Naked Buns

 

~*~CAST~*~

Pearl Hodges: (mom)

Indica Hodges: (daughter)

Hugh Bridges: (love interest, Mr. July)

Robber: 

Sherrif Wes Frakes: 

Dune Newberry: (one of the officers)

Consuela Gonzales:  (another officer)

Amelia ‘Amy’ Love: (Amy’s bestie)

Joy: (Hugh and Indica’s daughter, firstborn)

Isaac: (Hugh and Indica’s son, second born)

Emeril: (Mr. January)

Gibson: (Mr. February)

Benjamin: (Mr. March)

Raul: (Mr. April)

Norm: (Mr. June)

Darius: (Mr. August)

Sorin: (Mr. September)

Arthur ‘Art’: (Mr. November)

Victor ‘Vic’: (Mr. December)

 

Table of Contents

Scene 1—Vendor, Interrupted

Scene 2—Hugh’s Saucy Idea  

Scene 3—It’s Getting Hot in Here

Scene 4—Kicking Cancer to the Curb

Scene 5—More Than Worthwhile

Scene 6—You’re the Hot Dog to My Bun

 

 

Scene 1—Vendor, Interrupted

(Indica is setting up her hot dog vending cart and whistles The Cure’s ‘My Own Heaven’.   She gets a text from her mom.)

Indica:  (smiling)  Always looking after me when it’s you who should be resting.   Typical mom.   (texting back)  Starting up part 2 of my day.   Shouldn’t you be taking it easy, mom ?

(Her mom texts back, it reads ‘You’re a dear, Indica.  Tell you what, I’ll meet you at Culvers once the day is done.   We both deserve something sweet this Monday evening’.  She replies with a ‘yum’ emoji and opens with a bouncy dance to ‘She Works Hard For the Money’) 

Indica:  (sing song)  Come and get your dogs, I make all kinds !   Kielbasa, I’ve got it, bratwurst, I’ve got it !   (She is doing very well until she hears a gun hammer click) 

Robber:   Hand over all your money and you won’t get hurt.

Indica:  (annoyed)  Do you know who this money is going to ?

Robber:   (pauses)  No.   Not really.   Nor do I care.  (becoming angrier)  Just hand it over ! 

Indica:   (sigh)  Now I have to find another way to get money for my mom and her treatment. It’s hard enough just to live day to day on what I make.   Cancer treatments are expensive.

(Hugh comes out of nowhere and knocks down the robber and his gun, holding the robber’s hand behind his head in a way that looks painful and is excruciating.)

Hugh:  I’ve got him pinned…Call the cops ! 

Robber:  Please, stop !  That hurts like HELL dude !  

(The police come, taking the gun and give Indica her money back.   The robber is taken away and the police take her statement.  Eventually, they will all go to court for trial but for now, a calmness sweeps through her, and she can breathe easier.)

Hugh:  You’re ok, right ?

Indica:  Yes.  (looks at him, blushes a little)  That was incredibly brave.  I’m Indica by the way.

Hugh:  Hugh Bridges.    Heard about your mom…(curiously)  How is she ?

Indica:   (with some pain in her voice)  She has good and bad days.   Today was a good day.  I was about ready to close for the evening.   I’m going to meet her at Culvers.

Hugh:  I like this gal; she has excellent taste.

Indica:  (giggles in spite of herself, falling more for Hugh each second)  Tell you what, since we’re probably going to see each other again in court, I’ll give you my number.   I’d like to see you again.

Hugh:  (raises eyebrow)  That’s rather progressive !   I’d like that quite a bit, Ms…

Indica:  Hodges.  

Hugh:  I’m looking forward to our court date.    (chuckles)  It’s an actual date after court ! 

Indica:  (snickering)  You’re hilarious.    (sweetly)  Thank you for being my hero.

Hugh:   (confidently)  It’s never hard to do the right thing, especially when the cause is beneficial.    I’ll catch you on the flip side, pumpkin. 

(They wave goodbye as they depart.   Later, she meets her mom and an instrumental version of ‘Break Away’ is playing.)

Pearl:   I get the sense you went through something harrowing and heart melting.

Indica:  (shakes head in disbelief)  How you’re able to simply look at me and deduce what I’ve experienced always baffles and fascinates me.   I got robbed.

Pearl:  (hand over heart)  Oh my, are you all right, jitterbug ?

Indica:  (pats her mom’s hand)  Yes, I’m fine.   After Sherrif Frakes, Officers Newberry and Gonzales took the robber into custody, I thanked the man who had stopped him to begin with. 

Pearl:   Sounds like this person was fearless.

Indica:   (smitten) That Hugh was.  

Pearl:  And from how lovestruck you sound, I can imagine he is a tall drink of water.

Indica:  Once again, as usual, your intuition astounds me.   

Pearl:  Will you be seeing Hugh again ?

Indica:  After the trial.   

Pearl:  (places her hands atop her daughter’s hands)  From how you describe him, doll, he truly sounds fantastic.   

Indica:   Thus far, he definitely seems so.   (squeezes her mom’s hands)  How are the treatments going ?

Pearl:  (weak laugh)  As you can see, I’m still going bald, but at least my hats are fashionable.   The doctors do say that I’m fighting back.    They’re hinting at remission.

Indica:   (brightens)  That’s marvelous news though, mom !  

Pearl:  (yawning slightly)  I don’t think I can get up to anymore mischief today though.  I’m a bit tired.  

Indica:   (understandingly)  You’ve been through a lot.   Don’t worry.  Just relax.  After everything you’ve been through today, a bit of rest sounds perfect.   

(An instrumental of ‘Baby, It’s Time to Come Home’ plays as Indica drives her mom home and she naps in the car.   End scene.) 

Scene 2—Hugh’s Saucy Idea

(After the trial, Hugh takes Indica out to his favorite Indian restaurant.)

Hugh:   It’s so rare to find someone who loves curry just as much as I do. 

Indica:  (grinning)  It might sound unusual, but it just reminds me so much of home.  My mom got the recipe from a buddy of her’s in college.    It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  

Hugh:  (nodding)  Never heard it described that way, but I couldn’t agree more.   (takes a bite)  Ambrosial…

Indica:  How often do you come here ? 

Hugh:   As a treat, but it’s even more of a pleasure having you dine with me.   (pauses)  I was thinking about your mom recently and an idea came to mind.  

Indica:  (inquisitive)  What are you thinking ? 

Hugh:   (raises an eyebrow)  Have you heard of the movie Calendar Girls ?

Indica:  (chortles)  Of course.  (realizes and then blushes)  Wait, don’t tell me !

Hugh:  I’m already thinking of being Mr. July for your calendar.   I have plenty of friends who’d be willing to help.   All you have to do is show up, maybe get a friend who has a knack for design, and we’ll use the money to cover your mom’s expenses.   Heck, I’d even say if ‘Buns and Wieners, a Cheeky Calendar’ is successful enough, hot dogging will be a thing of the past. 

Indica:  (in a bit of shock)  Why though ?   Why do this for my mom ?   We only met a few days ago.

Hugh:  (boldly he reaches across the table and holds her hands, squeezing them)  There was something about you that fateful day I saw you were in trouble.   Despite everything, you had a stoicism about you, a resilience that was unmatched.   I was swept by your resolve and that merry glint in your eyes.   In that second, I knew Cupid’s arrow made its mark.

Indica:  (chuckling)  As much as I am reluctant to admit it, being with you is always magnificent.   Every time we’re together, the world just seems that much better. 

Hugh:  We make a tremendous team !   (pats her hand)  I know you’re against seeing men in their glory before marriage but trust me (kisses her hand softly) that isn’t afar off.

Indica:  (blushing)  You seem so certain.  

Hugh:  I’ve never been surer about anything, Indica.   (they finish their meal together)  Let’s get to the park before the sun goes down.   I’d love to watch the stars come out with you.  

(They go to the park together and watch the stars come out.   An instrumental of ‘A Sky Full of Stars’ plays as the two share their first passionate kiss and the scene fades out.)

Scene 3—It’s Getting Hot in Here

Amy:  (poking her in the side)  All these smokin’ hot guys in one place ?   How is that even possible ?

(Raul is making finger guns at her and flirting a bit with her.  He says ‘hey’ from across the way, and she reciprocates.   She titters like a schoolgirl momentarily.)

Indica:   That’s all Hugh.   He used to be in modeling.  

Amy:  (admiring him from afar)  I can see why.  

Indica:   (playfully) Down girl, put your tongue back in that pervy little head of yours.  

Amy:  (lasciviously)  Just because I’m shoppin’ around doesn’t mean I can’t admire the merch a little.  

Hugh:  You all know why I brought you here.    (Points to Indica)  This gorgeous entity is my girlfriend, Indica.   Her mom is going through quite the ordeal, and I am tickled flamingo that you would come and help get this saucy calendar going. 

Sorin:  How could we say no to you ?

Darius:  I haven’t participated in a better cause than this.   (winks at Indica and Amy)  Let’s hope this calendar sells like hot cakes. 

Amy:  More like dogs on a summer evening !   (she chuckles) 

Indica:  Alright !   Everyone, take your place.    Emeril, you’ll be the first to start out our calendar year.   The rest of you, feel free to enjoy some snacks.

Amy:  I hope you enjoy my baked goods.   I did make some that were gluten free, and they’re marked as such on the table.   I made vegan varieties just in case  

Raul:  (flirtatiously)  A woman of many talents.   

(Amy and Indica start their photo shoot.  ‘Emerald Sky’ from Sketch plays as the men take their marks behind props that are tastefully situated to blanket the men’s nudity.   When Hugh takes his mark, Indica notices that he’s a little ‘excited’.)

Hugh:   Pay no heed to Hughie saying ‘hi’.

Indica:   You named it ?

Hugh:  What man doesn’t ?   (he laughs)  I’m sure in the comfort of your own home, you’ve got a pet name for your cave of wonders.

Indica:  (looks down)  Loot crate.

Hugh:  It’s creative, quirky, innovative.   (lovingly)  Perfect…

Amy:  Indica, get out of my shot, please. 

Indica:  (awkwardly, hand behind head, blushing)  Right !  Sorry, Ames…I got distracted.

Amy:  Not hard to see why. 

Indica:   (covering gaze)  Could’ve chosen better wording.

Amy:  Oh, but I can’t help but rock your world, Indy.    We’re going up in the world, especially Hughie here.

Indica:  AMY !  

Amy:  What !   (she laughs)

(‘Hot In Here’ plays as the photo shoot continues.  Raul gives her a smolder that would make a nun melt.) 

Amy:  Thank you, Mr. April,…Imma need a glass of water.

Indica:  (splashes her with a cup of water) 

Amy:  (grabs a bottle of water herself from the table)   Don’t take me so literally.

Indica:  (jesting)  That’s payback for earlier.  

(The remainder of the ‘months’ are photographed and an instrumental of ‘Calendar Girl’ plays, which cuts to a rather rousing montage of the calendar being printed and sold out almost immediately.  Scene ends.)

Scene 4—Kicking Cancer to the Curb

Hugh:  Who would’ve thought that little calendar was your ticket to freedom ?

Indica:  (kissing him across the way on the swing set at the park)  You were the catalyst, Hugh.  I owe you more than you know.

Hugh:  (sweetly) You owe me nothing, your happiness is payment in full.

(Indica gets a call from her mom.) 

Indica:   Hold on, this could be important.  

Hugh:  (gesturing her to carry on) 

Indica:  (brightly) Hey mom, what’s up ?

Pearl:    You’ll never guess what the doctors just told me !

Indica:   What ?  What is it ?

Pearl:  Come on quickly and bring Hugh.

(Indica and Hugh drive to the hospital and the doctors explain she is officially cancer free.  She gets to ring the bell and an instrumental of ‘Fight Song’ plays.  She hugs the doctors, she tearfully hugs her daughter and then, she hugs Hugh.)

Hugh:  This deserves a much bigger celebration than a trip to Culvers ! 

Pearl:  What do you have in mind ?  

Amy:   (clapping euphorically)  On the Border !   I know this is kind of your ‘birthday’ destination, but this is a special occasion.

Hugh:  I couldn’t agree more.  

Norm:  I know you don’t know us, Mrs. Hodges, but we wanted to see the woman who inspired the calendar.

Pearl:   I couldn’t be more honored.   None of you had to come, I’m sure y’all have other engagements.

Benjamin:  And miss this ?   Come on, it’s not every day that someone takes a stand against an aggressive cancer and wins !

Vic:  If you ask me, that’s pretty freakin’ epic. 

(The men all agree)

Hugh:   I just hope we can be accommodated.   Our group is pretty huge ! 

(They laugh and a montage is shown of all the calendar men and Pearl becoming friends.   Later, Hugh takes Indica out on an unexpected trip and surprises her.)

Hugh:   I know it’s only been a few months since we’ve been dating, but I knew I would regret it if I never asked this one question.    (Pulls out a cherry velour velveteen box)  Will you be the cherry atop my sundae ?

Indica:   (places her hands over her mouth)  You’re pulling my leg, right ?  (looks for a hidden camera)  I’m being punked.

Hugh:  (chuckling)  Firstly, I would never.   Secondly, I’ve been wanting to ask you this since the moment we met, but I didn’t want to seem desperate.    Besides, getting your mom back to full health was more important…

Indica:   (getting teary eyed)  You can’t possibly be real.  You’ve got to be something I dreamed up…

Hugh:   Oh, darling.   (holds her and very gently dries her eyes by kissing them)  I am real.  Every day with you is better than anything I could ever dream.    You make every second splendid.   

Indica:  (looking at him tenderly)   I second that.   (leans in, kisses him)  To answer your question, of course, I’ll be your cherry.   

Hugh:  (kisses deeply)  And darned tastier than she has any right to be. 

Indica:  (saucily)  Indeed, my love.

(End scene.) 

Scene 5—More Than Worthwhile

Amy:   (beside herself)  I can’t believe you’re finally getting married.  If anyone deserves to be happy, it’s you, bestie.  

Indica:   (hugging her from the side at the table, crying somewhat)  I’m glad my mascara’s waterproof !   (she laughs)  

Pearl:   Let’s let the lady of the hour give a speech !   (everyone rings their champagne glasses with their spoons)

Indica:  (dreading the implications)  If you knew me then you wouldn’t ask, but (looking at how Hugh is adoring her and grinning at her like a simpleton) I can’t say ‘no’ to that face.   Ever.  

Hugh:  (smooths hair back)  Works every time.

Indica:  (takes the microphone from Amy)  The past year has been abuzz in activity.   Mom beat cancer and I’m now Mrs. Bridges.   I admit, that will take some getting used to, but this man has been by my side through all the bumps along the road.

Hugh:  (leaning over)  I plan to be there as long as breath resides in my lungs.   In fact, I’ve got a song for you.

Indica:  No, you’re gonna make me cry again…

Hugh:  (sweetly caresses her cheek)  One more reason I adore you.   Your heart is pure and your soul as beautiful as daybreak.   (He sings ‘Everything I Do, I Do It For You’ from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves)  

(The two of them kiss) 

Indica:  (looks across the way)  Why are the officers here from the arrest years ago ?  

Hugh:   I invited them, it seemed only fair.  

Indica:  (raised eyebrow)   You are a rare, odd creature, Hugh Bridges.  

Hugh:  The newest chapter of our lives is as much of a surprise as we thought it would be.  I thought, why not include them ?   They helped jump start it. 

Indica:  (snickers)  That’s actually sort of sweet.    Thank you for being so thoughtful.  

Hugh:  (nuzzles her and kisses her neck a bit longingly)  I love pleasing you, it’s just so irresistible.  

Indica:  (lowers her gaze somewhat)   Is it hot in here, or is it just me ?

Hugh:  (sensually)  It’s the both of us, but trust me, we have all the time in the world tonight to explore our wilder sides.   I look forward to that (seductively) with abandon.

Indica:  That makes two of us, you animal.  

(The scene switches to the two of them dancing to ‘Bailamos’ and a close of the two of them gazing deeply into each other’s eyes before the scene fades to black.)

 

Scene 6—You’re the Hot Dog to My Bun

(On the screen it reads ‘Seven Years Later’, Hugh and Indica are at the playground.  Amy and Raul are together, and she looks like she’s expecting a little one.) 

Amy:  I don’t know how you two keep up with Joy and Issac like you do.   I’m just about ready to pop like an overstimulated soda bottle.

Raul:  (saucily)  But you’re my overstimulated bottle, my little peach. 

Amy:  (giggles as he kisses her belly)  Raul, people are staring !

Raul:  Let them stare.    I like being affectionate to the mother of my child !  

Isaac:   Uncle Amy, Uncle Raul !   How’s the baby ?

Amy:  Kicking like a football player. 

Raul: If any luck he’ll be a tap dancer.

Joy:   Maybe a breakdancer.   I hear that’s coming back.  

Raul: It never went out of style, Joy, my little ladybug.    (looks at Isaac)  Boy, you’re getting big !   How tall are you now ?

Isaac:  I can reach many things Joy can’t, but I’m hoping I don’t grow into some clone of Larry Bird.   I like hoops, but I don’t really like playing.    Too stressful.   I’d rather doodle with Joy.   You should see her drawings, they’re really good.  

Hugh:  Just like my little bun.   You probably got that from her. 

Joy:  Why do you call her that, papa ?   ‘My little bun ?’

Issac:  (a bit of an annoyed sigh)  He’s told us that story like ten thousand times already.   Mama had a hotdog stand for grandma before they met.  

Joy:  (she has a eureka moment)  Oh !   Of course.   Daddy’s the hot dog to her bun.   (sappily)  It’s just so romantic !   

Isaac:  By the way, is grandma coming ?   I’m starving !  She said she’d have a glorious feast prepared for all of us, just like we usually do on Saturdays.

(The whole family sings ‘Saturday in the Park’ unironically and laughs) 

Raul:  The lot of you are so coordinated.    Man, that’s beautiful.   

Amy:   We’d love to stay for the meal, but we’ve got to go.   Raul said he wanted to take me to the canal and serenade me with a gondolier. 

Raul:  It is our date night.   I just wanted to do something a little unique.    I can’t think of something different every time…

Amy: (lightly puts her finger to his lips)  Just that you do this for me it’s more than enough.   Just being with you gives me ecstasy.    (Raul looks as if he is in bliss by hearing these words) 

Raul:   Well then, tulip, we’ll be off.  

Hugh:  He really does have a lot of nicknames for her. 

Indica:  I think it’s adorable.    (chuckles)  Who would’ve thought they would’ve made such an incredible couple ?    He was head over feet for her that first day of the photoshoot, remember ?

Hugh:  Oh, how could I forget that ?    (Kisses her)  

Isaac:  I hear grandma’s van ! 

(The kids rush up to Pearl’s van as she gets help from the family taking out the food and they savor their meal together.   An instrumental of ‘Saturday in the Park’ can be heard as followed by ‘You Are the Love of my Life’ as sung by Chicago follows.) 

Indica: (narrating)   It’s insane to think how quickly time passes one by.   One minute, I’m wearing white, the next, I’m packing lunch bags I hand decorated to the apples of my eye.    Mom is spoiling Issac and Joy relentlessly, but every moment is precious.    Hot dogs will forever remain a constant in our lives with their own secret meaning and a constant reminder that just like scrumptious food, life is precious and can be taken from you in an instant if you aren’t careful.    It should be savored, shared, and relished.    Though vending is in my past I respect the vendors I see on my everyday walk, and we uplift each other.   It can be a perilous world, but I do think agape makes it a little better and just that simple act of smiling or saying a little ‘hi’ might be the boost that someone needs to remind them that they do matter and that they’re probably someone’s bun to their hotdog.  

(As we see the family savoring their meal together and Indica shares her pearls of wisdom with us, we are treated to one of my favorite oldies of all time ‘Reach Out (I’ll Be There’).  Lingerers and lurkers alike will be treated to gaffs and bloopers that weren’t included in some of the on-screen gags.    In the making of this play or film, I would like to thank everyone involved and especially thank God for making everything possible.  If not for Him protecting me and granting me strength, this wouldn’t have happened.)