Chimi & Changa

Synopsis:  Conchita Consuela Maria Lupita Chiquita and her best friend Lori Chang are fun loving gals that sell a little weed on the side just to get by.   Chang, on occasion, smokes a little cush and can be considered a stoner.    She tends to get high off her own supply but dodges the police with her charm, good looks, quick wit and blazing smile.     

~*~CAST~*~

Conchita Chiquita:  

Lupita Chiquita: (her mom)

Salvador Chiquita: (her dad)  

Joaquin Chiquita: (her grandpa)  

Lori Chang:  

Li Chang: (her dad)  

Bluebell Chang:  (her mom)

Kabe Chang: (her grandfather)

Fiona Chang: (her grandmother)  

Officer Bill DeMayo:   

Officer Cincinnati ‘Cincy’ DeMayo: (his brother)

Ferdinand ‘The Bull’ Lopez: (Conchita’s love interest)  

Buela Bonita: (one of Changa’s ‘clients’)

Valencia ‘Val’ Manella:  

Georgia Manella: (his wife)

“I was on the bus before you painted it yellow.”--Vulcan to Mr. Wednesday, American Gods: A Murder of Gods  

Scene 1--Just Another Day In the ‘Hood

Lori:  (is outside of her house in her ‘garden’ making sure everything is growing along as planned)  Ah, yeah.   Look at you, looking healthy and oh so gorgeous !    (Doctor Green Thumb plays in the background)  Hey, Chimi !   CHIMI !  (runs toward her)

Conchita:  Changa !   (She hugs her)  Tending to your buds I see.

Lori:  Always, you know how I roll.   (pauses and then laughs heartily)  

Conchita:   Lori, have you been smoking again ?  

Lori:  (still laughing heartily)  You know it.   It’d be a waste if I didn’t.   I have a harvest coming.  I’ve already made oil for a client, but I have a bigger score in the city.   Wanna come with ?  

Conchita:  I guess.  Could we swing by Ferdie’s place ?  

Lori:  Oh, Connie...You and Ferdinand.  The Bull.   Toro !   Toro !   (laughs)  Every time you make love, I swear I want to shout ‘Ole !’

Conchita:  Lori !  (blushes) He is my whole world.   Well, other than you and this little illegal business you’ve got going here.

Lori: Illegal ?  Girl, whatchu talkin’ bout ?   Illegal.   (laughs)  So long as the cops don’t know and I keep up my old ‘greenhouse’ front, ain’t nobody gonna be the wiser.  HA !  (still giggling)   Come on, we’ve got to go !   I’ve got clients to sell to.  

Conchita:  Why I go along with this, ay yi yi will never know.   

(scene shift)  

Scene 2--Rollin’  

(Bad and Bougie plays in the background and they nod their heads to the beat.   Changa is really quite tickled and seems to have trouble concentrating.)

Changa:  (cracking up)  

Conchita:  Changa, I *really* think I should drive from now on.  (she takes the wheel as they shift seats and ‘Big Poppa’ plays in the background)

Changa:  Alright.   Keep an eye out for the fuzz.   They might be on a stake out somewhere.   

Chimi:   Roger, Wilco.   (down the street is where Ferdinand lives.  Her sour mood is lifted and an instrumental of ‘Chiquitita’ plays in the background.)   

Changa:  (staring off into the distance, a smitten look on her face, sighing.  She sees herself skipping off into the sunset with him and just giggles girlishly about it.)  

Buela:  Oh, thank you, doll.   This is gonna help my old bones feel better.  Here’s a grand for your hard work.  

Changa:  Thank you, Buela.  Always a pleasure.   

Buela:  Same time next weekend ?  I’m stocking’ up.  I’m trying to get my gals into it too.  

Changa:  You do that, darling.   You’re going to be a marvelous saleswoman yet.  

(hopping in the car)  Ok, let’s get rollin’.   

Chimi:  (snapping out of it)  Oh yeah.  Right.  (Low Rider plays in the background)

Changa:  Were you thinking about The Bull again ?  (mimics her) Ohh...Ole !  Ohhle !  OH LEY ME !   More, Ferdie !   Aieeeee, papi !  

Chimi:  (hides her face under her stocking cap)  You’re just sore because you don’t have anyone.  

Changa:  Oh yeah, I do.  

Chimi:  Who is it this time ?  The mailman ?  

Changa:  I’m not some slut, holmes !  (She laughs)  I got this new guy. He’s a DJ.  

Chimi:  Are you sticking with him and not just drifting from flower to flower like you usually do ?  

Changa:  Who’s jealous of not experimenting now ?  (nudges her)

Chimi:  I’m not jealous, just cautious.  

Changa:   Oh, I’m careful.  I don’t just jump in the sack with any dude, you know.  Pop N’ Lock is the BOMB though.   Oooo, he makes me quake just thinkin’ about him.  

Chimi:  (playfully) I bet he likes being called Big Poppa.    

Changa:  (pause)  Come to think of it, he does.   Since we are driving in your beloved Geraldo, you should have the honors.  

Chimi:  I don’t know why you don’t just drive your *own* car, lazy butt.  

Changa:  That’s what I got you for, isn’t it ?  

Chimi:  (Non-plussed) You are such a slacker sometimes it truly amazes me that anything grows in your greenhouse at all.   

(‘There Ain’t No Road Quite Like It’ plays in the background as they go to another client’s home.  So far, no popo has come poking their nose where it isn’t wanted.)   

Ferdie:  Ah, mi amor.  I’m glad to see you again.  What a lovely surprise.  

Chimi: (comes to hug him and he begins kissing her neck and arm making her laugh and squirm in public)   Ferdie, we’re among civilized people !  

Ferdie:  I know.  I can’t control myself around you.  You know that, mi corazon.   

Changa:  (pretends to gag herself)  

Ferdie: (picks her up in his arms)  What say we go someplace a little more private and catch up on the events of the week.

Changa:  (runs her index finger through her other hand, shaped like a loop in a lewd gesture, she mouths, ‘Bravo, Toro’ !)

Chimi:  (through gritted teeth)  Silencio, gringa.   

(They abscond somewhere more ‘comfortable’.   Later one can hear the strains of Quisas playing in the background and Chimi crying ‘Ole !’ in a very euphoric, rapturous manner.)   

Changa:  (face palms)  Keep the change.   

Georgie: We’ll do business again soon, sweetie.   

Val:  Don’t be a stranger.   The more of this I can make pills of the richer we’ll both be.  

Changa:  It doesn’t grow overnight, Val.   Just be patient.  We’ll be rollin’ in green in no time.

Georgia:  Hah, clever.  

Changa: (double gun fingers)  I know, right ?  Now to get my sexpot friend back.  

Chimi:  (hair is all disheveled and she is literally twirling as she heads to the car)  

(‘That’s What I Like’ plays in the background.)  

Changa:  Someone is in an ebullient mood.   

Chimi:   (titters)

Changa: (looks at her finger)  Was es los ?   Residue ?  

Chimi:  Chica, that’s gross.   

Changa:  (jesting her, poking her in the ribcage as they drive along.  Changa is still heavily impaired but they’re not far from Chimi’s home so they keep driving)  You know I love teasing you.   

Chimi:  I know, but girl !  This stone is iridescent !  Look at that fire !  

Changa:  Did you say yes ?

Chimi:  (squealing at the top of her lungs)  Yes !  You know I did.  We’re going to get married in a year’s time.  Mom and pop had been predicting this for a while.   Going to be really sensational.   Ferdie works in insurance and makes tons of money and he wants to see to it I am well taken care of.   

Changa:  Lucky you.  You hit the jackpot.   

Chimi:  (lasciviously) In more ways than one.  

Changa:  (growling provocatively)  I’d say so, doll face.   (lowers her hat, looking rather gangster)  We’re almost home free.   I can put half of this in the old piggy bank and get myself a new ride.  Here’s your cut, sweetness.

Chimi:  Thank you, angel.   This is going to help pay off my bills and some of those awful student loans.   They’re almost gone.   

Changa:  You deserve it.   

(Behind them, a cop siren goes off.)  

Chimi:  Santa Maria….

Changa:  Hey, don’t go fretting on me.   Our perfect day isn’t ruined.   

Bill:  Well, if it ain’t Chimi and Changa.   Do you know why I pulled you ladies over ?

Chimi:  (fluttering her eyelashes)  Why no, Officer Bill.  Whatever for ?  

Bill:  You were swerving around quite a bit.   

Chimi:  (getting in on the act)  Oh, we’re (pushes up against the car a little bit where her cleavage can be seen) ever so sorry.   

Changa:  We won’t ever do that again.   We were bad girls, but we’ve learned our lesson.   

Chimi:  I feel a song coming on.  

Changa:  (through gritted teeth)  No, I had him hook line and sinker.   Don’t doink this up !   

Chimi:   (She sings Don’t Make Me Go)  

Bill:  You two femme fatales are funnier that twitterpated squirrels.   Seein’ as you damn near made me piss myself laughin’ so hard, I’m givin’ ya both a warning.  

Be more careful.   My brother Cincy probably wouldn’t have been so lenient.  Consider yourselves lucky, chickadees.     

Changa:  (winking flirtatiously) Oh, we do.

Chimi:  All the time, Sir !   (batting her eyelashes coquettishly)  

(Bill walks away and One Direction plays on the radio as they get away.   They squeal in utter delight and Chimi laughs, nearly wetting herself.)

Chimi:  Am I having a contact high ?    Man, I’m dying for some cheetos.   

Changa:  (bursts out laughing as they dance and sing to ‘Out of Control’) Don’t fight it, just enjoy it !  

(They laugh their butts off as they speed away, scott free.   They speed off into the sunset, raising their hands clasped together in the air.   Scene fade.)

Scene 3--A Wedding Reception to Remember

(One Year Later appears on the screen. ‘Goin’ To the Chapel’ plays.   Chimi is getting fixed up by her mother, who finds it easy to become verklempt.)  

Lupita:  My little lily !  Look how pure and innocent you are.   You’re like a little angel !  

Chimi:   (embarrassed)  How mortifying.   

Lupita: (Hugging and kissing her)   Oh, you know you love your mamacita.   

Chimi:  Of course I do.   It’s an auspicious day.   

Changa:  I feel like a PRINCESS in this thing.   Why is it I feel like I could conquer 10,000 galaxies in this radical dress ?  

Chimi:  Because it suits you, darling.  

Changa:  (getting teary eyed)  You are so generous.   I am so lucky to have your friendship.   

Chimi:  Stop that !  You’re going to make me get my mascara all mucked up.  

Changa:   Heaven forbid that should ever happen.   (hugs her close and kisses her cheek)   You deserve only the best.   Ferdie is lucky to be marrying you.  

(Mendelson's Wedding March plays and she is escorted down the aisle by her father, who is beaming, stately and proud.)  

Salvador:  My beautiful star, look how you are glowing !   

Chimi:  (blushing)  I suppose it’s all this joy.  I can’t contain it.   (narrating)  Mom, dad and grandpa Sal all loved Ferdie and his family adored me.   Chimi, unfortunately, brought treats laced with pot for the reception…

(She sings ‘Smoke Gets In Your Eyes’ when it plays.)  

Ferdie:  I take it Changa brought something to the reception.    

Chimi:  You’d be right.   Gives a whole new meaning to baked goods.   (laughs hysterically)  

Ferdie:  (It begins affecting him as well) If we’re going to have this much fun now, I can’t wait until we head to Rio for our honeymoon later.   

(Dolly Parton’s Version of I Will Always Love You, scene shift to Rio, and it turns to a Samba version.)  

Ferdie:   Alone...at last.   

Chimi:  Indeedy doody.  Do me baby !  

Ferdie:  As if I need any prompting.  

Chimi:   (narrating)  The two of us walked into the sunset, and our happily ever after soon began.   I was living a life of luxury,   Changa, too seemed to be living well off her Pot Paradise, which naturally, I didn’t condone, but I don’t judge.   She just keeps doing her own thing, man.   I say, let her, if she’s making some green while doing so.   Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a paradise of my own to enjoy.   Hot diggity, giggity giggity goo !   

(An instrumental of ‘Tequilla Sunrise’ plays as we see Chimi pull the shades closed, followed by an instrumental version of ‘I Won’t Smoke With Willie Nelson Again’.   Credits play, followed by bloopers as well as a new version of ‘Earache My Eye’.   Based off the original stoner kings of comedy, Cheech & Chong.  Without your stellar work this wouldn’t be possible.  I love you guys, especially Richard !)