Among the whole lot of them, this honey badger was the most impulsive and reckless.   

‘Opal, NO !’, Claire yelled as Opal started to retaliate.    

Everything was over in a flash when the hedgehoglets surrounded the would-be thieves and used make-shift sheets to tie their arms behind them.

‘Brilliant work, kiddos !’, Manic praised.    Each of the kids looked proud of themselves.   It did mean that the kids would need new bedsheets but it wasn’t that big of a fuss.   

Chapter 7—Given a Chance 

Sonic was fair and equitable.   In the new system, the notorious ‘7 Thieves’ would be given the opportunity to better themselves.   This came with a stint inside solitary confinement, where they were made to contemplate their actions.   Sonic was stern in his measure of justice but thus far, it had deterred any previous break-in attempts.  

‘Does this sort of thing happen all the time ?’, Eddy asked.  

‘It’s rare, but it can happen.   They try to get us when they think our guard is down.’, Sonia said. 

‘It’s a real bear, especially when some of us are trying to get beauty sleep.’, Rouge kvetched midly.   Just then, a couple of gophers, Staten and Phil, twin brothers, had announced the Winslow’s estate was up and running.   They had gotten help from some local beavers who chipped in with the building process. 

‘This is unbelievable !’, Laura said, at a loss for further words.   Each of them was mightily impressed that it had only taken a few days for the estate to be furnished.   That meant that the Winslows could reside there if it took for the shuttle to be repaired and sent back to Earth.   

Chapter 8—Sonic the Tour Guide 

Sonic and the gang sincerely loved having the Winslows around.   They were a ton of fun and offered a distinct perspective on life.   Myra had become more complacent and easier to deal with.   She knew she would start talking more to her crush back home the sooner they arrived back there.    

Sonic admitted he was quite the foodie and one of his favorite meals was the chili dog.  He could eat tons of the succulent meat tube coated with chili, relish, catsup, mustard and topped with sweet onions and kosher chips.    

‘I know ya’ll are hungry.  I’ve got just the place.   We’ll take the Royal Bus there.   Achmad the Anteater is going to get tipped massively for this.’, Sonic said, nearly drooling.   

While boarding, Sonia turned to face the others. 

‘So, tell us.  What’s Chicago like ?’, Sonia asked. 

‘Oh, it’s a great place, but right now, it’s not so big as Mobotropolis.’, Eddie complimented.  

‘Yeah !  There’s Millennium Park, the BP Pedestrian Bridge near that, and even near that, there’s a sculpture of a giant metal bean !’, Waldo added, eagerly.    

‘Same things in Mobotropolis, too. Just wait until you see this city’s mall.’, Sonia boasted. 

Chapter 9—Mall Crawl with the Winslows 

The Winslows were mightly impressed by the size and scale of the ‘Mobo Mall’.   It was called the ‘Celeste’ and it sported a gorgeous art deco look and plenty of beautiful artwork that was inspired by local artist and fashionista Ibis Longbeak.   Ibis often welcomed people, patrons and fans to her exhibits that were ever changing.   She was always offering a wing to artists and musicians as well as other creative types making a go of it in the competitive realm of all things ‘haute couture.’  

After a lengthy peregrination in the mall, Sonic received a call from Ro-Berta.   It seemed that the rocket was complete.   

‘I’ve got exceptional news.   Though it has been a couple weeks to get you back up and running, you’re officially ready to travel home.   Now all I have to do is get Bronto on a flight here and have him conjure a portal to your Earth.’, he said.    Of course, the triangulations and calculations would have to be failsafe.   Cecil Tinker, Rotor, Bunnie and each Mobian scientist would be working tirelessly in the night to make certain nothing would go wrong.   As for Sonic, his family, and the Winslows, a much-needed restorative trip to Crystal Palace’s spa and hot tubs as well as a restorative sleep was in order.   

Chapter 10—Saying Their Goodbyes 

Steve would be so pleased heading back home to finalize his wedding to Laura.   The accidental landing in Mobius had given him the strength and confidence to begin planning for their future.    

The night had been restful and the group was relieved they were returning to Chicago and their home, as well as their friends and daily activities.    Bronto was pleased to meet them and send them on their way.   Before Steve left for the shuttle, he turned, pivoted and surprised Sonic with a hug.

‘I know this sounds strange, but you’ve been my hero, for like, ever.’, he said, shedding a little bit of a tear. 

‘I’m glad I could be a roll model to you.’, Sonic said, humbling.

‘Frankly you are to a whole lot of people.   You should see how crazy Earthlings get.’, Steve added with a high-pitched, nasally snort.    Sonic already knew stories from Earth and Cecil had told him more than enough tales he had archived in the Grand Library of Mobius.   In fact, he was its curator.   Someday, it would go to his children, Anita, Tricia, and Dimitri.   

Epilogue 

Before the rocket ship blasted off, they could hear Sonic calling to them.

‘You guys are always welcome in Mobius, you know that right ?’, he said.

‘Same for you all in Chicago !’, Eddie added.    Everyone began to find their seats, strap themselves in and wait for the countdown.    Bronto wielded his magic and directed the precise location where Earth was located.   It was easier than putting fresh canned whipped cream on an apple, strawberry, blueberry trinket pie.    

‘Well, don’t stand around moping.   We built attractions just in case they came back.  Like tons of fast food joints, a plethora of athletic venues, cultural exchanges, amusement parks and plenty of petrol stations that run on our own version of crystalline fusion.’, Cecil remarked.  Rotor nodded and Bunnie added a glistening smile to work well done.   It had only taken half a month to build what was called ‘Lume’, which had only begun to be marketed as ‘fun for all ages, races, creeds, colors, designs, inorganic, organic, all welcome here’.    Sonic wasn’t sure as to how or when or what the circumstances would be, but he got the sneaking feeling that he and his family would be needed back on Earth someday.    Now, though, was as good a time as any to get some z’s in and count some proverbial sheep.  

To Be Continued…