Chimi & Changa: What a Long, Strange Trip It's Been

Synopsis:   Chimi and Changa are enjoying their golden years and savoring the company of their grandchildren.   They reminisce over the wild times they have experienced. Changa plans on enjoying ‘one last ride’ in sponsoring a ‘baked sale’ and selling CBD oil.   

“It’s not about where you’re going, it’s who you’re going with.”--Coot, The Legend of the Three Caballeros, Season 1, Episode 11: Mt. Fujiwhiz

“We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.”--Boots, Uncle Drew  

“Game recognizes game, playa.”--Betty Lou to Preacher, Uncle Drew

‘Write it on your heart that every day is the best day of the year.’--Ralph Waldo Emerson

~*~CAST~*~

Conchita ‘Chimi’ Lopez:

Ferdinand Lopez:

Bruno Lopez: (their son)

Mariposa ‘Mary’ Iglesias: (their daughter)

Enrique ‘Ricky’ Jesus Miguel Iglesias: (Mary’s love interest)

Anthony Tito Ferdinand Iglesias:  

Ricky Jr:   

Lupita Chiquita: (her mom)

Salvador Chiquita: (her dad)  

Joaquin Chiquita: (her grandpa)  

Lori Chang:  

Li Chang: (her dad)  

Bluebell Chang:  (her mom)

Kabe Chang: (her grandfather)

Fiona Chang: (her grandmother)

Solomon Cohen: (Jake’s dad)  

Esther Cohen: (Jake’s mom)

Rebecca Cohen: (Jake’s grandmother)

Evette Bern:

Daniel ‘Danny’ Bern:  

Isabella Maldonado:  (their daughter)

Tito Maldonado: (their son-in-law)

Consuelo Maldonado: (their daughter, Bern’s granddaughter)

Nadia Tilling: (Mary’s bff)

Adrianna Farfalle: (Mary’s bff)

Wendy DeSoto: (Mary’s bff)   

Angelica Gonzales: (Amalda’s mom)

Victorio Gonzalez: (Amalda’s dad)

Amalda Gonzales: (Bruno’s love interest)

Florencia ‘Flora’ Maria Conchita Gonzales: (Bruno and Amalda’s baby girl, now 7)

Raphael Gonzalez: (Amalda’s brother)

Officer Cincy DeMayo:

Officer Bill DeMayo:  

Wiz Kalifa:

Willy Nelson:

Whoopi Goldberg:  

Tommy Chong:

Richard ‘Cheech’ Marin:

Snoop Dogg:   

Scene 1--Reunion

(The familiar strains of ‘Perfidia’ as sung by Nat King Cole in its original Spanish.  Ferdi is covering Chimi’s eyes.)

Ferdi:  Just a few more steps, corazon.  

Chimi:  The suspense is killing me, tesoro !  

Ferdi:   Watch your step, just a few more steps and….

(Everyone is in attendance.)

Chimi:   Oh, Ferdi !  What a stellar surprise !   The gang’s all here !

Tony:  (Singing)  Yes, yes, the gang’s all here !  

(They hug each other)

Changa:  I knew you were trying to figure out how to get the squad together.    What a better day than the anniversary when we first met ?

Chimi:  You actually remember that ?

Changa:   How could I forget ?   I had no friends my own age and I was too scared to stand up for myself and you came to my rescue.  (hugs her tightly from the side)

(‘I Wanna Thank You For Giving Me The Best Day Of My Life’ plays in the background as people come forward with gifts and stories about how Chimi has influenced them.)    

Scene 2--Reminiscing  

Anthony:   And it is with this sangria I raise a toast to the best, most awesome mother in law around.   

Mariposa:   (takes the microphone)   It was thanks to her that I was able to confess to my future husband.   She taught me everything I needed to know. Whenever I have a question, she’ll answer.   Even if she doesn’t know everything, I still think she’s a genius.

Changa:  Attention !  Attention ! Might I have your attention please ?   If you would turn your gaze to the almighty silver screen, I have a surprise for all y'all.

(Everyone ooohs and aaahs.   There is a montage played of all of Chimi/Changa’s memorable moments from their birth all the way until now.)  

Changa:  What do you think of this little soiree ?  

Chimi:  (a bit choked up)  I honestly didn’t know you felt that way.   Thank you ! Can I have the mic for a moment ?  

Changa:  (surprised)  Of course, why not ?

Chimi:  (smiling, wiping joyous tears from her eyes)  I’d like to dedicate this to Changa, my best friend in the whole wide world.   This is also for my family, loved ones and everyone here. I owe you so much yet I can never repay you.  

(She sings ‘Thank You For Being a Friend’.)   

Wendy:  I’m stuffed.   I ate far too much food.  I’d better be going.   

Mari:  Do be careful going back.  Lots of concerts and events going on.  

Wendy:  I know !  Man, you’re worse than my mom !  (she chuckles)

(The two embrace)    

Mari:  (Narrating)   Seeing mom looking so elated made me overjoyed as well.   What I didn’t know was that Changa was plotting something.   I suppose you can take the girl out of the kitchen but you can’t take the kitchen out of the girl.   

(scene fade)

Scene 3--Like the Minx She Is

(‘The Next Day’ appears on screen.  A Samisen version of ‘Dr. Feelgood’ is playing in the background followed by ‘Smooth Criminal’ in Changa’s kitchen.   She sets up a very innocent and inconspicuous ‘bake sale’ outside of her house. Although it is for a good cause, the quality grade of the weed is stoning the entire neighborhood.)   

Wiz:  (singing)  Don’t you open up that window, don’t you let out that antidote !  (dancing, savoring the moment) Man, it never fails. Changa’s cheeba is the most primo around, even after all these years.  

Changa:  You flatter me, Wiz.   

Wiz:  No, I speak the truth.    

Whoopie:   I’m just takin’ some of these for the ‘benefit’.   Thank you kindly, Mrs. Chang.

Changa:   You’re welcome Mrs. Goldberg.   Have a good day. Sorry I won’t be doin’ this again anytime soon.  

Whoopie:   Darned shame but I guess all good things come to an end.   

Chimi:   (stops by with Ferdi and the family in the car)  Oh my Lord ! Ninentos ! Don’t look !

Bruno:  Too late.   

Mari:  (shakes her head)   I’m not surprised.

Chimi:  (hikes herself out of the car and storms up to Changa)  Changa. (takes deep breaths) What, may I ask, is the meaning of all this ?  

Changa:  (points to banner)   Can’t you read ?

Chimi:  Ha ha. Very funny.  Ho ho. How droll. (through gritted teeth)  Of course I can read ! What possessed you to do this ?     The whole neighborhood is lit !

(There’s a random person going by in his car, his whole squad is roasted.  They’re playing ‘I Work Hard Every Day’ by Logic)

Chimi:  See ? This is what I am talking about.   

Changa:  (laces an arm around her and hugs her close)  Chimi. My darling, dearest, most beloved Chimi.   Still after all these years ya need a bit of help gettin’ loose.   It’s OK every once in a while.

Chimi:  (relents)  Fine. I know I did a little bit of ganghe in the past and it wasn’t bad.    

Changa:  See ! That’s what I’m talkin’ about !    Have a brownie ! All y'all.

Mari:  (narrating)  One would think I would’ve learned my lesson from my quinceanera, which by the way, wasn’t my fault.   This time, it was voluntary trip but I don’t regret one single moment.

(A montage of the whole lot of them doing stuff that makes no sense, like dancing around, doing ‘silly walks’ and doing parlor tricks to ‘Rock Star’ and ‘Time Of Your Life’ amongst other dance hits.)  

(The cops arrive but can’t do anything since Changa’s license is still valid, so they start dancing.)  

Bruno:  Oh hey, officer.   Kickin’ party huh ?   Gives baked sale a whole new meaning.

Cincy:  Yep. I figure if you can’t beat ‘em, make it a joint effort.  

Bill:   Cincy, that was awful, even if it was clever.   

Mary:   (narrating)   Soon as the buzz wore off and everyone went home, there weren’t any oils or goods left over.   Even the cops became tired and staggered home, knowing they’d never defeat my parents, especially now that weed was legal in my home state.    You know, reefer gets kind of a bad rap but I’ve never seen anyone do anything horrible except gorge themselves on Frito Lay products and other junk foods.   (pause) It’s sad to see my mom’s reign as adjunct Pot Queen come to an end, but she’s hung up her robe on the mantle for anyone brave enough to take it. I highly doubt it’ll be myself or Bruno.  Just sayin’. (pause) Yes, the years have been good to us, and my mom and Changa barely aged. They still run around like hormone crazed kids. Ma’s sex drive hasn’t slowed down any. She and pop are still like young goats in a field of wildflower.   This has taught me that love with the right person is free and passionate and meant to be savored. I am learning this with my significant other. My love is still sizzling, but I owe that to good genes and a knack for pleasure. (pausing) I guess what I can say after all this is I am still learning and I can see mom is too.    None of us know everything but having watched my parents over the years I know the secret to living a long, successful and cheerful life. Always embrace the day with a smile, friends, prayer, laughter, music and love. These panaceas cure all ills. That’s one proverb I carry in my pocket at all times and it has done me a world of good.  I pass it on to my son, Ricky Junior. May it serve him well in the years to come.

(They groove to ‘That’s The Way’, ‘Sit Next To Me’, ‘Long Train Runnin’ and a genderbent version of ‘Earache My Eye’.    True credit goes to Cheech & Chong, the originators of stoner comedy and those who came after. Why can’t we all just get a bong ?)